The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 10.14.13 Issue #277: Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust (2008)
Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 10.14.2013
In this issue the 6th Annual October Slasher Movie Celebration continues with a look at 2008ís Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust, plus two TV Quick Hits, two new batches of Things to Watch Out For This Week, a new B-Movie Babe is named, a new Douchebag of the Week is crowned, and more. Check it out.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #277: Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust (2008)
The 6th Annual The Gratuitous B-Movie Column October Slasher Movie Celebration: Week 3
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never been attacked by a demonic pastry, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number two hundred and seventy-seven, The 6th Annual The Gratuitous B-Movie Column October Slasher Movie Celebration continues with a look at the low budget slasher sequel Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust, which hit the movie watching world back in 2008.
Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust (2008)
Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust, directed by Silvia St. Croix, is one of the weirder movies from the Charles Band Full Moon movie factory, and that really is saying something. It almost feels like it was made by the wrong low budget movie company. At times, Gingerdead Man 2 feels like a sort of expensive Troma movie, with its goofy sense of humor, gross gore, and willingness to be politically incorrect. But it definitely looks like a Full Moon movie, as it has that bright sheen that so many modern Full Moon movies have. While it does drag at times, Gingerdead Man 2 is a worthy sequel and a ridiculously fun ridiculous low budget slasher flick.
Gingerdead Man 2 has the evil cookie man, this time voiced by John Vulich, replacing Gary Busey (Busey does appear at the very beginning in footage from the first movie, so he does show up in some capacity in the sequel), arriving on the set of "Tiny Terrors 9," a mega low budget horror movie produced by Cheatum Studios, a low rent, low budget genre company based out of Los Angeles. The producer of the "Tiny Terrors" flick, Kelvin Cheatum (Kevan Moezzi), is trying to hold his father's old studio together, but the low budget genre movies he produces are not as popular as the old movies Cheatum Studios put out. In fact, the set of "Tiny Terrors 9" is a madhouse, as nothing seems to work and no one is happy. Kelvin tries to put on a happy face and remain positive, but it's not enough to influence the people around him. Cheatum Studios is not long for this world.
Now, how did the Gingerdead Man get to the studio? Polly Bunderhoof (the wonderful Michelle Bauer), the sister of the owner of the bakery in the first movie, decides to bring a box of cookies sent from the bakery to the set. So, after doing that, the Gingerdead Man leaves the box and starts snooping around. What is the GDM looking for? A series of evil spell books that contain a spell that will allow the GDM to move to a human body. In order for this spell to work, the GDM has to kill five people, put their blood in a pentagram, and then sacrifice a virgin. Overly complicated? Yes. But then why should a body possession-murder scheme be simple?
So then the movie goes off on two tracks. We have the GDM running around the various movie sets killing people in hilariously gory ways (he kills people with a big knife, he sodomizes a guy with a hot curling iron, and cuts off a dude's hand, among other things), and then we have Kelvin giving a studio tour to Tommy Hines (Joseph Porter), a kid in a wheelchair who got the tour as part of the Rainbow's End Foundation (sort of like the Make-A-Wish Foundation). I don't want to say any more about the plot as the movie does contain a few surprises, especially when it comes to Tommy. I know I didn't see it coming.
What also surprised me about the movie is how it sort of plays as a movie parody of Full Moon founder Charles Band and the kind of movies Full Moon makes. "Tiny Terrors" is an obvious joke on the Puppet Master movies, and the other snippets of movies in production that we see look like movies Full Moon would make (I can't name which Full Moon movies they parody, but the feeling is there). And Kelvin is probably how Charles Band sees himself; a young movie guy trying to continue on in the family business. But then Kelvin is a bit of a douchebag, and the name of the studio, Cheatum, is a little weird. I mean, does Charles Band see himself as a cheat of some sort? Do other movie makers look at him as a cheat? As for the Troma influence, I defy anyone to watch this movie and not come to the conclusion that Lloyd Kaufman could have produced it. I mean, am I wrong here with this? There's a goddamn haunted dildo in the movie. Shouldn't Kaufman have already created an entire franchise on that one idea?
The slasher scenes are well done and ridiculous, just as you would expect them to be in a movie called Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust. There's plenty of gore, too. The only disturbing scene (I'm sorry, but the curling iron sodomy scene is so stupid you can't take it seriously) is the one involving Polly and a demon extra from "Tiny Terrors 9." Watching people impaled on a giant knife while in the middle of sex is just... wrong (ha). It's also wrong to have a sex scene with a woman as smoking hot as Bauer and not have a topless scene in conjunction with it. It just makes no sense not to do it.
The movie's jokey tone is well done and consistent throughout the movie, something you rarely see in low budget horror comedies. Having modern horror icons like director John Carl Buechler and make-up effects guru Greg Nicotero show up also helps with the jokey tone. Buechler, who also did the movie's practical special effects, is a riot as the disgruntled director of "Tiny Terrors 9." He should have stuck around until the end.
The performances are decent throughout. The only iffy performance is the one given by Jacob Witkin, who plays Sir Ian Cauvenaugh, a well respected actor who is conned into acting in "Tiny Terrors 9" as a favor to Kelvin's dead father, who, I guess, gave Cauvenaugh his big acting break back in the day. Witkin only has like three scenes in the whole movie, with his first one the best. His final scene makes no sense. I mean, why would he agree to use live ammunition on a movie set?
Vulich does a good job voicing the Gingerdead Man, but he isn't Gary Busey. Why couldn't Busey come back to do the voice? Did he want more money? Did he develop some sort of religious objection to the movie's subject matter (the Gingerdead Man is nailed to a cross at one point in the movie, an obvious parody of the Mel Gibson movie The Passion of the Christ. I guess that could offend some people, but then it's not like Gary Busey can afford to be choosey at this point in his career. There are only so many times he can appear on Jimmy Kimmel Live).
Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust is a slasher horror romp of the highest order. It'll make you laugh, it'll make you cringe, and then it will make you laugh some more. I can't wait to see the third movie next year, when it appears as a part of the 7th Annual October Slasher Movie Celebration. Next October can't get here soon enough. Ha.
See Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust. See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: 5+
Explosions: None worth mentioning.
Nudity?: None, and that's a damn shame.
Doobage: Low budget flashback to the first movie, a Satanic sacrifice, gold coin throwing, fake heart removal, a pirate devil doll with huge boobs, a doll called "shit for brains," a haunted dildo, a movie crew riot, a sick kid in a wheelchair, a very broken nose, a guy in a giant hamburger suit, a flaming homosexual make-up guy, a midget that has toilet paper issues, ass spanking, a book of spells, an off screen decapitation, spill cleaning, a joke about jazz dance, a hot curling iron up the butt, sex on a bathroom sink, a graphic spine stabbing, puppet sex, bloody hand removal, chainsaw attack, a scary boiler room, eye removal, a dangerous weaponized robot prop, a big attack on the internet, a backpack filled with explosives, a crucifixion, a fire, puppet decapitation, and a homeless man looking for his next meal.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous: A nursery rhyme parody, a flashback to the first movie featuring Gary Busey, an extended Puppet Master parody, John Carl Buechler, Michelle Bauer, a guy in a giant hamburger suit, attack on the internet, a flaming homosexual make-up man, a midget with toilet paper issues, David DeCoteau, Greg Nicotero, a scream queen joke, Fangoria Magazine, a hot curling iron up the butt, puppet sex, a dangerous weaponized robot prop, a crucifixion, and Adam Green.
Best lines: "Sonofabitch. Goddamn cocksucker," "Oh, get away from me you queen," "I gave you a blow job! You, too?," "Looks like my kind of place. Wait until they get a taste of me," "I guess it's time to get back to the bloodshed," "Don't you just love raw cookie dough?," "Hands off, bitch, he's mine," "Take it easy back there you asshole!," "This is going to be a fucking cakewalk!," "How about a little slice of fruit cake?," "That'll teach ya to eat raw cookie dough!," "Oh, God, open a window," "This looks like my kind of joint," "You're going to be okay? Okay? I just had my fucking hand cut off!," "What is that smell? It smells like cinnamon extract!," "That cookie is a killing machine!," "Nothing says loving like a head shot from the oven!," "Hello, my little cherry pie! Are you ready to have your bagel toasted, baby?," "Do you know how hard it is to fake a terminal illness for vengeance?," "I said shut up butt sniff!," "Rosebud!," "I got my virgin! Ha!," "Ah! I didn't know you could do that to a cookie1," and "I supposed that is the way the cookie crumbles, huh?"
*** Next week: Maniac Cop 2
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Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 1
- Pacific Rim: The best movie of the summer 2013 movie season didn't get much love from the American box office, but it did make enough money internationally to warrant a sequel, which is fine with me. Guillermo Del Toro has created a full on world in this movie, and I can't wait to see it again. And I still believe that Idris Elba deserves an Oscar nomination for this movie.
- Maniac: This is the remake of the William Lustig-Joe Spinell classic starring Elijah Wood. It did have a small theatrical run, but I'd imagine that most people who have already seen this movie saw it On Demand. The reviews for it have been okay. I'm interested to see if it's even half as sleazy as the original. When it comes to sleaze, the original Maniac is king.
- The Complete Space Rangers Collection: This early 1990's TV show only lasted six episodes, but it must have enough fans out there to warrant a DVD release. I can't imagine the fine folks at Mill Creek releasing a TV show with no audience behind it. That would be ridiculous. I don't even remember this show airing. Did anyone out there watch this when it was on? Anyone at all?
- The Colony: This lowish budget horror flick starring Larry Fishburne and Bill Paxton did get a small theatrical release not that long ago, so there's a chance you may have seen it. It didn't play anywhere near me so I didn't see it (it was on video-on-demand, but that isn't the same as seeing a movie in a theatre). The reviews for it were pretty bad, but I think that mostly had to do with the fact that, on some level, it's a zombie movie, and the people who decide what art is don't like zombie movies anymore. I still think it looks pretty decent.
- Dirty Wars: This documentary by director Rick Rowley and featuring the work of reporter Jeremy Scahill looks fantastic, and the fact that it's about something incredibly important, mainly America's covert wars around the world, makes it that much more of a must see. Just what has Scahill uncovered?
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Theme of the Week
TV Quick Hits
- Super Fun Night thoughts: While there is nothing particularly original going on with the new ABC sitcom Super Fun Night, I will say that it is one of the better new shows of this fall 2013 TV season. The three main female characters, played by Rebel Wilson, Lauren Ash, and the great Liza Lapira, are all appealing, warm, and funny. They have superb friend chemistry, and you always want to see them succeed, even when it's obvious that they have no hope of doing so (you just knew Wilson's Kimmy changing the group's internets personal profile was going to explode in all of their faces). The show's focus is obviously going to be on Wilson's character since she created the show, but if the show manages to last more than one season hopefully we get to see more of the work lives of Ash's Marika and Lapira's Helen-Alice. I'd really like to see, in depth, what the heck they do all day.
Kimmy's job at the law firm, at least at the moment, comes off as incomplete. Is she a full on lawyer at the firm, or does she just work there as some kind of researcher hoping for a spot on the roster to open up? I mean, are we going to see her try a case in a courtroom at some point? If that happens, will she end up losing her clothes somehow in the entrance door, similar to the way the elevator "stole" her dress? You'd think that she would switch to pant suits after that.
Why is Wilson using an American accent? Why isn't she using her natural Australian accent, the one she's known for? Is it because research shows American TV audiences don't like "foreign accents," or is it to provide contrast between Wilson's Kimmy and her friend/potential love interest at the firm Richard, played by Kevin Bishop, who has an English accent?
I hope the show lasts and that ABC keeps it around. After losing How to Live With Your Parents (For the Rest of Your Life), I don't think I can withstand another decent sitcom loss. Come on, ABC, be cool.
- Ziva's final episode on NCIS: Is it me, or did Ziva's departure from NCIS come off as a major non-event? I was expecting to feel an impending sense of loss, as though the show couldn't survive without her or something like that. Instead, it just seemed like something that was happening, something that couldn't be stopped, but at the same time something that didn't matter. I think I was expecting a little more, both in terms of participation of Cote de Pablo in the eleventh season's first two episodes, and, again, resonance. Yes, it was awesome to see Ziva hook up with DiNozzo, but even that didn't come off as the major event it should have been. It was all so low key, so seemingly insignificant. I don't know, maybe I'll feel different later in the season, when Ziva hasn't been around for a while and the team has moved on to other cases and has recruited another member. Maybe.
And is it me, or does it seem as though the team itself, outside of DiNozzo, hasn't entirely processed the loss of Ziva? Gibbs basically told everyone to "move on," and to a certain extent they'll have to because what Gibbs says goes, but, deep down, will the team be able to survive emotionally? The team survived after Kate's death, but she was only around for two years. Ziva was a part of the team for what, eight or nine years? That's a completely different kind of relationship.
So when do you think Ziva will come back as a guest star? Next year? Two years from now? Anyone want to venture a guess? I'm going to guess that if and when she does come back it will be next year. At least by then the show will have established a new female team member and will be a complete unit. That would seem to be a good time to bring Ziva back.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Babe of the Week: Junie Hoang
Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 2
- Jack-O-Slasher: I missed this low budget horror flick when it played at Scare-A-Con, so now that it's about to hit DVD I have no excuse but to check it out. It looks like a bloody riot. And that's always a good thing.
- Exploding Sun: This is some sort of Canadian mini-series thing that aired here in the United States on the Reelz Channel. I have no idea when it aired. David James Elliott is in it, so at least it has that going for it. Easily worth a rental at some point.
- Babysitter Massacre: Yet another low budget slasher flick for your viewing pleasure. The DVD cover/poster is freaking insane and disturbing (will that face appear on T-shirt at some point soon?), and the trailer is one of the best I've seen in a long time. Could very well be a part of the 7th annual Slasher Movie Celebration next year.
- Murder University: I can't tell if this is meant to be a low budget slasher flick or one of those weird beard murdering cult movies. Either way it looks fantastic, and with that DVD cover it had better be. You don't want to waste a DVD cover like that on some lame ass movie.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week
This week, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week goes to pro gun lunatic Alan Gottlieb, who wants to designate December 14th, the 1st anniversary of the Newtown school massacre, as "Guns Save Lives Day." Gottlieb, according to the Daily News, is afraid that gun control groups are going to try to "own the day," and he wants to beat them to the punch. Because nothing apparently proves your point of "guns save lives" more than a story where twenty little kids were shot dead by a heavily armed nut job. If only the principal or one of the teachers had a gun, maybe the killer wouldn't have been able to kill as many people as he did. Yes, maybe in the panic of the situation the armed principal or the teachers could have joined in on the dead kid body count while trying to get at the killer.
I mean, if you're worried that your political opposition is going to turn a sad anniversary into a stunt for support, shouldn't you just point that out repeatedly and, in the process, try really hard not to look like a total douchebag asshole? That would seem to be the better overall strategy. But then, when you're dealing with people who constantly think someone wants to take their guns so they can then be raped by criminals you're not dealing with rational people.
Disgraceful. Shameless. Despicable. Gottlieb just shot into the running for Douchebag of the Year.
And then there's the Republican Party, for whining about a recent NBC/Wall Street Journal poll showing that a majority of Americans blame the party and its members in Congress for the ongoing government shutdown. The poll was rigged, the party claims. It had too many Democrats represented in it; it had too many furloughed government employees in it; it was conducted by the leaders of the liberal media (the Wall Street Journal is a part of the "liberal media?" Did anyone tell that to Rupert Murdoch?). And why isn't the liberal media talking about President Obama's negative approval rating (it is talking about it. No one in the federal government is getting much in the way of love at the moment. But pointing that out just shows you have an agenda, queer)? See? See? It's all a big plot to undermine America and turn us into a socialist prison! James Woods is right!
The Republican Party wants a higher overall national approval rating? Stop threatening to shut the government down every time you don't get your way. If you want the President to negotiate with you stop threatening to impeach him. Accept that you lost the last election and move on. Stop holding the world economy hostage. It's ridiculous.
Does anyone really want to go through this shit again in six weeks if the debt ceiling is raised by Thursday and the government reopens?
And finally there's former NFL coach Mike Ditka, for claiming that he could have beaten Barack Obama back in 2004 when Obama ran for Senate. While I have no doubt that Coach Ditka would have accumulated more votes than the actual 2004 Republican candidate, the immortal Alan Keyes, I seriously doubt that Ditka would have beaten Obama. Being a politician and running for office is not the same as yelling at a bunch of grown men playing a kids game or being a prick and a bully (which is what all coaches are), and that fact would have become incredibly obvious during Ditka's campaign. Ditka also would have had to debate Obama at least once, and Ditka would have been destroyed in that debate. And that's why, in the end, when he was asked back in 2004 to run, he declined. He knew back then he couldn't do it, he couldn't win. So what exactly is the point of saying now "I wish I ran and I could have beaten him?"
I mean, shouldn't the Republicans that love him so much right now vilify him for being selfish back in 2004? Shouldn't he be a pariah in the state and national party? Shouldn't campaign recruiters be telling potential candidates "Come on, man, your country needs you. Don't pull a Ditka?"
This is all very confusing.
NASCAR and Indycar thoughts
I only got to see the last chunk of the NASCAR Sprint Cup race from Charlotte, but from what I read it doesn't sound like I missed much. Brad Keselowski won the race, holding off Kasey Kahne at the end for his first win of the year. Kahne and his Hendrick teammate and fellow Chase contender Jimmie Johnson seemed to own the race, each leading a majority of the laps (I believe that Johnson was credited with leading the most laps overall). It was a good race at the end, though, as Keselowski and Kahne battled back and forth for the lead.
I didn't get to see any of the Nationwide race on Friday night, and I'm sort of annoyed by that. Kyle Busch won the race, his eleventh Nationwide win of the year, but it doesn't sound like it was a Busch romp like usual. Sam Hornish, Jr. tried to make up ground on Austin Dillon, but it doesn't sound like he did (Dillon is still in the points lead). The Nationwide Series disappears for two weeks, with its next race on November 2nd at Texas. Talladega is up next for the Sprint Cup Series. The Camping World Trucks Series returns to the track at Talladega on Saturday, and then appears the following Saturday at Martinsville. Who the hell made this schedule?
Over in Indycar, the series is set to end its 2013 season at California Speedway this Saturday night, with Scott Dixon holding a 25 point lead over tax cheat Helio Castroneves. Both Dixon and Castroneves have oval wins this year, so it'll be interesting to see who can outrun who. It'll also be interesting to see if the teammates of Dixon and Castroneves play a part in the end of the race and the championship. Dixon is set to have Alex Tagliani as his teammate in the Target #10 car, subbing for the injured Dario Franchitti, and Charlie Kimball in the third Ganassi car, and Castroneves will have Will Power and A.J. Allmendinger as his teammates. Some people believe that Castroneves car owner Roger Penske is up to something with Allmendinger, although I can't fathom what that could be. It's not like Penske is going to send Allmendinger out onto the track to take Dixon out at any point during the race. Anyone out there have any insight on this?
The Indycar season finale airs on the NBC Sports Network Saturday night at 8pm EST. I'd imagine that the actual race won't get started until around 8:45 or so, since there will be some sort of pre-race show focusing on the championship and Dario Franchitti's recovery. It'll be great to see the Indycars back where they belong, on an oval, but it always stinks when the season is over. We won't see the Indycars again until March of 2014. That's a long, long wait.
Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that.
If there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.
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Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust
Kevan Moezzi- Kelvin Cheatum Kelsey Sanders- Heather Joseph Porter- Tommy Hines Michelle Bauer- Polly Bunderhoof Jacob Witkin- Sir Ian Cauvenaugh John Carl Buechler- Orson Biggs John Vulich- Gingerdead Man (voice)
Directed by Silvia St. Croix Screenplay by Muffy Bolding, William Butler, and Aaron Strongoni, based on a story by William Butler
Distributed by Full Moon Entertainment and Echo Bridge Home Entertainment Unrated Runtime- 80 minutes