Movies/TV's 3R’s 01.22.13: Zombieland, Red 2, Glee, Manti Te’o, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 01.22.2013
From the Zombieland TV series, the Red 2 trailer, and Glee ripping Jonathan Coulton’s cover song to the Lance Armstrong interview, the Manti Te’o fake girlfriend hoax, and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 97 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
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I, for one, welcome our Harbaugh overloads: People, PEOPLE! Sunday was a glorious day. Glorious day indeed. If you're been a long time subscriber to the Movies/TV 3Rs, then you'd know about my love fandom with the San Francisco 49ers and their absolute lunatic head coach Jim Harbaugh. He's peachy keen. He gave a large television audience a hissy fit temper tantrum of epic proportions. How can you not like this guy? Oh, but why waste any more time? Let's jump right into the recap:
Atlanta Falcons 24, San Francisco 49ers 28: I was obviously frustrated with the way things played out in the first quarter of the game. Julio Jones gashed the vaunted Niners defense in a fear I did not wanted to come true. Six seconds into the second quarter, he was good for 120 yards and two touchdowns on six catches. He second TD catch might have been the best catch of the postseason. And then I sulked. I sulked badly. I had to keep telling myself that catching up from 17 points down was surmountable, that Atlanta was prone to be a big lead-blower as such in their game against Seattle, that somehow the Niners will buck up against a flawed defense and just add points to the board.
Once Kaepernick found his groove among the massive noise inside the dome, he was nearly unstoppable. The only misfires in the second half were the Akers missed field goal and the Crabtree fumble 1 yard short of the goal line. Everything else played out to maximum satisfaction. Once the clock hit double zeroes, I was overcome with stunned glee. It wasn't until the second time I watched the game's conclusion that it truly hit me: the San Francisco 49ers are going to the Super Bowl.
This was the largest comeback title game in NFC championship history and just one point off from the NFL record, in which the Colts overcame an 18 point deficit to win over the Patriots in 2006. In doing so, San Francisco – who has never lost a Super Bowl game in all five tries – will have a chance to capture their sixth Super Bowl and tie the Steelers for the most Super Bowl victories by any team. As for the Falcons – good job, good effort. Even Matt Ryan's career postseason record of 396 passing yards did not save him from the narrative sure to haunt him and his team for the offseason: how they cannot win in big time playoff games and how they cannot hold onto big time playoff leads. Tony Gonzalez was the one Atlanta player I did feel most sorry for. If it was any other game in any other year, I would have rooted for him to bow out gracefully with a championship ring. If last Sunday was his swan song, then I bid Godspeed to one of my favorite non-favorite-team players in the game.
Oh and Jim Harbaugh's exquisite freakout over a failed challenge was the most Jim Harbaugh thing ever. Again, how can you not like this guy? Either he wanted cake badly (below @ the 28-second mark) or he found out the cake was a lie. I'm just glad he was nowhere near a remote control at the time. (References FTW!)
Baltimore Ravens 28, New England Patriots 13: I had the misfortune to miss the game due to other obligations. From what I gathered in the ensuing highlight packages on Sportscenter, it's as if only one team bothered to show up for the second portion of the game. Look how Joe Flacco elite-ly threw that elite pass into his receivers! OMG he's elite now! Whether or not he is – honestly the discussion of whether a QB is "elite" or not is clown rubbish – you have to admire the way he outplayed Tom Brady (again) and willed his team to an impressively thorough victory over the Patriots. Having receivers that know how to catch touchdown passes in crucial times helps too. Ditto having Bernard Pollard aka The Bonecrusher aka Patriots' greatest threat of existence on the team.
Little (maybe!) known fact: I hate HATE the Patriots. Their failure against the Ravens was an everlasting gobstopper of deliciousness and I was quite sad to have missed the schaudenfreude of the game. Bill Belichick made it even more glorious when he refused to meet with Steve Tasker of CBS after the defeat, prompting Shannon Sharpe to lay down a verbal smackdown about how Belichick is a sore loser. About time someone on CBS noticed.
So it's my favorite team against Jeremy Wilson's favorite team. I have already told him to prepare himself the shots I'm about to rain down for the next two weeks. I have to something other than listen about how Jim and John Harbaugh are brothers and Ray Lewis Ray Lewis Ray Lewis Ray Lewis Ray Lewis Ray Lewis Ray Lewis. I'm sure the Niners will give something Ray Lewis can cry about (and it's begun.)
Ugh, two weeks until the big game. Two weeks until the final game for the next, what, 83 months? It's going to be insufferable.
Zombieland will be a TV show on CBS Amazon.com: I first heard about the Zombieland television series dating back in late 2011 and was generally excited for it since I enjoyed the movie. Nothing about it emerged for the longest of time. However, once the success of The Walking Dead became fairly noticeable, everyone figured it was only a matter of time before the project got out of development hell and right into our HDTV screens.
Well io9 went ahead and posted an update on its development: they send out casting calls for the show's main characters last week! You can read the character descriptions for all the roles over there, or better yet, keep reading.
Tallahassee is still kind of a snarky weirdo, but he seems to have a much less spiky relationship with Columbus. He and Columbus have a pretty amusing thing where they riff on the fact that Steven Seagal movies always have three-word titles like "Marked for Justice" or "May Cause Diarrhea." But Tallahassee also dispenses homespun wisdom about how to feel happy with your life. He also tells a weird story about being in a trailer park with a perpetually nude Matthew McConaughey. He also has a somewhat heartwarming scene where he tells Columbus that he's been wandering aimlessly for a long time, but maybe he's been put here for a reason — to help Columbus and the others.
Columbus is much the same, except that he tracks down his grandma and grandpa (Bubbie and Peepaw) only to find them recently zombiefied. Also, Columbus is trying to deal with his newfound relationship with Wichita, after their first kiss. He has started calling her "Krista," her real name — but there are some problems, especially after she finds him reading a book about fatherhood. He tries to organize a romantic scavenger hunt for her in the IKEA they're camping out in, but it goes kind of horribly.
Wichita is still trying to look after Little Rock, trying to teach her math with problems about someone stealing from a liquor store and jumping on a train going 42 miles per hour, with a cop chasing in a car going 88 miles per hour. We also learn a lot more about Wichita's backstory, including how she ran away from her father after he had her stealing people's Christmas presents — and later, she found out she had a sister who was also being a grifter with her dad.
Little Rock seems actually kind of excited about meeting Columbus' grandparents, before they turn out to be zombies. And she shares some of her own backstory, about how her dad parked her at a school while he went off grifting on his own — and then yanked her out of school right before a dance that she was looking forward to.
Fred and Ainsley are two office workers at the start of the zombie apocalypse, obliviously complaining about problems with their iPhones and getting the wrong order at Starbucks, which they admit are "first world problems" with a hashtag — while people are being disembowled just outside the window they're not facing. Tallahassee shows up to bring them their lunch orders, wearing a green polo shirt.
Sounds like they're going to move what made ZombielandZombieland (a quirky romp of a good time…with zombies) over to the TV series. Not to be that guy, but a suggestion: why not create new characters for the TV show and recurring characters for the Zombieland sequel? Win-win! Whatever the case, it's not going to dampen my enthusiasm on the show. Plus the heartwarming relationship between all four characters is part of the reason what made its adaptation work, so there's that too. I am excited!
Update: it just came over the net today that the Zombieland TV show is headed to Amazon.com and not on a regular broadcast network as initially believed. The massively popular online retail/streaming website is hoping to develop the series into a limited run of 30-minute episodes and bill it as original programming. This is quite the surprise, though I also feel more optimistic about the show heading to a comfortable outlet rather be restricted under the scope of a major network. The only problem is I don't have Amazon Prime. Not to mention I rarely have a reason to shop with them anymore since it was decided that California would be charged sales tax. (I only bring it up because WHY CALIFORNIA WHY?!) Still feeling optimistic though.
The new Red 2 smells of gunfire and Bengay: I saw Red before the start of Game 6 of the Giants-Phillies series back in 2010. Nerves struck me fierce at the thought of having one of favorite teams being one step closer to winning a championship, something I haven't experience since the 49ers won the Super Bowl in 1995. In order to calm myself down, I decided to scroll on down to the local theater to enjoy one of Hollywood's finest motion pictures. I decided on Red – I saw the trailer beforehand and seemed like the perfect movie to take my mind off the game. Also because one word movie titles have to be good, right?
I ended up loving the movie and got home in time to see the middle of the 3rd inning. Spoilers: the Giants ended up winning the World Series. Was it because I decided at the last minute to see Red? I like to think so. Therefore I contributed to the San Francisco Giants winning the 2010 World Series. You're welcome.
By the look of the trailer, Red 2 is bringing back all the stars – which includes Bruce Willis, who BTW is also returning for Sin City: A Dame To Kill For – from the first one sans director Robert Schwentke. He was replaced by Dean Parisot, the same guy who made Fun with Dick and Jane. Gut feeling: Red 2 will be better than Fun with Dick and Jane.
It looks to retain the wackiness that is in no way associated with Old Guys Who Shoot Guns and Kill People starring Stallone, Schwarzenegger or any of the Expendable dudes with recently released movies about the same thing. That's what I like and that's what I will like about this movie.
Hey, who wants to watch a couple of 60-year-old guys having fun and PEW PEW PEW'ing at each other on August 2nd? ME!
Adult Swim is finally going to air the long lost controversial episode of Dexter's Laboratory: Oh I wish this was the only piece about cartoons for this week. Oh don't worry about it; you'll know what I mean eventually heh heh heh.
Once upon a time there was a college student who watched a lot of shows on Cartoon Network and one of those shows was Dexter's Laboratory and he thought it was the greatest show on Earth and then he graduated. The end.
That college student? It was me, and I was never heard from again.
Annnywaaay, from all the Dexter's Laboratory episodes I've watched over the years, there was one in particular that stood out the most. One in particular I learned upon my many random searches on Wikipedia. I very much wanted to see it but couldn't, mainly because it was banned from television.
Well good news everyone, the awesomeness that is Adult Swim is going to be releasing the long lost Dexter's Laboratory episode titled "Dexter's Rude Removal," the episode TOO HOT FOR TV.
To those who don't know of the lost episode here's the history of it. An episode of Dexter's Laboratory was made during when its creator Gennd Tartakovsky, run the show (later on he moved to doing th Powerpuff Girls, while others ran it) around 1998. During a select few animation and comic book conventions, Genndy would show the lost episode to a small crowd.
The episode, entitled "Dexter's Rude Removal" had Dexter and Dee Dee get hit by the former's latest invention the Rude Extractor which separated their rude halfs (who were both VERY foul mouthed. A complete summary of the episode can be found here.
There where two versions were shown of this episode. One totally unedited with all profanities kept and one edited with bleeps). Obviously due to the content, Cartoon Network never ran the episode. It was considered lost to the ages and long considered a myth.
That was until this past October 2012, when Genndy revealed during a eddit interview [t]hat it does exist, he still had an unedited copy of the episode, and show it at a convention down the road. a year later Adult swim addressed on twitter that they have the unedited copy of the episode and will post the link on Tuesday for everyone to see. - ONTD
So the controversial episode where Dexter and Dee Dee cuss up a storm and apparently moons in front of cameras? Yeah, that's happening now. Stay tuned for the very special episode of Rocko's Modern Life, where Rocko and Heffer wear Blackface and watch Queer as Folk together.
Glee covers Jonathan Coulton song "Baby Got Back" without telling him because Glee is evil: Hey, two shout-outs for Coulton in this week's column. That must be nice. He is the geek's best friend after all.
When the name Jonathan Coulton pops up the words "Still Alive" and "he's the bro behind that song from Portal brah!" usually follow. In addition, I see him as the dude who made RE: Your Brains and Creepy Doll, two of my favorite songs from his "Thing a Week" studio albums. Nothing pumps my guns faster than hearing a story about polite office zombies. Some think the song "Baby Got Back" is his best work. Some people like, say…picking one at random…the ones behind Glee. The love for the song was so overwhelming they decided to rip off the entire cover without bothering to tell the person who created it.
The music/Internet fiasco began on Friday (Jan. 18) when Coulton -- an independent singer with a devoted Twitter following (almost 100,000 of them as of this writing) -- tweeted that a "Glee" recording sounded a whole lot like his own cover of the Sir Mix-a-Lot anthem:
"Hey look, @GleeonFOX ripped off my cover of Baby Got Back... Never even contacted me. Classy."
Twitter furor rose yet again when Coulton posted a follow-up to his first tweet:
"After listening, I think that @GLEEonFOX may have even used parts of my recording. Do I hear a duck quack? And of course they say 'Johnny C'"
This last sentence is perhaps the most interesting -- in his cover version of the song, Coulton referred to himself in the first person as Johnny C. The "Glee" version uses the same name, indicating a common source ("Johnny C" appears nowhere in the Sir Mix-a-Lot version). - Zap2It
You can listen to the evidence between Coulton's six-year-old cover and Glee's version below.
Oh snap. Lawsuits gonna be thrown down yo, followed by a jaunting musical number about how big corporations are scumbags and wear ugly tie colors. Unfortunately this is where things get a little dicey and a lot more awful.
But Coulton's actual legal argument is somewhat shakier: under section 115(a)(2) of the Copyright Act, musicians are allowed to perform and record covers of songs as long as they pay a "compulsory license" fee to the songwriter through the Harry Fox Agency — royalties Coulton says he's paid. But while musicians are allowed to make stylistic changes to songs as they cover them, their reworkings of the original song aren't protected by copyright unless they get permission from the original songwriter — the song itself still belongs to the songwriter, after all. Here's the language from the statute with the relevant bits bolded:
A compulsory license includes the privilege of making a musical arrangement of the work to the extent necessary to conform it to the style or manner of interpretation of the performance involved, but the arrangement shall not change the basic melody or fundamental character of the work, and shall not be subject to protection as a derivative work under this title, except with the express consent of the copyright owner.
(The history of these laws is long, convoluted, and deeply intertwined with the history of the player piano, which was an extremely controversial technology in its time. It's fascinating, if you're into that sort of thing.)
So Coulton's version of "Baby Got Back" isn't his to offer up for sale or licensing; Glee can use his changes without permission or even credit. (If Glee's producers used clips of Coulton's actual recording, like the duck sound, it's different: that would be copyright infringement of his sound recording.) - The Verge
To be honest, most of this stuff is flying over my head but basically all those blockquoted words mean even if he paid a compulsory license fee, the song is not covered under copyright. Glee can use his songs at will without so much as a phone call and with zero financial obligation.
I think what I said above is correct. (I think.) In much simpler terms even I can understand, Jonathan Coulton is screwed out of luck and there is nothing he can do about it. In metaphoric terms, boy that swimming pool sure looks slimy and dirty and horrible law is horrible something something.
The Lance Armstrong interview on Oprah was one slap to the face after another: Barry Bonds was my favorite baseball player ever. The way he hit home run after home run, it was just magnificent. This was before I found out about his alleged steroid use. This was before I found out about how much of a dick he was in public, to teammates, to friends. I don't see him in glowing praises anymore, and yet, I can't hate him completely. Some of it has to do with the colors he wore for most of his career. Some of it has to do with the fact I've never met the guy, so my opinion on him can only go as far as the stories I hear. Had he been on any other team, I would have no problem throwing disgustful boos his way without a second thought. But he was a Giant and I'm a biased probably-cares-too-much sports fan. I don't like him but I can't truly hate him either.
Some people are going to feel the same way about Lance Armstrong. Not me. From the stories I've heard, Armstrong hurt and lied to a LOT of people. The lying and the performance enhancing drugs are one thing, but he ruined people's lives along the way to millions. His interview on Oprah opened up a horrible truth – in order to protect the lies he created, he had to destroy people's lives. He viewed people as pawns in his dirty game. At one point he even lost count of the number of people he and his lawyers tried to bully.
I am reminded of his positives contributions to society and extraordinary amount of charity work. I am also aware that, much like every Barry Bonds appearance for a special game, it could all be a front to stay under the positive glow of the public spotlight. I want to feel some sort of compassion for him, but the interview brought out too much of his ugly side. And it didn't even look like he regretted it one bit. Like it was from the actions of a cold hearted psychopath or at least one who knows how to bike really really well.
At least his fat joke brought a smile on Oprah's face…oh no wait no it didn't. That made for awkward TV.
Of course this could all be just a giant misunderstanding. Because if we are to believe what the screenshot displays below, then Lance Armstrong made himself big oopsy.
Here's a new clip from Snooki & J-Woww – Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day: There hasn't been a lot of talk around the column about The Jersey Shore crew or what they've been up since the conclusion of the reality series. There is a good reason for that – I don't care. My indifference is way more nourishing than knowing what a pregnant freaked out Snooki did during a dry run on an episode of Snooki & J-Woww on MTV.
Speaking of which, here a clip of what a pregnant freaked out Snooki did during a dry run on an episode of Snooki & J-Woww on MTV. I'm going to find the nearest bridge and jump off it now.
Bait Taken: Manti Te'o Catfishes Himself a Fake Girlfriend (w/ Pics!): Listen I don't mean to turn the Movies/TV into a sports column. Sure I could rationalize it by saying sports is a thing on TV therefore it qualifies under the TV subject zone, but even then it's by the thinnest of margins. Everything just happens to fall into place at a precise moment. That said, how could I let this Manti Te'o fake girlfriend pass by without a mention? It's one of the more bizarre stories ever uncovered and it continues to climb the scale of ridiculousness on a daily basis.
Even if the story is not per se Movies/TV news, it does parallel to the documentary movie Catfish. You know, life imitating art and all that stuff. If you don't know, Catfish – released in 2010 – is more or less a story about a guy who engaged in an online relationship with a girl who was not all that cracked up to be. Frankly (spoiler alert!) she wasn't real. Manti Te'o is a Notre Dame Heisman runner up linebacker who engaged in an online relationship with Lennay Kekua, who had succumbed to her battle with leukemia. The heartbreaking story was covered by ever major news outlet and Te'o dedicated the rest of his college season to her memory. That's nice and all, except for one thing: it was a dupe. Lennay Kekua, the seemingly perfect girl for the perfect athlete, never existed.
If you haven't read it by now, Deadspin's Timothy Burke and Jack Dickey has a riveting report on their findings. They were the ones who unearthed the story in the first place, so it would only be right to say this is theirs to tell. Grab some popcorn, pull up a chair, and have a read through a haunting narrative of hoaxes and fake dead girlfriends. Once you're done, follow the updates as they come in. Since it was initially published, I haven't been able to keep my eyes off this mind-blowing story. It's just so…mind-blowing. Just when you think a door has been open, six more appear in its place. You just don't know how it's going to end. You don't even know if you want it to end.
Since last week, the Internet has been on it with what they do best – inspire a collection of meme-related responses. I'm going to do what I do best: post their greatest zingers from the time the report became published (some movie and TV-related because Movies and TV column, duh). Enjoy.
If you're someone mostly on the go or a tl;dr person, this Funny or Die video does a good job summing up the story in less than two minutes. As does Taiwanese Animation's amazingly accurate portrayal.
You never asked for a SpongeBob SquarePants porn parody but oh well: SpongeBob SquarePants is one of those Nickelodeon kid shows that can be grown up-friendly as well. It's also one of those shows that hide quite a fair amount of adult jokes children otherwise are too young to comprehend. It's also also one of the shows the porn industry hasn't gotten their hands on. So of course we're getting a new porn parody based on SpongeBob called SpongeKnob SquareNuts starring Skin Diamond. Hmm…sounds like he could be a regular on the cartoon show. Also, and this part is important: WTF?!
Here's the scope: a grown-up man will dress up a in a sponge costume and receive sexual favors from a grown-up woman – all of this while both adults emote the same characteristics as their animated counterparts from the children's TV show. I don't even what to think about the disturbing possibilities from other Nick cartoon shows AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I JUST DID.
I had to witness the video above, so you have to too. I'm sorry.
Man builds Iron Man Gauntlet from scratch: He should wear it and use it as his laser pointer for his PowerPoint presentation on running effective product-market business practices through social medians without the decline of financial stability. He'll be the hit of the boardroom.
You know what, TV? You can have your Lance Armstrong interviews and awesome football games. Give me soccer matches with interfering soccer dogs! Every now and again does a friendly gets stopped for non-friendly reasons (usually involves a streaker or a riot – or worse a streaker riot). This is not that. This is a scene where playful puppies stop field of play and SUDDENLY THE GAME DOES NOT MATTER ANYMORE BECAUSE PUPPY FRIENDSHIP FEVER. Hehe look, they think they're people.
Or as YouTube commenter hackeronte7970 puts it, "still a better love story than twilight."
Last week's poll were the first time I've done one with a multiple choice of more than two. It was Golden Globe season; I've figured a special arrangement was in order. Here are the results:
James Cameron Gets Totally Burned GIF – 35.94%
Arrnuld and Sly Garble Talk – 10.94%
Amy Poehler and George Clooney Flithy GIF – 7.81%
"You're My Nemesis" – 18.75%
Glenn Close, Crazy Drunk Person – 26.56%
The results are not surprising. It was a really good dig. It ended up being my pick as well, with a radiant Glenn Close coming in at second. She is the reason why GIFs exist and why it is the best thing she's done since Mars Attacks!. (Only one statement is truer than the other.)
This week: Manti Te'o begets amazing movie-related GIFs!
This was the reason I went with an all-JPEG blurb on Te'o. I wanted the GIFs for the contest, and man, the Internet has really outdone itself this time. My pick: the Napoleon Dynamite one. Too perfect.
Last word: I hope everyone had a great MLK day. Join me next week when I write 8,000 words on the NFL Pro Bowl and why you and the rest of America missed out. (Actually I'm going to chunk balloons filled with paint at traffic lights. It seems worth more my time.)