Movies/TV's 3R’s 10.02.12: Looper, Hulk, Seth MacFarlane, Ben Affleck, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 10.02.2012
From no new Hulk movie until after The Avengers 2, and Gina Carano in the all-female Expendables to Ben Affleck turning down Dardevil reboot, and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 170 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
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Looper dee dooper daa blooper: The headline best describes how the sci-fi epic Looper did in the box office over the weekend. Do you think it did good or bad? Come on, did you even read the headline?
Looper, Sony's other movie this weekend, opened in second place with $20.8 million. That's noticeably up from Surrogates ($14.9 million) and Source Code ($14.8 million), among similar sci-fi movies. Still, it's nowhere close to Sony/TriStar's last major sci-fi hit, District 9 ($37.4 million), and it also sold fewer initial tickets than Bruce Willis's last foray in to time travel, 12 Monkeys.
Looper's good-not-great opening inforces the challenges inherent in selling an original, R-rated sci-fi movie. Previews were jam-packed with quality information: they clearly articulated the movie's unique premise, showed off a few high-profile cast members, and even threw in some action as well. Anyone on the fence after that should have been pushed over thanks to the outstanding reviews (93 percent fresh on Rotten Tomatoes) and insane buzz on social media. To only make it to $21.2 million (again, that's good, not great) with all of those positives illustrates just how difficult it is to get the key older male demographic excited about rushing out on opening weekend for something completely new. - Box Office Mojo
Honestly I'm not quite sure how to make of it. As the article states, $21.2 million domestically is a "good, not great" opening and to do it on a $30 million budget in its debut weekend is A-OK. The people involved shouldn't beat themselves up over it. Meanwhile Adam Sandler's Hotel Transylvania earned twice as much and broke several records along the way – included best ever for a September opening. Not bad. And this is a movie directed by the same person who directed, produced, and written for Dexter's Laboratory, Samurai Jack, and The Powerpuff Girls. So I'm glad to see the success it brought in.
I guess in the end it doesn't matter. Despite facing an uphill trend that all non-comedy rated-R movies face, Looper did fine for itself. Not Hotel Transylvania fine but if they wanted high numbers they should have called it…Hotel Transylvania. The only thing that should matter is whether the film is enjoyable and worth going to the theater for? Short answer: Yes! Long answer: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss. Last week I banged my drum about how everyone should go out and see Dredd, and now I'm doing the same for Looper. Go see Looper!
It's also worth mentioning that the film made $24 million in China, and you can't go wrong with what China likes, so I'm told by these very nice large Chinese men with spears. So there's that.
Also, these funny tweets + a trailer from the same movie 15 years ago:
The female version of the Expendables will star super awesome Gina Carano: There was a time when women were not allowed to vote or be given basic rights. Dark times really. Fast forward to the 21st century, where we have women running in presidential races and playing professional football – not just in the lingerie football league you might have heard about but concussion-inducing full contact football (Go 3-time IWFL champion Sacramento Sirens! [Where they play their home games at the same high school I went to!]). Gurl power and all that stuff! Perfectly natural for woman to want their own versions of what men have. We men have all these cool stuff in which most of the time we're unwilling to share. Now the ladies want our action movie franchises too? Are they after our Dr. Pepper Ten and Bay Rum lotion next? Do we men not have anything left to call our own anymore?
This brings me to how MMA sex (and kick-you-hard-in-the-head-without-a-care-in-the-world) symbol Gina Carano is set to star in an all-female version of The Expendables. Here is my totally non-chauvinist response:
As "Haywire" star Gina Carano continues to establish herself as an action heroine with an upcoming turn in "The Fast and the Furious 6," the former MMA fighter has become attached to topline an all-female riff on "The Expendables," which is being set up by Adi Shankar's banner 1984 Private Defense Contractors.
Shankar will produce for the shingle, which plans to fully finance the "Expendables"-inspired project.
Company remains in talks with several prominent actresses affiliated with the action genre in addition to Carano, who director Steven Soderbergh hand-picked to star in "Haywire" alongside more experienced thesps such as Michael Fassbender and Channing Tatum. - Variety
It's The Expendables but with menstrual cycles, yogurt product placement, and Chris Brown as the main villain. This. Want. Nao.
I'm not afraid to say Gina Carano is a super lady. Don't think so? Pff. You're just mad she didn't response to your heartfelt text messages with <3 emoticons like she did to me in a daydream I had this one time. She's sexy lookin', can take a punch to the face, and is the type who will rip your arm off if you don't take the trash out or something. Total wifey material. Plus she was good in Haywire. It's not her fault the movie was dull. It's never her fault. Now she's going to be in an Expendables-esque movie with possibly Linda Hamilton, Sigourney Weaver, Lynda Carter, Michelle Yeoh, Cynthia Rothrock, and most definitely Michelle Rodriguez or else what's the point of having an all-female Expendables movie without Michelle Rodriguez?
Yes. And it will be called The Sexpendables. Or The Exbendables. The Maiden…ables? I'll get back to you on that.
Seth MacFarlane to host 85th Oscars; fans of voices and musical numbers chortled: Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, or as I like to know him – American Dad creator Seth MacFarlane, will be hosting the 2013 Oscars next year. Flame bait engaged.
Seth MacFarlane, the mastermind behind "Family Guy" and the 2012 comedy hit "Ted," will host the 85th Academy Awards in 2013.
ABC made the announcement in a press release today.
"We are thrilled to have Seth MacFarlane host the Oscars. His performing skills blend perfectly with our ideas for making the show entertaining and fresh," producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron said in the release. "He will be the consummate host, and we are so happy to be working with him."
"It's truly an overwhelming privilege to be asked to host the Oscars," MacFarlane said in the release. "My thoughts upon hearing the news were, one, I will do my utmost to live up to the high standards set forth by my predecessors; and two, I hope they don't find out I hosted the Charlie Sheen roast." - ABCNews
I know the Internet has a rage stink about Seth MacFarlane these days but it makes sense. Do a voice here, sing a musical number there. Maybe he can throw in a quick Billy Crystal zinger for no reason other than my amusement. He did a good enough job hosting SNL, so he'll have no problems hosting the Oscars. Really when you think about it, this hosting gig was made for MacFarlane. And he's charming! He won't shout "DOOONNNNNTTTT CAAAAARRREEEEEEEEE" if you approach him in the bathroom with tales of your fandom either. Then during the ceremonies the Kool-Aid can bust onto the stage and scream "Oh Yeah!" while both the fruit punch bro and audience silently stare at each other in confusion while he slowly backtracks off the stage. It will be seven minutes long and become the highest-rated segment in Oscars' history. The next 14 minutes will have Stewie making out with Conway Twitty because LAWL FAMLEE GUY~!
Jimmy Fallon and the guys from Guys with Kids get together to sign classic TV theme songs: Jimmy Fallon brings up a good point: there are no memorable TV theme songs anymore. They're all gone. Gone. Thankfully Fallon and the Guys with Kids cast take us down memory lane with a joyous mix tape performance of the TV songs of yore. (All in the Family and Three's Company FTW!)
Fargo will be made into a TV series for FX: Break out the wood chippers because, according to the Hollywood Reporter, Joel and Ethan Coen will allow their Academy Award-winning film Fargo be to adapted into a TV series for FX. And ‘tis was a good day.
The male-skewing cable network has given script orders to an hourlong dramatic take of the 1996 Academy Award best picture nominee, The Hollywood Reporter has confirmed.
Joel and Ethan Coen, the writers, directors and producers behind the William H. Macy, Steve Buscemi and Frances McDormand starrer are on board to executive produce the effort, alongside My Generation's Noah Hawley, who will pen the script. Warren Littlefield is on board to executive produce the effort, which hails from MGM Television and FX Productions. - THR
Let's hope it makes it farther than the 1997 Kathy Bates-directed pilot episode ever did.
Quick hit: Premiere week was chock full of that TV goodness: Your DVR must be bloated by now. Almost every series on cable and network TV imaginable made its season premiere or returned from midseason exile in the past week: Dexter, FringeHomeland, The Mentalist, The Good Wife, The Simpsons, Bob's Burgers, South Park…whew. And that's only a portion of what premiered! Just wait until The Walking Dead comes back next month.
Sadly there will be no Hulk smashing ‘til after Avengers 2: I was sure Marvel Studios had pegged a standalone Hulk movie to be a 2015 summer release, considering the success of his fun Avengers appearance and the way Mark Ruffalo brilliantly handled the role. Unfortunately Marvel Studios producer Kevin Feige pulled the carpet from under your feet and stated a new Hulk movie won't be made available until after Avengers 2. So perhaps we would need to wait until 2016, at the least, for the Hulk to do his smashing thang once again.
Ruffalo was everyone's favorite in The Avengers and it sucks he won't be gracing the big screen as Bruce Banner anytime soon. There is also no guarantee he'll be available once the film is ready to be made. He could be retired and swimming in a pool filled with hookers and Fruit Loops in Istanbul for all we know. Certainly a possibility. (Certainly not a possibility, stupid.)
So it's looking like we'll have to wait even longer for the next Hulk movie. Perhaps the long wait would be worth it if they introduce Planet Hulk – the greatest Hulk story of all time – or Red Hulk. Then, World War Hulk! I'm giddy just thinking about it.
According to ratings, no one saw the new episodes of Parks and Recreation: That's not true. 23 people do not count as nobody.
Official Parks and Reaction ratings: 3.50 million viewers and 1.7 in the 18-49 demo for its Sept. 20th season premiere. The numbers for last week's episode actually dropped to 3.27 and 1.6 in the demo.
This is bad. An amazing show like Parks and Recreation shouldn't have to suffer with numbers like these. For comparison's sake, 2 Broke Girls earned 10 million viewers; 3.7 in the demo. Think it's unfair to compare shows on different networks? How about Matthew Perry's new NBC sitcom Go On, which had 7.27 million eyeballs, 2.7 of them in the demo. That's not to speak of the quality of Go On but one reason the show is doing well so far is it's on after The Voice. Parks and Rec is on after The Office, which pulled in a pedestrian 4.32 million viewers, 2.1 in the demo. It means Parks and Rec lost viewers. Depressing. I'm afraid of looking up the numbers for Aminal Practice to see whether or not they had better ratings. Too afraid.
The further these numbers continue to drop, the more likely it is for the critically acclaimed show to not see another season. Some fault lies on NBC for not telling anyone when their shows would be premiering. (They happened to all air outside of premiere week, which really did hurt them.) Seriously, did anyone even know when the shows to the network's Thursday night lineup would be returning? Bah. I'm just going to stare at this picture of Kelly Bundy holding a falcon until everything works out.
Ben Affleck turns down Daredevil reboot; is kicked out from everyone's Google+ circles: First he turned down a role in Man of Steel. Then he turned down the chance to direct the Justice League movie. Now he has turned down the opportunity to reprise his role in the rebooted Daredevil film. Maybe the guy is all tuckered out on Hollywood superheroism.
"It was a drag, but I did love it as a kid, and they're rebooting it. I got contacted about it, and I was like, 'That wouldn't be a reboot [if I was involved],' but I really hope they do a good job, because that's a great property and deserves something really, really good," he continued, adding that we shouldn't cross his name off any prospective superhero movie lists just yet. I would love to do [a comic book movie] if it was the right one, if I thought I could do it well. I think you have to, with any movie, have an idea for it that's original and unique and committed to it, and that's a hard thing to find." - MTV
The franchise continues to be a murky situation. All Daredevil rights revert back to Marvel on October 10th unless Fox agrees to give them the Fantastic Four in return. I would like to think Ben Affleck involved deep in the process would have kept the reboot alive but I have no proof whatsoever. The only chance we get to see a proper Davedevil character now is in Robot Chicken spoofs.
TLC gives Honey Boo Boo family a huge raise: WHY DO I KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS SHOW? This is the worst thing on television yet I keep falling in TLC's trap by mentioning them every week. And now the network is giving them a pay increase according to CAPLOCKS STRUTTIN' TMZ GAHHHH! (Oh, the irony.)
Sources very familiar with the situation tell us ... the family received between $5,000 and $7,000 an episode at the beginning of the series. We're told after the second episode it was apparent to TLC they had a big hit on their hands, so network honchos approached the family and told them they were boosting their salary. Our sources would not be specific ... but they say the increase gave them somewhere between $15,000 and $20,000 an episode.
We're also told TLC volunteered to cover various expenses, including a bodyguard/driver for Sugar Bear, who was incapacitated after his ATV accident.
And there's more. We're told TLC even offered to help the family find a somewhat larger, more secure home, but June refused. She said she wanted to stay in the house because she makes a big deal over Christmas -- decorating the house for the community. June is heavily involved in her town. - TMZ
I would like to say something about the family: they are not bad people (I think). They actually seem like a normal family, about as normal as one who dances and armpit farts on reality television. I read an article on Gawker and it paints them as down to earth reasonable people who want to properly invest their money. Check out this quote: "Reality TV don't last more than three years," June said. "People have a good run for about three years. Some people fizzle out within a couple of weeks. We've had about 10 weeks and if it stays for the next three years, great." Insightful and very anti-Kardashian-ish. In fact let me make it official – Honey Boo Boo family > Kardashians.
This is about as fair as I could go. Dog poop covered with cake frosting and sprinkles is still dog poop and this show is it. Geez is it ever. Insightful! Much like what Conan had to say about the show:
And this is why Looper is making more money in China than it is in the United States. See that? All coming around now.
Son of Anarchy actor Johnny Lewis found dead in the bizarrest of stories: This is some weird stuff. Oh you don't even know. Johnny Lewis – the actor who played Dennis "Chili" Childress on The O.C. and more recently Half Sack in Sons of Anarchy – was found dead last week. While it's a sad case whenever anyone dies, this one just seems so bizarre and creepy.
According to our law enforcement sources, 28-year-old Lewis was found in a driveway Wednesday morning in the Los Feliz neighborhood -- and the elderly woman who owned the home was found dead inside ... the victim of a homicide. Investigators say they believe Lewis beat the woman to death.
According to multiple reports, neighbors heard the 81-year-old woman screaming ... and then saw a young man outside her home attack 2 other people with a piece of wood ... before he climbed onto the roof and fell to his death.
Lewis was renting a room from the 81-year-old victim. - TMZ
More details started coming in after the initial report, and nothing from it is particularly good: Lewis allegedly killed 81-year-old Catherine Davis, who rented him out a room at one point, while under the influence of drugs. This was a week before the young actor was released from jail on felony charges. Also he may or may not have killed her cat. Not cool.
Here is The LA Times with a witness testimony:
Lewis allegedly climbed a wall and fought with a house painter at a neighboring residence before going back to Davis' home, police said. He then scaled the wall again to fight with the painter and the owner of the second house, Los Angeles police Sgt. Frank Preciado said.
The owner of the home said reports that Lewis showed "superhuman strength" were accurate. In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, he said Lewis was hardly detered by the blows he took, that it was like "hitting him with a fly swatter."
The neighbor, his wife and the painter ran into the house after managing to shake Lewis. It took all three barricaded against the door to keep him out, said the neighbor, who asked not to be identified.
When officers arrived, they found Lewis' body in the driveway about six feet from the wall. They later found Davis' body at the home. Investigators said they believe Davis died from blunt force trauma and that Lewis was the sole suspect. - LA Times
A bizarre story with a sad ending. RIP Catherine Davis. No RIPs for you Johnny Lewis.
Honest Trailer takes an honest and fair look at The Avengers *pffffffffffff*: The people behind Honest Trailer loved The Avengers so much they made an honest trailer about it. I know when I love something I make sure I mock it for being so darn loveable. (Geez, there were four I's in that sentence.) Look at them point out inaccuracies and plot holes! Funny!
Actually the clip pointed out some things that I missed the first time around. In fact I didn't even realize how they were able to communicate with each other until now. How were they able to do that? And what WAS up with Loki's motive to unite the group in hopes to get them to dislike each other?! Do I even realize I'm breaking Internet Law #21: no true fan should ever acknowledge the flaws that the Internet loves? Oh whatever Internet. Hey, remember when Loki called Black Widow a "mewling quim"? That was hilarious.
Did you know Married with Children's Ed O'Neill is a MMA expert?: I would first like to point out this video about Jiu-Jitsu is 26 minutes long, and as a casual fan, there is no way you are going me to watch a 26 minute video about Jiu-Jitsu unless the screen star-wipes to Kate Upton holding puppies in the least amount of clothes possible from time to time.
But I would also like to point out that a fellow by the name of Ed O'Neill - Married with Children's Ed O'Neill – is in the video. Not every often you see Al Bundy being randomly videotaped in a MMA instructional video but apparently he has a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu as well. That last point is extremely important in case you ever approach him in public and ask about the time he kidnapped Jerry Springer or even to bag about the Dodge. Even at the age of 66, he's drop you like 3rd period French he would!
So Al Bundy has two black belts: one in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and one in making fun of fat woman. What a beast.
You too can sit on Sophia Vergara's face for the limited time price of $515: Does Vergara not live up to your standards of sitting comfort? Well then aren't we Mr. Snooty High Class. If you travel on over to Fab.com, you can have your selection of other celebrity profiles to put your firm cheeks on, including Lady Gaga (that sound you just heard was Tony Acero ordering about 18 of them), Angelina Jolie, Barack Obama, Jennifer Lopez, and more. No word if there will be a toilet seat edition featuring Chris Brown or Katherine Heigl.
$515 for a celebrity face seat is a steal, and I order every one of you to buy me one of each. I want to be able to impress Jennifer Lopez or Sophia Vergara when they come over so I could say, "Hey girl, saved you a seat. Just park your fine keister right there. That's it, right on top of your smooth leathery face." I'm such a romantic.
Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week
Whoa, hey now. Kittens? In Capes?! Flying magnificently in the air to Hip Hop Dubstep music?!? In slow motion?!?! This is the most Internetish Internet video ever! Before you call PETA and declare state of emergency, the disclaimer wants you to know that no kittens were harmed in the making of the video. Treated like royalty they were. If I could look that cute in a blue cape I would want to be treated like royalty too. Not that I go around soaring in the air with a custom-made "PD" cape and certainly not while I'm on the roof of my house screaming Arnold Schwarzenegger catchphrases at bypassing cars. That would be silly.
Wolverine imitates The Flash. - Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)
Too bad the same couldn't be said for the Flash in terms of movie deals.
No surprise at all that Dredd bombed. Theres simply no audience outside of the comic fans in the UK for this one, and having Urban in the lead role means nothing. (Sorry, fellow New Zealander!)
Didn't see the Emmys this time, but lots seemed to go right. But I think we can all agree that Jon Cryer winning best actor is pretty horrible mistake. Not that hes bad, but the show is stupid and lazy.
Don't forget that Jeremy Davies won guest actor in a drama for Justified, so thats automatically awesome. Go Dickie!
Jon Stewart still rules all, of course.
Hoping for good things from The Wolverine (stupid title aside)...solid director and fascinating setting. - Posted By: Earl (Guest)
Dredd is going to get love, just not in the box office. It'll rise up to cult status and reach #1 on Red Box's Top 20 most rented list. Right now Battleship is sitting on top while former #1 What to Expect When You're Expecting follows close behind. So there's hope for Dredd yet. (Fun Fact: What to Expect When You're Expecting grossed more in its opening weekend than Dredd has made in its first two weeks. That has to break some sort of law.)
We are in agreement: Jon Cryer winning "Best Actor in a Comedy Series" over Louis C.K. and Don Cheadle is the worst. Buzzfeed hits the nail on the head here.
Everyone needs to support Dredd. That film is an outstanding action and comic book flick. Please, help quality film! - Posted By: Armyghy (Guest)
Yeah, people! Did you read what I found out in answer to the previous comment? Not pretty.
VIKINGS!!! - Posted By: Toddo (Guest)
I have little reason to hate the Vikings, despite the womping they gave to my team. They're very low on the "Teams I Loathe" list. They just played better, and truth be told, I like them this year. Now don't let it happen again.
Ive heard the name, yet really had no clue what Honey Boo Boo was.
I googled it.
I wish I could ungoogle it.... - Posted By: aprince66 (Guest)
A bit surprising considering it's not the first time I mentioned Honey Boo Boo on the column. Last week's blurb should have been the sign to move along. You reap what you google.
Additionally, everyone else is crazy for Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Now seems like the best time in making preparations to live on the moon.
Jon Stewart is overrated, Jimmy Fallon has a better show. And Amy Pohler is looking OMG Fantastic! - Posted By: Guest#4094 (Guest)
Darn that Jon Stewart. If only he wasn't so darn talented, he wouldn't be hogging all the awards for himself. But he's an OK dude. I want to have lunch with him some day but he never replies to any of the 55 daily messages I send him. He's probably a really busy man. That must be it.
Mr. Diaz...the simpsons references in your article is great..let me lay this one up on you...
Mr. Burns (after the Ramones played): "Have the Rolling Stones Killed"
Anyway the pirate story funny..it should have been in the right just for the simple reason she stayed in charecter the whole time...that is not easy. I figured once the cuffs are put on me..drunk or not..i'm dropping the act.
I'm sorry your niners are losing to teams that they should beat...my NY Giants understand. - Posted By: Rob (Guest)
I try to not frequently throw in Simpsons references but you might as present a room full of Snickers Ice Cream Bars and Nutella, and tell me to not eat them.
And the only reason why I don't hate the "Nye" Giants more is they beat the Patriots, the most loathed of all squadrons not named the Cowboys, in two Super Bowls. I'm sure it counts for something.
Last word: So the real NFL referees are finally back. They even got a freakin' standing ovation for not being the dumbs dumbs their replacements were. And all is right with the football world. Now I can brush up on my Sarcastaball skills without worry. I love you guys.
The only important thing lost in the whole debacle was this picture I half made with a buddy of mine. Truly sad it didn't get put to better use.