The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Sharknado 2: The Second One and The Dinosaur Experiment Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 08.18.2014
In this issue Awesome August continues with reviews of Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) and The Dinosaur Experiment (aka Raptor Ranch) (2013), plus two more batches of Things to Watch Out For This Week, a B-Movie News Round-up, and more. Check it out!
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #320: Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) and The Dinosaur Experiment (2013)
Awesome August: Week 3
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that isn't going to have fries with that, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number three hundred and twenty, Awesome August continues with Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) and The Dinosaur Experiment (2013).
Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)
Sharknado 2: The Second One is the mega successful sequel to the low budget monster movie that freaked out Twitter and pop culture in general back in the summer of 2013. The Second One debuted on the Sci Fi Channel a few weeks ago to decentish reviews and solid ratings (I believe it was the highest rated original movie in the history of the network) and a third movie is already in the works and set to debut in the summer of 2015. I liked the first Sharknado (check out my review of the movie here) and was curious as to what a second one would even be about (well, you know, besides the obvious). Would the idea of a massive tornado filled with sharks work a second time?
Yes, yes it does. In fact, Sharknado 2: The Second One is a marked improvement over the first one. It isn't a great movie, but in the made-for-TV B-movie world The Second One is damn, damn good.
The flick once again stars Ian Ziering and Tara Reid as Fin Shepard and April Wexler, a divorced couple that's sort of rekindled its romance after surviving the first sharknado. Fin and April are on their way to New York City to promote a book they've written about how to survive a sharknado and, for the most part, their comfortable with one another. Fin is a little tired of the whole sharknado thing while April is happy that they're trying to do something to help the world. In the middle of the flight Fin notices something strange out the window and starts to freak out. Was that a shark on the wing? A shark? Is it starting all over again? April tries to keep her ex-husband calm but he's too far gone. He saw a shark, dammit! The plane hits some major turbulence and then, suddenly, incredibly bad stuff starts to happen.
Holy hooey! The sky is filled with sharks, they're attacking the plane (the poor stewardess played by Kelly Osbourne loses her head, and an uncredited Will Wheaton is destroyed, too), and it is happening again. It's "sharknado 2" time. After battling multiple sharks, saving April after her hand is chomped off, and then landing a heavily disabled airplane (the pilot, played by Ted Striker hisself Robert Hays, is killed once the shit hits the fan), Fin enters New York City hoping to save it. The weather around the city is incredibly unstable and Fin knows it's only a matter of time before the full sharknado shows up and destroys the city.
So then some stuff happens, Fin meets up with his sister Ellen and an old pal named Martin (Kari Wuhrer and Mark McGrath) and an old girlfriend named Skye (Vivica A. Fox), and the saving the city plan begins. Basically, Fin and Skye and the others run around the city, warning people and gathering supplies so they can fight the sharks head on once they start landing. They watch Citi Field get destroyed, sharks take over a subway car (very cool scene), and general pandemonium develop as the multiple massive storms that make up the sharknado phenomena begin to converge and destroy more and more New York City stuff (the Statue of Liberty loses its freaking head!). And while all of that is happening, April deals with the fact that she no longer has a right hand. She knows she'll get through it, but how is this going to affect her ongoing relationship with Fin? And will she be able to continue to fight the sharks?
The way the main group splits off into multiple ongoing stories works quite well as it allows someone else other than Fin to be the focus of the story at all times, something that dragged down the first movie a bit. And the split also allows the movie's many celebrity cameos to flow out naturally and not look as though they're just celebrity cameos. The Judd Hirsch as a cab driver bit is quite good as is the Billy Ray Cyrus as a doctor bit. And it's awesome seeing the great Robert Klein as the mayor of the city (he's a perfect fit there). I do wish, though, that Andy Dick had a bigger cameo than the three second one he gets as a smart ass NYPD officer at Fin's press conference after landing the plane. If there was any celebrity that deserved to be decapitated by a rampaging flying shark it's Andy Dick. Will we get to see that in a deleted scene on the eventual DVD?
I also enjoyed how the movie really didn't wink at the audience as much as it could have. Even with the Matt Lauer/Al Roker cameos and the Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan cameos the story never stops to let the audience know that what it's watching is ridiculous. Lauer and Roker treat their "breaking news" scenes as if they're covering serious, life threatening breaking news. And because they help sell the danger of the event the "scary" part of the movie works.
My favorite cameo, besides the Hirsch one and the Klein one, is Richard Kind's appearance as a has-been baseball player that gets to hit one out of the ballpark one last time. He's so completely into it that you literally cheer when he smashes a shark with a big bat and it soars over the wall. My least favorite cameo is the Kurt Angle one as it looks like he just walked off the street and started talking. Angle has excelled a number of times in the B-movie world so it was quite startling to see him not on his game here (I did like the bit where he looks at the actors standing in front of him, listens for about a second, and then goes back to the map or the blueprints he was looking at before he started listening. To me, for some reason, it's a great little moment).
Ziering does a great job as Fin. He's more confident this time around as an action hero and manages to show off the proper gravitas necessary to make it work. He also never lets on that he knows what he's doing is ridiculous. He's committed to the part and knows that if he believes in what's going on the audience will be more inclined to believe in it, too. Reid comes off as less annoying this time around as April, but for some reason she doesn't have the same chemistry with Ziering she did in the first movie. Ziering has better chemistry with Fox, who is just awesome as Skye. She's committed to her part, too, and she's game to kick shark ass at a moment's notice. You need that kind of thing is this kind of movie. I wouldn't have minded seeing April get eaten and Fin run off at the end with Skye (I mean, who would deliberately pick Fox over Reid? Fox is, well, a fox).
The movie isn't as gory as it probably needs to be. We do get a good bloody face gag and some decent decapitations but there, for me, there just isn't enough blood on display. There should also be more "shark-on-human" violence where we see people getting eaten by sharks and people killing sharks. Why should Fin be the only one killing sharks with a chainsaw? And why aren't people engaging in Molotov cocktails? If you can't get a big gun in the city shouldn't you be able to get household chemicals that you can then turn into bombs?
And where is Tiffany Shepis in the movie? She's listed in the credits but I don't remember seeing her. Did anyone out there see her? Please, let me know.
I do want to commend returning director Anthony C. Ferrante for putting in the scene where Fin, while wielding a big ass chainsaw, fights a shark in mid-air. The sequence is insane and is exactly what a sequel needs in terms of escalation. What the heck is Fin going to do in part 3? Will he don a jetpack and go right at the sharks?
Sharknado 2: The Second One is a blast from start to finish. It's ridiculous, it's fun, and it's a new classic. I can't wait to see the next one. What the hell is Sharknado 3 going to be called? And where the heck is the sharknado going to hit? Somewhere in Texas?
See Sharknado 2: The Second One. See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: Hundreds, maybe even thousands.
Nudity?: None. It's a TV movie.
Doobage: A plane, talk of New York pizza, a big storm brewing, bathroom smelling, turbulence, obnoxious kids, exploding plane engine, multiple mid-air shar attacks, multiple decapitations, head eating, bloody hand removal, an NYC landmark montage, a monster storm weather report, snowfall in July, baseball field destruction, batting practice, a flooded subway, face eating, Taser hooey, a subway shark attack, broken bat to the side of the head, a baby shark attack, man crushed by rolling Statue of Liberty head, bowling balls, two very dead garbage men, a massive traffic jam, shark stabbing, shark placed in a pizza oven, napalm hooey, Frogger, human crushing, a giant sling shot, multiple bombs, sword attack, a flooded hotel, falling sharks, axe to the head of a shark, axe throwing, a big ass chainsaw, a rousing speech, cutting a shark in half lengthwise with a big ass chainsaw, table saw attack, exploding building, an orgy of shark killing, a mid-air shark brawl, high heeled shoe to the top of the head, more napalm hooey, an umbrella used as a weapon, shark impaling, a human hand, exploding fireworks truck, and a nice ending.
Kim Richards?: Implied.
Gratuitous: Kelly Osbourne as a stewardess, Robert Hays as a pilot, Will Wheaton, Matt Lauer and Al Roker, Andy Dick as a cop, Downtown Julie Brown, Billy Ray Cyrus, Kelly and Michael, Judd Hirsch as a cab driver, Asylum radio, stock footage of a Mets game, Richard Kind, Jared Fogle, Perez Hilton, Citi bikes, "rock, paper scissors," Frogger, Robert Klein as the mayor of NYC, Kurt Angle, a big ass chainsaw, Ian Ziering fighting sharks in mid-air, and an exploding fireworks truck.
Best lines: "I'm sorry, but all of this attention is crazy," "You need to calm down," "It's happening again," "Johnny, check number three, it's running a little hot," "Welcome to New York," "Since when are there sharks in Manhattan? You should probably ask my brother," "What does the inside of a shark smell like?," "Where is this damn train?," "Frank, I hate the subway," "Chainsaws? There are no chainsaws in Manhattan," "Holy shark!," "Only one of my legs is real," "Do you know what you just did? Don't say it. You just jumped the shark," "So what's so bad about being famous?," "Why isn't it working? Maybe the sharknados are tougher in New York," "This is the Big Apple, Fin, when something bites us we bite back!," "If you don't come back I'm going to kill you," "Let's go kill some sharks!," "Let the fireworks begin!," "Baby, will you marry me? Again?," and "I love New York!"
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: The Facebook Page!
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And please check out my interview with director Brett A. Hart about the Ain't It Cool internet show and more!
Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 1
-A Good Man: This is the latest low budget action flick from the great Steven Seagal, and this one looks pretty decent. It looks like the producers spent a little more money than usual and Seagal appears to be in full on badass mode. I don't quite get the beard thing, though. Does it have something to do with his ongoing "I love Russia and Vladimir Putin!" thing? This could very well show up next month (It'll be Steven Seagal September! Although I'm thinking about throwing in some Andy Sidaris movies into that mix. Seagal and Sidaris. September. Ha).
-Rampage: Capital Punishment: The infamous Uwe Boll is back with a sequel to one of his better movies (Rampage, which I reviewed in this column, is probably the director's best effort) and it looks cruel, sick, and, to a certain extent, hilarious. I mean, how many times is this gun toting armored lunatic going to get away with killing a bunch of people indiscriminately "to make a statement?"
-Septic Man: This low budget horror flick looks absolutely disgusting. The effects work looks amazing, it looks gory, and I must commend the people behind it for making a horror movie that takes place in a sewer. You just don't see that kind of thing all of the time, especially in terms of gore. I definitely want to see this.
-Varsity Blood: This low budget slasher flick features the legendary Debbie Rochon, so right there it becomes an automatic must see. And how can you resist that poster/DVD cover? This will be a big deal horror nerd T-shirt in the next few years.
-Jarhead 2: Field of Fire: A low budget war movie sequel to a big budget anti-war movie that was supposed to garner multiple awards? Is this what Jarhead 2 is? It sure seems like it. Am I the only one who thinks Universal decided to use the Jarhead name because it owned the name and people are somewhat familiar with it? I mean, couldn't this movie have easily been called Desert War or something like that? It does look worth seeing.
B-Movie News Roundup
-A Mack Bolan movie? Finally?: Well, I shouldn't say "finally" as a potential Bolan movie is still a bit of a pipe dream. Shane Salerno, who is working with Jim Cameron on Avatar 4, has apparently optioned the rights to the Bolan character and the some 900 books that exist in the Mack Bolan/The Executioner series (that's what Deadline.com reports) and he plans on making a "relevant, grounded and gritty PG-13 action-drama film series," which is a little weird considering the violent nature of the Bolan books, but then if PG-13 is the only way we can get a Mack Bolan movie I can live with it. At least it will still be Mack Bolan.
I do wonder, though, what version Salerno plans on adapting. The "original" Bolan is very similar to The Punisher (Bolan was first. I just want to make that clear) as Bolan fought the mafia and organized crime in general. He didn't become the anti-terrorist one man black ops team that he is today until, I believe, the early 1980's. I'd imagine that that version is the one that Salerno and the eventual studio making the movie will want to go since that is likely the version most people are familiar with. Of course, the first movie could be all about Bolan's "war against the mafia" that leads to Bolan fighting worldwide terrorists in a sequel.
And when he becomes a terrorist fighter and gets deeply involved with FBI agent Hal Brognola and helps establish the super-secret Stony Man Farm the story becomes more of an ensemble thing. Yes, Bolan is still the focus of the story and the star, but then you also have to find time for all of the agents that work in Stony Man. It'll end up resembling the James Bond movie franchise, which isn't a bad thing but, at the same time, will the new movie franchise be able to withstand that kind of comparison/scrutiny?
And who the hell is going to play Bolan? Will the producers go for a name actor, maybe not a star but someone people are generally aware of, or will the producers look for a complete unknown? And will Bolan be a youngish vigilante soldier or will he be older? Both approaches could work. I do hope, though, that the eventual director of the movie isn't some hip and edgy music video guy and is instead a known quantity or at least has a "non-hip" understanding of the material.
Despite my reservations, not to mention the fact that there was supposed to be a film series based on the book back when War Against the Mafia debuted in 1969 and it's just been a series of starts and stops since then, I'm quite excited about this news. I mean, what if it actually happens? What if we actually get a full on Mack Bolan movie?
It'll be awesome.
The Dinosaur Experiment (2013)
I saw a good chunk of The Dinosaur Experiment last year when it made its world premiere at the Scareacon sci-fi and horror convention when it was originally known as Raptor Ranch. I had a long drive ahead of me and had to walk out in the middle of it and didn't get to see how the movie ended and the scary situation the characters found themselves in was resolved. I regretted that decision until I managed to see the entire movie with its new title on DVD. It isn't that The Dinosaur Experiment is a bad movie; it isn't. It's an annoying movie. It has all of the potential in the world to be a modern low budget classic but, because of a weak script and a strange focus, the whole endeavor just falls flat. The movie also doesn't make a lick of sense.
The movie stars Jana Mashonee as Abbi Whitecloud, a badass waitress that's handy with a bow and arrow. Abbi is a bit down on her luck (her parents are dead, she lives alone, and she works for an asshole) but she refuses to allow bullshit to get in the way of her dream of one day being a professional singer. She's friendly with the local weirdo Dr. Cane (Jack Gould), who has a big ranch out in the middle of nowhere where he conducts some kind of research. Dr. Cane mostly keeps to himself, but when he does drive into town he's generally friendly with everyone. One day, Dr. Crane has some sort of medical episode that incapacitates him and allows his ranch research to break out and fan out into the woods. What the heck went out into the woods?
Dinosaurs. Velociraptors. Other relatively small and vicious dinosaurs. Where the heck did they come from? Dinosaurs in the here and now?
So some stuff happens, a group of horny college students show up in town, along with a weird beard black preacher and two hot young women. Why are they in Fossil Ridge? Mostly, to be chased and eaten, but then you would have figured that out as soon as you saw them. You know from the very beginning that this is Abbi's movie.
I don't quite understand what director and co-writer Dan Bishop was going for with The Dinosaur Experiment. Is it meant to be a kind of sci-fi horror deal, like a low budget Jurassic Park, or is it supposed to be a straight up horror movie? Why doesn't anyone know what Dr. Cane is up to on his ranch? And how the hell did he grow goddamn dinosaurs? They're freaking dinosaurs! The movie never explains any of this. The movie also fails to explain how Dr. Crane could have kept his dinosaur research such a big secret. Even if the town of Fossil Ridge is rather remote someone would have noticed something weird at some point.
The movie also has too many characters in it. Instead of keeping the camera on Abbi we have to sit through the horny skiers and the women in the preacher van and they are all boring as hell. Again, they exist solely to get eaten and it's obvious from the very beginning that they're in the movie so they can get eaten. Had they been interesting characters maybe then I wouldn't mind having them in the movie, but as they currently exist I can't stand them. They're just horrible people.
Now, B-movie legend Lorenzo Lamas is in the movie as a curious FBI agent named Logan but he appears to be acting in a completely different movie. In fact, Logan doesn't even interact with Abbi or anyone else in town. He seems to be in the movie solely because his name still means something and he was available to shoot for a day. Why the heck didn't he show up at the end to team up with Abbi and take out the dinosaurs?
The movie's special effects are excellent. The dinosaurs look amazing and are very menacing, and the CGI, while cheap, looks great. The movie also doesn't skimp on the gore especially when the dinosaurs attack, which is always a plus when you're dealing with dinosaurs. I just wish the movie spent a minute explaining how the hell Dr. Cane had managed to grow dinosaurs. Again, they're freaking dinosaurs. They've been dead and gone for hundreds of millions of years. How did they just reappear all of a sudden?
I'm also confused on what Bishop was trying to do with the movie. Is it meant to be a kind of mind fuck or am I missing something incredibly important?
Mashonee is one of the movie's few bright spots. She's good in both the quiet moments and in the action scenes she's required to do (she's a natural at those). Her line readings are a little iffy at the beginning of the movie but she gets better as the movie goes on. She's also a babe, and that's never a bad thing. Hopefully she pursues more acting work. She has a great future ahead of her.
I would also like to know why the movie's title was changed to The Dinosaur Experiment. Raptor Ranch is a much cooler title. It just is.
The Dinosaur Experiment has some good stuff going for it, but not enough to make it a must see. Check it out if there's nothing else to rent or you're a Lorenzo Lamas completest. Otherwise just wait for it to show up on TV.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: Like 10.
Explosions: There's a big one at the end.
Doobage: A dead Indian, dinosaur feeding, multiple bloody stumps and piles of gore, in-class whispering, roadkill removal, the middle finger, a titty mug, a discussion of love goo, a bad smell, a bloody skeleton, a severed finger, gas pumping, dinosaurs in the woods, a drug hallucination, a leopard in a cage, barf, two giant dinosaurs, drippy gore, TV kung fu, off screen dog eating, a toilet death, sex decapitation, bus flipping, bloody bone throwing, a dinosaur street brawl, a funny speech about being a titty man, a human is swallowed whole, people squashing, exploding building with a giant fireball, and a confusing ending.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous:Dinosaurs, a mega hot waitress, North Dallas University, low budget country music, hicks, roadkill, a gay R&B preacher, Lorenzo Lamas, a hot Goth chick, a place actually called "Raptor Ranch," a pink flamingo, TV kung fu, bad armor, and a confusing ending.
Best lines: "Is that Beast?," "This wasn't part of the agreement, Billy," "You're not the Titty Man. I'm the Titty Man," "Lucas, did you know we're almost out of gas?," "I love Twinkies!," "Oh, my God, is that you?," "You been doing some hunting there, Doc?," "Yeah, man, the shagging wagon has gas!," "Woohoo! Butterscotch!," "I guess it's safe to say you weren't Miss Personality in high school," "Can I sit next to the dead guy in the truck?," "The Doors? I love The Doors!," "It's pretty safe to say that after what happened to your boss you won't have to go into work tomorrow," "I could have shot your balls off!," "Great. I love the smell of burning engines," "Dumbass," "What's a matriarch?," "Lucas, if you walk through that door you'll be extinct," "What are you doing? I am fishing," "It's you and me bitch!," and "Is it true that dinosaur like creatures have been spotted in the area?"
Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 2
-The Amazing Spider-Man 2: This franchise reboot sequel didn't light up the domestic box office quite like the Raimi movies or the first reboot, and it sounds like Sony isn't as enthusiastic about the new Spider-Man world as it once was. Amazing 2 was decent. It has some good performances and some great action scenes. Jamie Foxx does a great job as Electro. I do wonder, though, if this movie ultimately suffers from the prospect of too many villains. And if that is the case are people going to want to show up for a movie that's all villains?
-NCIS Season 11 and NCIS: Los Angeles Season 5: Season 11 of NCIS was a little weird as it was a transition season. Ziva left at the start of the season and the team spent most of the season both dealing with that void and breaking in new team member Bishop. The season also ended on a bit of a down note with the death of Gibbs' father. As for L.A., it was action packed and whatnot but it also bogged down a bit when Kensi went to Afghanistan with Miguel Ferrer's character. It'll be interesting to see how the L.A. cliffhanger is resolved and how both shows are affected by New Orleans.
-P-51 Dragonfighter: A low budget period war movie crossed with a weird beard dragon fantasy story? I'm shocked that there are so few movies like this one. The special effects in the trailer below look decent, so it has that going for it, too.
-Joker: This is some sort of low budget martial arts noir action movie thing made in Kazakhstan. It deliberately looks like Sin City, which is kind of cool (you just don't see that kind of thing all that often). I'm going to assume that the DVD that's out tomorrow will be in English, although I think I'd like to see the movie in its original language. Go ahead and watch the "foreign" trailer below. Are you interested in that movie?
Who is this week's Douchebag of the Week? Go here and find out!
NASCAR and Indycar thoughts
The second NASCAR Sprint Cup race of the year at Michigan was a fast and furious affair, at least for the drivers stuck in the middle of the pack. Up front it was all about eventual winner Jeff Gordon, Kevin Harvick, and Joey Logano kicking ass and trading the top spot. The average speed of the race was likely high as it seemed like everyone was hovering around 200mph.
I was surprised that Gordon was so dominant up front. Yes, he qualified first and was obviously fast but I didn't expect to see him up front as much. I figured that he, like usual, would have cycled himself to the middle of the field and someone else, like a Kyle Busch or Jimmie Johnson would have tried to run away with it until Dale Earnhardt, Jr. appeared towards the end and motored away. It didn't work out that way, though. Earnhardt was fast but he, like everyone else, just couldn't catch Gordon.
I was also surprised at how many issues the drivers had with aerodynamics. When there was an accident it seemed as though it was all about some sort of aero issue or losing aero grip, whatever the hell that means. Will NASCAR try to slow the cars down now at Michigan since the speeds have jumped so much in the last few years? Can NASCAR allow the speeds to go any higher?
So is this Jeff Gordon's year? It sure seems it. Three wins, a new sponsorship for next year (3M is leaving Greg Biffle's team at the end of 2014), and momentum. When was the last time the four time Sprint Cup champion had momentum at this point in the year? Has he picked up what Jimmie Johnson has had the last few years? Jesus, what the hell happened to Johnson's gear shift?
I did get to see some of the Nationwide race from Mid-Ohio. Carl Buescher picked up his first career win, holding off Regan Smith for the victory. The drivers seemed to be a little more confident this year, NASCAR's second at the track. It would be nice if the track was a little wider, but then the cars don't seem to have much trouble passing, something I really thought would happen when NASCAR announced it was bringing the Nationwide Series to the track. I completely missed the Camping World Truck Series race from Michigan. In fact I have no idea who won. I could go look it up but, at this point, I just don't care. I'll probably go look later in the week. Maybe.
NASCAR's top three divisions will be at Bristol this week, with the Camping World Truck Series racing this Wednesday night. The Nationwide Series races on Friday night and the Sprint Cup Series races on Saturday night. I should be able to see at least one of those races. I believe the NASCAR Modifieds are also racing at Bristol this Wednesday but the race will not be on live TV. Poop.
Over in Indycar, Will Power dominated the race at the Milwaukee Mile, leading almost every lap to pick up his third victory of the year. Juan Pablo Montoya and Tony Kanaan tried to make the race interesting but Power was just too strong. There was just no stopping the Verizon sponsored Team Penske entry.
There wasn't much action in the middle of the pack, which was disappointing. It seemed as though the racing groove actually got narrower as the race went on, something you don't normally see. It was also bad news when only three cars were hooked up to actually race. Everyone else seemed to be riding around (Josef Newgarden was fast for a little while but even he faded at the end). Perhaps it's time to rethink the aero and tire package for Milwaukee to make it more interesting. Either that or make the fast guys start in the back.
It was announced last week (I saw it on Racer Magazine's website) that Ed Carpenter's team would be merging with Sarah Fisher's team in 2015, which is a sad development for both teams and the Indycar Series as a whole. I believe the merger is necessary because Carpenter's sponsor, Fuzzy's Vodka, is getting out of the sponsorship business, which is just depressing. Why couldn't Carpenter find a new sponsor? His team has won three times this year. Why wouldn't a sponsor want to be affiliated with a proven winner? And what happens in a few years when whatever sponsor Fisher has lined up for Carpenter goes away and the team has to lose a car and become a one car outfit? The Series can't afford to lose anyone at this point. Hopefully everything works out and this merger is a major success. Again, the Series can't afford to lose anyone at this point.
The Indycar Series is back in action this Sunday at Sonoma. And then the following week the season ends at Fontana.
Jesus, that's depressing.
** Next week: Awesome August concludes with Enemies Closer (2013) and In the Blood (2014)!
Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that.
If there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.
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Sharknado 2: The Second One
Ian Ziering- Fin Shepard Tara Reid- April Wexler Vivica A. Fox- Skye Mark McGrath- Martin Brody Kari Wuhrer- Ellen Brody Courtney Baxter- Mora Brody Dante Palminteri- Vaughn Brody Judd Hirsch- Ben Stephanie Abrams- Herself Kurt Angle- Fire Chief Downtown Julie Brown- Nurse Fletcher Billy Ray Cyrus- Doctor Quint Andy Dick- Officer Doyle Jared Fogle- Jared from Subway Robert Hays- Captain Bob Wilson Perez Hilton- Impatient Passenger Richard Kind- Harland "The Blaster" McGuinness Robert Klein- The Mayor Matt Lauer- Himself Al Roker- Himself Kelly Osbourne- Stewardess Kelly Ripa- Herself Michael Strahan- Himself Tiffany Shepis- Chrissie
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante Screenplay by Thunder Levin
Jana Mashonee- Abbi Whitecloud Lorenzo Lamas- Special Agent Logan Cole Brown- Billy Wayne Donny Boaz- Lucas Young Cody Vaughan- Sheldon Macabeach Lexy Hulme- Kolin Kimberly Matula- Josie Hutchens Jack Gould- Dr. Cane Marcus M. Mauldin- Little Willie Declan Joyce- Special Agent O'Reilly Ines Brigman- Agent Atwood Rowdy Arroyo- Man Beast
Directed by Dan Bishop Screenplay by Dan Bishop and Shlomo May-Zur