The Tasty Evil TV News 01.26.06
Posted by Avery Chan on 01.26.2006
Will Kelly Clarkson bow down to the will of Cowell? Where do N'Sync'ers not named Timberlake go to die? And What the hell is The CW?
Notice how all my intros the last few weeks are about the Raptors? Sorry but this week will be no different. The team allowed Kobe Bryant to drop 81 points on them Sunday night which ranks second in NBA history. As a basketball fan, it was a marvel to witness. The man carried the team on his back and single handedly lifted them over a 17 point deficit. As a Raptor fan and a decent human being however, it was appalling. Not only was this against my hometown team but it was a game they had in the bag. I wished they would've taken Antoine Walker's advice: "If someone scored 81pts on me, I'd clothesline him". That it was Kobe Bryant doing it was even worse. GQ has ranked him fifth in most hated athletes and consider me one of the haters. Everything about him pisses me off, his arrogance, his raping, and the fact that he tried to nickname himself "mamba". Who the hell has the balls to give themselves a nickname? And when giving his reason for the nickname to a reporter, he quotes line for line, Elle Driver from Kill Bill and passes it off as his own. The man's a total dick. But man, can he hoop.
News
Kelly Clarkson changes her mind
A day after Simon Cowell ripped into Kelly Clarkson for not allowing her songs to be used on American Idol, the singer has changed her tune and lifted this little embargo. A lot of spin has been put on this, chalking it up to one big misunderstanding. Apparently, it is the fault of a BMG executive who shot his mouth off without knowing that Clarkson's management were still in negotiation with the show for use of the songs on a "case-by-case basis". On Tuesday's episode, a contestant sang "Since You've Been Gone" for her audition (and got a gold ticket).
There was a priceless moment on Tuesday's show when a male contestant asked Paula to come up and dance with him. The judge who was accused of sleeping with a former contestant during the competition, quietly put her head down and whispered "I'm not allowed".
UPN and The WB join forces to become…The CW
Coming this fall, in a bold move, two mediocre networks will merge into one, less-mediocre network. The network will be owned 50-50 by their parent companies CBS and Warner Brothers, hence the stupid name "The CW". Like an all-star team, programming will be made of the best from UPN and WB. Shows likely to make the cut at this point are America's Next Top Model, Friday Night Smackdown, Gilmore Girls and Smallville . The future of shows like Everwood, Veronica Mars, and Everybody Hates Chris are much vaguer.
Lance Bass and Joey Fatone a modern day "Odd Couple"
Could this be part of the new CW network? Former N'Sync members Lance Bass (the guy who sings bass) and Joey Fatone (the "fat one") are developing a reality-comedy hybrid based on their lives, tentatively titled "Out of Sync". Because they use to be IN Sync and now they're OUT. How did a clever boy like Lance Bass NOT make it into the space program?? Basically, Lance is the clean one and Joey is the messy (fat) one. It's Nick and Jessica for the Brokeback Mountain era!
West Wing is done after this season.
As the Bartlett administration comes to an end, so too does The West Wing, after a seven year run. The series will close with a passing of power to the winner of the Presidential race between Democrat Santos (Jimmy Smits) and Republican Vinick (Alan Alda), in a two hour episode. Many feel that ending the show now makes a lot of sense with the changing of the guard and especially with the passing of original cast member John Spencer. Ratings considerations played a big part as well since the show has been struggling for a few years now and the move to Sunday nights has made no impact.
Amy Fisher and the Buttafuocos plan TV reunion
How messed up is this? Joey Buttafuoco's a total knob and Amy Fisher is just plain twisted so I can understand their involvement. Buttafuoco's wife however, got shot and partially paralyzed because of those two so I can't understand her wanting anything to do with them much less help them make money. My understanding of the case and everything afterwards is admittedly low given that it was way before my time and there may be things I'm not aware of (perhaps desperate financial situation?) but I can't see any normal person putting themselves through this. They do promise "SHOCKING REVELATIONS" but 15 years later, does anyone really care anymore?
*** *** ***
Tasty/Evil Caplets
Smallville (Jan 19)
3-Sentence Recap:
A cop who was injured at the last meteor shower kidnaps Lex and Lana because he knows they have the spaceship (which has actually disappeared from Luthor Corp). Lex takes a bullet for Lana and the two grow closer, which does not please Clark. Jonathan finds out Martha accepted money from Lionel Luthor.
Tasty:
Martha: "Maybe the two of you just weren't meant to be together".
Clark: "I can't imagine myself ever loving anyone else". (Cue Lois pulling up in her car)
What can I say, I'm a sucker for blatant, unsubtle foreshadowing.
Evil:
This is the second time in 3 episode that Lex has been shot. You'd think he was a kwik-e-mart owner or gangsta rapper instead of an evil business man.
Young Chuck Norris (on SNL) (Jan 21)
3-Sentence Recap:
"Norris uses his hands and his feet and he kicks and he punches with his hands and his feet and he kicks and he punches with Mr. Bruce Lee a master of kara-ta-ta-tee. And he kicks and he punches some more, back to Vietnam to settle the score. Don't forget Walker Texas Ranger where he punched and he kicked his way from danger"
Tasty:
The follow up to "Lazy Sunday" capitalizes on the popularity, not only of that skit but on the Chuck Norris facts website and does so through a hilarious power ballad complete with patriotic flag waving, equating the power of Chuck with American might. The lyrics and the singing by Jason Sudeikis were excellent.
Evil:
As funny as it was, the Chuck Norris facts are much more so. I also couldn't help comparing it to "Lazy Sunday" which only came out a month before. Because of that, YCN doesn't have the spontaneity that LS did and all the expectations the LS didn't.
24 (Jan 23)
3-Sentence Recap:
CTU discovers that the stolen items from the airport is nerve gas and Jack survives an assassination attempt. The first lady runs away and the new tech guy that Chloe slept with turns out to be a mole but not an evil one – he thought he was working for the White House. Jack goes after Cummings when the aforementioned tech guy reveals that that's who gave him his orders.
Tasty:
For once the mole is not an evil woman! 24 goes progressive! (unless there was a man mole in season 3, which I missed, forget everything I said)
Evil:
I think Jack was in maybe 10 minutes of this episode. At least he was in ass kicker mode for 5 of them.
Lost (Jan 25)
3-Sentence Recap:
Charlie has crazy dreams and steals Claire's baby, Aaron, while sleepwalking, prompting Locke to believe he's using again. In the past, Charlie's brother hits the bottom of the barrel with his addiction and betrays Charlie. Believing the only way to save Aaron is to baptize him, Charlie kidnaps him again, alienating himself from the rest of the castaways
Tasty:
Locke laying the beat down on the wee hobbit man. Who knew a cripple could pack that much punching power.
Evil:
Another example of the shows pacing problems show up in this episode. The intense events of last week's episode are almost all forgotten. But judging from next week's preview, perhaps this is just the calm before the storm.
