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Movies/TV's 3R’s 05.08.12: The Avengers, Prometheus, Kate Upton, James Cameron, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 05.08.2012

Welcome to Week 149 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.

Make sure to click the Facebook "Like", Tweet button, and Google +1 links over there to the right of the article! Support 411mania, your home for the best in pop culture entertainment news. Follow me at my Twitter page:

Without any further ado, here is...

  • Official: Avengers has biggest opening everything ever: The Marvel star-studded superhero flick smashed (like, multiple times) all newcomers with a personal best of $200.3 $207.4 million grossed over the weekend, crushing the previous "best ever" holder Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow's weekend record of $169.2 million last year. And here I was worried that not enough people would support it and thus wouldn't make it. I mean what is this, John Carter?

    Heading into the weekend, pre-release audience surveys indicated the 3-D film would have a massive domestic opening of at least $150 million, giving it one of the top five highest U.S. debuts ever. Instead, the movie soared beyond expectations, easily surpassing the $168.2 million 2011 debut of previous record-holder "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 2." The picture also raked in more money in its first three days than strong performers such as "The Dark Knight," "The Hunger Games" and "Spider-Man 3," all of which collected over $150 million upon their debuts.

    The film also had a phenomenal weekend overseas, where it opened in many foreign countries roughly a week ago. Playing in 52 international markets, the movie collected $151.5 million this weekend, raising its total abroad to $441.5 million. That means that after just two weeks in release, "The Avengers" has already sold $641.8 million worth of tickets at the global box office. - LATimes

    Box Office Mojo continues to update the numbers. If this keeps up, and no doubt it will, then The Avengers will soon join the ultra-special club of movies grossing over $1 billion globally at the box office.

    You know what this means? BIG AVENGERS DISCO PARTY!

    I love this GIF; via Gamma Squad

    Just make it rain, just make it rain; via Nerd Bastards

    Meanwhile at Disney studios; via Warming Glow

  • Louis CK named Webby Awards Person of the Year: Louis C.K. nabbed the Webby award for setting a "new precedent distribution" with his "Live at the Beacon Theater" comedy special. What he did was made his comedy special available online for $5 per download, earned $1 million in the first two weeks of release, gave $250,000 of his earnings to his staff, and $280,000 to charities endorsed by his fans on Twitter.

    Just a Webby award? I believe he has earned himself a much greater reward: the just-made-up-right-now 411mania Best Person Ever Award, for the achievement of being the best person ever. This imaginary award presentation will be hosted by Chad Webb and Jessica Chastain (update: turns out she will be canceling her appearance). The whole thing will cost $33,000.

    Full list of winners found here. I'll save you the trouble – no one from this website won. Not even nominated. Can you believe that?

  • Prometheus will be rated R: The uncertainty over what the rating of Prometheus should be is over: the film will be rated R. This was according to an IMDB user who presented photo evidence of his pre-sale ticket stub…

    …and later confirmed by 20th Century Fox.

    20th Century Fox has confirmed Prometheus will be rated R for "sci-fi violence including some intense images, and brief language." - Collider

    I can't remember the last time a major sci-fi blockbuster was stamped with an R-rated but this is the verdict fan's wanted and kudos to Fox for allowing it to happen. The studio will be forgoing a much higher gate at the box office – a PG-13 rating would have covered for most of the film's giant budget – but in the end it doesn't even matter (Linkin Park™) because fans will be able to enjoy the full aRgh-ness of a half-nude Charlize Theron battling phallus-shaped aliens while Michael Fassbender gives out dismissive wanks, probably.


  • YouTube unbans Kate Upton "Cat Daddy" video: When YouTube banned the greatest Kate Upton dance moment in Kate Upton history, video clip producer Terry Richardson took his 1 minute Nobel Prize Peace and carried it over to YouTube competitor Viemo. Never mind that this particular video was not as what YouTube described as pornographic and extremely sexually provocative when you could find other videos on their site with a lot more racier content. When they found out their rival was taking away their precious views, YouTube retracted their statement, admitted their mistake, and allowed the video to live on their bandwidth.

    And here it is in case you missed it the first time! Watch it 400 times. Take a break, eat dinner, and then watch it 400 times more.

    And yes, the clip I posted is from Viemo. YouTube has much to learn about the surliness of the Internet.

  • James Cameron already looking ahead to Avatar 4 from his Olympic-size pool full of chocolate gold coins and cocktail shrimp: James Cameron likes Avatar so much that he already has three sequels left in mind. Now excuse him as he deposits several large sacks of money into his Bank of America account.

    "I've divided my time over the last 16 years over deep ocean exploration and filmmaking. I've made two movies in 16 years, and I've done eight expeditions. Last year I basically completely disbanded my production company's development arm. So I'm not interested in developing anything. I'm in the ‘Avatar' business. Period. That's it. I'm making ‘Avatar 2,' ‘Avatar 3,' maybe ‘Avatar 4,' and I'm not going to produce other people's movies for them. I'm not interested in taking scripts," Cameron said about his future plans. "And that all sounds I suppose a little bit restricted, but the point is I think within the ‘Avatar' landscape I can say everything I need to say that I think needs to be said, in terms of the state of the world and what I think we need to be doing about it. And doing it in an entertaining way. And anything I can't say in that area, I want to say through documentaries, which I'm continuing. I've done five documentaries in the last 10 years, and I'll hopefully do a lot more. In fact, I'm doing one right now, which is on this, the Deep Sea Challenge project that we just completed the first expedition. So that'll be a film that'll get made this year and come out first quarter of next year." - NY Times

    Translation: Avatar is a rich landscape and oh btw I have screw-you money so screw-you guys I'm making Avatar 4.

  • The circus around Junior Seau's death is upsetting: Reports from last week told the world about an unsettling incident: former All-Pro NFL linebacker Junior Seau was found dead insider his home at Oceanside, California. The case has been investigated as a suicide. Seau leaves behind an ex-wife and their three children. He was 43 years old, and the eighth member of the 1994 AFC Champion San Diego Chargers to pass away.

    Obviously this is a sad story. I loved Junior Seau when he played and really you can't think of him other than the franchise player for the Chargers. But an even miserable state of affairs was the circumstances that followed: the connection between the violent nature of the sport and the player's lasting health, the possible massive brain injury caused by years of aggressive playing time, the details that this was an alleged suicide, the gut-wrenching video of Junior's mom addressing the media – this really was one of the most heart-breaking scenes I've seen in a long time. Who thought it was a bright idea to send his mom out to make a public statement in front of the media hours after her son killed himself and not knowing why? – the sick hoax where people used Craigslist to predict his death, and, if that wasn't enough, the chilling 911 call made by his girlfriend. I have yet still to listen to it and I don't think I really want to.

    His death has already led to a massive discussion about not only the complete state of the NFL, but the public perception of how deep a tragic story, especially one surrounded in mystery, should go. I don't think many people are all too eager to listen in on Junior Seau's 911 call. ESPN replayed the video of his mom talking to the press multiple times throughout the day. It was gut-wrenching the first time. Did they really have to show it many more times after that?

    I want to remember the time Junior Seau was a beast for the San Diego defense. The time when he showed the sports world why he was one of my favorite players outside of my favorite team. I want to remember the good stories and how his brain will be studied to prevent an outbreak of degenerative brain damage for future NFL players. I want to remember him for his cheeriness, his on- and off-field achievements, and by extension, stuff like this:

    R.I.P. Junior Seau

  • Hulu is about to flip off their fanbase: Some old fart at Hulu must of saw Netflix and figured if they can still do good business while alienating their customers, then they could do it too!

    According to the NY Post, Hulu attracted more than 31 million unique users in March all in thanks to their free-for-all streaming plan. It is a very nice service for those who don't subscribe to cable or satellite such as myself, since I can no longer live paying for channels I don't even use. Well not for long. It's reported that Hulu is in discussions to change their service plan to where "visitors would have to log in with [their] cable or satellite TV account number. " This means you have to pay for a cable or satellite subscription in order to view Hulu's online content. Gah?

    We just talked to a source close to Hulu. According to our source, Hulu and its content providers have talked about this move toward authentication since 2009. Our source noted that Hulu has no interest in being a first mover here and that a requirement for authentication is likely still a few years out. Hulu, however, does want to be a good partner and may have to give in to its partners' pressure soon or later. Even though an authentication requirement isn't likely to happen right away, though, our source notes that what could happen relatively soon is that the content providers could require longer delays before their shows become available on the service for non-subscribers. Cable subscribers, under this model, would get access to a show on Hulu the next day, while non-subscribers would have to wait at least 30 days. This model would likely also apply to Hulu Plus subscribers. - Tech Crunch

    This is stupid on so many levels. Even customers who drop $7.99 for Hulu Plus might be affected under the new model. Let's repeat that: you won't be able to watch Hulu Plus, a service you pay for, unless you have a paid cable subscription. But non-cable subscribers ("Yo") are the ones who use Hulu's online service the most. Argh! *rubs temple*

    I guess I can always go back to torrents and Chinese stream sites.

  • Grandmas watch Kim Kardashian's sex tape; granny hilarity ensures: Nothing to see here. Just three old ladies watching Kim Kardashian's tape with Ray J and providing live commentary, advice. Now I have to determine the ridiculousest aspect of this blurb: how this great moment in Internet history provides the perfect setup for a Golden Girls-style reboot but you just have them watch viral videos all day or the fact that these grannies have managed to work a computer.

    Top 5 quotes:

    5. "What's taking him so long, he's so young."
    4. "Two hands. Two hands with space in the middle."
    3. "The end is purple."
    2. "That's Greek, that's what the Greeks do."
    1. "His nose is hitting his CLY-toris."

    Perhaps I'm underrating #5. That was a straight up burn.

    Side note: the related YouTube bar on the right side can provide me with hours of lost time. The videos I found relative to this clip included Jimmy Kimmel hosting the 2012 White House Correspondent's Dinner, a guy's dog who hates farts, and a 33 minute stream video on some guy named Slayers Dragon playing Starcraft. The best part is figuring out how all of these videos – oh and one titled "TWO SERIOUSLY HOT GIRLS CATFIGHT" – fall in relation with grandmas watching porn.

  • Elijah Wood to star in movie where if he stops playing the piano he will die: Sure, I could explain how Elijah Wood is starring in a Spanish Speed remake where the bus is a piano and how he can't stop playing or he'll die but I don't think I could get any more clearer than what was said a few insane words ago. I mean, the comparison is right there in this THR article:

    The story concerns a once-great concert pianist who suffers from stage fright and comes back to perform after a five-year hiatus. Just when he's about to play the first bar, he notices somebody has written a threatening note on his music sheet. He's now forced to play his best concert ever to save his life as well as his wife's. Think Speed at a piano. - The Hollywood Reporter

    I'm not the only one who thought Amadeus by the end of the article and played "Rock Me Amadeus" for five consecutive times, right? Or thought that the movie is using the recycled joke from that one Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam cartoon?

    When Bugs plays the piano, he strikes the same last two keys twice for both of his scenes, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a [chuckles] magic piano or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

    Anyway the film is being directed by Eugenio Mira (known for his off-the-wall films Agnosia and The Birthday) and is joining forces with Rodrigo Cortés (known for Buried). What a happy team. All I know is their tagline better have some sort of variation of "Elijah Wood should have gone into Haydn if he couldn't Handel it" quote or will not watch.

  • One of the dead horses from the canceled series Luck is reviewing HBO's Girls now: It was a sad day when HBO canceled their racetrack drama series Luck midway through production on the second season due to a series of unfortunate horse deaths. HBO lost $35 million dollars because of it. But it's good to know that one of the stars from the defunct show – one of the three horses who died – is not letting a minor thing like euthanasia divert him from his true calling: talking about Lena Dunham's new show Girls on Twitter. Talk about beating a dead horse...


    New Girls reviewer – oh let's say his name is Clip Clop – goes by the handle LUCKHorseOnGirls, a self-described horse whose main purpose in life (afterlife?) is to "hate-watch Girls" and provide the Twitterverse with his most inner horse thoughts. It's all fantastic and apparently good enough for the Huffington Post to include in their "7 Sites You Should Be Wasting Time on Right Now" article (my other favorite: "WTF Is Michael Jordan Wearing?") Here are some prime choice tweets:

    "The first time you ride me, I might scare you a little. Because I'm a horse, and I know how to do things."

    "My ex told me I had a horsey face."

    "You know what's more lethal than HPV? Carrying Nick Nolte around all day until your legs explode and they euthanize you."

    "I just wish Girls had more horses that look like me on it."

    "Didn't catch the end of the abortion episode, I was getting injected with death serum. That filly go thought with it?"

    "MY DAD IS GLUE RT @lenadunham Thank G-d my dad is home so we can watch New Adventures of Old Christine and discuss our dreams"

    "That Dunham girl gets naked like she's never had to stand idle as three old broads in sunhats bent down and poked at her junk."

    That's some fine twittering there Clip Clop.

  • Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week

    The YouTube clip is titled "Corgi talks to cat." More like "Corgi disagrees with cat's assertion about the utter pointlessness of having an award show for comedy like The Comedy Awards while cat is just about all out of f*cks to give." Heh. Right?

    Who you callin' dork, dork?! - Posted By: BenPiper (Registered)

    Err … …

    I needed those Avenger pics!

    Recently, I found out that starting July 1st, I would be out of a job(as well as 40 to 60 other people, state contract was bought out). There won't be one for me in the transition, so I'll have to get another. To top it off, my mother works at the same place and is losing her job as well. Plus, she just went to the hospital last week and if she loses her insurance, she'd be screwed. It's gonna get rather hectic and I'll try to keep in touch as much as I can. Peace. - Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)

    I'm going to repeat what I said last week in case you missed it: best to take care of yourself and your mom first. And like what Big Fat F*g said, hang in there. Things do have a way of working out for the best.

    Kardashian's are going to wreck themselves and after their reality show they'll have crippled any chance of any of them having their own career.

    Also, I was just fine seeing Whitney Cummings once a year on Comedy Central's Roast and that's IT lol - Posted By: jaked (Guest)

    I'm fine with both. Better if the two were combined in some trolling way. Best if we take both scenarios, throw them into a rocket, and send them to the moon. Hard to keep up from there, eh Kardashians?

    "I don't think there's a choice where Batman is the incorrect answer. But if he was banned, then I have to go with Hulk unless he was Jewish. Then Mel Gibson all the way."

    truer words never spoken. Especially when the question is "who is Superman's bitch?"

    HAHAHA! - Posted By: Todd Vote (Guest)

    +1 Like

    I personally would prefer Prometheus to be rated R.
    I really hope that gimmicky 48FPS isnt going to be another excuse for theaters to charge us an extra 3-5 bucks a pop to see a flick. - Posted By: APrince66 (Guest)

    Wish #1: already granted. Wish #2: consult magic 8 ball later.

    Hang it there, Smooth one! Things have a funny way of working out for the best.

    Porfirio - thanks for the green light to take the Lil' FF with me to the Avengers. We (probably me even more than him) love the cartoon on Disney. - Posted By: The Big Fat F*g (Guest)

    I hope you guys enjoyed it. The theater room where I was sitting at was full of kids but for once they didn't cause me to grind my gears. A triumph!

    While Mr Irrelavant's lady-caller isn't repulsive, I found myself slowing rolling backwards and finally just cut her off. My prayers and thoughts go out to Mr. Harnish and his future family.
    I've never been so happy to hear the phrase "Dumb Ass" over, and over, and over again in all my life. - Posted By: Nippaleon (Guest)

    I heard the future Ms. Irrelevant is actually a comedian in search of a viral video but I can neither confirm nor deny. Even so, the lesson is that you don't marry crazy. There's a reason for it.

    Last word: Later this week, a column about the time I spent 15 hours in a theater watching this thing called the Ultimate Marvel Marathon. Don't miss it.




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