Movies/TV's 3R’s 02.07.12: Dredd, Green Arrow, Super Bowl XLVI, The Phantom Menace, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 02.07.2012
From Spider-Man's new giraffe-like look, the new Dredd pictures, and big Super Bowl ratings to Sons of Anarchy getting renewed, The Phantom Menace trailer, and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 136 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
Guys, confession time: I didn't spend as much time writing this column as I wanted to this week. Super Bowl weekend can do that to a person. Normally it's not wise to let your audience know about this kind of stuff but I've been here a while and feel I have a somewhat strong bond with most of you that I can express this sort of grievance. You understand, right? Look into your heart!
Make sure to click the Facebook "Like", Tweet button, and Google +1 links over there to the right of the article! Support 411mania, your home for the best in pop culture entertainment news.
Without any further ado, here is...
These new Dredd images look dark, gritty, delicious: Pictures are worth a thousand words. While none of those words are "Dredd: Oscar Winner" in connection to the film's new batch of promotional photos, they still look pretty hardcore. Hardcore to the max, yo.
Current mood: disgruntled. >:-<
"As you can already tell, my face never changes."
Like the UC Davis incident, only with fire and multiple hospital visits
Respect my authoritah!
Breaking news: Super Bowl was watched by many, many people: Between Madonna, the rather charming and/or lackluster commercials (depending on your point of view), the gluttony of meaty foods, and rapper M.I.A. giving America the finger, we saw a football game being played. The New Giants defeated the New England Patriots 21-17 last night In Indianapolis, which saw Eli Manning rip the "Most Clutchestest" award away from previous holder Tom Brady. Balls were caught, balls were dropped, penalties were had, and touchdowns were accidently scored. Yeah, it was an enjoyable game, and judging by the following numbers, people either like watching enjoyable games or like watching all the add-ons of cars, Clint Eastwood, and halftime shows with cheerleaders and Kratos from God of War.
With the time-adjusted ratings in, last night's Super Bowl XLVI squeaked past last year's game to rank as the most watched U.S. TV program in history. The tight New York Giants-New England Patriots contest, won by the Giants, averaged 111.3 million viewers vs. 111 million who tuned in last January for the Green Bay-Pittsburgh face-off. The big game has been holding the record for most watched TV broadcast in the U.A. since 2010 when the Super Bowl (106.5 million) edged the series finale of M*A*S*H* in 1983 (106 million). The record, which had been untouched for 27 years, was broken again by last year's Super Bowl (111 million) and then again last night. - Deadline
Summary: Super Bowl = ratings. Expect this record to hold up until, well, the next Super Bowl (calling it now: 49ers vs. Ravens. Sure, why not).
This also gives me an excuse to post the always-accurate video recap from the always-reliable Taiwanese animation production crew.
What we learned: footballs are caught with wicker baskets, Madonna = "geriatric Lady Gaga impersonator", Tom Brady is not God's favorite player, and Eli Manning favors Coney Island over Disneyland.
Green Arrow on television? Okay!: After the television adapted Wonder Woman debacle, people have become sour on the thought that a quality superhero television program could be finalized in good hands. Maybe producers were reaching for the golden ladle a little too high. Perhaps a lesser-named superhero could work in favor of television executives.
Enter Hung alumni Stephen Amell, who has been cast to play Oliver Queen of CW's new live-action Green Arrow series. According to Deadline, Amell's role will have him in the shoes of a 27-year-old "billionaire industrialist-turned-outspoken politician" and playboy (of course) who became stranded for five years on a dangerous island due to an unfortunate shipwrecking incident. Sounds divine.
The process is in the early stages and no one has any idea if the series will be picked up at all, but for those with hope of a superhero drama à la Smallville, then this could be the show you've been looking for. Fingers crossed.
Sons of Anarchy renewed for sixth season: Last week was a good week, especially for popular bad-ass shows like Sons of Anarchy and… fine, just Sons of Anarchy. The reason: does "renewed for a sixth season" sound like a ringing endorsement?
FX ratings juggernaut Sons of Anarchy is coming back for at least two more seasons.
The renewal news comes as its creator and showrunner Kurt Sutter has inked a three-year overall deal with Twentieth Century Fox TV and FX Productions, which jointly produce the highest-rated series in FX history. As part of the pact, Sons has been officially renewed through season six, though those involved with the show assume a seventh and likely final season will be part of Sutter's plan. What's more, the deal allows the often outspoken showrunner to develop fare for both broadcast and cable, and includes a script deal with FX, where the former Shield writer is now the longest-tenured scribe. - Hollywood Reporter
Kurt Sutter's plan was to have at least seven seasons of Sons of Anarchy under his belt and looks like he is one step closer to his vision. Of course, seven seasons is the minimum goal, as he added "if there is more story to tell beyond that, then we'll decide then." Outlaws, motorcycle, white supremacists, Irish accents – how many more stories can you tell?
Back to the Future: The Musical is the greatest Broadway Bro Down idea ever: I like to think director Robert Zemeckis, composer Alan Silvestri, and Bob Gale got together at Hooters and decided to brainstorm on what can be the most elaborate Broadway musical within the movie industry. One "how about Back to the Future?" quirk later, the crew celebrated with spirited bro-fives and a plate of spicy chicken wings.
Will Robert Zemeckis' 1985 classic Back To The Future become the latest film to get a Broadway stage production? I'm told that Zemeckis is in early talks with his co-writer Bob Gale and the film's composer Alan Silvestri to explore a stage transfer. A stage musical would be an intriguing way to reintroduce a franchise which, over three films, grossed nearly $1 billion worldwide. - Deadline
Great Scott! Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!
Pipe dream: the return of Christopher Lloyd as Doc. Whether he can sing or not is not an issue. Just have his song parts lip-synced by, I don't know, Louis Price. People watch performers lip-sync all the time - hello there, Super Bowl halftime show – and no one really cares. I would also welcome Thomas F. Wilson (Biff) because I know he can sing.
Why does Spider-Man look like giraffe?: This is one of five new images released by Columbia Pictures for the upcoming Amazing Spider-Man film, and I think the question we all have on our minds is "GAHH, what is wrong with that boy's neck!?" He's popping his head out from within the suit like a ninja turtle, and that's not a good thing for a spider to do!
On the positive side, I do like the promotional picture on the film's official website, even with the Reebok RealFlex track shoes product placement.
The Phantom Menace trailer: taste like burning: The Phantom Menace - premiered in 1999. Geez, 1999! Just bury me now! - will be the first Star Wars movie to receive the 3D treatment and will open in theaters February 10. Caught Jar Jar Binks fever? Want your Star Wars movies to have a little more "in your face"-ness to it? This re-release will solve all of your problems. Or it could cause your head to explode. Whatever.
However, that's not the story. The story is about the newest official Phantom Meance trailer, and… oh boy. The difference between this one and every other trailer release is the add-on of cheese, puppy dog tails, sunshine, and some kind of sugary substance that is absolutely made for children-like amusement. You will cringe at the narrator's cheery demeanor, taunting your precious memories with verbal stabs and vocal poison. "Hey wait, a double-sided lightsaber? That's not fair!" Shoot it! Shoot it with battery acid! Your kids might like it; you will 100% hate it.
Topless Robot? The trailer made poor Rob have a brain spasm. io9? Will weep for future generations. Badass Digest? Extreme angst which is transferred to headline: "Unbearable Trailer Sells PHANTOM MENACE 3D To Kids Who Don't Know Any Better". Nerd Bastards? Sometime along the lines of "cyanide is the answer". Comment section of 411mania's 3R Movies/TV column: *stay tuned*
It should be mentioned once more that this is a trailer geared towards children – the same demographic who did not get to experience the phenomenon of George Lucas' first Star Wars debut since the original trilogy. But this isn't a kid-friendly column and we ourselves are not toddlers. By that logic, we hate it. We hate everything that children like; therefore, we hate everything about this trailer. The 8,816 dislikes on its YouTube page (so far) can speak for all of us.
Want to know how much I care about Snooki being pregnant or not?: Thismuch.
Honey Boo-Boo Child appears on Dr. Drew's Life Changers; in unrelated news, television is awful: We are all in agreement: Toddles & Tiaras is terrible. It should be taken out back and pumped full of holes so that it couldn't come back and hurt anyone ever again. But nobody listens, which is why things like "6-year-old Toddles & Tiaras competitor Alana, also known as Honey Boo-Boo Child, appeared on Dr. Drew's new show Life Changers" continue to exist, and what a sad minute-and-33-second sight it is.
The true terror occurs around the 35 second mark when Alana goes into saucy dance mode and... WHY DOES THAT LITTLE GIRL HAVE THE BEER BELLY OF A FULL ADULT MAN?! I look at this unhinged child and all the rest of her related clips on Toddles & Tiaras, and cannot fathom how parents can get away with stuff like this. If our future is to become a world littered with Red Bull-Mountain Dew-fusion children who think hair pulling is like a welcome gesture, then civilization should just throw in the towel now. It's been great everyone. Fun while it lasted.
Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie infects several in audience with "Storm Out of Theater" syndrome: There are two kinds of people in this world: those who like Tim & Eric and those who don't like Tim & Eric. I happen to wonder around both sides because I'm not the kind of person who likes to be chained down by society. I'm a rule breaker. I break rules. If I want a period right here. instead of having it be at the end of this sentence, then so be it
ANYway, I find some of Tim & Eric's bits straight up hilarious – I would like to throw in Tom Goes to the Mayor as an example - but you really need to separate their juvenile shenanigans in order to receive maximum hilarity without overkill. 15 minutes is the perfect run time; 94 minutes might not be. It's the reason why a large percentage of moviegoers walked out during Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie Sundance showing. Or it was because of the scene where the duo chased hobos in a golf cart around a mall in derpy fashion.
Whatever the reason, it sure did piss off a lot of people. And it was pretty funny.
At least one couple storming out of the theater actually hollered back at the screen. Heidecker and Wareheim could barely contain their glee at a post-screening Q&A. "What'd he say?" Heidecker demanded.
The incident happened during a scene where the two guys are riding around in a cart chasing hobos out of the derelict mall, screaming "Get the f— out!"
A man stomping out of the theater at that moment shouted back, "We f—ing ARE!" About two dozen people had already fled before that, and many more took off after. About two-thirds of the audience remained by the time the credits rolled. - Entertainment Weekly
I watched Speed 2 with Spanish subtitles and even that wasn't enough for me to walk off in a fit, so I don't understand the logic of paying for something only to not see it through to the bitter end. This is where you come in with your own swank of walk-out stories.
So that's that. It would be beneficial to read the rest of the article because Tim & Eric's post-movie questionnaire is quite delightful. Here's an appetizer:
"Questions?" Heidecker said, kicking things off. "What kind of questions could you possibly have?"
"What the f—!" one audience member shouted.
Heidecker's answer: "F— you. What else? … You, baldy?"
The folically challenged moviegoer asked about a scene where the two roly-poly gentlemen share a bath and shave each other. "Which one of you got wood first?"
"Next question," Heidecker answered.
Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week
Doggone it, guys. Aberdeen was a true beast out there. Total gamer. 4 touchdowns in one game! The Al Bundy of the Australian Shepherd mixes. So you can imagine how upset I, nay, the world became when Fumbles, not Aberdeen, won MVP. Then I took one last look at the participations and… aww, cute puppy explosion.
In the end, Puppy Bowl VIII > Madonna. Really, isn't that what it's all about?
I wish Michael Bay had control over the Terminator franchise. Terminator Salvation was good, but it was way too serious. - Posted By: Ant-LOX (Guest)
Won't Michael Bay turn it into the direct opposite of that?
I usually like your column, but jebus you were all over the place this week!! - Posted By: Guest#8377 (Guest)
I still can't tell if this is a compliment of approval or the back-handed variety. I'll take it.
Lay off of the office - it is still consistently funny every week. While a Dwight spinoff may not be the best idea in the world, I would still check it out - Posted By: Mario (Guest)
I can only tell you what I think is great, much like you can only tell me what you think is great. In fact, some people who regularly visit here still like The Office. So while I may appear to be sheriff of what is considered "Right", "wRong", and "Ridiculous", I'll just a boy with a keyboard who likes to make awful jokes and spread happiness.
I mean, a person on the Internet telling you what you should and should not like? THAT'S CRAZY TALK.
NBC cancels My Name is Earl (yes, I know it was years ago), all but drops Community, but brings back Fear Factor with a Donkey jizz drinking stunt? Like there isnt enough stupid reality TV on these days. - Posted By: APrince66 (Guest)
I like My Name is Earl. I don't like Game Show Where Contestants Drink Donkey Sperm. But that's just me. Also, NBC still blows. Also, heh heh jizz.
Concerning Bert, glad to brighten your week!
I don't get what's so bad about The Office. It could be I just started watching it around this time last year and haven't had time to notice anything recycled or the "glory days". - Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)
If that's the case, then maybe you shouldn't go back and watch the whole thing. Don't become pessimistic like me!
Man, just as i read it, i thought i have to watch some NBC again... Then i read they pulled out before the money shot :( - Posted By: Guest#2726 (Guest)
If you're that desperate, there's always German websites. Ah, good old German websites: the place of forbidden paradise and terror.
I also think The Office is still pretty good, although I'm unsure about the potential spinoff. Dwight needs someone like a Jim/Pam to really work, and unless someone in his family is normal, it would get annoying fast.
I also found the Ferris Bueller commercial to be simply meh. Honestly, if it wasn't for the background music (and a couple other cute spots) you would simply think it was a simple car commercial.
Slurp Sabers are dumb, but I absolutely love the Star Wars Brisk commercial with Yoda and Darth Maul, which I'm surprised didn't debut during the Superbowl, as it would fit right in. Those Brisk commercials are usually pretty good. - Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest)
I love products that have nothing to do with the Star Wars universe. Oh, what the hey:
Last word: Chad Webb handles the 411mania Movies/TV news section, and he does so with professionalism and gusto. But every once in a while, he catches me by surprise with comical new posts such as this one:
The twins from Fear Factor, Brynne and Claire Odioso, who took part in the donkey semen/urine stunt that has not aired have now been approached by an adult website.
Brynne and Claire drank the urine and semen and have been offered a job with MyGirlFund.com, which is a website involving girls getting on screen and discussing politics, or something close to it (or something like that).