The Super Duper Happy News Report: 01.27.06
Posted by Ryan Latimer on 01.27.2006
Haven’t you people ever heard of extenuating circumstances?
The Super Duper Happy News Report: 01.27.06
By: Ryan Latimer
Two weeks, people. I was gone for two weeks, both instances out of my hands in the first place. Trust me, if you had the schedule I had at the time, an online movie column would unlikely be at the top of your list.
But I know, waaah, waaah, boo-hoo, suck your bottle, wipe your diaper rash and get to work. I know how the public is. I is one. We have no mercy. We want our weekly routine. We like it. It's like our children, except more important. But c'mon, could YOU juggle a new job, a week-long trip to Nebraska because of said new job, a move and managing a book deal all in the span of a week and a half? Try it sometime and then we'll talk. Maybe.
Indeed, I managed to snag a literary agent. For those out of the book deal information loop, to make a long story short when an author pens a piece of work he or she had two choices. Pay a publisher to print X number of copies and act as the primary responsibility for getting the word out, or get a literary agent to negotiate a book deal with a publisher to pay you. The latter is obviously far more difficult, but I somehow managed. The journey has yet to fully end, however, as I still need an actual publisher to buy it. In short, without a literary agent or self-publishing, a publisher won't give you a fraction of a second. My part is pretty much done, and may I say I've gone quite a long way and achieved a great deal regardless of whether I get a deal or not. The rest is up to my business associates. Everyone, cross your fingers. For future references regarding the project seeing as how this really isn't related to my column, just visit the blog. You should know where it is by now.
Needless to say, new films haven't exactly been a high priority as of late, but I did make time to catch "Underworld: Evolution." I did it's job, that's all I have to say. Can't complain much. On another note, ever since I watched "Serenity" I've been hooked on "Firefly," my film buff friend as well, and bear in mind this is a guy you never watches television. Ever. He doesn't even have cable. Not making that up. Now that's a good show. Here's to hoping they pull a "Family Guy" and revive the series or at least get a sequel to the film going. Odds are unlikely for both, sadly, as "Family Guy" was a one-in-a-million enigma and "Serenity" didn't exactly set the box office world on fire (DVD sales I am unaware of, however) so don't hold your breathe. Pity, too, such a unique concept. At least release some figurines.
Still have much to do, so let's crank ‘er up…
Headlines
"New York Theatre Audience Admitted to Hospital for Excessive Boredom"
Former Vice President Al Gore, often accused of being stiff throughout his unsuccessful 2000 presidential campaign, was full of anger and passion as he visited the Sundance Film Festival this week. Since losing the presidency, the self-described "recovering politician" has found a new mission: saving the planet. He began by making the rounds of college towns on his own as he delivered his PowerPoint lecture on global warning. But now he's got a new ally in Hollywood. With the assistance of filmmaker Davis Guggenheim, producers Lawrence Bender and Laurie David, Participant Prods. CEO Jeff Skoll and CAA, Gore's message rings loud and clear in the Sundance documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." "They make it possible for a broader audience to see this movie in an entertaining and engrossing way," Gore said during an interview following the film's second screening at the fest. "I felt like a character in one of those old movies when the cavalry comes riding over the hill to rescue me." HOLLYWOOD REPORTER
Jeez, this guy can even make watching a movie sound boring. "An Inconvenient Truth?" Mr. Gore, could you perhaps come up with a title that would only put half of the entire Starbucks drinking population to sleep? What next, a movie about the dangers of guns entitled "The Anatomy of Firearm Conflict?" Don't get me wrong – global warming is an issue I happen to entertain. Without sounding soft or sissy, the environment means more to me than what most people believe (I'm not a nutso lib). But crimey, *I* would have a hard time deciding to shell out money for that. What does that say for those tree hugging pothead weridos that would sell their children for a dinner with Michael Moore?
Actually, scratch that last remark.
Well, the guy is doing something for the good of mankind. Gotta give him that. But just get a friggin' publicist.
"Online Rental Company Issues Back Alley DVD Duel With Blockbuster"
Netflix chief Reed Hastings notified friend and foe alike Tuesday that his aim is to put traditional video stores out of business. "The prize that's out there is making video stores uneconomic, triggering the tipping point, or mass closures of video stores. We're getting close to that in the [San Francisco] Bay area," he said during a conference call with analysts as Netflix reported fourth-quarter earnings rise to $195 million -- up 35.5 percent from $143.9 million during the year-ago quarter. Profits rose to $38.1 million from $5.6 million, a 580-percent hike. He also forecast that studios will eventually close the window between the theatrical DVD release of their movies. "While full simultaneous release may take some time for all studios to support, the economic logic of it is unstoppable," he said. However, as Netflix continues to pose a threat to brick-and-mortar rental stores, it, too, faces a threat posed by downloading services.IMDB
Saw that one coming, and may I say what a one-sided war. I figured it was the only logical net step in the Age of the Internet, the reliance of web sites to even rent your videos. I personally never really "got" the appeal. When I want to rent a movie or game (well, whenever the blue moon appears), I want it now, and I wasn't thinking about it days prior. Just me, and again I'm not much of a renter, so what do I know. Don't say "nothing."
Kudos to Hastings for actually having the guts to come out publicly with the plan. Although right now it would be like kicking a horse not only when he's down and out but dead and rotting. I'm not seeing how they could eradicate all rental franchises and not just Block, at least not in the near future. Even so, go easy, Netflix. That's all I ask. Blockbuster is a part of my childhood. At least offer some of the employees jobs. Don't be total Bill Gates.
We have one of those already.
"Toy Story 35 Set for Summer 2007"
Disney CEO Robert Iger said Tuesday that his decision to buy Pixar Animation for $7.4 billion was based on his desire to reinvigorate "the heart and soul of the company." In an interview with Bloomberg News, Iger said, "For the company to be healthy, I truly felt that animation had to be healthy." (In a separate interview with the New York Times, Iger said, "I want to return Disney to greatness in this area ... and this was the way to do it fastest.") He said that Pixar President Ed Catmull and Pixar cofounder and creative chief John Lasseter will manage Disney animation -- "everything from how pictures are chosen, how they are developed. It's everything." David Stainton will step down as head of Disney Feature Animation but remain with the company, Disney Studios Chairman Dick Cook said Tuesday. Analysts generally reacted enthusiastically to the deal. Tom Adams, head of Adams Media Research, told the Washington Post: "Disney built the company on animation, and its hand went cold just as Pixar's went hot. This is big, big stuff for Disney." But some analysts worried whether Disney's conservative, corporate culture and Pixar's free-wheeling, independent one can effectively be fused. As Marla Backer, an analyst at Research associates, told today's New York Daily News: "Disney is bureaucratic. People roller-blade down the halls of Pixar. ... I don't think Pixar needs Disney looking over its shoulders." IMDB
Well that was…odd. First we see the parting of ways of Pixar and Disney and the inevitable doom of the House the Mouse Built as a result. Fast forward mere months later and we have Disney buying Pixar. Can't say I blame Disney for the decision (they were – how do you say it? – fuct without them), but I still didn't see that one becoming a reality. It is nice to know Disney won't be going anywhere anytime soon now. My interest in the company may be all nostalgia, but sometimes that can be the best kind. Just don't go crazy with the "Toy Story" sequels. You're pushing you're luck with Number 3 as is. You know how I feel about that sort of thing. I see one notch above Finding Nemo 4: Toilet Bowl Dive and I get anal.
7.4 billion? I'm in the wrong profession.
"Oh, By the Way..."
Disney Studios Chairman Dick Cook officially announced Wednesday that the company is shutting down Circle 7 Productions, the unit that was set up to create computer-animated sequels to Pixar's original hit films. The Glendale-based Circle 7 was already well along in the production of Toy Story 3, according to several reports. Pixar Chairman Steve Jobs, who has made his dislike for sequels well known, remarked on Tuesday, "We feel very strongly that if the sequels are going to be made, we want the people who were involved in the original films involved in the sequels." IMDB
What, you're asking me? I'm an online columnist/critic. I have no idea what I type on this machine that brings you my words. Go Ask Jeeves. I don't have a clue anymore.
Now let's end on a serious note.
"Florida Man Found Dead in Garbage Dumpster"
Hollywood hardman Joe Pesci allegedly punched a fan who refused to accept he didn't want his picture to be taken. Juan Carlos Montenegro, 24, claims the Goodfellas Oscar-winner lashed out in a shopping centre car park in Boca Raton, Florida on Sunday. Montenegro has told local police he asked the 62-year-old if he could take his photograph after spotting him leaving a shop, but Pesci replied, "Not now," and walked away. But the student followed Pesci and snapped him anyway - Pesci reportedly responded by hitting Montenegro before saying, "You shouldn't have been interrupting my business." A spokesperson for Boca Raton police said the case is being investigated but an independent witness needs to come forward if charges are to be pressed. IMDB
"Hey, Mr. Pesci! Can I get a picture of you?"
"Hey sure, kid."
"Great! I love you! You're such a funny guy!"
"…."
Not bad, Selene, and may I say you're the sexiest vamp chick in tight leather I've ever seen in any movie. Now whenever you want to drop that pretty boy loser and get with a real man you let me know. Just don't cook for me.
I find it funny "Brokeback" is doing as well as it's doing. Funny, not surprising. You'd think the film protesters would get it through their heads already that rallying against a movie only sells more tickets. Do I even need to cite examples? Just do what I do if I don't want to see something: don't go. A gay cowboy romance doesn't sound like something that would entertain me. I'm sure it's a fine flick. Just not for me. Not. That. Complicated. Now Lee, do the world a favor and go make that sequel to "Hulk." If Eric Bana doesn't want any part of it, big deal. Agent Mulder will do just fine. Just don't let it go straight to video. Phuck the online community.
Smash it or Trash It
Opening today:
- Annapolis
- Nanny McPhee
- Big Momma's House 2
Bleeeh, even for a sucker like me. A good weekend to catch up on quite a few films I've missed over the past weeks, putting it nicely. Too bad "Wolf Creek" dropped out of theatres before I got the chance.
"Annapolis" looks worthwhile enough for an early matinee, but I won't go out of my way. Good to see James Franco still getting serious roles, although he will always be that preppy s**thead from "Whatever it Takes" in my eyes. He just has that look. You know, those morons you hated in high school. I didn't see "Big Momma's House," so draw your own conclusions. Hint: I wouldn't see it if someone paid me. Not kidding. Sorry to all you Martin Lawrence fans. But c'mon.
"Nanny McPhee?" I love you British. Still won't see it, though. But just know I love you.
BO: "Underworld" makes it two.
Say What?
This little portion of the column is a movie quote/trivia contest for the readers. The first three people to email me with the correct answer get to be important with me by having their names and locations posted. Be a winner. Be important.
Trivia winners (Answer: Jim Carrey, various)
- Alan Barker
- Francis Bognar, Ottawa, Canada
- Bellsouth.net person
Boo-ya, you people are smarter than I thought. I thought you would come up with one or two famous injuries from Berry by a little digging, but three or more? And coming up with Jim Carrey as the original Gaylord Focker? Give yourself a gold star. Extra cookies for lunch.
I suppose I could see Carrey in "Meet the Parents" butting heads with Robert Deniro, but Ben Stiller was just so perfect. I am unsure as to how Carrey parted ways with the studio – fired or quit – but it was all for the better. The chemistry between those two should be studied in college science courses. Could have done without the unnecessary sequel, but you know…
Halle Berry should consider double life insurance, because I swear the woman is possessed by Satan, cursed or had somehow really pissed the man above off seven ways from Sunday at least a few times. The woman is a walking first aid kit. Not at home or in public, mind you, but on movie sets where the star is pampered to the nth degree to avoid injury. She sustained injury in Spain while shooting "Die Another Day," smashed her head onto the set lights as well as collided with a piece of stage equipment during a chase scene in "Catwoman," broke her arm while filming Gothika…and these are just the documented cases – in the span of the last few years. Hey Halle, consider Christianity.
One-shot trivia this week, so it's a goodie.
Trivia Question: This was the first movie in which Arnold Schwarzenegger was given top billing by the studio, having his name placed on the promotional material above the title to sell the film. This has been done with virtually every Arnold film since.
Outie
For those asking, I don't to the Sausages (links) anymore because I felt bad pimping some over others here on 411. It takes a lot of time to get all that crap together – at least for me – and I respect and appreciate all the writes here pretty much equally. I know, gay.
It's not like I have nothing to do this weekend, but I'll be sure to catch at least one new film. Consider it a promise. And I don't lie. I promise.
And as always, thanks for all the support, everyone. Now let's see if we can't make a book happen.
