TV Rants And Raves 2.15.11: Don't Roll Your Eyes At Me!
Posted by Ben Piper on 02.15.2012
Rants and raves about the return of The Walking Dead, the debut of ABC's The River, NCIS' 200th episode, recent turns in Once Upon A Time and more!
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Hey, how you doin'? Time for some ranting and raving on my behalf. Hope you're ready for it. Here we go!
TV Rants and Raves
Never get out of the f***ing boat: With the massive box office success of Paranormal Activity, the mastermind behind it Oren Peli got in good with the high-up Hollywood jet set. Indeed, none other than Steven Spielberg himself was willing to work with him, asking him for different story ideas. ABC's The River is one of the end results.
Dr. Emmet Cole is a world renowned naturalist/TV personality (think an American older Croc Hunter without the ADD) who brought his entire extended family up in front of TV cameras alongside him as he traveled the world in search of nature's wonders. His catchphrase "There's magic out there" is a hopeful mantra the world latched onto and as a result, he's been on TV sets every week for the last 22 years.
That is, until he mysteriously disappears while exploring the deepest, densest parts of the Amazon River. Much is made about the search for him which proves fruitless. After six months, the world believes him lost forever and presumed dead.
But then, his emergency transponder begins to transmit. His estranged wife (24's Leslie Hope) takes this as a positive sign that he's still alive and sets out to find him. A pre-condition of this is the fact that she must also enlist their now adult son, (from whom he was also estranged) due to the fact that the people funding the expedition is the TV production company that Cole had been in business with. They want another show to peddle, and the search for a missing famous nature explorer is as good a gimmick as you're likely to get.
From there, we're introduced to various other characters (The self-serving producer, the mercenary bodyguard, the loyal former captain of Cole's ship whom he didn't bring for this one last fateful trip as well as his young daughter, the daughter of Cole's main cameraman, who grew up alongside the son, assorted cameramen and crew, etc.)
Things don't really begin to kick into gear fully until this rescue mission comes upon the remains of the Magus, Cole's vessel that he worked and filmed from, which of course means that the entire ship is outfitted with static cameras in every hallway and room, all the better to catch incidental movements and what have you.
As the team searches the ship for signs of life, they hear a knocking coming from a panic room welded shut from the outside. (That right there would suggest to basically pretty much anybody that they shouldn't open it up) but of course they do, unwisely thinking that Cole is inside, only to unleash something else entirely.
Because, as it turns out, Cole took his "there's magic out there" catchphrase to heart to the point that he literally sought it out on this last voyage, as is shown from the video journals he left behind. He found true magic in the world apparently, as well as the darker forces behind it. And now shit is hitting the fan for those who came looking for him.
Nifty premise. And yes, it does have quite the Paranormal Activity feeling and trappings to it, especially in the first hour. The second one was so very Blair Witch Project it's not even funny. Which essentially boils down to the point that if you aren't a fan of that kind of "found-footage" shtick, then this clearly isn't going to be the show for you.
I, for one, kinda liked it. Enough so that I plan on watching it moving forward, which isn't an easy thing to do with a Tuesday night schedule crammed with so much goodness all across the viewing landscape. But with only an eight episode order (Two of which were burned in the debut) for the first season I'm hoping for things to move and escalate quickly. They've set the table. They introduced us to each of the characters as well as the situation they are in moving forward. Seeing as I like it thus far?
Once again… Bring it. Prove it to me.
Congratulations: In the television landscape (particularly with the networks), getting to 100 episodes in a series is a big deal, as that means syndication rights and the big cash payoff for all those involved. 100 episodes is a big deal. But to reach 200? Holy crap! Very few shows are allowed the luxury of that kind of longevity, so when it happens, you have to appreciate it for what it represents; Consistent ratings as well as consistent quality.
And while it doesn't get acknowledged by any means as an awards show favorite, like Modern Family, or Mad Men or Breaking Bad, NCIS has proven to be the little show that could. Itself a spinoff from J.A.G. it has since gone on to spinoff another show of its own. Throughout the course of the show's life the ratings have consistently improved to the point that it's now the most watched scripted network series there is, and that's not anything to sneeze at.
The reason? It's an easy to digest TV equivalent to comfort food. It's a crime story of the week presented with fully formed and realized characters that are not only relatable and believable, but likeable in each of their own ways. Gibbs is the gruff leader. Tony is the playboy, Ziva is the mysterious badass, McGee is the techie, etc. They've been doing it for so long now it's easy to forget how much backstory for each of them has been presented. It's to the point that if any one of them are taken out of the equation, (right on down to Jimmy Palmer) it's hard to see how the overall cast chemistry won't be affected negatively.
So when the 200th episode began with Gibbs appearing to be shot, I was quite naturally, quickly taken aback. Of course, my initial fears were unfounded, of course, as they wouldn't ever kill of its main character. What we got as a result was an It's a Wonderful Life type of episode where Gibbs entered some kind of weird limbo where he was guided my his now dead mentor Mike Franks into questioning the choices he had made along the way over the course of his life.
And while it led to interesting contemplations (Tony and the ill-fated Kate having a baby together, not to mention McGee & Abby as a couple) it just seemed rather overreaching and ill-advised; Look, I get that the older sect of the fanbase will willingly overlook how completely of its rocker this episode turned out to be and will quite frankly quickly forget it. But this was a nonsensical trainwreck of an episode. The extended conversation with his dead mother? Surely heartwarming if you buy into it, but I didn't. BECAUSE THERE WAS NEVER ANY EXPLAINATION OR CONTEXT TO MAKE THIS SEEM REAL in terms of how this was possible.
While I commend and applaud NCIS for staying on the air for 200 episodes? Stick with what you know. You do a week to week crime procedural rather well. Leave the fantasy/sci-fi WTF elements better suited to those that know what the hell they are doing. ‘Cause damn! They sure did jump the shark as far as I'm concerned.
Apparently the ‘theme' of this current season is past choices coming back to bite the central characters. And I'm all for that. Just don't do it in such an egregiously sloppy manner such as this. Just because you're seen as a ‘procedural', doesn't mean that you don't have to abide the laws of good storytelling when it suits you to do so.
More Zombie Goodness!: Well, kinda. Taking up instantly where it left off The Walking Dead returned this past weekend to find the occupants of the farm community dealing with the fallout from the barn massacre. And while I'm sure those that have hated the slow burn nature of how things have played out thus far in season two will likely shit over this episode as well, I kind of liked it.
Shane continued to pretty much act like a dick and feeling justified for doing so, no matter how much it continues to strain the relationship not only between Rick and himself, but between Rick and Hershel as well. He showed that he still had humanity within him as he took care of Carol after she dealt with her grief in her own way, but even as he did so, it sure seemed that he was making it about himself moreso.
Meanwhile, Dale insinuated to Lori his suspicions about just what truly happened when Shane and Otis went out looking for supplies to save Carl's life, although she didn't appear to believe him.
Maggie told Glen that she loved him when he brought up the notion of ‘moving on', which apparently freaked him the hell out to the point that he had no response in return, which led to a nice scene between himself and Rick where the latter said he should grab ahold any ounce of happiness he can get.
And the whole reason for that scene happening? Hershel scooted off the farm looking to drink his troubles away at the local watering hole, which again led to some great back and forth between himself and Rick as he tried to pry the older man away from the bar and back to the farm where his daughters need him. The two men debated back and forth so compellingly and in particular, I thought Scott Wilson was terrific as the broken Hershel.
But just as it seemed Rick had talked some sense back into his counterpart enough that he was willing to step away from the drink and go back, two humans walk in, and things got interesting.
These two men, who claim to be from Philadelphia, (the more talkative one played by Terrier's Michael Raymond-James) at first seemed relived to find other humans to interact with. And as such, this new group of friends first drink together, toasting not only each other as well as those each party has lost.
But things slowly and most assuredly ramped up with the tension ever building, as these two men not only asked about where their new friends were staying. And as things slowly escalated not only with words but with actions (The fact that the fat guy just took his dick out and pissed on the floor) one could tell shit was about to go down and get real. Great scene. Well played.
Not even going to really comment on Lori going off half-cocked after Rick and Glen on her own without telling anyone and flipping the car she was in after hitting the walker. So completely saw it coming (especially when she was looking at the map rather than the road) It's serialized drama show 101; Main characters do stupid things in order to create more dramatic situations. In other words, she pulled a Kate Austin.
Glad to have it back, if only for five more weeks before it goes dark again.
Interesting: I've spoken previously of how much I enjoy ABC's Once Upon A Time and how it has slowly grown on me more and more. I like the way that they thus far have continued to work new fairy tale folklore into the fabric of the show without it feeling overplayed and remaining seemingly organic to the story they are trying to tell.
One of the highlights of the show without any doubt has been Robert Carlyle in the dual role of Rumplestiltskin and Mr. Gold. As Rumple, he plays him gleefully over the top as a dangerous and mischievous imp. As Mr. Gold, he's a master manipulator quietly pulling the strings of the situations happening in the town of Storybrooke.
The episode that delved into the how and whys of how Rumple became "The Dark One" in the fairy-tale world was fantastic, in that it not only portrayed the character in both a sympathetic light, but it also fleshed out the flaws in the character which Carlyle exploited greatly to further inform the character moving forward. The man was a coward that ran from a battle, but when backed into a corner, he went to a very dark place to save his son from servitude, only to seemingly still lose him due to the choice that he made.
(I say ‘seemingly' as that part of the backstory hasn't been revealed yet.)
I bring it up because in the latest episode that aired this past weekend, they went with a "Beauty And The Beast' storyline, (With Lost's Emilie De Raven playing Belle) and the "Beast" in this instance being Rumple. What I dug about all of it is how they still manage to wrangle in the fairy tale minutiae of those original stories into the show without it seeming forced it any way. Rumple spinning straw into gold (which hadn't been brought up before to my recollection was a nice touch), the chipped cup as well as a mention of a certain mermaid.
Again, they played Rumple in a sympathetic light, as while he was only out for his own nefarious means in the beginning, as time wore on you can see that both he and Belle were starting to have genuine feelings for one another. Which of course, lasted only so long until the evil queen Regina interfered and blew the whole thing up.
For it was only after she told Belle the secret to cure the curse surrounding Rumple did things turn sideways. Her kiss began to change him back to human, which he obviously did not want. Feeling betrayed, he kicked her to the curb and told her to get lost, but not before she gave him a bit of a curse of her own. (Trust me, a woman scorned? Had it happen, it's real, bad juju)
Which led to the last final bit between the evil queen and Rumple. He accused her of sending Belle in as a spy in order to weaken him and make her the most powerful of the land. In other words, these two are in a territorial pissing war in fairy tale world, with neither one willing to budge. The difference being that while they are both doing there best to out evil the other? Rumple still has some resemblance of humanity still residing within him, which she looked to exploit, only it didn't pan out as she wanted, but revealed a chink in his armor, seemingly.
But when it came back to Storybrooke and Regina leaned in and asked "what's your name"? Goosebumps. Simply because those old fairy tales I had thought long forgotten resonated back to me again.
He played coy, at first. But eventually, He's just like her. They both remember their fairy tale past, and now looks to be standing opposed. Awesome.
Can't wait to see how the rest of the season plays out.
Strange Thoughts
I'm such a serious Star Wars geek that I'm actually considering using the gift card I was given at Xmas to break my modern 3-D cherry and see Phantom Menace of all things. Don't worry. Seriously doubt it will happen, but it's still on my radar. What's wrong with me? I should know better. But it's still the best Saber fight in all the Star Wars movies. (Even if they missed one spot, knowing Lucas, he went back and digitally fixed it)
And for the record, no I didn't.
After seeing Victor Cruz on Jimmy Fallon, I like the kid even more.
At what point does the fact that hot female pornstars get to go down more on the fairer sex than I do to where I become blindly jealous, pissed off, and jaded? Sure, they are doing it for the money. I'd be doing it for her satisfaction. I'm smooth that way.
And no, I don't give a shit about the freakin' Grammys, either.
Wasn't a fan of Whitney Houston, but was saddened to hear of her passing. Incredible talent taken too soon. Also, the best Star Spangled Banner rendition ever.
Valentine's Day is a total bullshit holiday manufactured to sell greeting cards.
RIP Freddie Solomon. While I'm a die hard Raiders fan through and through, Freddie was one of my favorite players with the Niners when I was a little kid.
As someone who has worked at a supermarket? I've had my share of playful backstage fights. I once had my ass dumped in a garbage bin by an older chick about my weight, but outside of that? (in my defense, she gave me lovey-dovey eyes so I didn't see it coming) I've always held my own. (Seriously, there was once a tennis ball fight that I wasn't a part of, but once I walked in on it? I squarely pegged the guy who was shiftily hiding in the rafters squarely on the side of his head.) But you haven't lived until you're engaged in a liver war. Because that shit is messy and gets everywhere! Plus, once you go there and you have to clean the mess up afterwards? You're never likely to go there again.
Who Tweeted What?
Bill Cosby @BillCosby : Nothing lasts forever, why because sooner or later you'll run out of money.
Megan Amram @meganamram: I'm so tired I could sleep a horse
Chris Jericho @IAmJericho: Just walked into a rock bar in Abu Dhabi. I feel like Iron Maiden at the polish wedding...
kurt sutter @sutterink: i'm not bitter. i express my joy through brutally sardonic interaction with anonymous strangers. like a hooker giving sandpaper handjobs.
Andy Richter @Andy_Richter: Next time you masturbate, listen closely; you may hear the sound of ghosts laughing at you.
Craig Bierko @MrCraigBierko: About to read for "AfterSmash." Felt good until Jamie Farr walked in. #Shit
Kevin Nealon @kevin_nealon: Louis Vuitton condoms $68? Thank you but I think I'll stick to my $23, Levi's Relaxed Fit Condoms.
Richard Roeper @richardroeper: The official bios say Reese Witherspoon and Chelsea Handler are a year apart. In "This Means War," that looks like one long-ass year.
Roger Ebert @ebertchicago: WHY is my Twitter right column now on left? WHY has my background faded? WHY no enlargement click? WHY won't they leave me the **** alone?
Damon Lindelof @DamonLindelof: I would be really excited that Michael Bay is making another TRANSFORMERS movie if I liked having my eyes raped.
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The Non TV Segment Of The Week
The great John Williams celebrated his 80th birthday this past week. This man is such a part of my childhood memories that it is impossible for me not show my respect for all he has contributed to the art that is moving pictures. His work is truly iconic, and I bow down.
And I have to actually agree with this slightly stuttering father from North Carolina… Who says proper good parenting in America is dead? (I actually fist-pumped after watching this) He basically pulled a Richard Pryor of sorts. "You're gonna publicly disrespect me and all the adults in your life? I'm going to kill your easiest venue to do so" in so many words. And before anybody complains, FAH-QUE! Kids these days think that they are so entitled to everything.
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And that's that. Thanks for stopping by. Just so you all know, there will not be a Rants and Raves column next week due to other commitments I have to the website. That pesky annual Oscar coverage stuff. So I guess I'll see you when I see you, and vice versa.
-BP
