Movies/TV's 3R’s 03.13.12: Hulk Hogan, Jon Hamm, Prometheus, Game of Thrones, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 03.13.2012
From Hulk Hogan’s sex tape, Jon Hamm’s Kim and Paris comments, and the Prometheus teaser trailer to John Carter’s disappointing weekend, Game of Thrones Season 2 clips, and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 141 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
Make sure to click the Facebook "Like", Tweet button, and Google +1 links over there to the right of the article! Support 411mania, your home for the best in pop culture entertainment news.
Without any further ado, here is...
Gentle reminder: March Madness begins this week: Gentleman, ladies: start (filling in) your brackets.
Another gentle reminder: Sofia Vergara to host Saturday Night Live: While the Jonah Hill-hosted episode was… there, I can't wait until SNL comes back from their mini-hiatus because SOFIA VERGARA! When: April 7. Be there or be Vergara'ed.
Last gentle reminder: NEW EPISODES OF SOUTH PARK THIS WEEK: Come on. It's South Park. The only thing I need to explain: the following clip is from this Wednesday's season premiere episode titled "Reverse Cowgirl." I'm sure it'll all make sense once it airs.
Jon Hamm hates Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, and reality TV stars. Just like the rest of us: Jon Hamm, soon to be our national treasure, has officially joined the He-Man (Select) Woman Hates Club. First order of business: Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian:
'Whether it's Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated,' he told April's Elle UK magazine.
'Being a f***ing idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly.'
The Golden Globe winning actor says the success of reality TV stars 'doesn't make any sense' to him. - Daily Mail
Tell us something we don't know Jon. While I think most of us can agree with Jon's expletive quote bubble, the most interesting minor subplot that I found was the absence of the "Paris Hilton" name in all of the article headlines I've researched. Everything was "Jon Hamm to Kim Kardashian: You Really Suck~!" or something to that effect, as if the Paris Hilton name is no longer attention-grabbing material. As if Paris Hilton got sucked into a black hole of sucktitude and never returned, or did return and just no one noticed.
Second order of business: his co-star Christina Hendricks.
He added that he also didn't understand why blonde, skinny women have become the epitome of beauty by modern society, saying curvy women like his Mad Men co-star Christina Hendricks are more beautiful.
His harsh words could just be a ruse to have more people tune into Mad Men's fifth season premiere on March 25 (9pm, AMC). Maybe it's out of jealously. His show's ratings are constantly outranked by Kim's show. Even worse, posts about Jon Hamm are systematically outranked by posts of his aforementioned female nemeses on 411mania. Even the news about his comments posted here are surpassed by the rather large Kim and Paris pics. The irony here is chokingly delicious but, uh…
The stupidly celebrated Kim has responded back with an "I ain't care" statement and frankly, I bet you ain't care either. We're all too attached to the Jon Hamm bandwagon to start listening to whatever voice of reason Kim has to say.
More in what is a huge line of Game of Thrones Season 2 video clips: Four. Count ‘em four Game of Thrones videos on display. On one hand, I don't want to expose you with too much Game of Thrones before the darn second season even starts. On the other hand, is there such a thing as too much Game of Thrones?
No. No there is not.
"The More You Love" GOT Season 2 Trailer
Renly Baratheon Character Profile
Jon Snow Character Profile
Daenerys Targaryen Character Profile
The guy from That 70s Show made an 85-minute Star Wars film out of recycled prequels: It was sometime last week when a chosen few were selected to attend a private screening of an 85-minute movie entitled Star Wars: Episode III.5: The Editor Strikes Back. Using released footage from all three Star Wars prequels, some bits from the original trilogy, music from The Clone Wars, and pieces of dialogue from Anthony Daniels' (C-3PO) audio book recording, the film creator managed to vastly improve the structure of the Star Wars prequel arc in one swift edit process. More amazing: the film creator happens to be Topher Grace.
Topher Grace's Star Wars film is probably the best possible edit of the Star Wars prequels given the footage released and available.
Whats most shocking is that with only 85 minutes of footage, Topher was able to completely tell the main narrative of Anakin Skywalker's road from Jedi to the Sith. While I know the missing pieces and could even fill in the blanks in my head as the film raced past, none of those points were really needed. Whats better is that the character motivations are even more clear and identifiable, a real character arc not bogged down by podraces, galactic senates, Jar Jar Binks, politics or most of the needless parts of the Star Wars prequels. It not only clarifies the story, but makes the film a lot more action-packed. - /film
Yes, that Topher Grace. The same Topher Grace who graced (heh) the screen as Eric Foreman from The ‘70s Show and some other comic book character that probably dampened his movie career in a film everyone pretends didn't happen. Err… I mean… what comic book character? What movie? I don't know about this Venom person you speak of. *avoids eye contact, rubs back of neck*
As it turns out, Grace has taken a liking to film editing. More specifically, he's taken a liking in editing his favorite sci-fi movies and chose the Star Wars prequel as his first experiment. Conclusion: Best. Edit. Ever! Or so we're told. Unfortunately, this was to be the first and only screening of the film since Grace would need to seek permission from George Lucas for a public release. What this means: have fun not watching it ever. It was a nice dream while it lasted.
While not as good as watching the darn thing, Peter Sciretta of /film gives a really nice description of the event. He presents a rundown of what appears and what doesn't appear in Topher's edited version. I suggest you use his synopsis to your advantage, gather all Star Wars material you have, and edit this critically acclaimed movie for yourself.
Maybe Foreman isn't such a dumbass after all.
Netflix wants to the next HBO; does not realize utter horribleness of idea: Netflix is no stranger to bad ideas. Their attempts to move beyond its DVD-by-mail service (oh hai Qwikster) has been met with negative audience reactions and stock price drops. That's all in the past. But now Netflix has a new goal: to become another cable channel.
Last week, Netflix CEO Reed Hastings said that the prospect of having cable operators offer his streaming video service to their customers was "not in the short term" as a possibility — but was "in the natural direction in the long term." His definition of "short" and "long" is open to debate, though: He's already in talks with "some of the largest U.S. cable companies," Reuters reports. - Deadline
Hastings is missing the point: people who subscribe to Netflix do it as an alternative to cable/satellite and its high monthly cost. Throw in about a dozen or so unnecessary channels that go unwatched anyway and it's no wonder many are flocking toward cheaper options in order to save money.
Netflix wants to be your cafeteria for television and movies. That's fine. It's a fantastic business model that continues to thrive. But their latest idea basically eliminates the alternative option. You want Netflix? Pay for cable, and, oh yeah, pay for their cable subscription too. Subscribers pay for Netflix so they wouldn't have to pay for cable AND subscribe to Netflix. Some already have premiere channels! Why pay for another HBO, Cinemax, FX, or whatever channel when those ones already exist?
One of the objectives on Hastings' checklist is to introduce 40% original programming into its platform. If you couple it with comeback programming such as Arrested Development and the recently canceled Fox drama Terra Nova (with new episodes in place although it's still a word in progress), then maybe it wouldn't be so bad… if television wasn't already loaded with top notch original programing as it is. This comes from an Arrested Development fan - I am thrilled Netflix will be bringing new episodes but I would be less than thrilled if I have to pay an additional fee just so I could watch 10% out of the channel's complete lineup. Also, is anyone really eager to watch Lilyhammer for a nominal fee?
You shouldn't have to pay money for a possible cable channel if you don't subscribe to cable. Otherwise it's just nonsense.
SUNDAY UPDATE: Looks like the three biggest television distributors – Comcast, DirectTV, and Dish Network – agree. According to Deadline, all three closed the gate on a possible mutual relationship with Netflix. Those three account for "56% of the country's 100M pay TV households." Translation: Netflix as a channel provider is as good as dead… maybe?
Promotional Prometheus teaser trailer teases audience with 20 second teasers to tease the full trailer coming out teaser this week: The knock is not the trailer teaser itself – the clips used were laser ball-istic fun. The knock is why these promotional devices - mini-trailers for upcoming trailers - are necessary when real trailers do the exact same thing. It's like Inception for movie trailers. Yet here I am promoting it as such because my love of hits overshadows my hatred for redundancy. Go figure.
Only in Hollywood can John Carter's $30.6 million box office weekend be considered a huge disappointment: John Carter's complete budget (includes cost of marketing): an estimated $350 million. My scientific investigation – this is my college educated self speaking – concludes that the $350 million needed to make the movie is a bigger number than the $30.6 million it received over the weekend. *takes off smart people glasses* Okay, I guess the final tally can be considered a huge disappointment. Also, them lots of money to make money hats a lot with.
John Carter opened to $30.2 million from 3,749 locations. That's lower than practically any similar movie, beginning with those that came out around the same time of year. It was obviously way off from 300 ($70.9 million) and Watchmen ($55.2 million)—what's more concerning, though, is that it was even a tad below 10,000 B.C. ($35.9 million) and Battle: Los Angeles ($35.6 million), both of which were modest movies in comparison. - Box Office Mojo
It's weird: John Carter opened second behind The Lorax (???) and earned the fifth highest opening of 2012. But because everyone is so focused on the budget, the movie is box office purgatory. It's not like it's a horrible movie either. It's not; Jeremy Wilson said so. What was horrible was their bungled marketing campaign.
I suppose the only way these numbers can hurt worst if they transformed into giant solid hammers and crushed Disney into the dirt.
Your chance to see Hulk Hogan naked and singing to Lady Gaga comes true: Out of the things I want to see made during my lifetime, "Hulk Hogan sex tape" ranks fairly low on the list. Why couldn't it have been an invisible cloak or an all-access Wi-Fi connection that never cuts off and is totally free? Alas, no. We have to settle with the Immortal Philander doing the Nasty Sags with an unknown brunette associate while his theme song runs wild on grainy video and different degrees of "YOU" faces take place during intercourse, or at least what Hulk Hogan calls intercourse which is just him spraying tan lotion all over his lady friend with half-ripped condoms spread out over the floor and Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake looking for the tag. The end of the tape is Mean Gene signing off with, "Put that cigarette out!"
Hulk Hogan says the sex tape being shopped to porn companies was "secretly filmed" WITHOUT his permission ... and claims the footage is nothing less than an "outrageous invasion of privacy." (Author note: JUST LIKE KING OF THE RING 1993! HARVEY WIPPLEMAN STRIKES AGAIN!)
TMZ broke the story ... the grainy video which has already been shopped to Vivid Entertainment features Hulk and a mystery brunette. It's unclear when the tape was shot.
Now, Hulk's lawyer David Houston has released a statement ... saying, "Terry Bollea is appalled at the unauthorized release of a secretly filmed video." - TMZ
It was a set-up! He was set-up by the dastardly duo of The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase and pre-Summerslam 2005-crisis Shawn Michaels! In any event, this sex tape is insufficient without the famous commentary of Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse "The Body" Ventura – their back-and-forth banter would be a welcome addition. (Blah, blah, blah "WILL YOU STOP?!")
Speaking of welcome additions, here is Hulk Hogan in an alternative Mr. Nanny costume while singing to Lady Gaga. Because LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD OBVIOUSLY! The clip is from the #ChallengeHulk series, a promotional Youtube awareness channel which is like the show Shaq Vs. expect with a green screen and Hulk falling off the durp end, brother.
Maybe Eddie Murphy should just get out of the movie business altogether: Katherine Heigl's One of the Money held the title for "Worst Rated Movie of the Year" according to Rotten Tomatoes. Well no more! A new contender emerged last weekend, and all 40 critics agreed: Eddie Murphy's A Thousand Words, crowned with a 0% rating, is your new undisputed new champion and is the "worst reviewed movie" of all time.
If the number donut holds up, A Thousand Words will be listed among other "greats" such as last year's Adam Sandler-scripted Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, the Antonio Banderas-Lucy Liu starred Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), the needs-to-be-erased-from-existence Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), and more. The difference between Eddie Murphy's movie and the rest is Eddie Murphy. He's the biggest Hollywood star out of the group (sorry Antonio *sad clown face*) and now he might be forever listed among the worst of the worst as the worst actor ever.
It gets worse (yes, more worse) for Murphy:
Regardless, Beverly Hills Cop III (10%), Vampire in Brooklyn (10%), Metro (15%), Holy Man (12%), Life (50%), Showtime (25%), The Haunted Mansion (13%), Pluto Nash (6%), I Spy (15%), Daddy Day Care (28%), Norbit (9%), Meet Dave (19%) and Imagine That (39%) are all considered to be critical bombs, and while Tower Heist is somehow holding on to a 68% rating despite being my Worst Movie of the Year for 2011, Murphy's track record should shock no one.
We can only hope that he somehow pulls a George Lucas and decides to re-package Raw and Delirious so we can go back to a better time in Eddie Murphy's life. - Film Drunk
Either Lucas or Topher Grace. We can only hope. We can… only hope.
"You know what we need? The Situation's very own gossip site." - Nobody: Meh. I liked it better when it was called Gawker. Still no 411mania, that's for darn true.
Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week
Another penguin video but this time there are two of them and both are on flight… Delta flight that is. Ho ho ho.
My ONLY worry about the avengers trailer was the thing at the end. Much like yourself, I was reminded of how awful transformers was. "We're not a team, we're a timebomb". Oh how right you are Dr Banner...... - Posted By: Guest#7993 (Guest)
I think "time bomb" is the best idiom for the Avengers. That and "crazy awesome."
Actually the Real Disney Princesses sketch went over VERY well with female viewers. - Posted By: Guest#7976 (Guest)
Of course! Anything with "Real Housewives of…" is bound to please the ladies.
Actually it wasn't too bad. Nasim Pedrad as Jasmine? Hawt.
Segal is awesome. Take your hate and shove it DOUUUUUUCHE - Posted By: Guest#5451 (Guest)
Would it lessen your hatred if I told you that I too think Segel is awesome but that maybe he should include himself in the Muppet sequel from the start because awesome awesome awesome?
I could see Aykroyd having Jim Belushi replacing Bill Murray in Ghostbusters. Utter blasphemy. - Posted By: APrince66 (Guest)
I don't think I could top "utter blasphemy"… unless it's "infinite blasphemy." Yes, let's go with that.
I'm still trying to understand the Internet's hate for the Transformers franchise. As a long time fan of the cartoons, toys, comics, I found the movies to be a nice take on what is an otherwise outlandish idea. Yet, so many people gush over The Avengers (don't get me wrong, I love Marvel's movies), which is as about as over the top a super hero movie can get. Just bitching for the sake of bitching, I suppose... - Posted By: Guest#8113 (Guest)
I think the hated comes from our bad the previous two movies were (see last comment). Also, I don't want to be reminded about Transformers - I did enjoy Transformers 2; Transformers 3 was just extremely silly - when talking about The Avengers (see first comment). Bad omen and whatnot.
I think the internets hate iat transfomers is mainly based on how bad transformers 2 was. - Posted By: Guest#4006 (Guest)
*previous response partially based from this comment*
Last word: Have you been keeping up with 411's Countdown to WrestleMania 28 columns? I participated in three of them, with WrestleMania IV being one of three. I'll leave the other two anonymous as a surprise. Be sure to search for me in the upcoming days.