Movies/TV's 3R’s 03.12.13: Iron Man 3, Justin Timberlake, Hangover Part 3, Topanga, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 03.12.2013
From the Iron Man 3 trailer, Justin Timberlake joining SNL’s Five-Timers Club, and Swift vs. Fey & Poehler to the Hangover Part 3 trailer, Topanga on the cover of Maxim, and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 192 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
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This is the new Iron Man 3 trailer you've probably watched 42 times already; in addition: Iron Man 4 & Iron Man 5?: The newest theatrical trailer for Iron Man 3 released last Tuesday and…it was cool. Yeah. OK, look – if I consider the website that I write for (this one right here) and the readers who visit the website for these very purposes, chances are you've already seen the trailer and spazzed out uncontrollably the minute you saw the Hulk Buster at the very end. For me, it was the scene where Gwyneth Paltrow showed up wearing a bra. One minute I'm watching the development of Iron Men, the next I see Paltrow posing in Michael Bay's wet dream project: Victoria's Secret Catalogue: The Movie. I wasn't expecting that. Caught it full in the face.
Anyway, you can watch the action-packed week-old trailer again below. I mean, if you want. Not to worry, I've come prepared with images and GIFs in case you feel like you're placated by the whole thing. Get ready for a whole mess of Iron Man delight up in this mug, mang.
"I have the weirdest boner" - Stark
Oh snap, business is about to pick up
Yup, did not see it coming
Sorry I'm still taken aback from the previous image and…oh hey Robert Downey Jr. riding piggy back on an Iron Man
"Hey Kool-Aid!" "OH YEAH!"
Hardcore fans might be able to see the significance of this picture
Pictured: An important plot point
Oh but we're not done here, my friends. Here's director Shane Black talking about the possibility of an Iron Man 4 and beyond, if Robert Downey Jr. doesn't think he has enough five-story chocolate foundations in his water park/bathroom suite.
Directed by Kiss Kiss Bang Bang‘s Shane Black, he recently discussed where he sees the future of the franchise headed with Premiere Magazine. "I have the feeling that the story that we have developed for Iron Man 3 actually concluded a trilogy, while [also] leaving the door open to a fourth," Black said. "I had a lot of discussions on this subject: ‘Is that it is the last Iron Man for Robert?' Something tells me that it will not be the case, and will be seen in a fourth, or fifth… But I can be a little excited." - The Film Stage
Oh do not tease us with promises of more Iron Man movies, forthcoming Death Note director Shane Black. Do not test us, because we will emote like only the Internet can. I will emote. They will emote. The whole freakin' system will emote. Now I'm going to scroll back and enjoy that Paltrow GIF again.
Newest member of the Five-Timers Club Justin Timberlake killed it on SNL last weekend: Last weekend's milestone appearance on SNL marked Justin Timberlake's fifth time as host, earning himself a spot in the "Five-Timers Club," an exclusive group that includes Steve Martin, Tom Hanks, Chevy Chase, and Paul Simon. Speaking of which, those guys were on hand at Studio 8H to properly induct the former ‘N Sync member into their weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil secret organization. (JT can be the first to tell you that the Crossing the Desert is a lot like the Unlinking Eye and the Wreck of the Hesperus.) Expectations were high – in addition of JT, the episode was to be littered with special appearances by Martin, Hanks, Baldwin, Chase, Martin Short, Dan Aykroyd, Candice Bergen, Jay-Z, Paul Simon, and a Young Sandwich called Andy Samberg. Star-studded! – while many expected Timberlake to deliver on the charisma and funny.
Boy did he ever deliver on the charisma and funny. Plus, a Ducktales shout-out? Woo-hoo.
The episode kept things simple by using premises and nostalgia that had effectively worked in the past. This is why we saw the returns of a previously recurring players (oh hai Dick in the Box guys). For the most part (at least part in which JT was on the TV screen), it worked well and the result was one of the best episodes of the season. Sometimes the best recap is to throw a bunch of videos in lieu of analysis because lazy. But just for kicks, take a sample from this tantalizing quote dish:
"There are so many exciting things about hosting five times. You get to see old friends. You get to try new things. You get to inevitably let everyone down thanks to overly high expectations — thanks, Internet!"
"Both of us railin' on your butt. ROMANCE!"
"I'm Ricky V.I.Penis."
"If you want to treat a lady right you buy her Monica and Chandler Champagne."
But who wants to read a bunch of words WHEN THERE ARE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE VIDEOS GRADUATE MAGNUM CUM LOUDLY that didn't come out right.
Poor quality I know, blame copyright laws
Latest Hangover movie is going to be the most Hangover-ee movie yet declares Hangover Part 3 trailer: The first had the bros hanging out with a tiger. The second one introduced Senor Chang's pet monkey or something. The third and final installment of the Hangover series, are you ready for this…a giraffe! How does one even get a giraffe? I know for a fact they clearly didn't get it in the clearance section – the ones with those nice long-sleeve shirts and cheap possible bootleg football jerseys (*hugs Antonio Gates Chargers light blue jersey*) (honestly I just liked the color) – at Ross. That's just silly, bros.
Hangover Part 3 looks to continue the tradition of stupid fun popcorn flick chomp chomp. Honestly the trailer did what it was supposed to do – gauge my interest level to the point where I want to throw down $10 bucks to see it. Doesn't look like there's a wedding or bachelor party involved for the Wolfpack bros though. I didn't get a vibe of what their motives were to blow up Las Vegas other than the city touching them in a bad place the first time around oh there it is. As I mentioned before, there's going to be a giraffe and Ken Jeong is back, so expect shenanigans.
Craig Ferguson becomes hero to Community fans everywhere for pointing out obvious: NBC's treatment of the show is bad and they should feel bad: A quick word on last week's episode "Cooperative Escapism in Familial Relations" if I may: THAT'S the Community I've been waiting to see since Dan Harmon was force-fed to the sharks. Jeff's speech to Papa Winger was pure gold, as well as the Shawshank Redemption and Prison Break parodies. Great right-feeling episode.
Anyway, Gillian Jacob – filling in for a too-sick-to-late-night-chat Alison Brie – appeared on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and talked about what normal celebrities usually talk about: trombones and blowjob jokes. Hey our target audience. Good looking out, guys. But the clincher was when Ferguson called NBC "f*ckin' idiots" for their inexcusable treatment of Community. This was in regards to how the Peacock Network kept yanking the show's chain around with their scheduling and seemingly showing a whole none of support. Watch Jacobs' reaction. It was the second perfect Britta facial expression of the week.
Taylor Swift to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler: "There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.": Remember when mean girls Tina Fey and Amy Poehler poked ruthless fun towards angel pie Taylor Swift at the Golden Globes a few weeks back? Let's go back to that night in question:
"You know what, Taylor Swift? You stay away from Michael J Fox's son," Tina Fey told a laughing crowd.
Amy Poehler joked that maybe Swift should "go for it," and Fey replied, "No, she needs some me time to learn about herself." - Huffington Post
I agree with what all of you must be saying: totally unnecessary on their part. If there is one person on this Earth unworthy of wisecracks, it is unicorn bubblegum flavored Taylor Swift. Her music is an inspiration to a nation tired of listening to whatever poop noise comes out of Justin Timberlake or Rihanna's mouth. Her clearly more mature fans were right to throw back a lot of guff (and whimsical Twitter messages) in the duo's direction.
Fast forward to week's later and America's Most Valuable Prom Queen had a personal response towards the high-strung duo who viciously mocked her in front of millions:
"You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people," Taylor Swift tells Vanity Fair contributing editor Nancy Jo Sales on the subject of mean girls in general and in response to an incident at the Golden Globes, where Amy Poehler and Tina Fey mocked her scrutinized love life. "Because she said to me she had heard a quote that she loved, that said, ‘There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.'" - Variety
Taylor Swift speaks the truth and the truth is harsh. So then Amy says to Taylor, she says:
"Aw, I feel bad if she was upset. I am a feminist, and she is a young and talented girl. That being said, I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff." - THR
OH OH leaving a few numbers out of our taxes, are we Ms. Poehler? How can you not hate this woman? On that note, would you please not invite me to your leisure lunch-in whatever I'm in town or wherever you are, Amy?
Tina Fey was not to be outclassed by her friend's non-reasonable response.
Recent video footage shows the Admission star brushing off a paparazzi who asked her if she thought Swift overreacted to the joke. Fey laughed at him and responded, "Go f*ck yourself."
Fey stopped for a moment to talk to a fan who wanted to say hello, and then told the pap "Go f*ck yourself" once again when asked for a comment. - Oh No They Didn't!
Now we further know why Hell has an open spot for Tina – she's calling out modest photographers and putting them in their place. That's not very nice. I don't see how Tina Fey should be labeled as a HERO after all this nonsense. But I guess she won't have to worry about it once she transfers to her new (warmer) living arrangements. Don't worry, she'll meet Amy Poehler there and the two can cause mayhem for the rest of eternity.
This blurb is brought to you from Opposite Land, where people wear hat on their feet and Taylor Swift isn't seen as a thin-skinned humorless crazy person.
UK voted Twilight's Bella Swan as their favorite movie mom: The title should have read "UK voted most insane by sane people everywhere" but I guess the one in its place will do.
Twilight character Bella Swan has been named Britain's Favourite Movie Mum in a new poll.
The list, which was published by Empire, saw the vampire heroine played by actress Kristen Stewart come out on top, fending off competition from Meryl Streep's portrayal of Donna Sheridan in Mamma Mia! and Molly Weasley, as played by Julie Walters, in the Harry Potter franchise.
Swan won the poll despite not being a mother in the majority of films in the Twilight franchise - she gives birth to her daughter Renesmee in the penultimate installment in the series, Breaking Dawn - Part 1. - NME
Pssh, whatever. She's not as cool as the mom who went door-to-door selling porn tapes or the mom who got drunk and tried to flee a DUI on a power wheels truck. I'm not ever sure they are moms. That's how cool they are.
Nicolas Cage no longer wants to be Ghost Rider: Maria! My mighty heart is breaking. I'll be at the bar.
Did you know Cage based his Ghost Rider 2 performance on his pet cobra? His pet cobra. I'd be shocked if he didn't have one. Or the time he painted his face with black and white skull makeup to really get into the character, including blacking out his eyes with black contact lenses as to not see the pupils. It was only then he was able to feel the nightmare fuel that was the Spirit of Vengeance.
Sigh. I'm going to miss all that. It's not entirely Cage's fault for the lackluster state of the Ghost Rider franchise – nor was it his fault for when a stuntman was seriously injured during a horrific motorcycle stunt accident, but then how do we know completely? Cage does have a habit in putting death into a moral's soul – but I can tell you it's not because he half-assed his way into the role, that's for darn true.
Since we talked about both of them at length within the same section, I guess it would only be inappropriate if I didn't post Taylor Swift ft. Nicolas Cage's music video called "I Knew You Were Trouble." Hint: it involves The Wicker Man (no doubt making 411 reader Benjamin J happy) and Taylor Swift Boyfriend #56.
Lindsay Lohan offered house arrest (what?) but she turned it down (what??) because reasons: For all the law future street performer/freeloader Lindsay Lohan has learned over the last few years while breaking them, you think she'd learn a thing or two about the way it works. You break a law, you are punished for it. So far she has been able to use her (plummeting) celebrity status to avoid stark sentences like long-term jail time, but this time we might be past the point of no return. Leave it to Lohan to conjure up the confidence necessary to think there is a chance she won't go to the slammer because of all the stuff – illegal stuff, non-law-friendly stuff – she did last year and the year after that and the year after that and so on.
Lindsay Lohan has reportedly been offered a house arrest deal, but the troubled starlet is not interested.
Prosecutors are allegedly offering Lohan the option of 90 days under house arrest to end her probation violation case and keep her out of jail, according to TMZ. However, the actress doesn't want to accept any punishment because she allegedly claims she did no wrong. - The Huffington Post
I would kill for a 90 day house arrest sentence if, you know, I had actually killed someone. No court of law is going to be able to prove that, so there is no need to look in the dirt at high school football stadiums. In any event, Lindsay claims she has done no wrong – to which I say she's clearly been pushing Liz & Dick out of her memory. Oh, and I guess she figures stealing $2,5000 necklaces, lying to the cops about wayward car accidents, and breaking probation doesn't count as air quotes breaking the law un-air quotes. That Lohan. YOLO.
Captain Canuck is the Canadian version of Captain American and is already steps ahead of whatever Justice League is doing: Oh this is just hilarious. And sad. Hilariously sad.
As Captain Canuck continues his journey from the comic book to the big screen, the iconic masked crusader will also feature in a new animated web series.
Comic book writer Richard Comely, who launched the Captain Canuck franchise in 1975 with fellow artist George Freeman, has tapped Captain Canuck INC and animation partner Smiley Guy Studios to produce the five episode online series.
The Captain Canuck superhero will be voiced by Kris Holden-Reid (Lost Girl), and his arch-nemesis, Mr. Gold, will be voiced by Paul Amos (Warehouse 13). - THR
In layman's terms, Captain Canuck will appear in animated form – to remind people that the kinder and gentler version of Captain America exists – before moving on to a big screen version. So far the film has no star, plot, or anything to suggest a Captain Canuck movie is imminent, other than hiring writer Arne Olsen to write the screenplay. You'll be happy to know Olsen's claim to fame was penning Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie and Cop and a Half. So…there's that at least.
Where does this leave Justice League? The obvious answer is eating Captain Canuck's dust as he races closer towards the box office bucks. I guess you could say Warner Bros is really dropping the puck on this one, aye? Oh well, that's the way the maple…sticks. Canadian wordplay! Or or…don't look for Justice League to mountie a rally anytime soon!
… … …
Oh shut up.
Check your childhood at the door: Topanga is on the cover of Maxim: Yak yak column blurb yak yak filler words yak yak hey look it's Boy Meets World actress Danielle something oh whatever you know her as Topanga anyway hey bros it's Topanga on the cover of Maxim. HHHHNNNGGG.
Oh and Steve Carell too? Nice
I don't know if she knows she went to the store in her underwear, but why mess it up by correcting her
Sofia Vergara has boob guns now according to Robert Rodriguez's Machete Kills: Wait wait…let me check the director…
…Yuuup. It's Robert Rodriguez's handiwork all right. From the man that brought us the penis rifle in Dusk Till Dawn and the guitar guns/grenade bomb launcher in Once Upon a Time in Mexico brings you his more cleverest and maturestest weapon yet – Sofia Vergara's boob guns. What a huge…gun rack. HEH! Sorry, I used up all my clever puns in the Captain Canuck blurb. Puns are hard.
Anyway, there is a lot of ridiculousness to be found in the poster below, not to mention the questions. Where do the bullets come from? Where are they even stored? Are these the killer boobs we really need to worry about? Would Seth MacFarlane write a song about this knowing full well the joke would be on him and by "joke" I mean bullet holes? Would Sofia be offended if I made "pew-pew" sounds around her? These are the questions that are going to keep me up at night.
More trailers: Bad Lip Reading's version of the The Amazing Spider-Man & Honest Trailer's Twilight 4: Breaking Dawn: Since we are in a trailer-watchin' mood this week, I thought you might also enjoy these classic entries from the vault of pleasantry trailers. Taylor Swift was reportedly not impressed with them. Rumor has it she has condemned these two fine pieces of work to the same special place in Hell where Fey and Poehler are going to reside. Isn't she just special?
This is McLovin, the saddest Superbad geekDan Patrick contributor cat in the world. Just look at him. Look at his sad little face. Listen to the agony of his underwater meows as if bath time is the worst thing to happen since we let Bob Baker on TV – meows that are telling us "hey just to let you know I'm not really comfortable with this. Mewblub. That noise is my way of expressing sadness mewblub." So sad!
I thought the last fight was a thing of beauty. I've had both of them on queue for a while, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pit them against each other in a hyped battle of GSGNEPCHT (GIFs So Great Not Even Photobucket Can Handle Them.) Monday, March 4th was that "It's Time" moment. Now for the moment of truth: Toilet Paper Gun (63.57%) beats Oprah's Killer Bees (36.43%) in, what I must say, was a disappointing conclusion. I had high hopes that it would be a must closer affair, though it's not your fault. Tough beating homemade toilet paper gun.
This is the first non-celebrity non-recognizable-figure fight I've done in weeks. Regular folk need some lovin' too and what better way than to express humanity than to post animated shots of them going about their silly antics while someone at the right place right time records it so it can posted on the Internet for our amusement and mock sessions. What's wrong with that?
The baby race reminds me a little bit of Mario Kart. Is that what they're doing? If so, good work kids. Putting our future in your hands is looking to be a safe bet. If there is a minor quarrel, I would have recreated the wall jump trick from Wario Stadium. Do that and you'd had gotten my vote 100% guarantee.
Up against baby's infinite turnpike is a GIF I have headlined "Man's Best Friend Saves Human Friend From Hilariously Almost Tragic Fall." (Alternative: "Man's Best Friend Enjoys Humping Human Friend's Head Due To Hilariously Almost Tragic Fall.") Dude should be happy the dog was there – as opposed to landing in a pile of old crutches – to save the day, even if it does look like the playful pup is enjoying himself a little too much.
Last word: I rarely drink soda on a regular basis anymore. I might save it for special occasions – birthday party, potluck, Super Bowl sadness hangovers, what have you – but most of the time it's all water all the time up in this bod.
Except a co-worker handed me a can of Mountain Dew Voltage the other day, something I never knew existed, due to my awesome ability to not have an important project burn into the ground. I drank about half of it. Not bad. I liked the mix of citrus and blueberry flavor and the sweet sugarrrrr HOLY COW there's a lot of that in here.
I spent the rest of day building farmhouses. Made four in less than two hours. They're spectacularly shoddy at best. The farmhouse inspector made that very clear. Not that I argued with him, since I believe horror-doomed teenagers wouldn't even use them as a sex romp for their sex romp. If I didn't bring it up to code the inspector would have the city tear them down. All of that hard subpar work will be for nothing, like working as an unpaid intern in the newspaper industry or to anyone who purchased SimCity on launch day and had their entire city wiped clean after six hours of playing time – this scenario is only true if you were able to get through into any of the limited and overpopulated servers in the first place and that's a mighty be "if" – because EA insisted on having the game always online (even if you just want to start a single campaign) and therefore insisted on having the worst launch in recent video game history. Just as things were looking grim, a space dog named Marbles flew down from the sky and agreed to help renovate the poor craftsmanship of the farmhouses. So we did. Our entire conversation during construction consisted of how much Daylight Savings Time sucks, what needs to be done in order for Louis C.K. to become president (of everything), and why Blow starring Johnny Deep and Penelope Cruz is great and not talked about more than it should.
I love Rice Krispie Treats cereal and hiding in clearance shirt rakes at department stores. I have no idea where that came from.
After the completion I sold the houses to Pepperidge Farms for a hefty sum. They're now used to house new types of mutated food invented to sell back to a community of kids looking for an enjoyable way to boost their nutrients. Remember when we lived in a world without the amazing combination of tomato and Skittles in which we call Skittmatos? Pepperidge Farm remembers. I used the money to buy the Los Angeles Lakers and then cut everybody from the Los Angeles Lakers because I hate the Los Angeles Lakers. I wanted Marbles to stay and become my new house pet but sadly he had to go back to his home planet. We still write to each other on a monthly basis. I used the rest of the night to watch new episodes of Community and Archer and this new show I like to call Going Outside and Fighting with Alley Cats. So much urine.
I drank the other half of the soda and used it to write a short story.