The Entertainment Guide 01.23.06: The Naked Bacon Edition
Posted by Scott Rutherford on 01.23.2006
The most badass wardrobe malfunction in history is in this badboy!
Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers. Second week back in and I'm already barren and bereft of anything original, fresh and funny to talk about. I know some of you will be saying that's business as usual but I'm saying I'm even worse than usual. Not even making fun of Tim O'Sullivan can save this…I think.
Tim is gay.
Yeah, I'm going to struggle.
Hi I'm Scott and this is your (bad) Entertainment Guide.
Holy Shit - Actual Movie News
MTV.com recently chatted with George Lucas, who revealed that a start date for "Indiana Jones 4" should happen this year. "We just keep working on it," says Lucas. "You know, we just write and write and write and write and write. But we are getting closer, and hopefully this year we will have a start date and we will have a script that we all love and hopefully it will come out next year." As of now, Jeff Nathanson ("Catch Me If You Can") is the latest writer to take a stab at the script. Steven Spielberg remains committed to directing the feature, while Harrison Ford is interested in reprising the role one last time.
For starters, if George Lucas is the man that is doing the "write and write and write" part, this will be the most stilted dialog in an action movie since the last Lucas film. The only reason Ford wants any part of it is because he hasn't had a hit film in nearly 5 years and needs the career boost. Yeah, I'm against this movie in every way.
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Variety reports that after a strong showing at the box office, a sequel to "Hoodwinked" is already in the works titled "Hood vs. Evil." The plot will feature a teen Red training in a distant land with a mysterious, covert group called Sisters of the Hood. She will then team up with the Wolf to investigate the disappearance of Hansel and Gretel. Most of the cast members, including lead voice Anne Hathaway, are expected to return.
Sisters of the Hood? {INSERT CLITORIS JOKE HERE}
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The Hollywood Reporter reports that Keri Russell is joining Jonathan Rhys Meyers in "August Rush," a drama being directed by Kristen Sheridan. The story centers on August Rush, a young musical prodigy performing on the streets of New York who uses his talent to seek his parents, from whom he was separated after he was born. Russell and Rhys Meyers play the parents, with Russell acting as a sheltered cellist. Freddy Highmore has already been cast as Rush and Robin Williams as his mentor.
Give me a second to stop my eyes from spinning…okay, take Velvet Goldmine, Good Will Hunting and Felicity, combine them and give them some weird story about being musicians. It'll make millions!
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The Hollywood Reporter reports that Universal Pictures has picked up the spec script "The Divorcees" by Jesse Wigutow and John Maggio. The studio plans to distribute the R-rated comedy about two guys in their early 30s whose longtime wives up and leave them. They are then forced out into the wild dating scene, trying to party and live like they did when they were bachelors.
This encapsulates the real problem in regards to the creative aspects of the Hollywood movie making system. Old School was an okay movie that did good business in theatres and made good movie. So what the major studios are doing is trying to remake that movie again with only slight differences and with massively dwindling returns. I shit pretty heavily on some movie ideas in this column but at least some people are trying to stretch a little. I was watching the DVD for Once Upon A Time In Mexico yesterday and Robert Rodriguez claimed Hollywood makes good movies despite itself and I couldn't agree more.
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Ain't it Cool News broke the news last night that Bryce Dallas Howard ("The Village") has been cast as Gwen Stacy in "Spider-Man 3." Fans of the "Spider-Man" comic books will know Gwen as Peter Parker's first love interest, who eventually dies in the comic book after a battle involving the Green Goblin. Details of her character remain unclear but it is known that she will be involved in a love triangle between Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson. Stacy joins Thomas Haden Church (Sandman) and Topher Grace (Venom), as well as returning cast members Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and James Franco. Sony/Columbia Pictures is aiming to release "Spider-Man 3" next summer, 2007.
I predict this will be only the fourth time a second sequel from a movie will be any good. You can't half tell they are setting up the poon for movie number four if it happens since Dunst has made it clear she will be done with Spidey after this movie.
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The Hollywood Reporter reports that the children's comic book series, "The Ghouly Boys," will be produced into a feature film. The comic was published in 2004 and written and drawn by single-named artist Christopher. It follows four sweet, young monsters -- a wolf boy, a kid zombie, a young sea monster and the son of the boogeyman plus their flight-challenged pet bat -- who have a hard time fitting in with the "normal" human kids until they find each other.
Now this is better. A basic story, interesting characters with a slightly different slant. There is still about a million ways to fuck this up (and they probably will) but at least they have the groundwork in place to do something interesting. Fingers crossed PIXAR is in this somewhere since they are the only ones capable of doing decent kids movies. They should do a live action/animated mix.
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The Hollywood Reporter reports that Paramount has commissioned John Singleton to write and direct "Without Remorse," a film which is based on the Tom Clancy novel. Published in 1993, the movie will center on former Navy SEAL and CIA operative John Kelly, who makes a return to the United States after serving in Vietnam. He falls in love with a woman but is mysteriously murdered. He is also assigned to rescue a group of POWs in a US camp in North Vietnam. The character of John Kelly first appeared in "Clear and Present Danger" and was played by Willem Defoe.
This is um, interesting. Clancy is notorious for hating the adaptations of his books and with the vastly overrated Singleton at the helm, I can see serious heat developing between the two. The problem also is that this book is one of the worst in the Clancy cannon and unless they get a great script-writer in and really fix up the dialog and storey line points this is going to suck badly. Even saying that, I want to see what sort of mess Singleton makes of this and the eruption of bile from Clancy when it's released.
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The Hollywood Reporter reports that Paul Thomas Anderson will produce and direct "There Will Be Blood" with Daniel Day-Lewis as the star. Paramount and Miramax will jointly finance and distribute the film. Described as a period piece, Day-Lewis will star as a Texas oil prospector in the early days of the oil business. It's loosely based on the Upton Sinclair novel "Oil!" from 1927.
The big plus is that Daniel Day-Lewis only takes on movies that are 99% sure of being good. Anderson as director means that there is a 99% chance that this movie will be good. I like those odds and I like the idea behind this movie. I just hope Adam Sandler gets a role. Seriously, I want Lewis and Sandler in an act off on my screen!
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The Hollywood Reporter reports that Universal Pictures will be financing "How Soon Is Now?" a comedy pitch from Jason Major and Patrick T. Gorman, the creators of the hit stage show "The Star Wars Trilogy in 30 Minutes." The story follows a man named Tom McGregor who travels back in time to his high school days in 1985. There he tries to fix the worst three days of his life in order to give himself a better future.
Remember what I wrote about Old School just before? Call this The Butterfly Effect: Back To The Future. This is a tired movie concept and it will bomb. Doubly so if the sequel to Effect comes out at the same time.
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The Hollywood Reporter reports that "Sideways" star Virginia Madsen is in negotiations to play Jim Carrey's wife in "The Number 23," which will be distributed by New Line Cinema and directed by Joel Schumacher. Elizabeth Shue had been cast in the wife role in November but recently stepped down when she learned she was pregnant. The studio had been in talks with Nicole Kidman, but a deal was never reached because of scheduling conflicts. The movie begins shooting Monday in Los Angeles. In the film, written by Fernley Phillips, Carrey comes across an obscure book titled "The Number 23." As he reads it, he becomes increasingly convinced that the book is based on his own life. His obsession with the number 23 starts to consume him to the point that he soon realizes that the book forecasts far graver consequences for his life than he could ever have imagined.
I have talked about this movie before and I am anxious to see the results. The Schumacher factor is a bit of a worry but the Carrey factor will balance it out as well. As for the Madsen/Shue switch, I prefer Madsen to Shue any day and think she will keep up with Jim more adeptly than Shue ever could. At least we have big breasts for big breasts swappage.
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Variety reports that Jennifer Lopez will join the New Line Cinema film "Bridge and Tunnel". The romantic comedy will have Jane Rosenthal and Robert De Niro producing and Greg Berlanti directing. The movie will tell the story of a stock trader who relies on the wits of a teen to make money in the market. Casting for the male lead is underway.
Last week I gave several negative thoughts on this movie but I balanced that with the fact that De Niro was involved on the creative side. Well flush that idea down the toilet, J-Lo is onboard and the suck factor goes through the roof.
Movie Factoid #1: Warren Beatty is the only person to have been nominated for three top Academy Awards (Best Director, Actor, and Screenplay) two times: for 1978's Heaven Can Wait and 1980's Reds.
The Stupid Bits – Gossip & Opinions
How did Reese Witherspoon celebrate her Golden Globe win? She took hubby Ryan Phillippe home and fucked him senseless. No word if the globe itself got turned into the worlds biggest anal bead. Yes, I just said that.
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It had to happen didn't it? The latest rumour doing the rounds is that Angelina Jolie is expecting twins. She's been confirmed pregnant for what…10 day. Next it will be triplets and Brad is carrying the third.
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Seems Jack Osbourne is shtupping Kate Moss. No surprise there really, former fat son of drug fucked metal singer hooks up with drug fiend, super model. Now that is a match made in heaven.
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Is there one more place on the bandwagon? Meg Ryan is going to adopt a Chinese baby. Sure it's a good thing but what about adopting a parentless kid from your own country dear?
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Maria Sharapova and Andy Roddick are supposed to be dating. As with most things tennis I could give a fuck.
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Kevin Federline seems to think he can prove he doesn't need Britney to make money and so he is going to open a nightclub in Miami. Never mind the fact Kevin you will need Britney to back you financially to actually get the place in action…moron.
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Victoria Beckham is going to write children's books…I shudder in fear.
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Brittany Murphy is now engaged for the third time in 3 years. It's true love this time…I swear.
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What's the big deal about Reese Witherspoon wearing the same dress as Kirsten Dunst did 3 years ago? Why is it the BIG story of the awards night? Though the funniest thing is her publicist (who represents J-Lo and Rene Zelleweger also) threatening to not let her clients use Chanel again. Now that's a high quality hissy fit.
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Proving he has no sense of humour what-so-ever, Tom Cruise has managed to put a stop to the South park episode where he is encouraged to come out of the closet outside of the US. Dude, you start joking about it people will give you less shit about it.
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Christopher Lee is making waves about Hollywood ruining films by employing talent-less young people. Get with the times grandpa, you're old, you suck and you need to shut the fuck up.
Movie Factoid #2: In director Joe Dante's 1984 hit Gremlins, the town's movie marquee announces two films: A Boy's Life and Watch the Skies — early titles for the Steven Spielberg films, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial and Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Movie Factoid #3: When Elvis Presley died in 1977, autopsy surgeons found morphine, Quaaludes, Valium, diazepam metabolite, Valmid, Placidyl, Amytal, Nembutal, Demerol, Sinutabs, and ten times the lethal amount of codeine in the actor-singer's bloodstream.
Commentary Track of the Week
I mentioned above Once Upon a Time in Mexico which is a fantastic movie with a great little DVD package. Robert Rodriguez is always a talkative and informative listening experience and this is no different. He shot this film on HD digital cameras and to hear him talk about the experience is a revelation and hearing him describe how much easier the filming was with this technology and how there is a massive resistance (even still) against going digital. For all movie buffs and potential movie makers, get this DVD, watch the extras (also very cool) and listen to the commentary track. Do it now fuckers!
Movie Factoid #4: James Van Der Beek's Rules of Attraction character is the brother of Sean Bateman, the psycho played by Christian Bale in American Psycho. Both films are based on novels by Bret Easton Ellis, who often features recurring characters in his works.
The Photo Files
Just one pic this week. Believe it or not it has nothing to do with lack of anything to present but it's more that this picture deserves unfettered spotlight….
Miss Piggy
The sickest wardrobe malfunction of all time baby!
Movie Factoid #5: In concert with the Motion Picture Production Code administration in 1959, the Catholic Church granted special permission to Suddenly, Last Summer to include the first male homosexual in an American film. Tellingly, the character is never seen or heard.
The Top Ten
I need a favour valued readers, top ten lists for me to do. Send ‘em in and I will do my best to comply. It's not that I need any help or anything coming up with subjects but it's more fun when people set the parameters. Knock yourselves out.
This weeks it's my top ten (male) actors of all time. Now, here's the big thing, I hate most actors that made movies in from day dot until the 70's. I think these people are VASTLY overrated and don't have a patch on the past 30 years of actors. So don't expect Brando or anyone of the ilk. He sucked and the rest sucked as well.
1) Edward Norton - THE actor of this generation by a country mile. I will always remember the first time I saw him in Primal Fear. When he changed from the simpleton to the psychopath it blew my mind. Not only did his attitude change but he even seemed to undergo a physical one as well. His best role by far was American History X and the amount of charisma he oozed in the early parts of that movie just dazzled.
2) Johnny Depp - It's a tie between Depp and the next guy as to who is the best character actor today. Depp can slide between roles like a chameleon and it's hard to think that they guy that did Cry Baby did Ed Wood, did Edward Scissorhands, did Pirates of the Caribbean did Sleepy Hallow, didCharlie & The Chocolate Factory and then play it straight like he did in What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Just an amazing talent.
3) Billy Bob Thornton - I cannot begin to express the admiration I have for this mans talent. While Depp has a more showy way of doing characters Billy Bob manages to ease between them and you could be forgiven for forgetting it was the same guy. I think his talent gets lost because of his penchant for doing crazy things in his private life but you can't enough how rich a body of work he has amassed in the past ten years. He takes movies for the challenge and it shows in his work.
4) Don Cheadle - I'm starting to sense a pattern with my own choices, actors that can stretch between characters and make you forget they are one in the same person. While Don doesn't go as far Depp and Billy Bob, he can move in between menace (Out Of Sight) to sympathetically good (The United States Of Leyland) and the outright funny (Oceans Eleven). While he gets mucho critical raves he still hasn't gotten anywhere near the widespread acclaim he deserves. Except by me of course.
5) Christian Bale - He was the only good thing about the fantastically terrible American Psycho and he was without a doubt the best choice for the recently revived Batman movies. He showed he isn't afraid to suffer for his art when he almost starved himself to death for the movie The Machinist. This man has unbelievable talent and personally I think he has it all over Colin Farrell is seems to be touted as the next big "actors actor". The future is his.
6) Jim Carrey - Jim in totally under-loved. He was for a few years the runaway best actor around before the lack of recognition halted his charge for greatness. You can't watch The Truman Show, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, or Man on the Moon and honestly say you aren't watching a brilliant actor ply his trade. I think what hurts Jim the most is his firmness in not turning his back to what brought him to the dance, over-the-top comedies that show of his one in a billion gift for comedy. People say it's hard to take him seriously after he talked out of his ass in Ace Ventura, I say people have no imagination then.
7) John Cusack - John has been a personal favourite since his early days and especially the wonderfully weird Better Off Dead and then he really blew me away with Say Anything. He sort of disappeared for a few years but now he pretty much does his own thing playing damaged middle aged med who don't realise they're middle aged. I wish he would play a bad guy in a film soon just to show his range because you can feel the dark side in him ready to come out. That's probably the reason he plays great normal guys, that unhinged element is never too far away.
8) Ving Rhames - He has "it". Between his physical presence and that awesome voice, when Ving is onscreen he commands attention. Add to the fact he is a great actor and can move easily between comedic, serious and down right nasty he is definitely one of the most underrated actors going around.
9) George Clooney - George is a great actor but what makes him amongst the best is the fact he is one of the few actors in this world that is truly a movie star. I don't mean star as in famous but as in someone who commands the screen regardless of who is on it. Partly it's because he's a genuine nice guy in real life but he has that aura of glitter that you saw in the early days of movie making. Pretty good director as well. Lucky bastard.
10 Ben Stiller - Stiller gets much dogging by people because he has found a groove that he replays again and again in allot of movies. Personally I don't see why he has to change what works in those types of films. But you watch his work in Permanent Midnight and you know you have a great acting talent. He's also not afraid to make himself look like an idiot as he showed in Dodgeball earlier last year. The best is yet to come from Ben I believe.
Movie Factoid #6: The National Legion of Decency was formed in October of 1933, six months after the release of the Mae West film She Done Him Wrong. Legion officials cited West as one of the major reasons for the "necessity" of the organization
Movie Quote of the Week
She's a grandma? Man. I wish my grandma looked like that. My grandma looks like Jack Palance. If Jack Palance looked like her I'd wanna fuck Jack Palance.
Cal - 40 Year-Old Virgin
I'm Out
Only a short go round this week. Hopefully inspiration strikes for next week. Steve's in tomorrow.
