Movies/TV's 3R’s 04.10.12: The Avengers, Dark Knight Rises, Dan Harmon, Kim Kardashian, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 04.10.2012
From new Avengers clips, the slow motion Dark Knight Rises trailer, and the Kim-Kanye relationship to Dan Harmon’s apology, Fox renewing three shows, and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 145 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
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Didn't you hear? I have a Twitter account now. Follow me. I'm tired of having all these news bots and sex hungry females - with "sluts," "orgy," and such in their profile links - largely occupying my Followers list. A celebrity or two would be nice.
Scarlett Johansson and her jiggling breasts star in new Avengers clip + 1 TV spot: Marvel released a couple of new short clips from The Avengers (May 4th is almost here!). If you're the non-spoiler type, feel free to put your hand on your eyes and navigate to the next blurb. Go ahead. I'll tell you when to stop scrolling.
The first one is a clip just made for 411mania: hot female superheroes, a low cut dress, jiggling beasts, chair breaking, and a sense of disbelief – in this case, how a tiny person tied to a chair managed to beat up four thugs. It's as if the producers read this site and catered to what we wanted to see the most. Larry Csonka could have hung up his keyboard, called it a day, and not felt guilty about it.
Oh. Agent Coulson is in the clip too but I couldn't see him because Scalett Johannson jiggle breast tape.
Not surprisingly, the demand for an animated GIF of 0:28-0:30 is super high. While I don't have such a GIF, I do have an alternative method: watch the video and press 6 on your keyboard. You're welcome.
This second clip is another TV spot, and it contains new footage of badassery: Hawkeye, the Helicarrier (whoa), a snarky Tony Stark comment, and a little advice from Captain America to his best friend the Incredible Hulk (his grin is worth the price of admission alone). Watch it once or watch it 394 times. It's really up to you.
Fox renews Glee, New Girl, Raising Hope: This has to be a "Right" for some of you out there, right? Right?
Fox has renewed three more series for next season: freshman comedy New Girl, hourlong musical comedy Glee and family comedy Raising Hope. It will be a second season for New Girl, fourth for Glee and third for Raising Hope. "Over the past season, New Girl has become the hottest new appointment series for young adults; Raising Hope has established itself as one of the smartest and most unique offbeat comedies on television; and Glee has continued its success as a genre-defying, global cultural phenomenon," said Fox's entertainment president Kevin Reilly. "All three of these comedies add a fresh and distinctive flavor to our Tuesday nights, and I'm really happy to bring them back to our air next season." - Deadline
I do like Raising Hope. But I don't like Glee. I do like Zooey Deschanel. But I don't like New Girl. But I do like her adorkableness. Besides, look at this picture.
"Right" gets the circles *ahem* circle.
Dan Harmon apologizes for that thing he did: Community Dan Harmon shares a common interest with the people – he doesn't particularly care for Chevy Chase. A week after the much recent publicized hullabaloo versus Chase, he took it upon himself to explain how sorry he is over what he did to him.
Take all the time you need because he poops out a big one.
It was in that venue, months ago, that I made the horrible, childish, self-obsessed, unaware, naive and unprofessional decision to play someone's voicemail to me. He didn't intend for 150 people to listen and giggle at it, and I didn't intend for millions of people to read angry reports about it. I was doing what I always do, and always get in trouble for doing, and always pay a steep price for doing. I was thinking about myself and I was thinking about making people laugh. I was airing my dirty laundry for a chuckle. I ask people at those shows repeatedly to please think twice about youtubing clips of it because it doesn't play well outside the back of a comic book store. I always accept the risk that a well-intending fan will upload clips and something scandalous will break wide, but the giant mistake I made was involving someone else in that game of russian roulette, someone that didn't have an opportunity to say "yeah, hilarious, let's do this." That was a dumb, unclassy, inconsiderate move on my part. I'm very sorry it's reflecting poorly on the show. - Dan Harmon Poops
Honestly I wish more people from Hollywood would take the time to apologize without PR being involved. However if you read the apology carefully, there is not one mention of Chevy. Harmon only refers to him as "someone." In fact, he didn't apologize to him at all. He basically apologized for playing the voicemail and for being a bonehead. I can deal with that. Chevy might not.
Let's just get back to what's important: more and more episodes of Community please.
The first five minutes of Lockout is like a Liam Neeson family reunion where punches and flying bullets are everyone's cousins but this one has Guy Pearce: This 5 minute clip from Lockout - starring Guy Pearce and Maggie Grace; directed and co-written by James Mather and Stephen St. Leger - is like a supercut of all other action movies: one brute wiping out a whole mess of baddies, windows being crashed into, bullets never hitting their intended target, anti-hero snarky-ism. It's all there, waiting to be held and cuddled. It doesn't take much to entertain me and I do like cheap fun, so Lockout more or less looks to be right up my alley. Plus, Guy Pearce dude.
Mad Walking Dead Men is the "cool story, bro" of television mash-ups : "Brains, we love them. They're delicious. Sure we woofed down the entire body, but we always save the brains for last." Even as a zombie, Don is still cool as, uh, a corpse?
This Lori might even be hotter and less awful than the real Lori. Judge me for my honestly!
Here's the 13-minute slow motion Dark Knight Rises trailer you've apparently been clamoring for: I get it. Slow down the previous Dark Knight Rises trailer to see if there's a chance to spot a hidden Easter Egg or other little details otherwise missed at normal speed. I do get it. I don't blame you if you did end up watching the entire video. That just means this video was made exactly for you in mind.
But 13 minutes of haunting slow motion? Really? This couldn't wait for a couple more months?
In other Dark Knight Rises news, the film has been rated PG-13 for "intense sequences of violence and action, some sensuality and language." Compare this to the previous franchise films:
The Dark Knight: rated PG-13 for "intense sequences of violence and some menace."
Batman Begins: rated PG-13 for "intense action violence, disturbing images, and some thematic elements."
Whereas the first one had "some thematic elements" and the second one had "some menace" (oh no, menace!), the third feature will have some sensuality and language. This can only mean one thing.
Batman bat-bones Catwoman on the Batbed, obviously.
Amanda Bynes arrested on DUI charge; on track to become world's most popular actress: TMZ has an annoying habit of holding down the shift key (CAPS LOCK CENTRAL) on buzz words as if you're too stupid to understand the severity of the headline. Let's take a look at a recent few:
- 16 & Pregnant Couple: Pregnant AGAIN After Child Services Incident
- Smash Mouth: Bassist & Wife Accused of EXTREME Domestic Violence
- Lindsay Lohan: I Didn't Fight ANYONE!!!
- John Travolta: I Wasn't Really Attached to My STOLEN $100 Mercedes
- Lamar Odom: FINISHED in Dallas
- Amanda Bynes: REJECTED from Hotel Bar Hours After DUI Arrest
Alright, we get it TMZ. You have a hard rock for caps lock. This doesn't really contribute to the story. I just happened to come across it when investigating why former Nickelodeon star Amanda Bynes was arrested last week.
News: it was on a misdemeanor DUI charge. I wonder if she shared cells with Eric's sister from That ‘70s Show.
Amanda Bynes was arrested for DUI in West Hollywood early this morning ... TMZ has learned.
Law enforcement sources tell us, Bynes was attempting to pass a cop car in her black BMW ... when she sideswiped the right rear panel of the vehicle. She was pulled over and cops determined she was not fit to be behind the wheel.
Bynes has been frequenting the Hollywood party scene recently, hitting up several clubs over the last few weeks. - TMZ
Geez. Even her mugshot - the dead look in her eyes screams cocaine user but what do I know - looks better than TMZ's stock photo of her.
Sadly, this is a recurring problem for all child actors. They perform in front of a young demographic and their parents – who like to think of these child actors as someone their children can watch without worry – only to learn that their lives in that particular stage cannot last forever. It's only when they outlive their tweet stage and settle for a life as a free young adult do they experience this sort of repercussion. Bynes is not the first and certainly won't be the last.
Before the whole DUI incident, the last two stories about her on TMZ's list was how Bynes bolted from the cops during a routine traffic stop (March 8, 2012) and how she wanted everyone to look at her brand new puppy after the last one mysterious died (April 11, 2011!). Even the article on E! Online has to use the additional "MORE" headline on the puppy story despite it being a year old. Now that she's been charged with being an on-road drunkard, look for all media outlets to really start banging the drum on everything she does from now on. In other words, look for more Bynes stories to explode.
Like, say, the time she was REJECTED from a hotel bar HOURS after her DUI ARREST LOOK AT ME I'M SPEAKING TMZ.
Bravo developing series about LOLCats. Wait, what?: I have an app on my iPod Touch called LOL Pics. I don't use it often but when I'm bored, I open it up and enjoy the next few seconds glaring at the Internet's comedy room. It's not the greatest but it passes the time.
And that's what it should be – a quick device to look at whimsical images and cats joyriding on life's coattails. What it should not be – a full television series produced by Bravo.
Bravo can has LOLcats: The network has greenlit 11 new shows, including one that looks at the inner workings of icanhascheezburger.com, the online humor site known for LOL, cat and FAIL memes.
The show about the LOLcats proprieters, tentatively titled "Huh?," follows Ben Huh and his staff at icanhascheezburger.com. LOLcats, for those without the blessing of the Internet, are those felines who appear in amusing images accompanied by an often misspelled and ungrammatical caption, such as the most famous one: "I Can Has Cheezeburger?"
Cheeseburger, which owns the network of sites including the flagship icanhascheezeburger.com, earns more than 375 million monthly page views. - The Wrap
I feel the need to bring out the bullet form again. So let's do it:
- Why develop a television series when you can just go to the website?!
- If the purpose is to bring LOLcats to an audience without Internet access, is it really wise to target that sort of audience when its main niche is on the Internet?
- LOLcats is best enjoyed in small doses, not in 30 minute time frames.
- Memes rarely succeed outside the Internet unless handled with care. See: South Park
- What interest is there in looking at the work that goes into these pictures when the end result is just for a quick fling of amusement?
There you have it: it's better to browse websites than to make a show about it.
(Unless Ashish and Larry decide to make a 411mania.com television series. In that case, best idea ever.)
Blame Arnold for Twins sequel: I'm not going to beat around the bush - Triplets with Eddie Murphy sounds terrible. An idea that would have thrived in the 1980s should best be left in the 1980s. However, I am willing to give the film a chance should a mad scientist build a time machine and gather every cast member from there plus 1980s Eddie Murphy. Oh man, Eddie Murphy in his prime? That would be pretty bangin'.
This, however, is not.
"I would love to do another 'Twins,'" Schwarzenegger said when asked if there were any past characters he'd like to revist. "As a matter of fact, we've been talking about doing one and it's called 'Triplets.' I'd find somebody like Eddie Murphy or someone that people would say, 'How does that happen, medically speaking?' and, 'Physically, there's no way!' Then, somehow, we would explain it. That would be hilarious with what we know about someone like him."
Last week's news confirmed that Murphy has, indeed, joined the project, which is now looking for screenwriters.
"I can see a poster," the actor continued. "A billboard with us three. 'They found another one!' 'Triplets!' 'Only their mother can tell them apart!' I would do that in two seconds, because that's real entertainment. You come out with that movie for Christmas, like December 5th or something like that, and you're home free." - Coming Soon
The next logical step: Quadruplets with Charlie Sheen, then Septuplets with Adam Sandler in a double role as identical twins.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West dating (MAYBE) and TMZ won't shut up about it: The news about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's possible hookup spread like wildfire in the last few days. As if the simple question of "Are they or aren't they?" isn't enough to shove in your face, here we see them on a date. Here they are on a second date. Here's Kim reaction to Kanye West's new song about her. Here is the Earth shattering story about the hickey on Kim's neck. What does Kris Humphries think? Let's ask him or whatever. 8 years coming you say? Why, no foolin'. Oh but don't worry – Kourtney Kardashian has come out to say the two are just friends and definitely not a publicity stunt. Isn't that special?
Here is a GIF of someone getting hit by a vehicle three times, or what the rest of us would rather do than read more Kim-Kanye stories. Bonus points if you know the movie.
Gordon Ramsay has a sex tape because of course he does: Gordon Ramsay is famous for his nasty outbursts and brutal honesty about the way people prepare their food. The way you made that Hamburger Helper? He'll tell you, "THAT LOOKS AWFUL. I CAN PUKE RIGHT INTO THAT DISH AND HAVE IT TASTE BETTER! NONSTICK PAN DICKFACE! USE IT!!" Well apparently he has a sex tape with ex-mistress Sarah Symonds. Rawr.
The Hells Kitchen star's ex-mistress, Sarah Symonds, claims that the couple made a raunchy home movie during their affair that may now have landed in the wrong hands.
"The Metropolitan Police (in London) contacted me recently to tell me that during their investigations into the News Of The World and Richard Murdoch phone hacking inquiry they found sensitive information on Gordon and me, including tapes and transcripts of our personal meetings towards the end of our affair in 2008, and intimate phone conversations and voice mails," Symonds told Star magazine in an exclusive interview, and she is now worried that they may have found more X-rated evidence.
"I know from a source that there is a sex tape too, I wonder if the police have found it though, and if so what happens to it?" she asked. - Radar Online
This is not quite up to the standards of Ramsay's porn dwarf double being eaten by a badger (allegedly) nor does there appear to be badgers in what would be the world's greatest sex tape. But if there is a sex tape and it does involve Ramsay, then expect yelling. A lot of yelling. Like *stretches arms* this much.
They might as well use it as the title – Gordon Ramsay in There Will Be Yelling and Lots of It Nightmare XXX.
Someone is making a bacon reality series, for reals: OK, this is different from a television series about LOLcats. This is bacon!
Bacon is the greatest pork product of our time and I will take that statement to my grave. It can be used as breakfast meat, a popular addition to the hamburger, an add-on for other popular meats, a salad topping, and the primary material for a small cabin. Bacon's first cousin, the sausage, is no slouch but it's no bacon either. Bacon is the John Cena of pork meats, except bacon is too delicious to hate.
Hey, why not make a reality show about it?
Unscripted producer LMNO Prods. (I Get That A Lot) is developing a reality series about bacon centered on Justin Esch and Dave Lefkow, better known as The Bacon Boys. Since creating the idea for their popular BaconSalt on the back of a cocktail napkin in 2007, Esch and Lefkow have built their J&D's Foods into multimillion dollar company whose mission is to make everything taste like bacon. - Deadline
Never mind that Epic Real Time is kind of already doing it (to them its bacon weave or no bacon at all) and never mind that the overexposure could actually lead to a widespread bacon revolt – it's already past the point where people are telling other people to shut up about bacon. Bacon is hard to screw up so you better not ruin it for the rest of us Bacon Boys – but listen to me: the only way a bacon reality show can be a turn-off is if its sole purpose was to join the ranks of television's greatest reality disasters.
"In the great American tradition of making the ridiculous even more ridiculous-er, we at J&D's Foods look forward to joining the ranks of Snooki, the Kardashians and Flava Flav as America's next great reality TV stars," Esch and Lefkow said.
Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week
You know what else I like more than the Kardashian? Puppies. Puppies in bunny ears playing with baby chicks and bunnies. Do I need to repeat myself? I mean, it's no Kate Upton in sexy bunny lingerie while storing eggs in her bosom but a delightful animal frenzy is a close second.
I hope everyone had a Happy Easter and/or great weekend.
Hornswoggle for M.O.D.O.K.!
Finally, the Kentucky riots are nothing compared to the soccer hooligans. GO BIG BLUE!!! - Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)
Why not? M.O.D.O.K. is already creepy as balls. Hornswoggle filling in would only add to the nightmare fuel.
There are no riots in sports like soccer riots. Even the historic Vancouver circa 2011 does not compare.
I don't plan on getting the Star Wars Kinect game, but the dance off mode was the one thing I heard about the game that made me appreciate it more. Silly, yes, but a good level of silly.
The trailer for Ted reminded me of Wilfred and that was all I could think of through the whole trailer. - Posted By: Guest (Guest)
I'll repeat what I said last week: "I like silly and off the wall things that don't sense." Han Solo, Slave Leia, and friends dancing along to Star Wars remixes of outside-the-universe pop stars like Christina Aguilera? Yup. Nonsensical. But I wouldn't mind dancing to it. Builds credibility within the Internet community. Or so I've heard.
"Teens are killing each other in futuristic arenas, and they care about what color?" Spot on, George Takei. Spot on.
George Takei is the man. How many people would have bitched if there weren't any minorities in the movie? - Posted By: APrince66 (Guest)
Trolls. All of them!
I think the story for Total Recall is such a good mindfuck that it would be hard not to make a good movie out of it. Just think what Michael Bay could have done with it!!!
Also, I would have cast Ray McKinnon instead of Ashton Kusner as Jobs. - Posted By: The Big Fat F*g (Guest)
If Michael Bay was the director, there would be [insert comment from last week] as well as an awful lot of Linkin Park and stereotypical black talk.
Good call on Ray McKinnon. Obviously he's not as popular as Kutcher but one is a recurring guest star on Sons of Anarchy and the other one isn't, so there.
If Michael Bay directed Total Recall, it would titled Turtle Recall and feature special effects robot turtles from space or New Jersey or wherever. Also, all females will have a third and, only by special request, a fourth book. It will cost $23 billion dollars. - Posted By: Porfirio Diaz (Registered)
I meant to say "boobs" and not "books." I guess my spelling instructor isn't taking me to the country club this year neither.
Ditto my grammar tutor.
Last Word: Seriously, did you see that Kate Upton bunny video? Wow. I would tease it here but I think a bigger tease would be to not show it and have you actually look for it.