Movies/TV's 3R’s 01.10.11: Star Trek, Party Down, Disney, Jersey Shore, More

Posted by Dimitri Dorlis on 01.10.2012

From an English invasion of the Star Trek movie and an update on the 24 movie to Disney ruining your childhood, the return of Jersey Shore, and more, 411's Dimitri Dorlis breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!

Welcome to Week 132 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.

Hello, I'm Dimitri Dorlis. You may recognize me as the guy who can't stop talking about how much he loves Parks and Recreation, or the guy who constantly hits his head against a wall while watching Glee, or even that guy who covers for Ben Piper occasionally on TV Rants and Raves. Hopefully we can make these two weeks enjoyable, or at the most something that you'll skim through.

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Without any further ado, here is...

The new Star Trek movie gets some British guys to help make it better: JJ Abrams, local pariah and brilliant director, has made a couple new hirings for his Star Trek sequel. Don't be alarmed if you don't recognize their names, for they are pretty British.

First up is Noel Clarke, who's biggest role to date was playing Mickey on the British juggernaut Inspector Spacetime, err, Doctor Who. Noel had a pretty decent role on the show, and showed up in 3 of the first four seasons as an occasional companion to the Doctor and even more occasional badass. Clarke will be occupying the role of a "family man" aboard the USS Enterprise, which most likely means he will be wearing a red shirt, thus satisfying two clichés. (You do not get double points for guessing what both of them are).

Also joining the cast is the exceedingly British Benedict Cumberbatch. Cumberbatch's biggest claim to fame so far has been in the title role in BBC's Sherlock, which just began its second season (this is a hint to go watch it right now). Cumberbatch could be my second favorite British actor right now, behind Matt Smith of course, but the way he portrays Sherlock Holmes has been simply phenomenal. Word is that Cumberbatch (and seriously, I dare you to find a more British name than Benedict Cumberbatch) will be playing the villain role that was previously occupied by Benicio Del Toro and Edgar Ramirez, so now we have that to look forward to.

But seriously you should probably watch Sherlock and Doctor Who.

Hey, that Party Down movie is actually happening : Occupying the space between the Arrested Development movie and the Wet Hot American Summer sequel/thing was the idea that Starz cult classic Party Down would be getting its own movie. Thankfully, Megan Mullally was there to break out collective hearts, or make us get way too excited about something. At the Television Critics Association winter meetings (which we'll be seeing more of, don't worry), Mullally confirmed that a script for the movie was being written right now, with filming to occur during the late spring to early summer. The whole cast will be returning for the movie, with the possible exception of Jane Lynch, who is busy doing Jane Lynch things like being popular and ruining Glee for everyone. But hey, more screentime for Adam Scott, Rob Maraino, and future-wife Lizzy Caplan is always appreciated.

And hey, both season of Party Down are up on Netflix, so maybe you should go watch that as well.

Kiefer Sutherland to beat up terrorists on the big screen : Not to be outclassed by Megan Mullally, Kiefer Sutherland announced that a potential 24 movie would begin filming in April. Of course, the movie has no script, no director, and no financial backing from Fox yet, but that won't stop Sutherland from beating up some terrorist look-alikes in front of a camera.

This actually ties into my bigger idea, where Sutherland's new show Touch secretly ties into the 24 universe, with Sutherland using his mute, autistic son to find dirty bombs across America. Can't you just imagine Sutherland shaking a child, yelling "WHO'S BEHIND THIS" a few times?

Dear Fox: You are doing the TCA's wrong: So the TCA's are occurring right now, and so far we've had presentations by Fox and NBC. For Fox's part, they announced the cancellation of Allen Gregory, which surprised Jonah Hill and no one else. Beyond that, however, Fox decided to sit in a holding pattern. Let's run down what we learned from Fox:

1. Allen Gregory is gone because people just couldn't handle that level of terrible (and yet Whitney remains on the air. There is no justice in this world.)

2. Fox was happy enough with X Factor that it will be back next fall, to finish off the rotation of hit reality shows. You'll be looking at American Idol in the winter, So You Think You Can Dance? in the summer, and X Factor in the fall for a few years.

3. If you were a show that was in danger of cancellation, then congratulations! You weren't cancelled. You also weren't guaranteed to be brought back in the fall either, but let's just take the small victories here.

4. Fox will be creating a new programming bloc on Saturday nights aimed at taking a bite out of the adult swim audience. This is actually a smart idea because Saturdays are the only night where adult swim doesn't run its usual programming (Saturdays have become the one night left that has anime), so kudos to Fox here.

But really, there wasn't a lot. And that's why Fox ended up in the wRongs here; it couldn't make a decision on anything, and pushed all decisions back to the May meetings. It's disappointing, but what can you do.

Disney hires some nobodies to direct their new movies: I am a big Disney buff. I have been to the park numerous times, read more books studying the company than most people would care to; hell, I've seen Song of the South (note: do not go find Song of the South in an attempt to watch it. You will not be able to handle it).

So of course when Disney announced that it had hired directors for two movies based on the Matterhorn at Disneyland and Maleficent, I was excited. Not really excited about either movie, mind you, but over the fact that they might have a chance of being good with the right directors.

Enter Brian Beletic and Robert Stromberg, the two rookie directors making their feature film debuts. Beletic, who worked in production design and visual effects in a former life, was selected to make Angelina Jolie look attractive but also evil in the Maleficent movie, a task I'm sure he'll be able to pull off in his directorial debut. Stromberg, meanwhile, will use his work making Nike commercials and Black Eyed Peas music videos to help him direct the Matterhorn movie. I'm not sure which was a worse hire (especially Beletic, who has 0 experience directing anything, and is now thrust into a movie starring an A-lister like Jolie), but neither of these are good. Great job, Disney, you managed to ruin another part of my childhood (take Johnny Depp out of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride this instant!)

David O. Russell already lead contender for worst person of the year: Last Friday, news broke that director David O. Russell had come under investigation for allegedly groping his transgender niece. Just let that sink in for a second.

We good?

Ok, because here is the full story. Russell's niece, 19-year-old Nicholas "Nicole" Peloquin, is undergoing hormone treatments before the upcoming gender-reassignment surgery. The hormones have increased the size of Nicholas's breasts, which I guess was enough to pique Russell's interests. After apparently asking for permission, and while repeatedly asking if he was making his niece uncomfortable, Russell proceeded to feel how much bigger his niece's breasts had become. Police concluded the investigation and found no wrongdoing.

So there are three wrongs here. One, that David Russell felt the need to feel up his niece; two, that the police didn't charge him with anything; and three, that eventually Russell will be hired again in Hollywood. This is incredibly disgusting and Russell should be ashamed.

R.I.P. William Duell: Duell, who acted in movies such as One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and television shows such as Police Squad!, usually fulfilling the rule of the smallish guy, died of respiratory failure. He was 88.

NBC: We hate television: NBC also had a presentation at the TCA's, and there was a lot more to cover there, so here's a list of what went down.

1. Mariska Hargitay is not leaving Law and Order: SVU as has been rumored, which is probably the most positive news the show has received since they took Sunday Night Football from ESPN.

2. Community, which is still the best show on television, will return "in the spring". No date was given beyond "spring", and there was no news on whether there would be a fourth season. I'm just going to trust Abed's prediction of "six seasons and a movie" on this one.

3. NBC is sorry for putting The Playboy Club on network television, instead of letting the show possibly go to a cable network where the possibility of seeing Amber Heard's breasts might have existed.

4. NBC is also happy with where Whitney is right now, which is about the same level of happiness I have when the Oakland Raiders do something right.

So yeah, NBC still has no idea how networks work in the 21st century. Most of the planning for the upcoming winter season is based around whether The Voice and Smash can carry the rest of the network, which it of course won't because NBC still hasn't grasped how to effectively market their shows. Case in point, all of the ads last year for the NBC Thursday night comedies revolved around Whitney while barely mentioning the rest of the lineup, which tended to do much better numbers. Also they've had Sunday Night football for a few years, have the ability to pick the best matchups for each week, and still can't market other shows the way ABC was able to with Monday Night Football for years.

Ok, I'm over this. Enjoy Donald Glover crying for awhile.

Jersey Shore is back: Foreward: I like Jersey Shore. It is one of the few shows I still watch religiously. That being said, I'm starting to get sick of it, and apparently America is agreeing with me. This season's premiere saw a 14 percent drop in viewers compared to last season's debut, which means that either people didn't care about another season in Seaside, or people were really excited about the gang going to Italy, or most likely, that people have stopped caring at all.

There's probably a reason for this: people are done with the repetitive Sammi/Ronnie fights, and the Situation, and Snooki and Deena acting like 5 year olds. My personal plan to fix Jersey Shore would be to scrap the show, and run a spinoff featuring Vinny, Pauly D, and Ronnie touring the country, going to parties, and getting into wacky adventures in their rented RV. J-Woww would be the only other person allowed to show up, and it would be occasional appearances.

Of course, when I said that the season premiere saw a 14 percent drop from last season, that still meant that over 7.6 million people tuned to watch it. So maybe America isn't that fed up with the cast. It just means the show is getting close to the end.

Akira adaption almost completely dead: This is only in the Ridiculous's because it almost happened, but it looks like Warner Brothers is close to pulling the plug on the Americanized adaptation of Akira. If you're unfamiliar with Akira, that's ok, but suffice to say that this was a bad idea to attempt from the start. Compounding the problems were the large budget that has been cut from $200 million to $90 million, the idea that it would be two movies instead of one, and trying to cast white guys into a Japanese movie. Warner Brothers has shut down production on the movie, and unless producers can cut another $20-$30 million off the budget, then we've seen the last of this attempt.

God's favorite QB wins again: As a Chargers fan, I am fine with the Broncos winning this weekend, just as long as they don't make it to the Super Bowl. But I (and the internet at large) saw an interesting stat from Tim Tebow's victory. Tebow had 316 yards on 10 completions. 3:16. 10 commandments. You just can't make this stuff up.

Tebow 3:16 says "This &%#$ makes no sense anymore."

Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week

So Porfirio started a new tradition last week, and who am I to mess that up?

I do not have a dog, but if I were to get one, it would be a welsh corgi. Why?



That's why.

A Hobbit sex scene? There are so many places you can put the ring...

Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)

I agree! So I made a list of places we could put it. Feel free to add on.

1. His Finger

2. His other finger.

Just goes to show you Tyler Perry is a one trick pony. And Jaime Foxx's "Ray" is the ONLY good thing he's ever done. Wasn't Foxx the one who, 4 years ago, called Scorcese a hack director?
Sad when a decent African-American actor and director feels drag queens and prison salad tossing jokes are good for his image.

Posted By: Eric (Guest)

I really don't disagree with anything here, other than, for a one trick pony, Tyler Perry makes a hell of a lot of money. And when you make Tyler Perry money, you can do whatever you want, even if it is dressing up as an old woman in every movie ever.

Seriously, I had no idea I Can Do Bad All By Myself was even a Madea movie from the poster. I just figured Perry was continuing the line of actual good movies that he had started with Precious.


Last word: Well, that's one week down. Hopefully there'll be a ton of news next week so I can pretend I did a good job when Porfirio comes back.

Have fun, please comment, and also read some of the other things I write for the site (namely the Parks and Recreation review which returns this week).

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