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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 5.26.14 Issue #308: Collision Earth (2011)
Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 05.26.2014



The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #308: Collision Earth (2011)


MAYhem: Week 4


Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has no idea where those pancakes came from. The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number three hundred and eight, MAYhem concludes with a look at the 2011 low budget natural disaster flick Collision Earth, directed by Paul Ziller.


Collision Earth (2011)



Collision Earth is one of the most brutal low budget natural disaster movies I think I've ever seen. It's intense, dark, and likes to jump back and forth between being kind of funny and weird and then deadly serious. It makes for an awkward but rewarding movie watching experience.

The movie stars Kirk Acevedo as Dr. James Preston, a former government scientist who gives terrifying college lectures about the possible end of the world. After giving one of those scary lectures, Dr. Preston is contacted by the government space agency he used to work for because his wife and astronaut Victoria (Diane Farr) is stranded in space. Something bad and scary happened on the spacecraft (it's not really a shuttle) and Preston's old pal at the agency, Jennifer Kelly (Catherine Lough Haggquist), figured he should know. So then some stuff happens, and suddenly, Preston's super secret project that he had been working on before he was fired, Project 7, starts downloading data from space. Preston, shocked by the ongoing space crisis and the activation of his old project, tries to figure out what really happened. Apparently something happened in space to force the planet Mercury out of its orbit around the sun, and as a result of that happening super magnetized chunks of the planet have started raining down on Earth. The magnetized chunks are also responsible for disabling Victoria's spacecraft.

So then some more stuff happens, Preston becomes convinced that if he can sway his old boss Edward Rex (Andrew Airlie) into restarting Project 7 that the project can stop the Mercury chunks from falling from the sky and, most importantly, prevent Mercury as a whole from colliding with Earth. Of course, since Preston is a pariah at the old space agency Edward has absolutely no interesting in listening to him (Preston is a disgraced scientist, and since Preston has been illegally and secretly working on Project 7 the man has no credibility). Edward wants to try something else to deflect Mercury, a space missile scheme that has never really been tried. Preston knows that the missile scheme won't work, but, again, since he has no real "in" at his old job (Jennifer may be his friend but she isn't going to risk her job for him, even if the world is about to end) no one is going to listen to him. However, since Preston wants to save his wife and the Earth from total destruction he wants to make an effort to save everyone and everything.

So while all of that is going on (Preston is joined in his quest by his goofy buddy Mathew, as played by Adam Greydon Reid), Brooke Adamson and Christopher Weaver (Jessica Parker Kennedy and Chad Krowchuk), college students who are also conspiracy theorists who operate a pirate college radio station, somehow contact Victoria in space with a cobbled together radio phone. Victoria, who can no longer contact HQ because the debris in space destroyed her communications, asks Brooke and Christopher to help her contact her husband because, well, he'll know how to help. The college students are reluctant to do as Victoria asks because, for all they know, Victoria is engaging in a scam, but they eventually relent and find Preston and let him talk with his wife.

Yes, the plot is kind of complicated (I left out a bunch of stuff), but it never feels complicated while you're watching it. When it switches between what Victoria is dealing with in space and what her husband Preston is trying to do to save her it never once feels like you're watching two separate movies. I thought that the switching back and forth would be an issue as the difference between the special effects is vast (the effects in space are breathtaking and don't match the stuff we see on Earth), but the movie manages the differences expertly and the movie works in the end.

I was surprised at how jarring various character deaths are. No one gets a big death scene, and when someone does die he or she goddamn dies. Again, there's no big death scene, no "I'm not going to make it" or "Tell my wife I love her" stuff; when someone dies that's it. He or she is just dead. Two characters die in car accidents and I was on the verge of crying both times (people dying with their eyes open in movies is something you don't see all that often). And the mass destruction we see is awkward feeling, too. Things explode and whatnot and it's just devastating. And when we see some of the spacecraft crew die in space, my God it's harsh. How the heck did this movie not get a TV-MA rating?

Acevedo is excellent as Preston. He's intense, terrified, and determined to save his wife and save the world and you always feel what he's feeling. You root for him to get his Project 7 back online, even though you have no idea what it is exactly or if it will work. It doesn't really matter. You're with him from the beginning and you want him to win. If he wins maybe he'll calm down and stop being so dang intense. He does have a few light moments, mostly with Andrew Greydon Reid's Mathew (you'll love the scene where they have to fight a cop), so it isn't a one note performance.

Diane Farr does a great job as Victoria, the lone survivor on a doomed spacecraft. She spends most of her screen time reacting to special effects she can't see and she's damn good at it. It also helps that she has the kind of screen charisma that makes you want to watch her regardless of what she's doing. Jessica Parker Kennedy is the more interesting of the college students as you can tell that she really believes in what she's doing at the pirate radio station. Krowchuk's Christopher is a little too nerdy for his own good at times but you enjoy watching him anyway.

The only performance I didn't care for was Andrew Airlie as Edward Rex. Edward is meant to be an asshole, but he comes off as more pathetic than anything else. And Catherine Lough Haggquist is just okay as Jennifer. I don't like what happens to her.

The special effects are maddening. Again, the stuff we see in space is brilliantly executed, some of the best CGI stuff you're likely to see in any low budget movie of the last ten years or so. The effects on Earth, however, move between okay and ridiculously bad. There are moments where the flying debris we see doesn't look like it's actually happening in the movie; it's almost like it's happening on a clear screen that the actors are performing behind. And there's a scene where cars are lifted into the sky and everything is just too damn blurry. Did the producers run out of money and couldn't finish the effects?

Collision Earth is a damn good movie. It's got some bad effects, but just about everything else works. It might depress you a bit, but it's worth seeing.

See Collision Earth. See it, see it, see it.


So what do we have here?


Dead bodies: Hundreds, maybe thousands. It's difficult to tell.

Explosions: Multiple.

Nudity?: None.

Doobage: A solar event, radiation shields, a major malfunction, a space fire, a half full college lecture hall, satellite destruction, a lack of oxygen, a sky filled with meteors and comets, multiple meteor strikes, a car that's turned into a magnet, an out of control truck, levitating cars, the destruction of Seattle, an unlocked sliding glass door, multiple power surges, an old hangar filled with junk, shelving unit to the back, hand biting, an ass kicking, old guy crushed by a falling car, off screen bondage, a white room filled with filing cabinets, more ass kicking, a car jacking, highway devastation, multiple missile launches, exploding missiles, telephone poll bondage, exploding government facility, dead body in the back of a car, a broken rock hill, old computers, and an ending involving an I-pod.

Kim Richards?: Implied.

Gratuitous: Solar event, space destruction, an intense and scary college lecture, the destruction of Mercury, a guy using a tablet, an unstable sun, a magnetized Mercury, a college pirate radio station, cars levitating into the air, an unlocked sliding glass door, multiple power surges, a creepy old guy with a gun, a lack of organization, sound in space, and old computers.

Best lines: "Remind me to fire the maid," "Chaos. Destruction. Unpredictability. Our universe is a dangerous place," "Mercury is on the move. How is that possible?," "I enjoy riding my bike to work everyday," "Whoa! Something is definitely wrong!," "This is beyond an extinction level event. This is the end of the world," "This all must be connected to Mercury!," "What kind of guy keeps plans for a top secret weapon on his home computer?," "Vic you there? Victoria?," "Vic, there's been a huge magnetic event," "That's a suicide mission! Magnetism is too unpredictable!," "Earthquake? No, worse, we're being hit by massive waves of electromagnetic energy," "Project 7? What were projects 1 through 6?," "Next time I'll tie him up. I'm sorry, they don't teach you how to tie people up in astronomy school," "It's happening again!," and "Time to go home."


Rating: 8.5/10.0

***

Next week: Zombies! begins with Battle of the Undead (2013)!



***

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: The Facebook Page!








Please check out The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page, which can be seen here. There's not much there at the moment, but, as time goes by, expect to see daily questions and musings and other B-movie hooey (this really is going to happen at some point). And it would be cool if you "liked" it, too.

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page! Yeah!


And please check out my interview with director Brett A. Hart about the Ain't It Cool internet show and more!




***

Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 1









- The Dinosaur Experiment: I saw a good chunk of this movie at Scareacon last year when it was known as Raptor Ranch. I don't quite understand why the name was changed (Raptor Ranch is a much cooler name. I mean, what the hell does The Dinosaur Experiment mean?) but it is worth checking out. The great Lorenzo Lamas is in it, and the dinosaur special effects actually look kind of cool. I can't wait to see the whole thing.














- Independence Daysaster: I'm guessing this is meant to be a sort of "mockbuster" of Independence Day, a movie that came out in 1996. It seems kind of weird to do a mockbuster seventeen years later, but what the heck? It looks kind of cool, and when it comes to low budget alien invasion movies that's all you really need. The title is a little weird, though.















- Tapped Out: Michael Biehn and Martin fucking Kove are in this low budget MMA movie, which doesn't look too bad. I like the revenge aspect seen in the trailer, which will no doubt help make the movie something more than an MMA tournament movie.
















- Saving Grace B. Jones: This low budget thriller has a great cast (Michel Biehn, Tatum O'Neal, Penelope Ann Miller, and Scott Wilson are in it) and an interesting period look to it. I just hope that it's as freaky and scary as the trailer below suggests. I mean, I am freaked out right now just thinking about the trailer and I watched it three days ago.











***

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Theme of the Week



In honor of Memorial Day... enjoy.








***

TV Quick Hits






- Chicago P.D. season finale thoughts: So, did Voight kill Detective Jin or did Voight have someone else do it? Or is it just a big honking coincidence that after Voight found out that Jin was working for IAB and threatened him Jin shows up dead somewhere? At this point in the world of Chicago P.D. you just don't know. Voight has shown himself to be a despicable but likeable in a TV show kind of way bastard that will do absolutely anything to get what he wants and I wouldn't be surprised if the second season starts with a flashback scene where we actually see Voight killing Jin. But then perhaps that's just too easy. Perhaps someone else did it, someone we haven't seen yet. Again. Voight is a bastard, but is he, in this instance, the bastard that did in Jin? Did the IAB guy do it, the one that "controls" Voight? Could Jin's death be a set-up to bring Voight down once and for all?

Officer Burgess getting passed over for a slot on Voight's Intelligence unit will no doubt make her a badass next season. She figured out that restaurant was getting robbed while her old, lazy partner was only interested in getting something to eat so he could then get back to the squad car so he could get another nap (reminded me of Scully on Brooklyn Nine-Nine). It will be interesting to see how she does with her new partner, not to mention how long it will take her to choose what she wants. Voight told Burgess that she couldn't be a part of his team because she was romantically involved with Ruzek. Will she dump Ruzek in the middle of season two, or will she keep going with him and become a super patrol cop? Or, will she become such a big deal in the city that Voight will be forced to take her into his unit?

Olinsky, as played by the great Elias Koteas, is still a bit of a mystery. He's an "old school" cop that Voight trusts with everything and always seems to be up to do the nasty stuff that Voight always wants to do, but at the same time he isn't a psycho. What the heck is he going to do in season two? Is he going to have a big ongoing storyline where we find out more about him?

Season two can't get here fast enough. I want to see what the heck is going to happen to Voight. What did he do? What did he not do?














- Castle season finale thoughts: What I liked about the season six finale of Castle is that it made a rather hackneyed plot we've seen a million times on TV (a female character on the verge of getting married to her true love finds out that she's actually been married for several years to some idiot) and made it fun and seem fresh. It was fun watching Beckett hoof it around that small town looking for her "husband," running into all kinds of weirdoes. And then when Castle showed up to "help" and then the biker gang appeared I was on the edge of my seat. What else would happen to Beckett and Castle as they try to get married? I didn't see the mob guy in hiding coming into it. I was a little disappointed, though, that the episode didn't end with a cliffhanger there in that room with the mob guy and his goons and the pissed off biker gang. Am I the only one who has a hard time believing that that mob guy would give up that easy? Wouldn't he just shoot that lead biker guy in the throat at the mere mention of the award for his capture?


Now, the cliffhanger that the season actually ended on is a bit of a head scratcher. Who ran Castle off the road? Was it that guy that disappeared off that bridge in that one episode? Is it someone involved in the never ending "Beckett's dead mother" story? Or will it have something to do with Castle's father James Brolin? Did Brolin do it? Flaming cars figure into lots of spy fiction, don't they?

I really can't guess where the show is going to go with this. Castle is obviously not dead, but I guess it could play up the whole "unidentified charred body in the car that resembles Richard Castle" thing for an episode or two. Or the season premiere could have a recap of the finale, and then start up with Beckett looking at the flaming car and then have Castle walk into frame right behind her. Will the next season premiere go for more drama or comedy?


I hope it ends up more comedy than drama. I think Castle works better when it's silly instead of dark and morose. Am I the only one who thinks this?













- The Blacklist season finale thoughts: Reddington is Lizzie's father. I know he keeps saying that he isn't her father, but with the cryptic way he speaks and the whole scar thing on his back I don't see how it can work out any other way. Reddington has to be Lizzie's father. I guess Berlin could end up being her father, but I don't think the world would accept that. It would just be too out there, even for this show.

I was pissed when Parminder Nagra's character Agent Malik character was killed. I loved her on the show and I wanted to see her do more stuff. If anyone had to die I was kind of hoping that Tom would die. I've never liked Tom and he's even more annoying now that it's well known that he's a super assassin killer. He's obviously still alive, even after losing all of that blood, and will probably end up being a bigger pain in the ass when season two starts and we see more from Berlin.

Berlin, the now handless maniac. I was expecting a bigger name to play the character, as having Peter Stormare, at least on paper, seems a little too obvious. But then, Stormare is a great actor and when he's given free reign to be a lunatic it's always worth watching. And I have a feeling that Berlin, when he's not hidden in shadow, will be a raving psychopath on this show. Remember that two part episode when the HQ was infiltrated by that disfigured madman? Are we going to see more of that kind of thing with Berlin?

I'm also curious to see who else is a part of the organization that Alan Alda's character in involved in. Will we see big names guest star in those roles, or is this going to be the Alan Alda show?

The Blacklist was the best new drama of the 2013-2014 season. Hopefully, it can remain a great show in its second season.





***


The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Babe of the Week: Diane Farr











***

Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 2





- The Evil Within: This movie was apparently known at one time as Mine Games, so there's a chance you may have already seen this under that title. I haven't. The concept of a bunch of young people going out into the woods and getting attacked is, granted, cliché as hell, but the movie looks good, and that always makes it worth a rental.







- Super Collider: I'm shocked that a big studio hasn't already tried to do a movie about a super Haldron collider destroying or altering the world. And while it does have a low budget Freejack vibe about it, that could work to its advantage. I mean, how often does someone try to do a sort of low budget Freejack?







- Ghostquake: I thought this was a movie about a haunted high school? What is this earthquake shit about? Danny Trejo appears in this, so it has that going for it, too. And, holy hooey, M.C. Gainey! That guy always comes across as messed up and freaky as all hooha! I just wish I knew why the movie was retitled to Ghostquake. I mean, again, what the hell is that about? Why isn't there more "earthquake" stuff in the trailer?





***
What's Going on Here?: The Expendables 3 rated PG-13? What?



When Sylvester Stallone, the mastermind behind The Expendables franchise, recently announced that he was aiming for a PG-13 rating for part three the action movie nerd world exploded with disapproval. The first two movies were R rated, and anything less than that for part 3 is unacceptable. Look at what happened with the Die Hard franchise. Yes, part 5 was R rated, but after part 4 was PG-13 the damage had already been done. Some sort of internets movement is already underway for a boycott of The Expendables 3 until Stallone and Lionsgate and Millennium Films come to their senses and make the right decision.

While I sympathize with the anti-PG-13 sentiment I think we all need to calm down a little. First, as far as I know, The Expendables 3 doesn't have an official rating just yet. Second, Stallone said that he was aiming for a PG-13 rating. There's still a chance that the movie could be rated R, after submitting the movie to the MPAA several times (you can only make so many cuts). And third, you know that we're going to get some sort of "unrated" DVD at some point, so why get that upset about not having an R rated movie in theatres? We'll eventually get what we want.

And think about this: Stallone's last two R rated movies, Escape Plan and Bullet to the Head, both tanked at the box office. Ahnold Schwarzenegger, an integral part of the ongoing franchise, has also had several massive box office failures since coming back to acting and making R rated action movies (Ahnold's last movie, the great Sabotage, was nothing short of a spectacular failure earlier this year). Maybe Stallone and Ahnold, by making a movie that can reach a wider audience, can make a little more money than last time and keep making movies like The Expendables. In the end, isn't that what's most important?

Of course it is.

I said back when Creature came out and no one went to see it, if you want to see R rated action movies and nifty low budget horror movies chock full of blood and gore you have to go and see them when they're in theaters when they come out. You, the alleged audience in love with these kinds of movies, are just not showing up in the numbers needed to keep these kinds of movies in theatres. It doesn't matter if, in the end, the movie sucks or is terrible. If it's a certain kind of movie and you don't go, better similar movies just won't get made and released. That's how Hollywood works.

Moral of the story? Let's all wait and see what happens with the actual official rating for The Expendables 3. And then, regardless of what the rating ends up being, go see the movie anyway. If it does end up being a PG-13 movie, go see the movie in theatres, and then buy like five copies of the unrated DVD. The people in power will listen to that kind of message.

***

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week


Douchebag






This week, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week goes to the ultra right wing media, for its reporting on the recent restaurant robbery in North Carolina. According to the URWMM, the restaurant in question was robbed because it had put up a sign in its front window saying you couldn't bring a gun inside. The restaurant was just asking to be robbed, telling every criminal in the world that the place was unarmed (easy pickings!). See, if someone in there had been allowed to have a rod the robbers wouldn't have jacked the place.

Give me a fucking break. Does the machine expect me to believe that no one ever tried to hold up a restaurant in North Carolina before people started putting up signs saying "No Guns Allowed?" How can anyone in the world think that's plausible? Why didn't the "liberal" media expose that attitude as the total bullshit that it is? And why does the machine expect me to believe that every "good guy" carrying a concealed weapon is some kind of overriding natural deterrent to crime? Don't cops, people who are trained to operate firearms in stressful situations, have issues with shooting accuracy and stuff like that?

This is bullshit. Complete and total bullshit.




And then there's billionaire businessman and NBA owner Mark Cuban, for wanting the world to believe that he walks down the street alone and actually encounters "scary looking" people on a daily basis. In his now infamous interview where he discussed his own prejudices, Cuban said that if he saw a "black kid wearing a hoodie" or "a white guy covered in tattoos" while walking down the street he would immediately get to the other side of the street. When, exactly, would he even do this kind of thing? When is he not surrounded by security guards or in a limo going to his next destination?

I don't know Mark Cuban, but I seriously doubt that he's interacted with "scary people" on any kind of regular basis since he became a mega rich businessman. He may wear a T-shirt and watch his NBA team from the floor and all that, but he is not a "regular" person, at least not anymore. That part of his life is over.

Wouldn't it be nice if the "liberal" media brought this up?







And finally there's the internets for losing its mind over screenwriter David Goyer's recent "sexist comments" regarding She-Hulk. I'm not a big fan of Goyer (he destroyed the Blade movie franchise with Blade: Trinity) but I don't think widespread indignation in this case is warranted. And, come on, since Goyer is now one of the minds behind the DC Comics cinematic universe, isn't it possible that his remarks were just a way to get Marvel movie fans up in arms? Isn't that slightly more plausible than "David Goyer is a misogynist pig and we all have to worry now about what he's going to do to Wonder Woman?" (what the hell do you think he's going to do to Wonder Woman?).

Sometimes, the internets just needs to calm down. So, come on, internets... calm down here.

***

Indycar and NASCAR thoughts



The 98th Indy 500 was a great race from start to finish. The flying start at the beginning was, as expected, a total disgrace as Will Power dropped back behind pole sitter Ed Carpenter and James Hinchcliffe immediately and very few rows of three were actually rows of three. It would be nice if, at least once, the cars could be lined up and the green flag was held until every row was on the front stretch. Once the race got going it was hard racing for 140+ laps. I knew that there would be a caution at some point but I didn't think it would take 140 laps for it to happen. Someone usually spins in the first fifty laps or so. Once the cautions started happening, though, they kept happening.

First there was 2008 winner Scott Dixon's crash in turn three. I still have no idea what happened to his Ganassi #9, although the ABC announcers seemed to think Dixon spun because his car had been adjusted to have less down force so it could keep up with the leaders (Dixon's strategist Mike Hull said that isn't why his driver crashed so who the heck knows). The Ed Carpenter/James Hinchcliffe wreck was freaking ridiculous. What the heck was Hinchcliffe thinking trying to go three-wide into turn one, especially when it was obvious that Carpenter's line was too low to make that pass stick. Townsend Bell, who was initially blamed for the wreck because he went to the outside and came down a bit on Carpenter in turn one, eventually wrecked hard and caused a red flag to be brought out. What the hell happened to Josef Newgarden? Who hit him?



Ryan Hunter-Reay eventually won the race, beating 3-time Indy 500 champion and tax cheat Helio Castroneves to the finish line for the second closest finish in race history. Castroneves needed to be closer to Hunter-Reay to pull the slingshot move down the front stretch, but he waited a bit too long to get close. Marco Andretti, who was fast all day and was in the hunt for the win, didn't have a good restart at the end and had to settle for third. Carlos Munoz, who was fast all day, too, just didn't have enough left in his car to make a serious challenge for the lead (he needed to have the leaders wreck one another to have a shot at the win). Juan Pablo Montoya had the same kind of day, running up front for the most part and then having to settle for a top five finish because his car was used up.






Kurt Busch, in his first ever Indycar start, finished sixth. I figured that if he could get through the start of the race and not get moved up into the wall in the first ten laps that he would probably have a relatively good day. He dropped back quickly but that was apparently part of his race strategy as he was able to move up steadily throughout the race. He didn't screw up in the pits and he was able to handle the restarts at the end, something else that could have ended his race as the regular drivers in the Indycar Series have a real problem with restarts this year. Busch was smooth and steady and he didn't crash. I'd call it a win. Don't be surprised if more NASCAR drivers inquire about doing this in 2015. Kyle Busch, Kasey Kahne, maybe even Danica and Joey Logano could do it (Kyle Larson has said he would like to give it a shot, too). Busch had a good race going in Charlotte, too, until his engine exploded. His teammate Patrick also had a major engine issue. What the heck happened there?

2013 Indy winner Tony Kanaan had a shitty Month of May. Heck, Kanaan's car owner Chip Ganassi had a shitty month of May, too. Dixon wrecked, Kanaan had mechanical issues, both guys qualified terribly, and both had bad finishes. Ganassi's "B" team had a shit day, too, as both Charlie Kimball and Ryan Briscoe were never a factor at all throughout the 500. Briscoe did had a few brilliant moments in the middle of the race and was near the lead pack towards the end but he faded to finish 18th. Sage Karam, who was in a sort of satellite Ganassi team, was the only one that had a relatively good day, finishing 9th.

How about JR Hildebrand? He was in the mix up front all day and ended up finishing 10th, a great finish for a guy that was thrown out of the series last year. Perhaps someone will give him a shot later in the season. And Sebastien Bourdais had a shockingly good day, staying off the wall, not screwing up in the pits, and finishing 7th. And Oriol Servia stayed out of trouble all day and finished a respectable 11th, much better than his overrated teammate Graham Rahal, who had some sort of engine issue and finished last (which is fine with me. I'm sorry, I just don't like the guy).

Plenty of people complained about the red flag at the end of the race as it "ruined the rhythm of the race" and "it was something NASCAR would do." I thought it was a good decision, as it gave the fans watching a chance at seeing a finish under green and, Jesus, did you see the debris from Bell's wreck? There was debris everywhere in turn three and four. Indycar made the right decision. I do wish, though, that ABC would stop doing that "shot of the wife/girlfriend of the driver in the lead" thing. That's just annoying as hell.

All in all, the 98th Indy 500 was a damn good race. Lots of passing, an exciting finish, and no bullshit.

The Freedom 100 Indy Lights race on Friday was another excellent race. Gabby Chaves won the race in a photo finish, beating Mathew Brabham to the checkered flag by hundredths of a second. The race only had eleven cars in it (I really thought they were going to get like 15) but it was still a good, hard 40 lap event. It'll be interesting to see if the new Indy Lights car produces the same kind of racing at Indy and the other ovals the series will race at in the future.



Indycar is back in action this weekend with the first "double header" of the year. The Belle Isle street course will stage a race on both Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Both races will likely suck big time, but then that's what the drivers and car owners want. Both races will be on ABC.

Over in NASCAR, The Coke 600 has about thirty laps to go and it looks like it's going to be Jimmie Johnson, Kevin Harvick, or Jamie McMurray in victory lane. Johnson started on the pole and set a blistering pace during the first 100 laps, lapping up to like 15th. Harvick was just was fast, and McMurray, I have no idea how the heck he was going so fast. I mean, he was going along, sort of riding around, and then suddenly he woke up and he was fast. I'll probably have more to say about this race next issue. Will my predictions on the eventual winner be right?




I did manage to see the Nationwide race on Saturday. It was another good race with a surprise winner, as Kyle Larson beat Kevin Harvick for his second career Nationwide win. Larson didn't have much for the field in the Sprint Cup race, but then, again, that race was all about Johnson, Harvick, and McMurray.

The Sprint Cup Series and Nationwide Series head next to Dover for races on Saturday (Nationwide) and Sunday (Sprint Cup). The Camping World Truck Series races on Friday afternoon. That should be a fun weekend. Indycar, Cup, Nationwide, and Trucks.

And Dover is the last Sprint Cup race for 2014 on Fox! Yes! No more "boogity boogity boogity" shit until 2015!

***
On June 30th he returns...




***


Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that.

If there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.

And don't forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.

Collision Earth

Kirk Acevedo- Dr. James Preston
Diane Farr- Victoria Preston
Chad Krowchuk- Christopher Weaver
Jessica Parker Kennedy- Brooke Adamson
Adam Greydon Reid- Mathew Keyes
Andrew Airlie- Edward Rex
Catherine Lough Haggquist- Jennifer Kelly
David Lewis- Marshall Donnington

Directed by Paul Ziller
Screenplay by Ryan Landels

Distributed by Cinetel Films and Syfy

Rated PG for intense sci-fi violence
Runtime- 90 minutes

Buy it here







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