Movies/TV's 3R’s 03.05.13: Justice League, Harrison Ford, Planet Hulk, Jimmy Kimmel, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 03.05.2013
From the hot Batman-Justice League rumors, Hulk not getting his own movie, and Harrison Ford joining Anchorman 2 to the Kick-Ass 2 release date being pushed back, and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 191 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
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Stop the presses: Harrison Ford is joining Anchorman 2: More important than whatever superhero rumors we have going this week. More important than winning an Academy Award. Yes, even more important than a Calvin and Hobbes themed wedding.
I would also accept Furious Kool or Vex Spancake (pronounced "Span-k").
The CW reviving Whose Line Is It Anyway? with Archer's Aisha Tyler as host : Should we be excited about the return of the best improvisational show on television? Should we be eager to see Ryan Stiles, Wayne Brady, and Colin Mochrie boozin' it up for another round of Props? Do we want to see Scenes From A Hat and musical hoedowns make its triumphant return to modern times?
Do we still not care about point totals?
Improvisational comedy series Whose Line Is It Anyway?, which had a successful eight-season run on ABC, is coming back to American television, this time on the CW. The network has picked up a new take on the British format to air this summer. Comedian Aisha Tyler, co-host of The Talk, (ARCHER! SHE'S ARCHER'S LANA KANE, DEADWIT!) which airs on the CW sibling CBS, will host. She succeeds Drew Carey, who emceed the ABC version that ran during CW president Mark Pedowitz's tenure at the network. Returning are Ryan Stiles, Wayne Brady and Colin Mochrie, who starred on the ABC series. - Deadline
YUUUUUUUUUUUUUP.
Relevant story: my college roommate was the one who introduced me to Whose Line Is It Anyway? as well as through the looking window of general improv comedy. He thought it would be a swell idea to start an improv group with me, him, and one other person. We held the first show in the dorm room next to ours, where our studio audience was an audience of one – our neighbor friend. She was a good sport. It was our debut show turned last show because I sucked improv is hard I stood there for like five minutes thinking of something hysterical and I ended up putting a frog figurine on my head because HAHA TOY FROGS ON PEOPLE'S HEADS ARE FUNNY.
I'm surprised I didn't make it in the improv world.
/cool story bro
Jimmy Kimmel is at the front of the "Who will host next year's Oscar?" line: You can add Jamie Lee Curtis to the growing list of people who didn't love the Boob Song, a list that includes Jane Fonda and a bunch of knuckleheads who chimed in with their post-Oscar judgments – with Jeremy Wilson being the least bit hush-hush about Seth's performance on that particular night. While I believe maybe having a musical number about boobs on national television during the most prized award ceremony of the year wasn't the best of ideas – we also have to keep in mind how much of it was Seth's idea vs. the writers behind the scenes marking it down in permanent ink – I didn't have a problem with the song itself. I saw it more as poking fun of guys being way too excited to see a pair of famous boobs than we ought to be. Sophomoric? YOU BET. Bad taste? LIKE SARDINE JUICE IN A BOWL OF OATMEAL! But I don't think the Boob Song was horribly sexist, although full disclosure: I'm the least qualified person on the site to talk about this subject. Jeremy is more spot-on with his analysis than you probably want to give him credit for. I just want to throw a bunch of Kate Upton pictures and silly GIFs on your computer screen.
ANYWHO, the best thing people can say about Jimmy Kimmel's chances of hosting next year's Oscar is that he's not Seth MacFarlane, he is familiar with standing up in front of people and being funny while at it, and he supposedly owes a honking HUGE flat screen TV that rivals the Dallas Cowboys stadium big screen and yes I am jealous. OK, so the third thing doesn't have to do with anything, but it wouldn't hurt his chances if he decided to buy another one and give the old super plasma to me. *wink wink nudge nudge*
With criticism directed at Seth MacFarlane for last Sunday's Oscar duties, there are rumors that the Jimmy Kimmel Live host may be the go-to guy for the 2014 edition of the Academy Awards.
A source close to ABC and familiar with the behind the scenes discussions told the New York Post that "Jimmy is favored to host the Oscars next year; ABC has been pushing him for the role."
A rep for the Academy, however, dismissed the speculation, saying it was "way too early" to start talking about next year's choice. - E! Online
I would be a happy person if Kimmel sang a song bashing Jay Leno for three straight hours, following by a riveting dance monologue by Channing Tatum. Really, you can skip handing out awards if you want. Matt Damn is just going to steal them all anyway.
Seth Meyes received a prank call from sweetheart Amy Poehler on live TV and it was magnificent: This blurb exists for one thing and one thing only: Amy Poehler is the best at what she does: being Coco Amy Poehler.
Fox renewed a couple TV shows and not one of them is Glee: Fox announced yesterday that they have renewed the following: The Following (HEH!), New Girl, The Mindy Project, and Raising Hope. Not a bad crowd. I'm glad they'll be sticking around for a little while longer.
Notice how Glee is not part of the equation. YOU MEAN GLEE MIGHT NOT GET RENEWED?!
Not on the pickup list (for now): Glee. The acclaimed comedy musical is expected to return for a fifth season, but negotiations between the network and studio are still ongoing. - EW
Oh.
*throws blurb away in trash*
This week in rumors: Hulk may not get his own movie after all: Would you like another HOT serving of superhero movie rumors? Not like you have a choice in the matter anyway. This is all we can go by until the calendar hits May 1st, 2015 – the release date for Avengers 2 and presumably the conclusion of Marvel's Phase 2 timeline. Fortunately the mood for Avengers rumors is a welcome change from the usual cut-yourself sadgasm of Justice League news, notwithstanding the Batman buzz you'll find one section over. For one, we already know which one is an existing Hollywood product and which one is a smoking hole in the ground. Therefore, bring on all incoming Avengers rumors!
Wait…what's that Internet red speaker phone…Hulk movie may not happen after all? Oh no.
A few days after Mayimbe broke his big Super Bowl story (which detailed Marvel's Phase 2 and 3 plans for the Hulk), I had a discussion with an extremely well-connected source who claimed the scoop was "1,000% inaccurate". Mayimbe's story claimed THE AVENGERS 2 would conclude with Earth's Mightiest Heroes exiling an erratic Hulk to the planet Sakaar, thereby setting up a standalone PLANET HULK movie (in which Hulk would go all John Carter on some aliens). This would lead to a vengeful Hulk returning to Earth in THE AVENGERS 3, where he would likely do battle with some version of The Illuminati (i.e. the members to which Marvel owns the rights). According to my source, this just isn't happening - not as long as Marvel's got Mark Ruffalo committed to a six-picture deal as Bruce Banner. And that's the primary issue with PLANET HULK: Banner isn't in it at all (unless you count the WHAT IF... story where Banner is immediately killed upon reaching Sakaar).
To make sure, I went to a [sic] another source for confirmation, and they backed up every detail. PLANET HULK isn't happening.
This is currently a kick in the pants for fans looking forward to the big screen version of Planet Hulk and its sequential storylines. But even when the rumor first broke, the general consensus among those with access to insider information, as well as some of us bean flickers, had a really hard time believing this was the direction Marvel was going to go anyway. Some of us didn't want to believe it. Rumors are not meant to be trusted yet there we were – putting fingers in our ears and ignoring all possible doubt. But the news is clear: Marvel denies any involvement moving forward with a Hulk sequel with Planet Hulk inspirations. The reason is…
I couldn't get either source to spill on Marvel's specific plans for a standalone Hulk movie post-AVENGERS 2, but I'm told that Ruffalo-as-Banner will be an integral part of that film. After two false starts with Banner, Marvel is thrilled with Ruffalo. The last thing they want to do is reduce his role. Sure, they could have Ruffalo play Hulk in mocap, but the Banner element would be gone - and this evidently is important to Marvel. - Aint It Cool
I guess that makes sense. Marvel loves Mark Ruffalo and wants to squeeze him for every last drop. Planning a Planet Hulk feature with more emphasis on the Hulk character and not Ruffalo as Bruce Banner – who rarely appeared in the comic arc –is probably not what Marvel had in mind when they signed him to a six-movie deal. Still doesn't make the whole thing less depressing.
BUT we need to keep in mind two things:
1) These are ALL rumors. Rumors are the devil's minions.
2) These are ALL rumors for a sequel that may not happen for another seven-plus years.
Basically I got my holds up for a movie that will not happen until after Avengers 2 and even then might not happen at all. We'll not even sure the Hulk or anyone else from the main core will survive past the super team sequel. Read what Joss Whedon offered during an appearance at the Glasgow Film Festival, in what is seen as the most Joss Whedon quote of all time:
While Whedon was short on details, when asked about the return of the superhero's union, he said fans could expect "Death, death and more death. I can't do any bigger, so I'm trying to do better." - Yahoo! Movies
Heh, vintage Whedon. He could throw every member into a pit of liquid nitrogen/lava/flesh-eating tumors and still collect our money and women (not necessarily in that order).
Release date of Kick-Ass 2 gets ass kicked from June to August: Kick-Ass is a film that was enjoyed by a lot of people. Part of its success can be attributed to the fact that the comic book adaptation was stylishly (and violently) delightful. Part of it has to do with the way wunderkind Chloe Moretz taunts grown men with the C-word before busting their kneecaps. The other 80% is for the prominent feature of Crystal Pepsi Denim Jacket Nicholas Cage with a mustache.
The good news is Kick-Ass 2: Balls to the Walls is set on premiering this year with the original cast intact – yes, I am included the return of mustache-wearing Nicholas Cage albeit in a cameo role – along with newcomers Jim Carrey, Morris Chestnut, John Leguizamo, and Donald Faison. Or should I say was set. That part is the bad news. The movie is still on for a summer 2013 release. It's just that we're going to have to wait another two months for its grand premiere.
Universal has announced that this summer's superhero sequel Kick-Ass 2 has been pushed back from June 28 to August 16.
With the date change in place, the studio has also bumped up its action flick 2 Guns from August 16 to August 2. That one stars Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg. - IGN
Until the change occurred, Kick-Ass 2 was scheduled to go up against the Sandra Bullock-Melissa McCarthy cop buddy vehicle Totally Not Miss Congeniality (later renamed The Heat) (from the director of Bridesmaids you guys!) (somewhere Rex Reed is preparing a bunker to hide in for when he has to review this one) (four consecutive parenthesed sentences FTW!), the Channing Tatum-Jamie Foxx-Maggie Gyllenhaal future Oscar winner White House Down, and Penelope Cruz in I'm So Excited (actual synopsis: "concerns an affair on an airplane").
Hmm…perhaps the push back was best after all. No one is going to survive the onslaught that is secret agent single dad C-Tates having to protect President Jamie Foxx while learning the must more daunting task of fatherhood.
Maggie Gyllenhaal: Sir, the president has been kidnapped by pirate ninjas and your daughter has a five o'clock dance recital. Are you bad enough dude to rescue the president and cave to your only child's needs?
Channing Tatum: Shichyeah gurl. Yo laterz on we's can solve da crisis of a nuclear threat dat's certainly being detected inside my pants ya'know what I'm sayin'. Let's gaoo.
*cue Coolio's Gangsta's Paradise*
Give this movie all the awards now!
Jay & Silent Bob's Super Groovy Cartoon Movie is not Clerks: The Animated Series and that makes me sad: One thing I miss more than most TV shows is the criminally underrated Clerks: The Animated Series. Man, that animated series was the bomb. (The kids still use that lingo, right?) So when I heard Jay and Silent Bob were back in cartoon form, I figured they were going to go back to their roots and relive the quirky nature of their animated personas.
Well, yes and no.
Yes in that New Jersey's beloved slackers will indeed star in their own R-rated (that's a haaaaaard R) animated movie titled Jay and Silent Bob's Super Groovy Cartoon Movie. No in that it will not be under the guise of Kevin Smith's popular ABC show (so popular that ABC cancelled it after two episodes). Instead it will be a completely new feature, one set to go on the road for a country tour with Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes. Each screening with be followed by a live performance of the "Jay and Silent Bob Get Old" podcast and a Q&A session.
As for the cartoon itself…
No sir I don't like it.
I'm usually a fan of whatever Smith has up his hockey jersey sleeve but I just couldn't get into it. I can take basic dick jokes and potty humor to a degree. This…nope. Just not working for me. Years of banging on the Clerks: AS drum has taught me to not accept anything less.
There is no doubt Kevin Smith fans will find their favorite Kevin Smith bits. Do you like it? Do you like it so much you want to attend a showing followed by a live performance of the man who once got kicked out of an airplane for being too fat? Come look at the movie tour schedule:
April 20 Atlanta, GA Center Stage Theater
April 21 Washington, DC Warner Theater
April 22 Tarrytown, NY Tarrytown Music Hall
April 23 New York, NY Best Buy Theater
April 24 Boston, MA House of Blues
April 25 Philadelphia, PA Keswick Theatre
April 29 Santa Barbara, CA Lobero Theater April 30 Sacramento, CA Crest Theater
May 2 San Francisco, CA Warfield Theater
May 5 Los Angeles, CA The Wiltern
May 9 Portland, OR Bagdad Theater
May 15 Seattle, WA Moore Theater
May 17 Kansas City, MO Midland Theater
May 18 St. Louis, MO The Pageant
May 19 Chicago, IL The Vic Theater
May 20 Indianapolis, IN Clowes Memorial Hall
May 21 Royal Oak, MI Royal Oak Music Theatre
May 22 Milwaukee, WI Pabst Theater
I went ahead and bolded the important parts. Well, I bolded the part important to me. Despite everything I just said, a chance to meet Kevin Smith and ask him about the future of Clerks: AS because it's quite obvious I have an unhealthy fondness to the program and cannot bring myself to let go? Hmm…
I should also mention each showing will cost you up to $45 bucks.
You know, asking him on his Twitter account is just as good.
Also, relevant:
We need to stop movies like 21 and Over from being made again before it's too late: 21 and Over should be slapped with the universal recycling symbol because 21 and Over is the most recycled movie to ever recycle other movies of the same synopsis. You mean to tell me this film is about a realistic interpretation of college life that has never ever been told before in the history of cinema? I bet it was high-larious. I bet you didn't even bother to wear pants since you knew, that by paying $10 to watch this movie, you'd be laughing them off anyway.
Wait, did you see the movie? *checks Box Office Mojo* Wow, nobody did.
That'll do America. That'll do.
PS: Even less people went out to see Jack the Giant Slayer. Not a proud moment for the box office.
Ridiculously epic: Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan totally want to hook up for a reunion on Justice League: Stop, stop! You are not going to pull me into your little game, Latino Review. Your intriguing rumor-filled gossip stories are not going to get to me this time. I've been burned too much lately by Warner's poor development of Justice League and this is not going to be the one that brings me back on the ship. Nope. Not even going to continue on with the story or post a blockquote on it. I'm not even going to post your video news story. Not this time. I'm just going to turn my head over here and not bother with the slightest possibility of Bale and Nolan reuniting for a Justice League or World's Finest feature.
…
…
…
…
Damnit.
Take this with a huge grain of salt (if not more) ladies and gentlemen, but Latino Review reports that Warner Bros. is bringing Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale back for Justice League. The site claims they have discovered that Nolan is "Godfathering" the DC franchise as a response to Disney putting JJ Abrams in charge of the new Star Wars film and Joss Whedon holding the reins to The Avengers. According to their source, anything regarding DC is now going through Nolan and he will produce Justice League along with Zack Snyder, who may direct.
The site adds that the film is being shaped so that Bale will return as Batman alongside Henry Cavill as Superman from Man of Steel, noting that Warner Bros. is coming off an Oscar win for Argo and wants a franchise to go along with their prestige. They also note that Bale said last year that if Nolan found a script, he would potentially be willing to take on a fourth Batman film. - 411mania via Latino Review
*Prepares another savings amount to empty out for 68 consecutive showings of all 2015 superhero movie releases*
IF – that's a BIG IF. Pretend the font size is doubled to illustrate the point – the rumors are indeed true…
IF Nolan is handling the future of the DC franchise…
IF Bale is returning to don the batsuit once more…
IF everything is lining up for a reunion befitting of a proper World's Finest live action movie with Justice League on the horizon…
Major sploosh. Totally deserving of all these exclamations points!!!!!!
Batman, do you have anything to add in regards to your competitors at Marvel?
The Girl Scouts are in an uproar over Honey Boo Boo selling their cookies on Facebook: Samoas are the best girl scout cookies ever or else we can no longer be Internet friends. Cookies are serious business. But this isn't about that or how far you're willing to go to get a box of Samoas (please ignore the bear traps I have out in the front yard). OK, let me set the scene. Rather let TMZ set the scene. They have a knack for this sort of high-quality journalism.
Honey Boo Boo hawking Girl Scout cookies to her hundreds of thousands of fans online is UNFAIR ... so says a rep for the Girl Scouts of the USA, so the organization shut down her campaign.
HBB posted the ad on her Facebook page -- which has 701,000 likes (That sound you heard was hope for future ‘Murrica being flushed down the toilet). She also got in the girl scouts' faces by posting pictures of stacks of boxes that she sold. FYI ... she's not selling the cookies for herself ... she's doing it for a friend.
It didn't go down well with the organization. A rep for GSUSA in Georgia tells TMZ ... they contacted her site's administrator and explained online selling is off-limits, because it defeats the whole purpose of selling the cookies -- to teach girls all sorts of things, including goal setting, people skills, etc.
So HBB's people took down the ads, but get this ... the sales she's already made will be counted.
If HBB wants to help her friend, she's gotta stand outside a whole bunch of Piggly Wigglys. - TMZ
This stuff is like major Hamlet sh*t yo.
Anyway, click on the link at the end of the article (although I don't suspect you'll do it and I won't blame you) for an image header of Honey Boo Boo (I have no doubt it was taken after she consumed a two-liter of Mountain Dew with a 54 Oz. bag serving of Skittles Sour mixed into the contents) and AHHHHHHHH soooooooo horrifying! You know the song "Creepy Doll" by Jonathan Coulton? She's selling cookies and giving America diabetes now!
Then everyone dies. Fin.
Jimmy Fallon to replace Jay Leno as host of The Tonight Show next year, MAYBE: We've all heard this story before. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Jimmy Fallon is set to replace Jay Leno as The Tonight Show host in 2014, unless he isn't. What say you Hollywood Reporter? Please don't beat around the bush. All I'm asking is for you to be frank and honest. Is Jay Leno really going to stop down for Fallon next year? Is NBC preparing to make a statement about Leno's departure and the future of The Tonight Show?
The network says categorically no, but...
I'm done.
*Puts up sign: Do Not Open Blurb Until 2014*
Until then, keep hating on Jay Leno.
Meet Montana the 10-year-old golden Labrador. The dog earned Internet fame when owner Craig DeWolf recorded Montana trying to carry a large stick through metal fence posts. He was unsuccessful in his efforts, as his cries became more noticeable with each attempt. Craig (spoiler) eventually helped his companion out by guiding him through the Tetris-like puzzle. Heartwarming dog story of the week/month/year.
Jennifer Lawrence rules all, as America's newest squeeze thoroughly trounced the completion in last week's GIF fight. The results:
Jennifer Lawrence quite proud in not showing us her boobs (as she should be): 61.96%
Tommy Lee Jones found his smile – it was under his seat: 6.52%
Sandra Bullock as world's worst envelope exhibitionist: 9.78%
Quvenzhane Wallis has a hard name to spell but is awesome in award show flexing: 4.35%
Brian the Dog, Harry Potter, and Robin enter a dance studio…: 17.39%
I voted for the three men dance step myself, and today I am questioning myself whether I made the correct decision. It was the charm factor that got me. It was charmingly. You can say the same for Jennifer Lawrence, rightfully – and adorably – fist-pumping in celebration. She's the best.
This week: Oprah's attack bees vs. a toilet paper gun.
These are two of the biggest GIFs I had to post on the website. It is also part of the reason why you didn't see many of them throughout the column. But oh is it worth it. If you ask me, this week's contest, in terms of difficulty, ranks above the Batman-Superman one I had back a few weeks ago. That battle ended with the closest margin of victory in MNGF history. This one figures to be just as close.
Oprah releasing of the bees remains a personal favorite of mine. Nicolas Cage continues to have nightmares about it every day. But can its awesomeness be overwhelmed by the awesome power of a toilet paper gun? MAYBE. Poor girl. She never saw it coming.
Last word: Guess who made it all the way to writing his 100th Movies/TV 3Rs column? *thrusts thumbs towards self with entitled sense of accomplishment* That's right, world. It was I.
EXCCCCEEEPPPTTTTttttt…
I wrote my 100th 3Rs column two weeks ago and I just didn't bring it up for reasons inexplicable to you or me. Really I don't know why I didn't mention it. 100 is a pretty big deal and I'm surprised I didn't shove it in your face every other paragraph. Opportunity lost. I now have to make the best out of a wasted situation.
