Movies/TV's 3Rs 06.05.12: Iron Man 3, George Lucas, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, MTV Movie Awards, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 06.05.2012
From Iron Man 3s surprising new character and new Dark Knight Rises footage to the MTV Movie Awards, a possible Expendables TV series, and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 153 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
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That can't be the Ironway Atriotpay I see in this Ironway Anmay 3 set photo, can it?: I used Pig Latin to erase all hints of spoilers in the blurb. It is my understanding that Pig Latin is a difficult language to understand, meaning there is no way you could figure what surprising character showed up on set for that third movie with the smart iron-y guy and redhead Gwyneth Paltrow.
Until you see the picture below.
In the comics, Savin is a soldier who loses both legs to a land mine. Those are replaced with fancy robot legs and he eventually becomes a cyborg mercenary called Coldblood.
Yet these pictures show Savin in what looks to be the Iron Patriot armor, and my sources (wikipedia) tell me this is totally different from the comic. Perhaps because Iron Patriot was actually Norman Osborn, the nemesis of Spider-Man, who belongs to Sony, meaning Disney can't use him in an Iron Man movie. So it would seem Savin will start out good (Iron Patriot) and then turn bad (Coldblood).
He's expected to team up with a second cyborg named Firepower, both of whom are under the orders of The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) and Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce). - WWTDD
With you in the movie, I can use this rainbow umbrella to protect me from all the monies we'll be making
As far as I could tell a total of 21 four villains have been counted so far: Eric Savin/Coldblood (James Badge Dale), The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley), Dr. Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce), and Firepower (Ashley Hamilton). I worry that Iron Man 3 might be going down the Spider-Man 3 route with the overkill of evil villainy. On the other hand, Iron Patriot you guys. Just how is he going to fit into this movie? I have no idea but IRON PATRIOT YOU GUYS.
Monday Update: Marvel has released the first official Iron Man 3 picture. What can we take from this? For one thing, the suits look organized and most likely iron pressed. *shows self out*
Dark Knight Rises items: new footage from the MTV Movie Awards and the Batman marathon that will gladly take your money: Item #1: the MTV Movie Awards happened last Sunday. The only reason I mention it in the Right section is because they showed a two-minute preview of The Dark Knight Rises. And since no one of sound mind saw the MTV Movie Awards, I'm going to assume a lot of you missed this bit of information the first time around. Don't worry the Internet has got you covered (Reason #134 why we're BBFs with the Internet: it sat through three hours of MTV mind numbness to post the new footage online so we didn't have to).
Update #1: turns out some malicious video muncher munched all existing postings of the video. Not just here on this website, but everywhere. Except from io9. You can view the video there (and this Bane GIF) in the meantime.
Update #2: I stole this from Gamma Squad, so you can credit them. Oh, and the film's running time is clocked in at two hours and 45 minutes. Better leave the soda in the lobby.
Item #2: like Marvel before it, AMC Theaters are planning a marathon showcasing Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy on July 19th. I'm so there.
George Lucas to sort-of kind-of retire from Lucasfilm: The day that never looked like it will come has finally came: George Lucas announced his decision last week to step down from Lucasfilm and concentrate on his second love making experimental films like he did with THX 1138 (which I have and still have not watched). This is the sort of news where the first thing that popped into your head was either "Godspeed George" or "Holy *#@$ FINALLY!"
Now, it seems he's finally going to really make that leap. In an upcoming interview with Empire Magazine (what isn't in this upcoming issue?) Lucas says that he's going to be "moving away" from his company, LucasFilm, to concentrate on making those kind of movies. Sounds like that retirement is finally going to happen. Read his quote and more below.
Kathleen Kennedy has been named co-chair at Lucasfilm. She'll leave the Kennedy/Marshall Co to run Lucasfilm. George Lucas will remain CEO and co-chair of the board at Lucasfilm, but Kennedy will be in charge day-to-day. A press release from Lucasfilm has been added after the break. - /Film
George Lucas is a man not without flaws. We plow, we plod, and we poke fun at his creative genius not with malice but with frustration. Groin-grabbingly frustration. The kind of frustration that has Patton Oswalt wanting to kill George Lucas circa 1994 should he gets his hands on a time machine and a shovel. But we also must think of George as the man who had full-costumed fans rendezvous at festive midnight screenings plastic lightsabers in one hand and joyous anticipation in the other just to see what the latest Space Opera has to offer. We must think of the man who gave the world Star Wars for all the highs and the lows as someone who should forever be honored in the annals of cinema.
This doesn't mean he won't completely give away total control of the Star Wars franchise but it is a small step ever so forward. For all the grief we give him, he's allowed to have a happy ride off into the sunset. You can at least give him that much for all the work he has given out. Or you can TP his house for the same reasons. Really up to you.
Count Christina Applegate in for Anchorman: The Legend Continues: I don't mean to harp on this issue but having different actors playing the same character has always bugged me. Not enough to ruin any goodwill but nitpicky enough to thumb my nose in their general direction. That's why Problem Child 3 and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain can stay in Satan's anal cavity. *ignores the 29 different actors who played James Bond because dude James Bond* Speaking of ninjas, Surf Ninjas was a film I adored when I was child. This only proves that children of all sizes have terrible tastes.
Oh snap Rob Schneider AND Leslie Nielsen were in the movie? I never noticed. Why isn't this in the Criterion Collection?!
Oh, the "Christina Applegate confirmed for the Anchorman 2" story. Right.
Koechner was the first to spill the news, telling E! Online that Applegate was a "yes" to return, and then the actress' reps confirmed the news to Celebuzz. Koechner also confirmed that the sequel would be "set around the advent of the 24-hour news channel," something McKay revealed to be true in April. "All of a sudden, local news stations diversified and had Latino anchors and African-American anchors, and any time you're talking about diversity and the Action News team, that's always fun to deal with," said McKay at the time. - Indie Wire
So, anyway, that whole bit was a lead-in to announce Christina Applegate's return for Anchorman: The Legend Continues. But now I want to watch Surf Ninjas again to see if it held up over the years. Does anyone have a copy and VCR? Oh, YouTube has it. Never mind. BRB.
*A nostalgic 87 minutes later*
So did it hold up after all these years? Short answer: Yes.
Lionsgate wants an Expendables TV series: The Expendables is about a group of old men who carries around large guns and who would absolutely buy your candy bar laced with laxative for charity before going back to shooting younger people in the face. Now Lionsgate wants to take that scenario and squeeze every drop of it into a TV show because I suppose you can really not have enough things where people use their weapons as IDs and shout out 80s action quotes every five sentences. Yippie Ki-Yay indeed.
Lionsgate is looking at converting several movies into TV series including, I'm told, the 2010 action film about a team of mercenaries. It wasn't on CEO Jon Feltheimer's list this morning, though, when he briefly discussed synergy plans in a conference call with Wall Street analysts following the company's release last night of its fiscal Q4 results. - Deadline
The show will most likely be set years before the first Expendables. That way the producers can skimp out on the famous and too hot for television action heroes OK, so they might be a tad expensive for cable and might require double storied trailers equipped with three hookers on every floor or something 80s like that in favor of their more youthful (and possibly shirtless for third-fourths of the series) personas. You know what this means? It means Scott Baio and Kirk Cameron can finally get back in the game! Them and the entire cast of Punky Brewster.
On a related note, a new TV spot for The Expendables 2 just came out recently. And here it is:
The ten-disc Marvel Cinematic Universe Set is the most wholesomely unnecessary "want" purchase of the year: I had a feeling Marvel would put together a super bundle set like this. And as someone who attended the Ultimate Marvel Marathon this is exactly the kind of thing I would splurge on never mind that I've seen all the "Phase One" movies thrice. But there is a catch: three of the ten discs are 3D versions of Thor, Captain America, and The Avengers. I have no desire to own them when I don't have a television capable of 3D vision unless I can sell them back to Wal-Mart for store credit.
The set can be pre-ordered on Amazon right now for $153. Avengers assemble? More like wads of cash in my wallet assemble.
The tentative list of content for the ten-disc set reads as follows:
Marvel's The Avengers (Blu-ray 3D and Blu-ray)
Captain America: The First Avenger (Blu-ray 3D and Blu-ray)
Thor (Blu-ray 3D and Blu-ray)
Iron Man 2 (Blu-ray)
The Incredible Hulk (Blu-ray) (The only movie I own)
Iron Man (Blu-ray)
Bonus Disc - "The Phase One Archives" (Blu-ray)
Collectible packaging with exclusive memorabilia from the Marvel Cinematic Universe
The listing also includes the below image, which hints that the set might mimic the briefcase that Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury uses to transport the Cosmic Cube. Whatever is under the S.H.I.E.L.D. cloth, though, is said to be revealed on July 15th. - Superhero Hype
Unnecessary. Sooo unncessecary. But the glow it's calling me
The real reason G.I. Joe: Retaliation was pushed back is also the least surprising: Here's the short reason of why G.I. Joe: Retaliation was pushed back to March of next year: to convert the film into 3D. Now here's the REAL short reason of why G.I. Joe: Retaliation was pushed back to March of next year: people have a huge crush on Channing Tatum.
But the fact is that Paramount became extremely concerned about G.I. Joe 2s box office prospects worldwide after its test scores were mediocre to bad. Reshoots were needed. Plus, the moguls realized what a complete miscalculation it was to kill off Channing Tatum in the sequel. And even more so at the start of the film. You will remember that Tatum wasn't a star when the first G.I. Joe was released. But since then his back-to-back successes in The Vow and 21 Jump Street have made him into a draw. And it turned out that the only bright spot for audiences as a result of the G.I. Joe 2 testing was the aborted relationship between Tatum and Dwayne The Rock' Johnson.
"The 3D is an excuse as to not reveal the Tatum of it all," one of my sources tells me. *honk honk* - Deadline
The same source then told Deadline that Paramount plans to include six flashback scenes where Tatum and The Rock play erotic beach volleyball together because that's what the public wants. "Oh public, it'll only be a little while longer cuz we gonna treat you so fine."
So the film had Tatum dying in the beginning of Retaliation causing test audiences to have their heart-shaped eyes broken into little pieces because The Rock and C-Tates didn't have time to develop a bromance with each other before his death so Paramount used the "needs moar 3D!" excuse to have time to throw in more Tatum scenes at the cost of millions over promotional ads and Hasbro's ability to sell their line of action figures from the film right now.
Test audiences can be stupid. The lesson: never kill off C-Tates in any film or he will come back to murder your film or face, whichever one he grabs his hands on first. His abs may or may not be involved.
Of course this June Tatum appears in Steven Soderbergh's Magic Mike as a stripper (inspired by Tatum's own experiences, pre-stardom). My sources insist Paramount didn't want uniformed Channing to compete with stripping Channing on the same weekend. Not with those abs.
Oh that crazy Hollywood. June Tatum sounds pretty hot though.
Did you watch the MTV Movie Awards and are older than 12 years old? You poor soul: If you told me you didn't know what happened in the newest episode of Game of Thrones but knew that The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 won Best Movie, then we can no longer be friends and would suggest you stuff your pants with electric eels. Nah, I'm just kidding. Maybe.
It's not hard to figure out who won in this year's MTV Movie Awards. All you have to do is think Twilight and Hunger Games and boom three hours of your life saved. The only other item to note, besides Jennifer Aniston taking the award for Best On-Screen Dirtbag for her role in Horrible Bosses, Joseph Gordon-Levitt losing Best Male Performance to the guy from Hunger Games (teenagers these days), and Johnny Depp receiving the "Generations Award" from Steven Tyler and Joe Perry, was how Mila Kunis was rudely heckled while presenting Best On-Screen Screen Dirtbag with Ted co-star Mark Wahlberg. I would argue that Mila can do a lot better than this like be in my house so we can play Dance Central 2 and reward me with a lock of her hair but to be undeservingly heckled onstage is uncool, especially when it happens to a super cool person like Mila Kunis. Why didn't the heckler direct his heckling towards someone more deserving? I mean, Marky Mark was right there! At least we would have then been guaranteed another Ron Artest-esque melee.
But enough of that because GIFS!
Is this the greatest thing Kristen Stewart has ever done? Yes.
Forget the previous statement, THIS is the greatest thing Kristen Stewart has ever done
Emma Stone is so adorable
All GIFS and more via VH1. Full list of winners can be found here.
And don't worry about next year's award show: Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 has that one in the bag. Yes, over Dark Knight Rises. Yes, this is how much the world hates you.
Lindsay Lohan's mother gets a reality show for reasons that are lost to everyone: Repeat: yes, this is how much the world hates you.
Celebuzz has learned the mother of Hollywood actress Lindsay Lohan has signed on to as-yet unsold documentary-series that promises to chronicle the real-life journey of launching a Broadway-bound musical from "page to stage," while showcasing the incredible talents of our young performers and their DramaMamas, hovering not far behind.
"There is nothing more important to me than a parent standing behind their child and helping them fulfill their dreams," Dina told Celebuzz. - Website
"There is nothing more important to me than being on television and pretending to help other people fulfill their dreams so I could fulfill mine." Fixed. Say hello to next year's Best On-Screen Dirtbag ladies and gentlemen.
The show is said to be a "reality TV mash up of NBC's Smash and Disney's High School Musical" and hoo boy hey do you think I could try some of those bath salts?
Kathie Lee Gifford gushes about Martin Short's wonderful marriage to his dead wife: Ooooo. Kathie, noooo.
This was one of the more uncomfortable moments I've seen on television, as Kathie Lee Gifford proceeded to talk about Martin Short's marriage with his wife not knowing she died of ovarian cancer two years ago. Martin Short, while a little rattled, kept his cool and didn't turn it into an issue. What a trooper. To her credit, Kathie Lee apologized after the show. Martin later defended Kathie Lee over the boner. Still, uncomfortable.
Heh heh, boner.
"The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us," screams everyone on the Internet: It's all over the Internet but in case you've been living under a rock or out in space inside a snug rocket ship, the zombie fascination started when the 31-year-old Florida resident (of course Florida) Rudy Eugene was caught eating the face of 65-year-old homeless man Ronald Poppo after stripping off all of his clothes. Rudy was shot and killed after ignoring the officers' initial plead to stop tearing away chunks of the victim's face. Ronald, after some intense emergency surgery, continues to be in critical condition. What caused Rudy to go insane and developed a hunger for other people's faces? The authorities have narrowed their main culprit down to the popular designer drug known as "bath salts." How about that? A drug specifically made to make you go aggressively insane and FACE HUNGRY. Based on this scientific exclamation, we are all doomed. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have come out to say that zombies don't exist but it wouldn't hurt to prepare just in case.
And here we are a million Twitter jokes and zombie apocalypse memes later.
Yes, this is a horrible and tragic story. No one deserves to be stripped naked by a stranger, much less having that same stranger feeding on your face like you were a Hungry-Man TV dinner (a whole pound of food men love indeed). And yes, I have seen the pictures. I don't know why. I want it say it was for the column (in which there is no way I'll post or even link them here) but given the alternative to not see what cannot be unseen I could have easily passed it off without a mention. Perhaps those pictures should have stayed private but too late for that now. It pretty much put a huge dent in my soul. In other words: It. Was. Horrifying.
If only I could have avoided the whole story for the good of my health. Of course this is the Internet and the Internet is known to giggle accordingly to whimsical fads. The latest happens to be the forthcoming zombie apocalypse which this tumblr has been keeping track of even before this instance. And while you're here, why not check out the Twitter feed of The Miami Zombie (who spurs his audience with insightful tweets such as "@8- zombie emoticon ") or a Yelp review for "That Guy's Face." You may also view one of their fine meme options like Cautious Kobe or read an article from five years ago about the five scientific reasons a zombie apocalypse could actually happen (Are you looking up? Because that's where the hits of this Cracked.com article went after the story broke). This one where a zombie prankster breaks loose and torments people has a demented twist to it. The Internet done went crazy and broke itself. All because of bath salts (not the "bath" kind) and the zombie epidemic (that's not really an epidemic or zombie-related) and Florida (always Florida). Of course noteveryoneis on the bandwagon.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you how to react to what should be a future episode of CSI. Obviously I feel for the guy who got his entire face nearly bitten off, regardless if he's homeless or not, and hope he turns out OK. I hope he receives all the prosperity, treatment, and health he deserves. But then I also have this side where I can't help but be nauseatingly amused by how Rudy must have been a fan of Face/Off and how this is the only way to stop the impending wave of Florida zombies or cannibals or whatever from destroying the rest of the nation.
Bugs Bunny's victory pose is the icing on the cake
So, yeah, please judge me accordingly.
Brazilian man paints himself like the "Incredible Hulk" with submarine paint: The Sun used the phrase "Hulk prankster" to describe the 35-year-old Brazilian man's unfortunate paint job on himself and it couldn't be further from the truth. How is this actually related to being a prank? Seems like all he wanted to do was cosplay as a real-life Hulk so badly he didn't care to research the contents made readily available to him contents like industrial paint usually reserved for ballistic missiles and nuclear submarines.
Brazilian man Enrique dos Santos,35, a swimming pool attendant, was trying to look like superhero The Hulk but used a paint reserved for ballistic missiles and nuclear submarines.
The comic book fan tried to scrub off the glossy green in the shower, but the substance stained his skin.
And more embarrassment was heaped on him when local papers in Brazil said the woman trying to help him was his girlfriend - when in fact it was his mother. [Ouch. Rub some submarine paint on that.]
He has been mobbed by children in his native country, who Marvel at his likeness to Bruce Banner's alter-ego. But after being scrubbed for 24 hours by as many friends and neighbours as he could get hold of, the paint eventually came off. - The Sun
I'll say he looks more like the Blanka type than Hulk. Minus the flashy hair. Because Brazilian.
Moviefone says the man wanted to parade around the neighborhood as the Hulk to promote his singing career. What one has to do with the other I don't know How's that for a life: a swimming pool cleaner by day and a singer by night. He's the Hannah Montana of our generation with a Blanka origin story to match but he can't say his stunt didn't work. Famous? Oh yeah, however absurd it might be. The only problem is instead of being sandblasted with adoring fans on a nightly basis he'll be sandblasted with cold salt water for the next 4-6 months.
But don't cry for him. Imagine all the free Brazilian body waxes he'll be offered. Score.
Teacher slaps student because Bridesmaids: Bridesmaids continues to make the headlines, albeit this latest one is for all the wrong reasons. Sure, the crew from the film had just won Best Gut-Wrenching Performance from the MTV Movie Awards ("Was it for watching the entire movie?" The Internet) but this one where the film was the inspiration behind a teacher slapping a 14-year-old student is all kinds of ridiculousness.
Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... 9th grade Malibu High School student Dionne Evans went to cops in the last few days, claiming her teacher slapped her 6 times in the face because Dionne didn't bring her notebook to school on May 22, as the teacher had required.
According to the police report, the teacher made Evans stand in front of the class -- then asked, "Did you see 'Bridesmaids'?" before slapping her multiple times.
The teacher was referring to the scene in which one character literally tries to slap some sense into another. - TMZ
Great, now we'll never know if Dionne Evans actually saw Bridesmaids.
If this story left you in the mood for more face slappery, good news: there are not one but two supercuts of people getting slapped in movies. The one posted here is the second one of the two titled "Glove, Actually 2: Glove Harder More of Cinema's Greatest Slaps." It totals at over nine minutes and features Hitler slapping someone. Like ecstasy this video is.
Remember the sugar hyper Honey Boo Boo from Toddlers & Tiaras? Yeah, TLC gave this child her own reality show: 6-year-old Alana "Honey Boo Boo" Thompson became one of the more popular contestants in the history of Toddlers & Tiaras. This is due to her surly need of "Go-Go Juice" (a combination of Mountain Dew and Red Bull) and strutting her bad self onstage in revealing outfits and in front of terrible creeps who do this for a living. So of course TLC decided to give this child her own reality series. And just like that TLC takes the lead in the "Bottom Rung of Society" race. Suddenly the looming zombie apocalypse doesn't sound so bad.
The series, titled Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, is described by the network as "an inside look into Alana's world where the 6-year-old pageant sensation proves that she is more than just a Go-Go Juice-drinking beauty queen. When she's not chasing after crowns, Alana's with her family in rural Georgia doing what her family does best: four-wheeling through mud pits and picking up road kill for the family cookout." TLC has ordered six half-hour episodes to premiere in August. - Deadline
Yup, this was a nice country while it lasted. When society crumbles to Armageddon, I only hope that most of the people at TLC can be given cushy jobs as giant slingshot ammunition and human shields. Their contributions will greatly improve the chances of having another shot at this functioning human society thing once more.
We've reached the peak of talent on America's Got Talent, or how to smash your bronads with a sledgehammer in three easy steps: 1. Put one or two concrete blocks on groin 2. Raise sledgehammer 3. Lower sledgehammer (apply force) upon groin area. America's got talent? America's got talent.
The block. His groin! It works on so many levels!
Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week
I was ready to post a story about some guy who turned his dead cat into a helicopter (Hello Kittycopter?) before I came across to this goat smoking a cigarette. The Internet is a weird place sometimes.
Last week's comments were written for Jeremy and while I could pretend to be him and answer your comments as such, I'm not, because that would be crazy weird. Instead I'll do a bite-size version of what everyone said in this column starting from the last time I wrote the 3Rs two weeks ago:
- Imadethefirstjump wonders if Tony Jaa is crazy or no longer crazy. Maybe he's crazy. Maybe we're crazy. Probably. (In truth, the only thing that is crazy is his talent and ability to do flips and twists and jumps and kicks no normal person should be able to do. Basically, his talent.)
- jorge cantaloupe santiago jr. (awesome name) does not like Kristen Wiig. She was OK during his tenure at SNL but it was still a nice send-off from them.
- The Great Capt. Smooth's wishlist: 1) have Anchorman show a scene where a woman is on her period and then a bear shows up from the woods and starts running towards the woman on her period while centered around the O.J. trial, and 2) Encino Man 2.
- APrince66 thought the reporter trying to kiss Will Smith crossed the line. I agree. He needs to be wined and dined first.
- Todd Vote loves Adriana Lima and would stalk every window until he finds her.
- Guest#0693 likes to wear boots. Yeah I don't know either.
- I suggested Maxim be thrown into the moon for ranking Kate Upton and Brooklyn Decker low on their 100 Hot Woman list last week. Come on people let's move it. Maxim isn't going throw itself into the moon.
Last word: Special thanks to Jeremy Wilson for the fill-in last week. He's cool beans, except for when he stole my "do not drink before watching Dark Knight Rises" joke somehow. Other than that, thanks Jeremy. Now everybody dance!