The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 2.20.12 Issue #196: Safe House (2012)

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 02.20.2012

In this issue I take a look at the big budget action flick now in theatres, Safe House, starring Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds, plus another Big Question (“Would you watch a B-Movie Academy Awards type show?”), more Things to Watch Out For, a new B-Movie Babe, a new Douchebag of the Week, and more. Check it out.

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #196: Safe House (2012)

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that thinks Kate Upton looked just fine when she was "fat," The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number one hundred and ninety-six, I take a look at the well made, action packed big budget B-movie that's in movie theatres right this second, Safe House, starring Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds.


Safe House (2012)



Safe House, from first time director Daniel Espinosa, is a badass action flick that, even when it starts to lose steam, still kicks major ass. It sort of resembles a kind of laid back Tony Scott movie (meaning that instead of blasting by you at 100 mph it's only going like 75-80 mph) or, if you want to make the argument (I'm not going to), a Paul Greengrass movie. The movie starts to lose itself towards the end, mostly because the screenplay, by David Guggenheim, isn't as clear as it perhaps should be. But, even when things start to get confusing and you don't really know what the heck is going on, you're still entertained.

The flick stars Ryan Reynolds as Matt Weston, a young CIA operative working at a secret CIA safe house in Cape Town, South Africa. It's a rather boring, low-level assignment as the CIA apparently doesn't have much going on in Cape Town. Weston spends most of his time constantly checking and rechecking the location's supplies (food, water, cameras, blood supply) and bouncing a rubber ball off the walls. Weston wants to be reassigned to Paris or, really, anywhere there's more to do (Paris would kick ass, though, because that's where his civilian girlfriend Ana, played by Nora Arnezeder, has a job lined up). He hopes that his boss David Barlow (Brendan Gleeson) will get him that Paris spot. However, because Weston doesn't have any major field experience moving somewhere else could be a tough sell, even with Barlow's help.

Weston's boring situation changes one night when, out of the blue, Tobin Frost (Washington), a high value traitor to the United States is caught in Cape Town and transferred to Weston's safe house location for "interrogation" by professional interrogator Daniel Kiefer (Robert Patrick) and his team. And as that's happening, the safe house is attacked by heavily armed men, led by the mysterious Vargas (Fares Fares), hell bent on killing everyone in sight and capturing Frost for some reason. Weston manages to survive the attack and remove Frost from the premises, but he quickly finds out that he's on his own as the CIA doesn't have any assets readily available in the area. While trying to figure out what he needs to do next, Frost tries to get in Weston's head and make him make a mistake. Frost has his own agenda and wants to complete what he came to Cape Town to complete.

The rest of the movie is both one big chase and one big mystery. Will Vargas and his men find Weston and Frost? Will Weston survive and figure out what the hell Frost is up to? And will Frost complete his personal mission? Frost's personal mission is easily the movie's biggest issue as it's really unclear what it is he's fighting against. We know that he's upset with what he did back in the day as a CIA agent, we know that something happened that caused him to question his allegiance to his country, and we know that he decided to take his frustrations out on his country by selling U.S. secrets to the highest bidder, but the details are somewhat muddled. We never get a real sense of just how bad the bad things Frost had to do were. If we knew a little more, or if that stuff was a little clearer, the flick's ending would have been more successful. The way it works out, it comes off as someone trying to tie up loose ends for the sake of tying up loose ends, regardless of whether or not any of it makes sense.

The action scenes are all top notch. There are several well staged gun fights and there's a great car chase through downtown Cape Town. You'll also no doubt marvel at the flick's hand-to-hand fight scenes, especially one towards the end that's about as knock down drag out as a movie fight can get. Director Espinoza has a great eye for these kinds of things and I can't wait to see what, if anything, he has planned next.



The performances are also uniformly excellent. Washington is brilliant as Tobin Frost. He's effortlessly badass, and every second he's onscreen you can sense the menace and danger. The Frost character does need a clearer motivation, but Washington makes the most of what he's given and it's simply awesome. Ryan Reynolds, who I normally can't stand, puts in one of his better performances as Weston. He doesn't engage in that smarmy bullshit he's well known for, and he's actually sympathetic most of the time. Weston is a bit done in, too, by the flick's muddled ending, but you root for him anyway. Reynolds also knows how to engage in low level badassery, which is always good to see.



Brendan Gleeson does his usual fine job as CIA veteran David Barlow. He's kind of grumpy, sure, but he's always in control. Vera Farmiga does a decent job as CIA agent Catherine Linklater. Linklater is a bit of an asshole and you automatically suspect that she's up to something when it doesn't seem as though she's doing all she can to help Weston out. And the great Sam Shepard appears from time to time as CIA head Harlan Whitford. And Robert Patrick, the T-1000 hisself (or the Colonel, good old Dog Patch for fans of The Unit), does his usual bang up job as CIA interrogator Kiefer. The only actor that gets short shrift is Nora Arnezeder's Ana. She shows up in her underwear in Weston's apartment (awesome. The underwear, not the apartment), she talks with Weston a few times, and that's about it. Why is she in this movie beyond the underwear scene? Damned if I know.

Fares Fares is good as Vargas the bad guy. You're never really sure what he's up to, but you do know he's up to no good because he's always wearing a leather jacket. That's always bad news. And be on the lookout for great turns by Liam Cunningham as an MI6 agent under investigation and the immortal Ruben Blades as Carlos Villar, a man from Frost's past. I can't even remember the last time I saw Blades in anything. It's great to have him back.

Safe House is a well made piece of badass action moviemaking. The last quarter of the movie needs some work, but in the end it's supremely entertaining, and that's what matters most. It's definitely worth checking out.

See Safe House. See it, see it, see it.

So what do we have here?

Dead bodies: 15+

Explosions: Several, some of them big (like that last one. Holy hooey).

Nudity?: None.

Doobage: A boxing/training montage, a hot blonde girlfriend, a super door key, a well stocked refrigerator, a secret ass/leg injection, a bathroom scuffle, neck snapping, several head shots, car crashing, apeshit CIA agents, a finger print ID machine, multiple instances of code words, waterboarding, exploding door, flash bang grenade, a big ass gunfight, a guy riding in a trunk, a riveting car chase, truck decapitation, a great "why you should always wear a seatbelt" scene, attempted strangulation, gun cleaning, handcuffs, a locker with a bag in it, a riot, ear damage, head shaving, an old bottle of wine, multiple slow motion jumps, truck to the face, blood spitting, a wild flip, lots of street shootouts, a montage of hand-to-hand ass kicking, a bathroom prison, a hellacious beatdown, a punched out window, multiple stabbings via glass shards, neck breaking, bullshit, a big ass fire, exploding truck, bloody wounds, and a lackluster ending.

Kim Richards?: Implied

Gratuitous: Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Reynolds boxing, Brendan Gleeson, Denzel Washington, Denzel Washington wearing a very cool hat, Liam Cunningham, neck snapping, a labor protest, the U.S. consulate in Cape Town, Vera Farmiga, Sam Shepard, Robert Patrick, waterboarding, a Cape Town car chase, Tracie Thoms, driving in the middle lane, Denzel Washington handcuffed multiple times to multiple pipes, a massive soccer stadium, Ryan Reynolds speaking Afrikaner, ear drum popping, head shaving, Ruben Blades, an old bottle of wine, a chase through a slum, a montage of hand-to-hand ass kicking, a discussion in a pharmacy, a hellacious beatdown, neck breaking, John King of CNN, and a lackluster ending.

Best lines: "My sister owns a bakery. She will make you fat," "I love it when you speak French," "How am I supposed to get field experience if I'm staring at four walls all day?," "Do I make you nervous? Always. Good," "My name is Tobin Frost," "This is Tobin Frost," "Housekeeping. We have a last minute reservation," "That's Tobin Frost," "Is this legal?," "This ain't a test. This is the real thing. What are you going to do?," "You want to be the guy that lost Tobin Frost?," "Where's that satellite feed?," "Even after awhile the truth starts to sound like a lie," "She's not going to leave you, Mathew. You're going to leave her," "Are you sure you just don't want to walk away from this?," "Are you going to kill me? No. I only kill professionals," "Do you love me? Very much. Go," "Hey, how did you find me? It wasn't that hard," "Don't kill innocent people, Matt," "I'm going to take you in. Good for you," "You're a dead man," and "I'll take it from here, sir."

Rating: 8.0/10.0


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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: The Facebook Page!





Please check out The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page, which can be seen here. It just started so there's not much there at the moment. But, as time goes by, expect to see daily questions and musings and other B-movie hooey. And it would be cool if you "liked" it, too.

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page! Yeah!



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The Big Question: Would you watch a B-Movie Academy Awards type show?








With the Oscars arriving this Sunday, I got to thinking: as far as I can tell the B-Movie world really doesn't have an Academy Award type show, or even an Academy Award type award, to honor the best of what it does. The closest thing out there is the Scream Awards, which is fun and all but it's not exactly, for the lack of a better word, respectable enough to really count. I think it's time that both big and small genre type movies get a show, an award ceremony, that's all about them. The B-Movie Awards.


I'm thinking of having the following categories:

-Best Overall B-Movie
-Best Action Movie
-Best Sci-Fi Movie
-Best Horror Movie
-Best Theatrical Release Movie (presumably this would be for big budget Hollywood movies)
-Best Actor
-Best Actress
-Best Supporting Actor
-Best Supporting Actress
-Best Director
-Best Screenplay
-Best Visual Effects
-Best Make-Up
-Best Music
-Lifetime Achievement Award

Now, with the specific genre categories these movies would have to be direct-to-video or television movies. The movie in question could have a small theatrical release but it would have to be a relatively small one. The Best Overall B-Movie would include all of the movies nominated in the genre categories plus the theatrically released ones (for instance, if the cut off for each category was five movies, the Best Overall B-Movie category would have twenty movies). The acting, directing, and writing categories would include everyone. The visual effects award may have to be split up into two, for big movies and smaller movies.

So, how would the nominated movies win? And how would they be nominated? Some kind of Academy would have to be formed, probably involving journalists and movie people. And once the nominees are picked, the overall voting could be opened up to the public, or at least include the public, maybe use a website where people have to register, for free, in order to vote. And maybe the genre specific movies could air on TV in blocks for like a week so voters could watch them.

So, the Big Question here is: would you watch this awards show? Would you care? Would you be invested enough in it to participate by voting? I think this kind of award show could work.




And who would you have host the show? A B-Movie legend type, like a Bruce Campbell or Tim Thomerson, or should the show get a comedian like a John Stewart or Patton Oswalt? Joe Bob Briggs?




"Yeah, I'll do it. I need to be on TV again. It's been way too long."



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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Theme of the Week



Enjoy.







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And now, the weekly Fearnet update


Fearnet, the only free all horror/thriller On Demand TV network features uncut, uncensored horror flicks from the past and present 24 hours a day, seven days a week, pretty much any time you freaking want them (as long as you still have power, that is). The channel also has behind-the-scenes stuff, trailers, and other cool hooey for you to check out. Check your local cable listings for availability (Fearnet recently returned to Time Warner cable after a too long hiatus, so if you have Time Warner and you're not sure if you have it, take five minutes out of your TV watching day and find out. You'll be glad you did).

Fearnet also exists as a regular old TV channel. This Fearnet airs horror movies roughly twenty one hours a day (there is a block of infomercials in the morning, usually from 6-9am est). The movies shown do have "commercial breaks" in them, similar to the breaks that currently appear on IFC, but the movies are uncut (blood and boobs and cursing are all intact).

Fearnet's website, fearnet.com, offers free movies, interviews, news, and other behind-the-scenes horror movie nerd stuff, too. The incredibly awful Uwe Boll zombie flick House of the Dead was on the site last week. Is it still there? Check and see).





The website also features Post Mortem with Mick Garris, a nifty interview show where big, fat Stephen King's favorite director talks with genre legends like John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Roger Corman, William Friedkin, and others. It's definitely worth your time.

If you're a Facebook nerd (and, really, today, who isn't?) you can check out the Fearnet fans Facebook page, which can be seen here. There are plenty of people out there interested in Fearnet. Join them. And, as always, thanks to both Mark Lindsey and Mathew Hirsch for info regarding the Fearnet fan movement.





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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Babe of the Week: Adele








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Things to Watch Out For This Week




- Matlock: The Seventh Season: I love watching Matlock. Andy Griffith is brilliant as the main character, lawyer Ben Matlock, and it's just so much fun watching him spar with the judge and engage in what his fellow lawyers call "wild speculation." Great, timeless stuff.









- Retreat: This looks like a weird thriller. Is it really a sort of doomsday story or is it all a big scam? I can't wait to find out. Cillian Murphy and Thandie Newton star. Man, with that kind of star power you'd think this movie would, at least, get a token American theatrical release of some kind.










- Bigfoot: This low budget horror flick from 1970 stars John Carradine and involves hunters searching for Bigfoot. It looks and sounds hysterical. Has anyone seen this? Is it as ridiculous as it seems?









- XII: This slasher flick looks like a hoot. A guy going after the jurors that convicted him? I'm shocked that isn't a more common story within the slasher movie world.








- Inkubus: A horror flick starring Robert Englund, apparently as a villain, William Forsythe, and Jonathan Silverman? I don't even have to know what it's allegedly about. I just want to see it for the cast. The trailer is fantastic. Check out Englund's great line at :54. It should be on a T-shirt.





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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week






This week, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week goes to current New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, for vetoing a same-sex marriage bill passed by both houses of the New Jersey legislature. Governor Christie said all along that he would veto any same-sex marriage bill because he doesn't believe in the idea of gay marriage, but that fact doesn't make what he did any less despicable. And his new "let the voters decide" referendum idea is just as bad.

There is absolutely no reason for denying equal marriage rights to everyone. No reason at all.





Up next is Congressperson Darrell Issa, Republican of California, for holding a hearing on contraception and failing to have any female witnesses. Instead, Congressperson Issa had a bunch of ultra right wing religious leaders, all men, testify about how President Obama's recent contraceptive mandate was a violation of religious liberty and "conscience." Because that's what's most important here. Religious liberty.

Do you think Congressperson Issa is eventually going to hold a hearing featuring religious leaders bothered by the idea that, in the United States, "honor killings" are considered murder? I think he would have to since religious liberty and conscience are suddenly so important.

The modern day Republican party hates women. I can't come to any other conclusion. What the hell is wrong with these fucking people?




And finally there's Dave Mustaine, lead singer of Megadeth, for announcing his support for Republican Presidential hopeful Rick "Man-On-Dog-Sex" Santorum. Dave has said some weird shit in the past (check out this article for more on that) but this may be the weirdest. I mean, he is aware that culture warrior Man-On-Dog-Sex will eventually come after him and his fellow metal bands for worshipping Satan and all that, right? And does Dave listen to his own music? Even his latest CD is chock full of seemingly progressive ideas (well, at least when he isn't singing about the New World Order and One World Government and all that Alex Jones wacko shit).

I'm going to blame all of this on Dave's current religious insanity and hope and pray that he eventually grows out of it. I'm still going to buy his music, but this is really goddamn sad. Rick fucking Santorum? Seriously?



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NASCAR and Indycar thoughts



Well, the NASCAR Sprint Cup season got off to a wild start Saturday night during the Bud Shootout. Kyle Busch survived three accidents to pull ahead of Tony Stewart on the last straightaway to win the race, and Jeff Gordon caused a multi-car accident that had him on his roof for the first time in his Sprint Cup career. The tandem racing thing seems to be gone as the Shootout cars raced in big packs, like the "good old days" of a few years ago. The drivers are just going to have to stay off one another's rear left section. That's what seemed to cause the accidents in the Shootout.



The other thing the drivers seem to be complaining about is the size of the rear spoiler. Apparently the spoiler is now smaller than it was last year, meaning the cars have less down force and are less stuck to the ground, meaning they are more out of control than usual. I bet that'll play into the outcomes of both the Gatorade Duels on Thursday (on Speed at 2pm est) and in the 500 Sunday.




Qualifying yesterday saw Roush Fenway teammates Carl Edwards and Greg Biffle take the front row. The biggest surprise of qualifying has to be Casey Mears, qualifying fifth driving for Germain Racing. Marcos Ambrose's qualifying run was also pretty spectacular, coming in fourth (he also had a great run in the Shootout Saturday night). Danica Patrick qualified thirtieth, which isn't terrible for her first time in a Cup car but also isn't that spectacular, either. I'd like to know why the Fords seem to be so fast this year. Did they figure out the new fuel injected engines faster than everyone else, or do they have some aero advantage? If Fords dominate on Thursday I'm sure we'll hear all about it.

No word yet on what NASCAR plans on doing to Jimmie Johnson and the #48 team, as they were caught cheating in practice for the 500. Johnson's crew chief Chad Knaus is likely going to be the guy to feel the brunt of the penalty. If NASCAR was really serious about repeat rule infractions it would bench the entire #48 team for like three races, but the sanctioning body will never do that to one of its big stars. NASCAR President Mike Helton has said that penalties will be handed out after the race Sunday. I can't wait to see how "severe" the penalties are.

The Daytona 500 is this Sunday on Fox. The race starts at 1pm est. It's going to be a busy damn day. Daytona in the afternoon and the Oscars that night.




Over in Indycar, new race director Beaux Barfield announced several things last week. First, double file restarts are going away for the races at Indy, Texas, and California, allegedly for "safety" reasons (those tracks are "too narrow" and because of the fast closing speeds it was deemed too dangerous to continue using double file restarts). Double file restarts will still be around for Milwaukee, Iowa, and all of the street and road courses, or at least until the drivers and owners start bitching about them. This "too narrow" thing makes no sense. Indy is kind of narrow but there's room to maneuver, and both Texas and California are wide tracks. So what is this all about? Whiny drivers terrified they may have to pass someone on the track. That's what it's all about. And don't be surprised if the double file restarts disappear before the start of the season, or go away for "safety" after the first race.

The second announcement was of a new qualifying procedure at Iowa. Instead of two lap time trials the teams will compete in three 30 lap heat races the day before the race. It's a great idea, but I have serious doubts about it actually happening. Once again, the drivers and owners will likely complain about how it doesn't "fit in" with the image the series is trying to promote and that heat races are just too much wear and tear on the cars, etc. Can you imagine the level of complaining if Dario Franchitti and Will Power wreck in their heats and somehow fail to qualify for the feature the next day? It will be the end of the world (picture the complaints Franchitti leveled at the series last year during the twin races at Texas and magnify them by about one thousand).

And the third announcement, the one the drivers and owners are very excited about: standing starts at the road and street courses. Allegedly this will be implemented towards the end of the season (that's what Robin Miller of the Speed Channel has reported). It worked so well in Champ Car, etc is the common answer given to the question "Why standing starts?" And while that may be technically true since no one crashed during one of Champ Car's standing starts, it was one of the things that made Champ Car races boring as fuck (that and the whole "timed race" thing. Instead of racing for eighty laps somewhere the race lasted 105 minutes and that was it. Don't be surprised if that becomes the new normal in the series in 2014). There's nothing wrong with the standard flying start currently in use. If officials are worried about ragged starts because the cars aren't lined up, there's a very simple solution to that: change the acceleration point to the start/finish line and make the cars line up double file the lap before the start of the race. If the cars aren't together wave the start off and try again. Do those two things and you'll have better, more exciting starts (and restarts). Will Indycar do any of that? Of course not. It's far too simple a solution.

Am I being too negative here?

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Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that.

If there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.

And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.

Safe House

Denzel Washington- Tobin Frost
Ryan Reynolds- Matt Weston
Brendan Gleeson- David Barlow
Vera Farmiga- Catherine Linklater
Sam Shepard- Harlan Whitford
Ruben Blades- Carlos Villar
Nora Arnezeder- Ana Moreau
Robert Patrick- Daniel Kiefer
Liam Cunningham- Alec Wade
Fares Fares- Vargas

Directed by Daniel Espinosa
Screenplay by David Guggenheim

Distributed by Universal Pictures

Rated R for strong violence and language
Runtime- 115 minutes

Website: http://www.nooneissafe.com/