411 Movies Roundtable: January

Posted by Scott Rutherford on 01.03.2006

A new year, a new layout. Excited? Well I am!

Welcome all to a new year at 411 and after a month of we are back with our world famous Movies Roundtable. As you can see that a new year brings a new layout which I directly stole of Mitch Michaels and his idea for the Music Roundtable. So since I am now responsible for putting together both of the RT's I figure I can steal the best layout for us.

I hope you like this new style (to go with the new style of 411).

Part One – The Month That Was



Will Helm
Biggest Winner of the MonthThe US box office. After what they say is a dismal 2005, box office receipts picked up for the month of December, on the heels of huge films like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (a carry-over from November) and The Chronicles of Narnia, to name a few. It's hard to believe, but people actually went to the movies this past month.
Biggest Loser of the MonthKing Kong. You know, if I could make $50 million in a few days, I'd be amazed and really successful. Only in the bizarro world of Hollywood is that kind of take be considered "disappointing." Whether it's people being disinterested in the film or burnt out from a BIG month of movies, King Kong has to be a bit of a loser right now.
Biggest Movie News of the MonthYou mean I actually have to remember? I'm going to go with the early shots and trailer for the very important X-Men 3. What I've seen so far looks good . . . but it's still Brett Ratner behind the lens.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the MonthOh geez. It's January, which is one of -- if not the most -- dead month at the movies. With that said, I'll be looking forward to Bloodrayne, since Uwe Boll makes nothing but Misunderstood Masterpieces . . . and that isn't a compliment.
Recommended DVD Release of the MonthThe Aristocrats, January 24. Maybe one of the more interesting documentaries in the past few years, especially if you have an interest in the history of stand-up comedy and vaudeville. Plus, it's really funny.
Classic Movie of the MonthOnce Upon a Time in the West. Sergio Leone brings to us an epic tale of a Western which is simply enthralling and rivetting. Plus, it has the added bonus of long-time good-guy Henry Fonda as a murderous villain.
Movie Quote of the Month"You know how I know you're gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, 'I like it when balls are in my face.'" -- David, The 40 Year Old Virgin


Cris Murphy
Biggest Winner of the MonthsBrokeback Mountain. Even though it's being labeled as a "gay cowboy" film, it's garnered, according to some sources, the highest per-theatre gross in movie history. It's even playing well in strongly conservative test markets. It's received 7 Golden Globes including all the biggies, and everyone is considering Heath Ledger's performance among the all time greats. I haven't seen it yet, so I don't know how much of this is hyperbole or real. But, all this awards hype and strong box office makes it the big winner.
Biggest Loser of the MonthKing Kong. That may sound weird considering it was the #1 film in America for over 2 weeks. However, considering it's budget and expectations for the film, the box office is really lackluster. It had an enormous PR machine driving it into its first weekend. However, it commanded less than half of the projected box office in its first weekend. The strong second weekend gives the film some hope, but I don't think it'll even break even until DVD sales.
Biggest Movie News of the MonthDreamworks SKG gets bought out by Paramount. The old guard studios really needed the kick in the ass by the newcomer. Yet, Dreamworks never really provided that kick. They just made films like the other guys. That was their biggest mistake. At least they started their animation studio and got it off to a big start. Now, it's the only thing that remains of the dream.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the MonthThis has to be one of the most anemic months for movies I've seen in quite some time. No real blockbusters. No real contenders for $100 million box office. Just a bunch of horror films that will do squat, because most current horror films suck something fierce. If I had to see one film this month, it'll have to be UnderworldUnleashed. I liked the first one, and I'm intrigued by where they take the story.
Recommended DVD Release of the MonthIt comes early this month, but Wedding Crashers was one of the best comedies of the year. However, The Aristocrats would be a fine choice as well.
Classic Movie of the MonthIf you really want to know how to write good dialogue (apart from anything by Tarantino), then always look to a Howard Hawks film. This month, I'd recommend His Girl Friday starring Carey Grant and Rosiland Russell. The dialogue is fabulous considering that it's spoken at break-neck speed. It's crisp, witty and poingant.
Movie Quote of the MonthJust because it's coming out soon...

John - Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters.
Jeremy - Well snap out of it! What, a hot older women made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl.
John - I wasn't crying like a little girl.
Jeremy - Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat?

Owen Wilson (John) & Vince Vaughn (Jeremy) in Wedding Crashers


Bryan Kristopowitz
Biggest Winner of the MonthsUwe Boll. Someone actually went on record as saying they want to work with him. For all of the crap this guy gets (and a whole bunch of it is deserved based on how awful his movies end up) he's still able to get people behind his movies.
Biggest Loser of the MonthPeter Jackson. "King Kong" is making buttloads of money, but everyone expected it to make super buttloads of money. Now everyone thinks the Oscar winner's Hollywood career is over. Who knows, "Halo" may not happen now. But then again, the great John Carpenter is always advertised as the director of "Halloween" and that happened, what, 25 years ago?
Biggest Movie News of the Month"Hostel" hasn't changed release dates again. They've got commercials on TV now and everything. Amazing.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the MonthNothing of note. Nothing particularly jazzy this month.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month"Dumb and DumberUnrated Edition." What the hell is going to be in this?
Classic Movie of the Month"Real Men," the 1987 flick with John Ritter and Jim Belushi about where they're CIA agents battling the evil Soviets over who will give visiting aliens a glass of water. A true classic. It just gets funnier and funnier.
Movie Quote of the Month
"What are you looking at nerd, huh?"
"I thought I was looking at my mother's old douchebag, but that's in Ohio." - Revenge of the Nerds 1984


Tim O'Sullivan
Biggest Winner of the Months: Ang Lee. Everyone seems to be waxing lyrical over his anal love film so well done to him.
Biggest Loser of the Month: Tom Cruise. Voted "the most annoying actor of all-time" in a recent poll. Poor little fella.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: King Kong not doing "amazing" business. Some people never thought it would, but I did. It's doing okay and DVD sales will help it make a bit of wedge but let's not beat around the bush – it hasn't done great has it?
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: I know this is an American site, but speaking as a Brit, Munich hasn't come over here yet and that it is the film I most want to see in January.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: Nothing great to be honest, but The Business was quite good, and that's out in January.
Classic Movie of the Month: Watch Cool Runnings because it is a beautiful thing.
Movie Quote of the Month: "Look, before we get started into any of this, you may as well know off the bat that I had a vasectomy." Harvey to Joyce in American Splendor.



Leonard Hayhurst
Biggest Winner of the Months: Brokeback Mountain by far. It started out as this underground indy, art film with the laughable perception of being about gay cowboys. Now it's a smash hit with insane per screen grosses and an Oscar frontrunner.
Biggest Loser of the Month: Rumor Has It. What looked like a funny comedy with an interesting premise and a good cast has flopped. This continues the downturn in success for Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Costner and director Rob Reiner.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: Paramount buying Dreamworks, because it affects so many people in the industry and upcoming possible films. Dreamworks SKG was supposed to be this powerhouse rebel company and really didn't make much noise. So whether this is a big win for Paramount or a big loss for what was supposed to be a top new production company is hard to say.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: As everyone else has said, January is such a dead time of month. About the only thing you to look forward too is limited release films from December getting wider play.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: I'm interested in seeing Broken Flowers and The Weather Man. Of movies I have seen, The Aristocrats is a very funny and engaging film if not for everybody.
Classic Movie of the Month: In honor of New Year's Eve let go with The Horn Blows at Midnight. Jack Benny plays a trumpeter who falls asleep during a gig and dreams that he is an earthbound angel charged with blowing the last trumpet at Midnight and ending all of existence. Two other angels who are enjoying life on earth attempt to stop him while at the same time he falls for a leggy secretary.
Movie Quote of the Month: "Don't thank God, thank Jerry Lee Lewis." From 1989's Great Balls of Fire as said by Dennis Quaid as Lewis to his cousin Jimmy Swaggert played by Alec Baldwin after giving him a new car.



Avery Chan
Biggest Winner of the Months: George Clooney received a Golden Globe nomination for best supporting actor (Syriana) AND best director (Good Night and Good Luck, which is nominated for best film as well). He probably has the most envied career in Hollywood right now and is the standard for all TV actors wanting to jump to movies.
Biggest Loser of the Month: Aeon Flux. This was Charlize Theron's "Catwoman" and one of those films all the big actresses needs to get out of her system.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: The box office "failure" of King Kong
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: I wouldn't say anticipating, but I'll take "Annapolis" over the rest of this months offerings.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: "The Flash: The Complete Series". I'm looking forward to the episodes with Nightshade, a vigilante from the 60's who teams up with the Flash.
Classic Movie of the Month: "Innerspace", starring Dennis Quaid as a test pilot who is miniaturized and injected into Martin Short's body. "Jack, I think you just digested the bad guy"
Movie Quote of the Month:

"You just kicked Wolfman in the nards! Wolfman has Nards!!?? – "Monster Squad" 1987.


"Majin" G. Wayne
Biggest Winner of the Months:

"Majin" G. Hi! Remember me?

….No? Well then. Nyaah. Anyway, if the previews are any indication, X-Men 3 looks surprisingly good.
Biggest Loser of the Month: King Kong. The movie is 3 HOURS LONG?! What, is the boat trip back in real time? Yeah yeah, something about disappointing grosses too.
Biggest Movie News of the Month:Ghost Rider with Nic Cage was pushed back to February 2007. They say it's because of Superman, but jeebus, pushing it back almost a full year?
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: Sadly, it should beBloodrayne. I'm a big fan of the video games, as they're all kinds of amusing. But I know full well though that watching the movie will be a painful experience on par with say, oh, Bloody Mallory, minus the overwhelming they-can't-possibly-be-serious camp factor. So I'm going with the second HOT vampire CHICK movie, Underworld Evolution. I'm not expecting high cinema, but I'm looking forward to it.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: Serenity. This movie needs support, dangnabbit! You wanna see another Serenity movie or three, don'tcha?
Classic Movie of the Month: Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Trust me, there's a legitimate line of thought as to why I'm thinking of movies with Charlie Sheen, but you're also probably better off not knowing the gory details.
Movie Quote of the Month:"…I want to see your face when I kill you! I want to see the light leave your eyes!" Said by a freaky looking guy to some kid with glasses and a scar on his face.


Brandon Ratliff
Biggest Winner of the Months: Well, I'm going out on a limb here and saying King Kong on the simple merit that it fucking ruled. Yeah, it preformed bad at the box office, but I don't give a shit about that. Let's see those box office snobs snap a t-rex's neck.
Biggest Loser of the Month: Jessica Simpson, if only for the fact that she's being considered for the Bond girl role in Casino Royale. Sorry, but especially with the last few Bond films, those roles require at least some acting skills. Denise Richards was hot in The World Is Not Enough, but she blew the role (and who knows who else). I really hope Naomi Watts takes it because she'd own the role like a nerd coding a JavaScript game.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: It's all about the trailer for X-Men 3. I think Singer leaving will be felt, but the movie will be just fine.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: Underworld: Evolution
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: Serenity, definitely.
Classic Movie of the Month: Office Space
Movie Quote of the Month:
"I'm drowning in a glass box of emotion!" Will Ferrell - Anchorman.


Chad Webb
Biggest Winner of the Months: It would have to be "The Chronicles of Narnia" or "Harry Potter."
Biggest Loser of the Month: Unfortunately, "King Kong" wins here, but it shouldn't because it was awesome and much better than "Narnia."
Biggest Movie News of the Month: The new trailers of "Lady in the Water" and "The Da Vinci Code" were both very good, and I can't wait to see the actual films.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: "Brokeback Mountain" and "Munich" were both anticipated for me. I was really lokking forward to seeing both of them.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: The "Sin City" Recut, extended, and unrated DVD is a highly recommended buy.
Classic Movie of the Month: "City Lights" since I finally found it on DVD. It is without a doubt a masterpiece by Charlie Chaplin.
Movie Quote of the Month: From Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Harmony Faith Lane: "Well, for starters, she's been fucked more times than she's had a hot meal."
Harry Lockhart: "Yeah, I heard about that. It was neck-and-neck and then she skipped lunch."



Part Two – Coming Attractions


BLOODRAYNE
Action Horror
Opening: January 6th (limited)
Cast: Kristanna Loken, Michaeld Madsen, Michelle
Rodriguez, Ben Kingsley, Matthew Davis
Director: Uwe Boll
Synopsis: Rayne (Loken)is a young girl, half human and
half vampire in 18th century Romania. She goes in
search of her father, the powerful vampire lord Kagan
(Kingsley). On her quest she meets two vampire hunters
(Madsen and Rodriguez) seeking to prevent Kagan from
acquiring three ancient talismans; one for eye, one
for heart and one for rib that will give him total
power and allow vampires to rule the earth.

Helm: Thank you, Uwe Boll. Thank you for not waiting until the middle of the year or later for what is probably going to be the WORST FILM OF THE YEAR. Your track record precedes you, Mr. Boll, and it's good to see that you're throwing down the gauntlet early for cinematic infamy.

Murphy: First thing against it - it's Uwe Boll, so it's gonna suck in a way that's never sucked before. Second of all, it's an adaptation of a video game, and those always go well. One scene is so grusomely bloody, it traumatize the actors involved. How are the audience members going to react? This has Renny Harlin and Exorcist: The Beginning written all over it.

Kristopowitz: The commercials make it look kind of interesting, but it's Uwe Boll, so we all know it isn't going to be good. I think we'd all settle for "somewhat competent," but we're probably not going to get that, either.

O'Sullivan: Check out Night Watch if you want to see a good vampire movie. This won't be. This won't be. Shall I say it again? Okay – this won't be

Hayhurst: Isn't this a rip-off of one of the old Castlevania games? Despite the fairly solid cast and what looks to be decent effects, I have to echo the other writers in saying this has horrible written all over it. This is thanks in large part to Boll at the helm. With other more accessible horror films getting a release this month, this will be lost in the shuffle.

Chan: Heard the director was a real hack-master so I'm staying away. Never was one for the generic videogame adaptations either ever since they butchered all the ones worth making a film about (Street Fighter, Mario Bros). I'm proud to say I haven't watched "Tomb Raider" and I'll be proud to have not watched this either

Wayne: DAMN YOU UWE BOLL! Damn you and your Nazi gold! Bloodrayne isn't even the main character in her own movie, never mind Madsen appearing to be phoning in his phoning it in.

Ratliff: I've seen one preview for this, and while it doesn't look half bad, the simple fact that Uwe Boll is directing means it'll probably suck. But damn, Kristanna Loken + BloodRayne outfit = great dreams.

Webb: Well it has a lot of interesting actors in it, but I'm tired of vampire movies. It's one after the other, and most of them are dumb. I don't understand why they keep bringing these types of films out.


THE GATHERING
Thriller Horror
Opening: January 6th (wide)
Cast: Christina Ricci, Ioan Gruffurd, Kerry Fox,
Stephen Dillane, Simon Russell Beale
Director: Brian Gilbert
Synopsis: An American backpacker (Ricci) is involved
in a car accident in Europe. She is taken in by a
kindly local family. She then believes that people are
chasing her and begins to have strange visions. Does
she have second sight or simply hallucinating from a
concussion?

Helm: Remember when Christina Ricci was one of the more promising young actresses out there? What happened? Between last year's atrocious Cursed and now this, it could be safe to say that acting talent is actually proportional to body fat. Christina Ricci lost weight and, therefore, became a terrible actress. Go figure.

Murphy: Can't they pack all these lame horror films in October where they belong? This is the "is she sick or is she not" plot devices that has tired out over the years.

THE GATHERING
Kristopowitz: I've never heard of this movie, but it could prove to be interesting. Christina Ricci is a good actress and she's ideally suited for this kind of movie. She just has one of those faces.

O'Sullivan: I hate it when I can't give an informative, educated response to these things – but c'mon! This sounds fucking awful, let's be honest.

Hayhurst: When did Christina Ricci become a B-movie scream queen? This sounds lame and probably one of those mish mashed films with a surprise twist that doesn't wind up being much of a surprise or twist. It's just not a good month for horror films and this won't do anything either.

Chan: Sounds like crap. That's all I got.

Wayne: Now it the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword can release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can be- ah, crap, wrong movie.

Ratliff: It could be interesting, but this one will rely heavily on how well the cast performs. If they suck, it'll suck. If they do good (and have a good script to work from), it'll be good. See how that works Hollywood?

Webb: If this is anything like "Stay" I will go crazy! I don't want to see this at all. These types of clichés are being overdone to death right now. Give it a rest.


HOSTEL
Thriller Horror
Opening: January 6th (wide)
Cast: Jay Hernandez, Derek Richardson, Jan Vlasak,
Jennifer Lim, Eythor Gudjonsson, Barbara Nedeljakova,
Jana Kaderabkova
Director: Eli Roth
Synopsis: Two American backpackers in Europe
(Hernandez and Richardson) meet up with a fellow
traveler from Iceland (Gudjonsson). He tells them of a
hostel that is a haven for Americans. They go there
and meet up with two hot European girls (Nedeljakova
and Kaderabkova). However, they slowly realize that
all is not what it seems and they become trapped in a
dark and twisted game of depravity.

Helm: Wait . . . isn't this just The Gathering? Actually, it's not and it could be promising. Conceived by Eli Roth, the horror-flick aficionado behind Cabin Fever, Hostel may actually be decent; unfortunately, the recent horror glut may have run its course by now, threatening this film's chances.

Murphy: This lame horror film sounds like a lame Austrian version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only without a terrifying baddie...which is not good for a horror film.

Kristopowitz: This movie better rock. With all of the hooha on the internets about the release date changes and the love for "Cabin Fever" (an okay movie that for me didn't get better after repeated viewings), this movie better make us all sick and happy, or happy and sick. Whichever.

O'Sullivan: I haven't heard of this before. It has promise, and the premise sounds interesting but I highly doubt that it will make a screen over my way.

Hayhurst: This is our third horror film in a row and it's January. This also sounds very similar to The Gathering above. Just made for Skinemax instead of HBO. I'm sure there is a porno with that premise somewhere too. This pictures is actually getting a push from the studio and the connection to Quentin Tarantino is being played up. Of the three movies grouped together here, this one will do the most business.

Chan: I can't necessarily say I'll rush to the theatre to check it out but their poster looks sick! The problem for me with these types of films is that they tend to show-off too much, trying to be as depraved and edgy as possible. Still, the concept intrigues me and I want to see how something like this is "based on actual events" like the trailer says.

Wayne: That's what this movie is about?! Yikes. I'll pass on trying to push the envelope of the sake of it. Looks like a winner for the Saw crowd though.

Ratliff: What is it with all of the backpacking movies? All I know is this sounds like it'll suck, even with hot European women.

Webb: This is the only film this month that intrigues me at all. Since Tarentino is attached to the film as Executive Producer, I think it could be good. I usually stay away from horror unless it is an interesting premise. We'll see how this is.


LAST HOLIDAY
Road Comedy
Opening: January 13th (wide)
Cast: Queen Latifah, Alicia Witt, LL Cool J, Gerard
Depardieu, Giancarlo Esposito
Synopsis: Latifah plays a mild mannerd sales clerk who
is told she only has a few weeks left to live. She
decides to take a whirlwind tour of Europe. Her
actions and behavior becomes more erratic and
outrageous ever day.until she finds out she was
misdiagnosed.

Helm: Read the synopsis. Send the money you would've spent on a ticket to the charity of your choice. Smile because that was money well spent. Seriously, when you can pretty much boil down the whole film into a pithy sentence, that doesn't make for a worthwhile experience at the theater. Did we really need this hackneyed plot to be rehashed anyway?

Murphy: I really want Queen Latifah to succeed in Hollywood. I really do. But I can't shake the feeling that this might not be very good. I hope it is, and I hope I'm wrong. But my stomach rarely is.

Kristopowitz: I've seen the preview for this movie at every movie for two months now. They're really pushing this thing. It kind of looks funny. LL Cool J isn't the greatest actor in the world (although he alone didn't destroy "SWAT" so he's got that going for him) so I guess it depends on how much actual screentime he has. The idea of pairing Queen Latifah and Gereard DePardieu does have its possibilities, though. It sounds just weird enough to work.

O'Sullivan: Finally. Depardieu and LL on the same screen. A thing of beauty that will be.

Hayhurst: This is the third film in a row about an American on vacation in Europe. While the other two will probably be unintentionally funny, this one wants to be funny and probably won't be. Being misdiagnosed with only a few weeks to live is a done to death premise. I would recommend the little seen Short Time with Dabney Coleman in that genre. Latifah is a great personality with potential to be a good actress, but sadly as a larger black woman she's not going to get choice parts, especially as star vehicles. If she can make this good, more power to her. Being such a week time of year this can probably take the weekend box office, but not be considered any sort of sizable hit.

Chan: I like all the principle actors in this. Queen Latifah is a star, LL isn't the best actor but has charisma, and Giancarlo Esposito is like Don Cheadle before Don Cheadle became "Don Cheadle". Being the most widely appealing comedy coming out this month, this could be the biggest hit of this group.

Wayne: I still have a sour taste from Taxi as far as the Queen goes, but Mister J can be amusing. Regardless, moving along.

Ratliff: Is it just me, or is Queen Latifah extremely unfunny? Like, I really, really dislike her. She can't sing, she can't act...how is it that she's popular? God.



TRISTAN AND ISOLDE
Fantasy Romance
Opening: January 13th (wide)
Cast: JB Blanc, Thomas Morris, Bronagh Gallagher, Todd
Kramer, Dexter Fletcher
Director: Kevin Reynolds
Synopsis: Based on the medieval legend. Tristan and
Isolde are star crossed lovers. Tristan is an English
knight and Isolde the daughter of the Irish king.
Their romance threatens to tear apart the shaky truce
between the two neighboring countries.

Helm: I think this will be this month's "Huh?" movie. Is there even an audience for this one? For those of you who've studied Arthurian legend and such, this is a nice romantic story . . . but this sounds like a "cool" version of the tale. I suppose this is for those disinterested in action and horror movies, which is probably more than a few people.

Murphy: Not only a chick flick, it's a costumed chick flick.

Kristopowitz: This looks incredibly long, not so much in terms of actual runtime but in how it will feel while watching it. And what the hell is that godawaful song in the trailer? I'm not convinced, either, that this movie is going to appeal to the females because of the "long" issue.

O'Sullivan: Who?

Hayhurst: This is a later comer to the sword and sandal party rebooted with Gladiator. This probably would do better if released on Valentine's Day and promoted as a chick flick with warfare for the guys. Movies of this nature are either sweeping epics or confused messes. Given the release date I'm going with confused mess.

Chan: I actually like the story but I'm not convinced James Franco can carry this. The thing that will truly stop me from watching this is the name. I hate typing it, I hate hearing it and I hate saying it. I don't think men should be saying things like "Wanna watch "Tristan and Isolde" this weekend?"

Wayne: Definitely not my thing, and I'll bet anyone it fades from theatres after a few weeks, never to be heard from again till it magically pops up on DVD en route to the cheap bins.

Ratliff: Wow, it seems this is the first Romeo and Juliet knockoff of 2006.

Webb: The tagline seems kind of neat since it supposed to be before "Romeo and Juliet", but I don't know if the actors have the ability to make it a worthwhile time. I'm betting on this to bomb at the box office.


UNDERWORLD EVOLUTION
Action Horror
Opening: January 20th (wide)
Cast: Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Bill Nighy,
Derek Jacobi, Tony Curran
Director: Len Wiseman
Synopsis: This sequel continues the saga of the war
between vampires and werewolves. Selene (Beckinsale)
is a vampire heroine in love with a werewolf hybrid
(Speedman). They attempt to trace the origin of his
birth and the war between the immortals, while being
embroiled in the battle that might end it all.

Helm: The first film was convoluted and a bit pointless and probably was just made as an excuse to have Kate Beckinsale in tight patent leather. Once again we have Kate Beckinsale and once again we have tight patent leather, so if you're into that sort of thing, by all means see Underworld Evolution. I'll just wait until I have to watch it for my column.

Murphy: This just might be the only decent film of the bunch this month. But, it's a sequel, so it's success will depend on how original the sequel is without losing what made the original so successful. I liked Underworld, so I hope this is just as good. This might be the only film I see this month.

Kristopowitz: Despite all of the door opening and following around leater clad underwear models, "Underworld" was a pretty good action horror thingie. It did get a tad confusing, though. The sequel looks decent, but, again, instead of people walking through doors, this time it looks like people will mostly be posing with their arms outstretched. Why is that "cool?"

O'Sullivan: The first instalment was god awful, and I'm not expecting this to be any better. It must be the month of the vampires or something, what's going on

Hayhurst: I don't remember the first film being that much of a hit. Nor does it have that significant of a cult following. Then again, they did a Resident Evil sequel too. This one will probably do comparable business. However, with the other horror movies surprisingly coming out this month the market could be saturated. This could surprise by being an even bigger bust than projected.

Chan: The first one wanted to be the "Matrix" and I think this one wants to be "Blade". I'm really tired of the "Return of the first vampire EVER" plot or the "Hybrid Race" one that inevitably comes with it. No one has actually done anything good with it yet.

Wayne: I still think the original was underrated. Far from perfect, but no where near as bad as most people say. Ah well, must be more White Wolf fanboys out there than I thought. In my case, I'll be there due to the magic four words; Kate, Beckinsale, and tight clothing.

Ratliff: The trailer looks really good, except maybe that they took it in a completely different direction than I expected. No matter though, it'll probably still rule.

Webb: Yippee! Another vampire movie, and this one is a sequel. I really shouldn't say anything since I haven't seen the first one. I will try and rent it before this comes out so I can be prepared to hate it.


ANNAPOLIS
Military Drama
Opening: January 27th (wide)
Cast: James Franco, Jordana Brewster, Donnie Wahlberg,
Tyrese Gibson, Vicellous Reon Shannon
Director: Justin Lin
Franco plays a kid from the wrong side of the tracks
that earns entrance into the prestigious Naval Academy
at Annapolis. However, he begins to think that he
doesn't have what it takes to measure up to the
privileged best and brightest around him

Helm: Whoa . . . it's a James Franco double-dip this month. Seriously, people; does this sound like anything more than just Rudy set at the U.S. Naval Academy and with a lot less football? What's the likelihood this is just an overly patriotic, feel-good flick? Good . . . so it doesn't just seem that way to me.

Murphy: Wasn't this An Officer and a Gentleman?

Kristopowitz: For some reason this flick doesn't inspire much in me either way. It's either going to be relatively okay, a surprise, or it's going to blow big time. And, is this movie supposed to inspire people to do something, like join the Navy? Is James Franco that big of a draw? And doesn't the description make it sound like "The Karate Kid"?

O'Sullivan: I have to admit something here. The previous movie is the only release I've been aware of so far. I don't really know what to say here. I guess Donnie Wahlberg was okay in Saw II, so he could be good. Hell, I don't know.

Hayhurst: It's not the right time of year for a searing military drama. So again, there must be something about it that encouraged the studio to dump in such a dead period. The cast is pretty low rent and I'm betting this will be more soapy than dramatic. With the right ad campaign and the weak time of year this could do ok, but probably not.

Chan: With two James Franco movies coming out, I hope at least one of them is a hit so that when they pull the trigger on the second Green Goblin, Franco will have a little more credibility to pull it off. As for this film, I agree with the rest of the roundtable that this is totally formulaic stuff but it looks like a movie I will watch on TBS every time it's on and LIKE IT.

Wayne: My gawd did Franco bulk up for this. I almost didn't recognize him at first in the previews I saw. So… moving along.

Ratliff: The plot seems pretty fresh, and I really like Franco as an actor. I still maintain that he should've been Anakin in the Star Wars prequels. I think he'll pull off the role really well.

Webb: Call me crazy, but this could be a good movie. It won't be perfect because I think Franco's acting needs a lot of work, but it could be good. Also, if Jordana Brewster is in this I am there!


BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE 2
Urban Comedy
Opening: January 27th (wide)
Cast: Martin Lawrence, Nia Long, Zachary Levi, Emily
Proctor, Mark Moses
Director: John Whitesell
Synopsis: Sequel to the surprise comedy hit. FBI
inspector Malcolm Tuner (Martin Lawrence) goes
undercover again as Big Momma in order to get close to
the man who killed his ex-partner. However, Malcolm
winds up becoming close with the man's three children
he has become a nanny for.

Helm: The fall of Martin Lawrence continues unabated. I had no desire to see the original and I have no desire to see this one either. Making the matter even worse is the fact that this go-'round sounds like little more than Mrs. Doubtfire for the "urban" audience. Whatever, Hollywood.

Murphy: Big Momma meets Mrs. Doubtfire. I wonder why they didn't get Paul Giamatti back? BECAUSE IT SUCKS! If I'm sounding like a bitter movie critic, it's because it's real easy to be a bitter movie critic when Hollywood continues to put out crap like this.

Kristopowitz: For some reason this flick doesn't inspire much in me either way. It's either going to be relatively okay, a surprise, or it's going to blow big time. And, is this movie supposed to inspire people to do something, like join the Navy? Is James Franco that big of a draw? And doesn't the description make it sound like "The Karate Kid"?

O'Sullivan: Sin City 2, X-Men 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean 2 are sequels I can get excited about in 2006, but this? Er, no. Why make this? I'm actually getting a little stressed out over here.

Hayhurst: When you thought they couldn't rip off Mrs. Doubtfire anymore they go that one extra step. The first one was a surprise hit, simply because it earned ok money. Since this is a known commodity and a weak time of year this should probably do about as well as the first. Lord help us, that means they will make a third.

Chan: This sentence is already too much ink for this piece of crap.

Wayne: Y'know, I really was vaguely interested in seeing the original when it came out. Never did catch it though. Don't think I'm missing much. But I'll past on Mrs. Doubtfire 3 here.

Ratliff: God...why? The first one was funny...SIX YEARS AGO.

Webb: Martin Lawrence just doesn't seem to care about making good films. I did not see the first one because in my opinion, no film about a guy dressing up as an old lady is worth anything after both "Tootsie" and "Mrs. Doubtfire." Martin should seriously think about retiring soon.


NANNY MCPHEE
Fantasy Comedy
Opening: January 27th (wide)
Cast: Emma Thompson, Colin Firth, Angela Lansbury,
Kelly McDonald, Thomas Sangster
Director: Kirk Jones
Synopsis: Mr. Brown (Firth) is still reeling from the
death of his wife. A big monkey wrench in the works is
that his seven children have driven away 17 nannies.
All that changes when strange, yet mystical Nanny
McPhee (Thompson) comes in. The children find that
their misbehaving leads to magical consequences.
Matters then become more complicated when Mr. Brown
goes out of his way to find a new wife and Aunt
Adelaide (Lansbury) tries to take one of the kids
away.

Helm: Ah, a family movie with British people. Even if this is so-so, it'll probably be a welcome respite from the cinematic detritis surrounding it this month. It's sad when a movie doesn't even have to have the promise of being good to be successful; that being said, there's British people in it, so it can't be THAT bad.

Murphy: It sounds like a modern Mary Poppins with some Parent Trap thrown in the middle. This may be a decent family comedy. It even has an Angela Landsbury sighting!

Kristopowitz: Mary Poppins. Will Jessica Fletcher there dance on top of a smoke stack and draw chalk pictures on the sidewalk in the park?

O'Sullivan: Seen it. It was out over here in October. It was actually okay. I shit you not. Thompson and Firth were charming as ever.

Hayhurst: This sounds very quirky and possibly fun in the vein of Mary Poppins or even Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events. The cast is very good and very British. It will just come down to how annoying the kids are. With the weather and just past Christmas, family films don't do well. I'm interested to see the gist of the marketing campaign. Probably won't do anything.

Chan: I don't think kids would last long staring at Emma Thompson in that make up. I couldn't make it through the trailer.

Wayne: Well, that's different, compared to recent releases anyway. You'll never see me anywhere near it, but it looks like this has the family audience all to itself for a while.

Ratliff: Gay.

Webb: I have seen this trailer, and this looks incredibly stupid, which seems to be a running them for this months movies. It looks so goofy, and with all the other children's films about magic out there right now, this one should just pass by and become forgotten


TRISTAM SHANDY: A COCK AND BULL STORY
Fantasy Comedy
Opening: January 27th (wide)
Cast: Jeremy Northern, James Fleet, Steve Coogan,
Dylan Moran, Robert Bryden, Keeley Hawes
Director: Michael Winterbottom
Synopsis: The film within a film bounces back and
forth between current day Hollywood and 18th century
England, as a film crew attempts to adapt the believed
to be inadaptable novel, "The Life and Times of
Tristam Shady, Gentlemen." Coogan stars as himself as
Shady. By day the film is made and at night Coogan has
to deal with his pregnant wife and a chasing celebrity
reporter.

Helm: Whoa . . . they're actually turning that book into a movie? I had to read the book in college and it's one of the trippiest experiences ever. That's especially remarkable considering the book was written in the 1700s. Now, if the filmmakers make this one as wacky as humanly possible, it may actually have a shot, but that's a very big if. It'll more than likely end up another wasted mess and a fitting end to a forgettable January.

Murphy: The "film within a film" concept can produce some great stories, but it can easily be confusing to the audience if not in the hands of a capable director. I'll wait and see on this one. It could be a refreshing taste of the unusual, or it could be a jumbled mess trying to be a refreshing taste of the unusual.

Kristopowitz: A movie about making a movie can be funny without being pretentious claptrap. As long as there isn't someone in there like Phillip Seymour Hoffman going "Uggh!!" while pointing to the ceiling we should be okay. But then again… let's all hope this isn't incredibly stupid. Mel Brooks should have done it.

O'Sullivan: What's coming out in February? Only joking. In truth, this should actually be the pick of the month. Most of it is Curb Your Enthusiasm-like improvised, which is a bold move. More to the point, messrs Brydon and Coogan are two of my personal comedy heroes so I will definitely be seeing this with enthusiasm. See, I can write more than two lines about one of January's releases.

Hayhurst: This sounds very quirky and possibly fun in the vein of Mary Poppins or even Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events. The cast is very good and very British. It will just come down to how annoying the kids are. With the weather and just past Christmas, family films don't do well. I'm interested to see the gist of the marketing campaign. Probably won't do anything.

Chan: Sounds like the smartest thing going on this month. But it's being released in January so that might not be a good sign.

Wayne: And here's another nominee for the best title of the past few years. Could be good, but I'll reserve judgment for now as I know next to nothing about this.

Ratliff: Also gay. Okay, maybe this one isn't THAT bad.

Webb: Hmmm, this actually sounds a bit appealing. I have not heard of many people in this, but I will have to check it out. It doesn't sound like something that moviegoers will flock to see, but I will be doing my research on it to see what kind of buzz it's getting.