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The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Reverend Al Sharpton
Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 08.31.2014

The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I'm Bryan Kristopowitz. Am I the only one who thinks there are too many infomercials on TV? What the heck ever happened to TV stations airing old TV shows and movies during the day and during late night? My local TV stations, when there isn't some major sporting event going on, are just wall-to-wall infomercials on the weekend. And cable? My cable company actually has five stations that show nothing but infomercials, and that's on top of the "regular" infomercials I get on every other channel. Why do these cable channels stop airing TV shows and movies at like 3 a.m.? What the heck ever happened to the 24 hour programming schedule featuring actual programs and movies and whatnot? Who the hell watches infomercials? I need someone to explain this to me.

And now, onto this week's Douchebag of the Week.


This week, The 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to Reverend Al Sharpton, for his fat shaming. As first reported by The Smoking Gun, Sharpton, who used to weigh close to three hundred pounds or so, has gotten into the habit of "bullying" fat employees at his "not-for-profit" National Action Network since he lost 150 plus pounds and became "svelte." He apparently sees it as one of his newfound duties to attack the fat people around him because, I guess, it's what Jesus wants him to do (he is a reverend).

There are few things worse than a supremely self-righteous former fat person who just won't leave fat people alone and that's what Reverend Sharpton has become. Self-righteous. If only those fat people would get moving and stop eating, Reverend Al has apparently said. What they all need is some tough love and a fine example, like me, to see that losing weight is possible. Because that's what most important. And then they can become self-righteous like me and get more people to lose weight. It's win-win for the world!

No, it isn't. Tough love might work for some people. Might. And tough love might be a disaster for others (it could lower someone's already low self-esteem and make them want to eat even more). And Reverend Al should know that. But then, he's an important thin person now. That's what matters. He's an example. You should follow him, become thin, and become important.

Inflicting pain and suffering on people doesn't make you cool or high minded. You're not doing it for anyone's good but your own.

Stop being a bully, Reverend Al. It's disgraceful.

And now for this week's honorable mentions…

-Zara, the Spanish clothing company, for attempting to sell a kids shirt resembling a Nazi concentration camp uniform. It may have been unintentional but, man, come on. How does something like that get missed?

-Burger King, for claiming its upcoming merger with Tim Horton's has nothing to do with taxes. What's wrong with being honest about what you're really up to? If you're trying to somehow dodge taxes, for the love of God, just say that's what you're up to. You're not fooling anyone with the "it's not because of taxes" thing.

-Sanrio, the company that produces the Hello Kitty line of products, for claiming that Hello Kitty isn't really a cat. What? It's what Sanrio claims. And, as the Huffington Post article says, it doesn't make any goddamn sense.

-The Internets, for flipping out about President Obama's tan suit. Must have been a slow day. A really, really, slow day.

Thanks for reading. Agree? Disagree? Sign up with disqus and comment. You know you want to, so just go do it.

Oh, and B-movies rule, always remember that.


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