Movies/TV's 3R’s 03.06.12: Avengers, Men in Black III, Lindsay Lohan, Walking Dead, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 03.06.2012
From the new Avengers and Men in Black III trailers, Lindsay Lohan’s SNL performance, and last weekend’s leaked phone photos story to AMC’s accidental release of Walking Dead spoiler, Ghostbusters 3 minus Bill Murray, and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 140 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
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Without any further ado, here is...
If you had to watch one trailer this year, make it the new The Avengers trailer: We as an Internet civilization are generated to share our pessimistic and, often times, idealistic views among our virtual peers and faceless strangers. We laugh, we mock, we accept, and we discredit all creations from our cybernetic cosmos of space, time, and bandwidth – done so we may window dress our growing opinions for public consumption. The Internet community will read it, store it within their limitless opinion bank for a belief synopsis, and spawn a conscious commutate of thoughts back into the virtual world. The cycle repeats and begins anew.
What I'm trying to conjure - in relation to the last week's release of the new Avengers trailers – to you fine readers is:
Saw this trailer with the volume at "full" and I. jizz. in. my pants.
Plain and simple: this trailer looks good, feels good, and probably tastes good if it was made for human ingestion. There was little doubt the film was in any sort of trouble and all it took was 2:30 minutes of awesome effects and spectacular action – Hulk's heroic catch of Iron Man followed by a vertical surf-n-rip on a building was sweet, as was the big 360 degree climax of our heroes - to further confirm our allegations. We could revert back to our apprehensive profile and nitpick – that creature at the very end looks a little Transformers-ee to me – but let's save that for a later date when I'm not too excited about this Marvel film prospect, like never time. Never time is good.
Southland likely to be renewed for a fifth season: Southland is an interesting success story: the show was abandoned by NBC only to experience a total rejuvenation by the good people at TNT. It may not capture the attention of other popular shows such as Mad Men or Justified but the show carries on a gripping part-documentary, part-reality cop tale set forth within the uneasy streets of L.A. Since ratings have been healthy this season, that means more Southland and more Lucy Liu – this is her best work since Futurama… or Kill Bill, I guess.
Although there are still three episodes to air this season, the cops on TNT's "Southland" are in hot pursuit of a renewal. … and it looks like they will get there.
Also, the cabler is in development on a nonscripted true-crime series to debut in late summer or early fall.
Turner brass -- including network topper Michael Wright and Steve Koonin, president of Turner Entertainment Networks -- are officially waiting until all the live-plus-7 data is in, but a season five for "Southland" seems a given based on the current number-crunching and critical praise. - Variety
That last sentence is business slang for HAHA YOU SCREWED UP NBC YOU BIG POSERS.
Community to have three animated shorts? Yes, please.: Listen Community fans. I'm about to rock your feeble clerk world with some very important news. Starting this Wednesday (March 7th), three new animated Community shorts entitled "Abed's Master Key" will go live on Hulu and NBC.com. Get excited.
Community fans excited about the return of the beloved cult sitcom have something else to get excited about. According to an NBC announcement, the cast of Community will get animated in three new cartoon shorts that will debut on Hulu and NBC.com on Wednesday, March 7. The shorts form a three-part story called "Abed's Master Key," in which Dean Pelton (played by recent Oscar winner Jim Rash) hires Abed (Danny Pudi) as his assistant. As part of the job, Abed gets the Master Key for Greendale. Presumably, shenanigans ensue (oh, I bet). - Entertainment Weekly
Preview clip below:
Is it too much to ask for a full-fledged Community animated series? I'll settle for a Community Saturday morning 1980s cartoon, one where the cast become pirates and go on high-seas adventures with a talking llama. That'll work.
Full speed ahead on Muppets sequel: The good news: a deal has been reached by Disney to set forth a planned sequel to The Muppets. Bad news: Jason Segel won't be a part of it. Something about plans to keep How I Met Your Mother on the air forever…
A deal has been reached with The Muppets director James Bobin and original co-writer Nicholas Stoller to pen a sequel, but insiders also tell us that Stoller's original collaborator, Jason Segel, won't be returning to the keyboard. Segel, a star of How I Met Your Mother — now in its eighth season — has a burgeoning film career, and Disney insiders tell Vulture that between his commitment to the CBS sitcom, his other feature-writing efforts, and promotional work for Five Year Engagement (due out this coming April) and Judd Apatow's This Is Forty (in December), there won't be time to collaborate on a Muppets sequel.
A Segel spokesperson did not respond to a request for comment, but we're told by our Disney insiders that there's still a chance that the actor may star in a Muppets sequel, depending on how the Stoller-Bobin script turns out. - Vulture
So Jason Segel – is he more man than muppet now? - is not completely out of the sequel, it's only after all the work has been done and as long as the script is not doody. Ok. Look, whatever, because the important thing here is the announcement of a Muppets sequel. Let Segel write Forgetting Sarah Marshall 2: Forgetting-er Sarah Marshall or something and leave all the Muppet happiness to the rest of us.
Men In Black 3 trailer plagiarizes South Park, Simpsons: Dust off your space helmet, which doubles as a sex helmet (at least that's what I told your mom last night), because Will Smith is back in Men in Black 3 (which is weird because there was no space helmet in either of the previous movies. Alright, I just wanted to make the mom joke. *looks down, kicks virtual dirt*). If you were one of the many who wished for a sequel to the (not very much) beloved Men in Black 2 from ten years ago, then WISH GRANTED.
BTW, the MIB III plot was a Will Smith idea, which means:
- He saw the South Park episode where Mr. Garrison invented "It" and say "Yes! Me too!"
- His idea is awfully similar to Homer Simpsons' "killer robot driving instructor that travels back in time for some reason" film pitch to Ron Howard. Will is the killer robot driving instructor. Josh Brolin is the talking pie.
Critical analysis: I'm just not feeling it. The last MIB sequel really put a damper on my sentiments towards another one. Feel free to disagree at my expense.
Lindsay Lohan and the curious case of her awful (maybe) SNL appearance: That fantastic Maya Rudolph episode from two weeks ago seems like it happened two years ago thanks to last weekend's dreary SNL starring everyone's favorite drug fiend, Lindsay Lohan. SNL recap, in question form:
Was Lindsay Lohan really prepared to host last weekend's SNL? No.
Was Lohan given a bunch of material to work with? No.
Did Lohan play a large role in any of the sketches? No.
So did Lohan do a terrible job? Ehhh… maybe.
It was weird. It was very much a weird episode. Everyone expected Lohan to fall on her face (and onto a mountain of cocaine) – many tuned in solely for that reason, which explains the 12% increase from last week's show - but the worst to come out of it was a cue card reading contest where Lohan was the only participate. With expectations kept at a minimum, she performed about as well as someone with her controversy-laden background did. She may have been nervously reading cue cards and whirled in uneasiness all night but it's not like she rolled onstage with a suspicious hint of powder under her nose and crashed the party.
But here's where the difficulty in grading her appearance rises: she was clearly given little material to work with and was hardly a factor in all the sketches she appeared in. She was scheduled to sing for her opening monologue – it was supposed to be Lohan's biggest contribution of the night - but clearer heads prevailed and eliminated it from the monologue. While she was fine from the beginning, it just got worse from there. As mentioned before, she looked terrified, and the Scared Straight sketch was the biggest proof. Besides her visibly cue card-reading talents, it wasn't even not a particular memorable sketch. Turns out it would become a running theme throughout the show.
She played second fiddle to her own hype, a distraction that kept most of the humor enclosed in a tight weave. The hullabaloo of her performance on an ostensibly live sketch program did gather a stream cloud of interest (which served its purpose) and while she wasn't on the level of Maya Rudolph (far from it), she wasn't January Jones terrible either.
SNL, however, was a total snooze, except whenever Jon Hamm was onscreen. He should have given Lindsay a gift basket of cigarettes and fulfilled his role as backup host. Because obviously JON HAMM! Duh.
AMC accidentally exposes major spoiler about Walking Dead. Oops.: *Due to the severe nature of TV and film spoilers, especially for a critically acclaimed show like The Walking Dead, no actual spoilers will be posted. A link in big bold letters will be provided in case you were feeling curious. You've been warned.*
It's a pain to avoid spoilers. Sometimes it can come up in an article with little notice or in movie commercials. Or, in the case of AMC, you'll find them in an advertisement for the Walking Dead Season 2 DVD on their website. *cue fail horn*
"The post on the AMC store was completely unauthorized, AMC said in a statement. "The matter is currently under investigation."
And now we know what Walking Dead producer Gale Anne Hurd meant when she teased the second-season "jaw-dropping" finale. At the winter TCAs, Hurd told us, "I have a feeling even with inveterate tweeters during episodes…there may be some significant periods of silence, because people may not be able to click on their keyboards." - E! Online (SPOILER LINK! SPOILER LINK!)
There is no way I can talk about the actual spoiler without a device to bold it out or without ticking a lot of people off, unless you've read the comic series. Then this spoiler should be no problem for you. For the rest, I'm just going to tip-toe around the subject and suggest you cut me a switch.
Phones from Olivia Munn and Christina Hendricks experience photo leakage: Over the weekend, nudie phone photos of Olivia Munn and Christina Hendricks leaked online. I like to picture myself as too much of a gentleman (*holds doors for people, wears fancy monocle, pats ladies on the but… back*) but hacking celebrity's phones for the small chance it contains NSFW photos of themselves is terrible. I feel bad for the two ladies, more so for Hendricks. I mean, the Internet is right here. Much easier to Google search nudity or squint really hard until stuff looks like boobs.
According to TMZ, the blood pressure aggravation of all things, both Munn and Hendricks have said all topless photos leaked on the Internet are not real. The photo with Hendricks' massive exposed breasts? While it would have been a great advertising tool to promote Mad Men instead of the real one where 9/11 families found their posters to be offensive… yeah, 100% fake.
About those NSFW leaked photos, I can't post them here for obviously reasons but… uh… they're certainly not in this link. Nope. Not in there.
Although I do approve risque pics with clip arts arrows and graphic diagloue. Sexting just got more interesting. - Via Gawker
Cry everyone, not because Bill Murray will not be in Ghostbusters 3, but because there's a chance he might be replaced in Ghostbusters 3: Dan Aykroyd said that Bill Murray will not be in the next installment of Ghostbusters 3? Oh, the humanity. I'm so sad. *throws confetti in air*
"I honestly don't know. At this point it's in suspended animation. The studio, the director Ivan Reitman and Harold Ramis feel there must be a way to do it, but Bill Murray will not do the movie. He doesn't want to be involved. He's got six kids, houses all over America. He golfs in these tournaments where they pay him to turn up and have a laugh. He's into this life and living it. I know we'd have a lot of fun [but] I can't be mad at him. He's a friend first, a colleague second. We have a deep personal relationship that transcends business and he doesn't want to know." - The Telegraph
Woohoo. The movie industry has been saved. We can actually go outside and live again. But wait, what's with this next paragraph…
He's recently begun to consider recasting Murray's role with another actor. Or perhaps, I suggest, his character could come back as a ghost in CGI so the actor doesn't need to give up the golfing? It's obviously something that has crossed Aykroyd's mind, but he wonders if Murray would give his approval even to that.
Uh oh… *grabs all flying confetti, receives store credit*
I'm on the side of "No Ghostbusters 3, ever" but the film could actually get worse if there is no Murray to reprise Peter Venkman, or worse, have his character play as a CGI ghost bot. Now that's scary.
Piranha 3DD trailer spoilers entire movie: Checklist for Piranha 3DD trailer: strippers as lifeguards (check), hot girls in water (check), fish in water (check), Vagisil (*buzzer sound*), the return of Christopher Lloyd (check, but I say it with a shred of disappointment), Ving Rhames with guns for legs (check), and David Hasselhoff as meta David Hasselhoff (check… mate). Oh, and Gary Busey (double check - he plays one of the fishes I presume?). An all-star cast lineup? You betcha!
This is an Oscar-worthy movie if I ever saw one, though the trailer did spoil the plot: piranhas bite people and go after the best body parts. The second half was all about fish biting women in the boobs, butt, and vaginas. When you think about it, sounds like it could really hurt. Vagina-biting fishes? Oh those poor women.
The Human Centipede 3 to be a real thing now: Was demand for a third installment of The Human Centipede really high? I imagine after you've seen one Chinese human-anus trap, you've seen them all.
No further illumination as to the story was given, so feel free to speculate with that information as you will (umm, no thanks Mr. Story Description). Six has also been quoted as saying that part 3 will "make the last one look like a Disney film... It's going to be my favourite… It's going to upset a lot of people." Shocker, that.
As the title implies this is indeed the final film in the trilogy, and will be "100% politically incorrect." Whatever that means. Principal photography will occur this upcoming May and June in various locations throughout the Southern United States with an eye towards a 2013 release date. New thought: maybe the "political incorrectness" plus the Southern shooting locations means we should expect some KKK action? Seems controversial enough for Mr. Six. - JoBlo
Whatever Mr. Six comes up with, I'm sure it's not as shocking as the existence of Human Centipede: The Trilogy. Meanwhile, a remake of Tremors continues to be ignored, despite a national desire to want one… okay, it's just me. Whatever, Hollywood stinks.
Weird Al stars in Weird Owl: From 5secondfilms comes a hilarious tale of romance, mind explosion, and fridge logic. Weird Al Yankovic stars in the short series entitled Weird Owl, and it's exactly how it sounds. Rather than having me explain the whole plot – all several flashes of it – it would be best to just watch. The only part where I take offense: having to disable my Ad blocking to see it. That's why it'll have to settle for 9.969 stars out of 10.
So Snooki is pregnant and engaged now: Yup, still don't care.
Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week
The psychological reasoning behind the dog's behavior is simple: he really really likes mouse toys.
I love it when Community's autistic fanbase blames NBC for the reason why the ratings for the show suck. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that the show has gone down the shitter since Season 2. - Posted By: Guest#8336 (Guest)
Fallacy and trolliness of the comment aside, the reasons fans blame NBC for their poor ratings: NBC is the worst, NBC ruins everything that is pure, and NBC is the worst, again. That is fact. To say Community has taken a turn for the worst since Season 2? Someone sure does have their douche-ray vision finely tuned.
To be fair, all of NBC's scripted shows have taken a hit in the ratings. Now that Community is back on schedule, the only thing on hiatus now is the network's key demo among Adults 18-34. Even Univision has bested them for the past couple of weeks. I'm not sure how frequent this turnabout has existed but, yowie. Had Community been left on the air, it more than likely would have taken a similar fall.
Sorry to inform you, but Waterboy and Happy Gilmore aren't funny at all. Sandler's shit and always has been. There are no "yea buts" in his career.
"Sandler is shit"
But, bad taste coming from Portfolio Alejandro Rodrigo Mantequilla Diaz isn't a surprise. - Posted By: Guest#0665 (Guest)
That's fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Now I'm going to take this comment and throw it into the lava pit for its terribleness.
Yeah, Crystal was pretty lame as the host compared to earlier years and other hosts.
But he got a laugh out of me with his "What do they think" schtik and Nolte's "WRARARARAARRAR" - Posted By: hombre (Guest)
Nolte was great, but seems to me he didn't know where he was half the time. At that point, someone should have gotten the memo to point Nolte in the direction of where he lived and made sure he got some sleep.
I want that burger so bad...and I'll have Kate as well. - Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)
I would want the same – not necessarily in that order.
Community...starring ACADEMY AWARD WINNER Jim Rash? Works for me! No doubt they'll work in some Oscar jokes into an upcoming episode - Posted By: Earl (Guest)
Man, I hope so. Meta Oscar jokes? On Community? I'm watching.
I wish Conan would host the oscars again, but that wont happen again until he gets back on NBC or CBS :( - Posted By: Guest#7790 (Guest)
My alternatives: Jon Stewart, The Muppets, Jim Rash, or Johnny Carson, once science figures out a way to bring famous late-night talk show hosts back to life.
Nice to see Community coming back but I don't think it has a chance in hell against the juggernaught that is the Big Bang Theory - the show beats Idol head-to-head for christ sake...also what is this shit with pulling Parks and Rec for over a month?!? I'd much rather see The Office take a break than the funniest show on TV right now... - Posted By: Mario (Guest)
Even worse: if I'm not mistaken, Community will first be going up against March Madness instead of The Big Bang Theory. Yikes. I don't like Community's chances against either programs but the show's audience, while small, is a zealous one, and will keep it afloat for as long as possible.
See, NBC is the worst, even when they do things right. As soon as they make one fanbase happy (Community), they leave another one in anguish (Parks and Rec). That's such a NBC thing to do.
Community's gone down the tubes since Season 2? I beg to differ. Three words: Remedial Chaos Theory. - Posted By: Mitch (Guest)
You mean the three words of one of the greatest Community episodes ever? Yes.
Didnt realize you were another Sac-town guy. At first the idea of a new arena pissed me off, being the Maloofs are casino owning rich boys and all, but ultimately, if a sweet new sports complex can bring some major events to the area, I'm all in. - Posted By: APrince66 (Guest)
You're a Sacramento native as well? Nice. A new arena would not only keep the Kings in town, but as you mentioned, it'll be a host to a wide load of major events and concerts. The occasional monster truck and bull riding adventurers are fun and all, but it's time for our arena joined the 21st century – which will finally happen in about 3 to 4 years.
I'm surprised that Jimmy Fallon parodying Eddie Vedder singing "Jeremy Linsanity" didn't make a right. Good stuff. - Posted By: The Big Fat F*g (Guest)
Yeah, I missed it. I totally missed it. I was too busying watching the Kate Upton commercial for the 39th time. But I did watch it, per your endorsement, and I agree - it should have been a "Right". I can't place it in this week's column but I can do the next best thing:
I liked Billy Crystal, even though it was more of his old schtick. Gotta go with what works for you. I did think the Cirque thing was another waste of time.
Maybe if people would start actually watching the NBC shows, they would tinker with their schedules so much. - Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest)
Liked Billy Crystal? Ah, don't worry about it JLAJRC. We still understand you. Even Eddie Murphy said Crystal did a "great job". So there's that. But seriously, Billy's time has passed. It's time to inject some fresh blood into this ceremony, like letting The Muppets cause havoc onstage.
NBC is a fickle beast: they keep shows people don't like on the air and tinker/cancel shows that people do like. That's why they're losing to Univision! Southland, once a NBC tagged show, has quietly become one of the best shows on television. NBC had it in their paws, with a promise to promote the show more fully, and canceled it after one season. What's more amazing about their story is that TNT picked it up with an agreement to substantial reduce the budget, and now it's even better.
NBC has done some great stuff but they can be just as infuriating.
Last word: Thank you for your supportive contributions (i.e. comments and hits) to not only this column but towards the website in general. Your participations are a credit to society. In return, coughBrittneyPalmerpicscough.