The Super Duper Happy News Report 12.30.05
Posted by Ryan Latimer on 12.30.2005
You all want to know what I got. Don’t lie.
Merry Post Christmas, folks. As always, I hope you all had a good holiday and joy and cheer and all that junk people don't really mean when they say it to you. Except me, though. I'm sincere about everything everyday of my life.
Since you are all dying to know what gifts I managed to snag this holiday, my biggest acquisition was a flat-screen computer monitor, something I actually needed this year for space reasons when I move into my new place next month. I wanted a new desk, but I can always buy that less expensive item myself. Other little things included a 19-inch "Freddy vs. Jason" series Jason Vorhees collectable from NECA, which was of course awesome and I can thank my little sister for that one. It should be noted that I never asked for it officially but my family knows me better than I know myself. I've wanted that thing since the day I saw it at Suncoast but didn't want to spend the money, and low and behold out local Spencers in the mall is going under and liquidated their entire stock ‘o crap. Too bad most of the good stuff is gone.
What else? Glad your interested. New clothes, of course, $40 worth of Best Buy bucks, "That Yellow Bastard" figurine from "Sin City" and "Oz: Season One," something I already had but I'll forgive my bigger sister from that screw-up – she lives in Minnesota. Ah, it's just another 50 smackers worth at Best Buy. What I'll do with it I have no idea. "Garfield and Friends Vol. 5" sounds interesting as does "Batman the Animated Series Vol. 4," although in the case of Batman that box set name is very misleading. The final volume is from the newer (and lamer) cartoon series "Gotham Knights" and lacks much of the mood, style and appeal of the original classic. I'll probably go with "Garfield" just to say I'll have the entire show on DVD despite the latter eps lacking just the same, and maybe a video game. "Geist," "Shadow of the Colossus" and "Indigo Prophecy" looks good.
I bought "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" last week before the holiday and I don't regret it one bit – it was just the same breath of fresh air as I remembered it in the theatre. I'll probably do a full review of it soon after I finish my "Disney Rarities" set courtesy of Disney itself. It's as if corporate America has realized how much I mean to Internet journalism and is finally starting to make it worth my while. And while I'm at it, I can be in total denial about my senior prom.
Now let's see if I can't shake off these holiday cobwebs and crank out a good column. Yep, my denial mojo is ON.
Headlines
"'Dukes of Hazzard' Filmmaker One Step Away From Oscar"
For the first time in 32 years, more than 300 films will vie for the Academy Award for best picture, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences said Wednesday. Marking a 16.5% increase from last year, 311 feature films will compete for cinema's biggest prize of 2005. Academy credits coordinator Howard Loberfeld cited an increase in the number of feature-length documentaries playing theatrically (35 vs. 15 in 2004) for the spike, as well as industrywide distributor reorganizations, which led to the release of an unusual number of long-delayed projects.
Heh. Amusing how so many films apparently vie for Oscar's most prestigious prize every year (a number I'll admit I seriously underestimated) yet any idiot knows that by November, a mere five or six reasonable titles are left in the barrel, half of which that actually have more than half a chance. Also more amusing is the fact that they reason the number is even higher this year is because a few more documentaries were made – documentaries so freakin' good that most of the world didn't even bother to recognize their existence.
Note to the public: "Brokeback Mountain," "March of the Penguins," "Munich," "Walk the Line," "King Kong"…none of these necessarily have a sure shot of getting considered for Best Picture. Don't forget "The Ringer" and that Walmart doc were made this year, too.
Note to the Academy: Don't insult my intelligence.
"Stallone Slams Author For Writing ‘Half the Story'"
JK Rowling will draw her multi-million-selling series of Harry Potter books to a close next year when she completes the seventh installment. The British author is both excited and saddened by the prospect of laying her boy wizard to rest. She writes on her website, "2006 will be the year when I write the final book in the Harry Potter series. I contemplate the task with mingled feelings of excitement and dread because I can't wait to get started, to tell the final part of the story and, at last, to answer all the questions..." IMDB
I know this is going to draw an endless amount of bloody heat from Potter fans, but I'm glad it will all be over soon. I've seen the first three films, enjoyed them for what they were, never read any of the books and have little to no interest in seeing "Goblet." This casual "fan" is Pottered out, thank you very much. Drive through.
Gotta give it to Rowling, not just for having the creativity and drive to create such a unique series of children's novels but for having the courage and respect to bring it to an end before it gets stale. Rowling, you could teach a lot of Hollywood yahoos a thing or two about moving on. See last week's column for a starting list.
Ok, I'm ready for the hate mail. Have to warn you, however, I've got God on my side, you pagan heathens.
"Bin Laden Demands More Money For Olive Stone 9/11 Film Role"
Steven Spielberg's Munich continues to be caught in a crossfire between Israelis and Palestinians angered by the way their respective causes are depicted in the movie. Mohammed Daoud, who is regarded as the mastermind of the 1972 Munich attack on Israel's Olympic team, expressed outrage that he was not consulted by the filmmakers. "Spielberg showed the movie to widows of the Israeli victims, but he neglected the families of Palestinian victims. ... How many Palestinian civilians were killed before and after Munich?" Referring to Spielberg's statement that the film represented his "prayer for peace," Daoud told Reuters, "If he really wanted to make it a prayer for peace he should have listened to both sides of the story and reflected reality, rather than serving the Zionist side alone." He charged that Israel's secret police, the Mossad, "carried out vengeance against people who had nothing to do with the Munich attack, people who were merely politically active or had ties with the [Palestine Liberation Organization]. ... If a film fails to make these points, it will be unjust in terms of truth and history." IMDB
I've just now started hearing about this entire ruckus with Spielberg's new film, and quite frankly I'm already tired of it. Before I go any further, bear in mind this is coming from someone who respects the heck out of Steven professionally but believe him to be your standard Hollywood, Fidel Castro-blowing Kool-Aid subscriber on a personal level. That said, for crying out loud, people. Shut up.
Want to know how asinine this whole thing is? Both sides are giving him grief, many of whom haven't even seen the film yet (myself included). How in the bloody blue hell could Steven – a Jew - be anti-Israel, anti-Palestine, pro-Israel, pro-Palestine, neutrally supportive, neutrally negative and apathetic, all in one giant sticky ball of absurdity? I'll be quizzing you later.
The richest part: the mastermind behind the 1972 slaughter is upset with Spielberg for not consulting with him on the project. I'll type that again. The mastermind behind the 1972 slaughter is upset with Spielberg for not consulting with him on the project. Man, this is gold. One more time:
The mastermind behind the 1972 slaughter is upset with Spielberg for not consulting with him on the project.
Take note, future filmmakers. When you take on a project involving a terrorist attack, be sure to consult the terrorists. Wouldn't want to offend them.
"Movie Analysts Predict ‘Pluto Nash' May Disappoint At Box Office"
Box-office trackers are continuing to predict that, in the end, King Kong will justify its $220-million production cost. Several are noting that Titanic took in much less than King Kong in its opening weeks, yet went on to become the biggest box-office winner of all time. In an interview with the Associated Press, Paul Dergarabedian, head of Exhibitor Relations, noted that the Peter Jackson film earned $9.2 million on Christmas day. "The fact it did such strong business Christmas day shows there's a lot of interest in the movie," Dergarabedian said. Exit polls also showed a high level of audience satisfaction with the film. Analysts attributed the fact that it was not doing the kind of box-office business that the recent Star Wars. Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings films did to several factors: There was no built-up fan base for King Kong; it had to compete with a plethora of new releases; and it runs over three hours, limiting the number of times theaters can screen it. John Fithian, president of the National Association of Theater Owners, told A.P.: "I'm not worried about King Kong. It's the type of movie that will continue to do business well into the new year." Meanwhile, Chuck Viane, president of Disney's Buena Vista Pictures Distribution, predicted that The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe will probably pass the $200-million mark at the box office by New Year's Eve. "I think what you have here is a movie instantly becoming one of those holiday classics," he told A.P. IMDB
Here's to hoping. Don't get me wrong – for the amount of blood, sweat and tears (not to mention cash) that was pored into "King Kong" as well as its undeniable quality, it deserves every right to climb atop the Empire State Building and pound its chest. I want it to. The movie was magnificent, and it earned every dollar it gets, Jack Black's sorry coked carcass not withstanding.
But what's happening with it is borderline criminal, a shame considering it all makes since. "Kong" should have been released as a summer blockbuster, not a holiday delight vs. "The Chronicles of Narnia" and a slew of other enemies, and I'm betting studio execs are starting to see that. When a $200 million plus budgeted flick, not even taking into account marketing costs, disappoints as bad as it did with "Kong" so far domestically, the film industry as a whole takes a small shot to the gut, a shot certainly not needed with the current state of things. It makes an example that honest-to-God dedication and hard work to a multi-million dollar craft is not always worth it and to stick to the fundamentals of quality filmmaking on any budget. "Kong," out. "Pearl Harbor," in. Sorry to all you Michael Bay fans.
Or I could just be overacting and justice will prevail with "Kong" pulling a Lazarus and rising from the dead. Where is Mel Gibson when you need him?
"White House to View Oscars For First Time in 10 Years"
.Eight-time Oscar host Billy Crystal has turned down an offer to return as the presenter of the Academy Awards in 2006. Crystal, an Oscars favorite, cited his busy work schedule, which includes touring with his popular one-man show, 700 Sundays, for his decision. Chris Rock, who hosted the show in March, has already announced he won't be returning for the Kodak Theater event in 2006. The 78th Annual Academy Awards are scheduled to take place on March 5. Other popular past hosts in negotiations for the show include Whoopi Goldberg and Steve Martin.
Good to know there may not be any more bad anti-President Bush jokes this year. Hey Billy, "It was 13 years ago when I first hosted the Academy Awards, and things sure have changed since then. George Bush was President, the economy was tanking, and we had just finished a war with Iraq. Yeah, things really have changed." Did you get that one off the internet?
The (Last) Week in Box Office
1. King Kong (2005)
$33.3M $121M
2. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)
$31.7M $165M
3. Fun with Dick and Jane (2005)
$21.5M $29.1M
4. Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (2005)
$15.3M $20.6M
5. Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)
$10.2M $13.3M
I believe this is what's referred to as bittersweet victory. Never have I seen a film stay atop a box office chart for more than a week and still hate itself like "Kong." Such a great film, such puny receipts. It ain't right. But things can still change. They won't, but they still can.
"Narnia" is practically butt raping "Kong" staying on its tail feathers so closely, "Fun With Dick And Jane" did surprisingly well as a third banana while the ape and lion duke it out on the top of the totem pole – and from what I heard of its quality, it's lucky to even be in third – so cheers for a 43-year old teenage Carrey trying to keep his career life support machine plugged in, and Steve Martin continues to irritate me. Eh, we all loved that stuff when we were kids. But seriously, stop. Go work on finishing "The Pink Panther." Lord knows the world is just DYING to get ahold of that one.
Smash it or Trash It
Opening today:
- Master of the Crimson Armor (limited)
- The Matador (limited)
Nice to see them taking it easy on what's left of the general movie-going public for a weekend. It's not like we don't have our work cut out for us for a while. Although I'm far more knowledgeable with films of all genres and levels of publicity than general public, this batch I plead ignorance on. This is where guys like Ziegler and Ebert take over – it's hard enough to keep up with so many mainstream and semi-mainstream films as it is. Tis true, ladies and gentlemen. There are things in the movie universe that Ryan Latimer knows not about. I'm sure my 7 fans are pissing themselves right now.
Me, I'll be taking this time to play catch-up, most likely with "Wolf Creek," "Fun With Dick and Jane" and perhaps a few rentals like "Brother's Grimm" and "Cry Wolf." Didn't you hear? Every bad horror movie in the year 2006 must have the word "Wolf" in the title. Didn't you get the memo?
I'll go out on a limb and say "Kong" still stays atop the charts.
Say What?
This little portion of the column is a movie quote/trivia contest for the readers. The first five people to email me with the correct answer get to be important with me by having their names and locations posted. Be a winner. Be important.
Last week's quote winner (Answer: "Night of the Creeps")
- Alan Barker
- Joe Clarke
Trivia winners (Answer: Shane Black for "The Last Boy Scout," "The Long Kiss Goodnight")
- George Sirois, New York, NY
- Alan Barker
- Adam Cooper, Toronto, Canada
- Joe Clarke
"Night of the Creeps" came to me in total random fashion; I haven't even seen it. A former co-worker of mine loved the film in a cult way and as I was thinking of a new quote for the week, I for some reason thought of it. Considering such circumstances, I can't fault anyone for not knowing it. It's my understanding it is one of the more adored ‘bad' films of its generation. With some of the quotes I gathered from it, I can understand why.
The trivia came random, too, but it was more influenced by my passing by the Action section at the Block last week and remembering how much I loved "The Last Boy Scout." Never have a rented a film completely blind and enjoyed it as much as I did the Shane Black classic with Bruce Willis and Damon Wayans. That guy couldn't write bad dialogue if he tried. Makes me want to see "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" that much more.
Quick note – Are most 411 readers homeless or something? Your name and town (even just your state) isn't that hard to remember, people. And it doesn't necessarily narrow it down much for bounty hunters. Lie to me if you have to.
Same drill, although mark my words, if you submit an entry with no quasi-personal information to go on, your letter will meet my ‘delete' button. It's VERY discriminatory.
Name That Film:
- "Forget the way it ‘used' to be. This is not a damn democracy! We are in a state of emergency, and my word is law!"
Trivia Question: Trey Parker of "South Park" fame reportedly turned down an offer to direct this comedy despite him being relatively unknown at the time.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy 100,000 tickets to "King Kong" and set fire to all the reels of "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" in my local theatres. I suggest you do the same. Do it for the gorilla.
Fine, I'll nab "Yours, Mine and Ours" while I'm at it.
