Love is Dead, X-Men Fashion Ads, Slasher Movie Madness, and Hating on Michael Bay..
This Just In Love Dies; Mourned by Few
Culled from Yahoo news Forty-three percent of adult Americans, or 87 million people, describe themselves as single -- but only 16 percent are looking for love, the survey by the Pew Internet and American Life Project found.
Fifty-five percent of US singles say they have no interest in looking for a romantic partner. That feeling is especially pronounced among women, or those who have been divorced or widowed.
Surprisingly, and despite the dominance of dating images in popular culture, younger singles aged between 18-29 seem to be able to take romance or leave it: 51 percent said they were not in the market for a soulmate.
Awesome. Finally men and women are on the same page "true love" is a myth. There is love, there is friendship, there is trust, and there is wanting to get laid. All of these things exist. "True love" along with "love at the first sight" is something invented for the sake of telling stories.
You know when you think you're falling in love with someone? It really means that you two share a unique chemistry, and it gets your hormones going and you want to fuck them so bad you would do just about anything. And then three months later the sex is stale and you are stuck thinking "what the hell have I done? Why did I tell them I loved them? I don't love them. I don't even like them."
Happy Valentines Day, America! Now we are both increasingly Godless AND increasingly loveless. USA! USA! USA!
The Idiot Box Proper
From the IMDB
US TV network ABC is pulling Commander In Chief off its schedule even earlier than anticipated, due to poor ratings. The Geena Davis drama was scheduled to go on hiatus on February 28, but network executives decided to make the break effective immediately. ABC's scheduling chief Jeff Bader insists the network was trying to do "what we think is best for its long-term prospects."
This show had high ratings early on, due to the morbid curiosity of viewers wanting to see how bad this show would suck. Now no one watches it because, let's just be honest here, it's not a good idea for a show.
I'm not saying that out of my deep-seeded misogyny, either. In this post-feminist country of ours, I can deal with the idea of a female president. But gender shouldn't be an issue, should it? The best person for the job, so to speak. Theoretically, for a woman to get the job she would even have to be cagier, smarter, and altogether superior to her opponents, just to overcome the prejudice, am I right? And that would mean a female president could not get the job by playing the gender card. There is no way a woman could get all women to vote for her on the basis of her plumbing if women had that kind of solidarity then men would already be kept in work camps so a female president would have to be a towering, commanding, charismatic presence. A force of nature, if you will.
Geena Davis is not a force of nature. I don't buy her in the roll.
Furthermore, since gender shouldn't be an issue, the entire premise for the show is faulty. It's not a "West Wing" rip-off, you see, because it's "West Wing" with a chick President.
Good riddance to bad shows.
Lame Thing of the Week
I have got a bad, bad feeling about "X-Men 3: the Last Stand."
First of all, it's being directed by Brett Ratner. This is not good. He is all flash and no substance and quite frankly even his flash needs some work. And this project seems too big for him to handle adequately.
Second of all, they are using the dreaded "cure for mutation" storyline in the film. And I HATE THIS STORYLINE. They have already established very well that mutation is the key to evolution, and that really, mutants are the next phase of humanity. It isn't a disease, any more than race or eye color is a disease. So to "cure" mutation is patently ridiculous, even within this realm of superheroes. I hated this story in the comics, and I don't want to see it on the screen.
Third of all, and possibly most distressing, is this new series of promotional posters, pimping out the X Men like some sort of Miami Beach Bennetton billboard. Follow the link to the posters, and prepare to lose interest in the film.
As reported right here at 411Mania Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes production company will handle the new "Friday the 13th" flick for New Line Cinema. The film will serve as a prequel to the past films and outline the origins of the Jason Vorhees character.
The hope is to release the film on Friday the 13th this year.
It's not that "Friday the 13th" is an all-time classic film. It isn't. I love horror movies, and I love slasher movies, and the original "Friday" is not a classic. It's good, and was influential, but not gangbusters or anything. Much like "Amityville Horror" it is a film ripe for a modern-day retelling.
But Michael Bay? Again? What is this guy's friggin problem?
He already produced the "Amityville" remake, with mixed results. He produced the disastrous, awful, maddening "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake, and he did it with complete disregard of the original (which, it should be noted, is my favorite movie of all time) and thus earns my undying contempt.
But that's not enough. Not only is he planning this "Friday" remake, but he's also planning to remake the b-movie slasher-on-the-road classic "The Hitcher."
Does he not care how much he is exposing himself as a hack? Couldn't he just pretend to want to make his own movies, and not poach off the work of others? Even in the last movie he directed, "The Island" he stole most of the plot ideas from "Clonus" and old crapfest movie once featured on "Mystery Science theatre 3000."
This guy makes Quentin Tarantino look like an Idea Man (and let me tell you, that guy never had an idea that he didn't find in someone else's movie)
Sub-Genre Meltdown
Here is the section of the column where I breakdown a sub-genre of film (usually the horror genre) into its nuts and bolts and tell you what's good about it. Future meltdowns will focus on werewolves, zombies, witches, demonic possession, and my personal favorite, cannibal hillbilly movies.
But today we're looking at slasher pictures. Specifically, the SECOND INSTALLMENT of slasher movies. After all, any slasher worth his salt has more than one movie under his belt. The second installment is crucial, you see, because it turns a movie into a franchise. Big difference.
A quick run-down of those that didn't make the cut
Sleepaway Camp 2
Leprechaun 2
Candyman 2
Maniac Cop 2
Slumber Party Massacre 2
Sorority House Massacre 2
Childs Play 2
Nightmare on Elm Street 2
And now, the Top Ten
10. Dr. Phibes Rises Again Campy follow-up to the classic "Abominable Dr. Phibes," sees Vincent Price rise from the grave to seek creative and bloody vengeance yet again. Features Price doing a version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" that will knock your socks off.
9. Stepfather 2 This made the list solely on the virtue of the great lead performance. Terry O'Quinn is best known for playing John Lock on "Lost," but he makes a fine psycho killer, too.
8. Friday the 13th part 2 This is the one that set the trend for the rest of the series.
7. Halloween 2 Solid little thriller here. It proved to be the last gasp for the franchise.
6. Psycho 2 Just like the original, this is more of a psychological thriller than a slasher movie. But involves a wacko stabbing people to death, so why split hairs?
5. Jeepers Creepers 2 Better than the original in every possible regard faster, leaner, meaner, better effects, more victims, more blood. Of course, there is also more homoeroticism from sleazeball director Victor Salva, but you have to take the good with the bad.
4. Saw 2 Really opens up the movie into a potential franchise. After this installment, I can see them churning out "Jigsaw" movies for the next decade.
3. Scream 2 Unfairly dismissed, because it wasn't as funny or innovative as the original "Scream," this sequel is really a solid piece of work. Good set pieces, some nice kills, and the cornball ending is saved by sheer virtue of ripping off "Friday the 13th" so sweetly.
2. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 The Sawyer family are still the craziest psychos in these United States. Director Tobe Hooper, who also helmed the classic 1974 original, takes the family of cannibals deeper into disturbing territory. Not as good as the original, but better than it's given credit for.
1. The Devil's Rejects One of the best horror movies of the last decade, and beyond, "Rejects" surpasses the original to such a degree that it does not even seem like a sequel to "House of 1000 Corpses." Director Rob Zombie displays here his love and passion for horror movies, and proves that he needs to be behind a camera all the time, and never behind a mixing board.
The Suck List for 2/15/06
1. Michael Bay (for his "Chainsaw Massacre" remake)
2. Michael Bay (for his "Friday" and "Hitcher" remakes)
3. Michael Bay (for "Pearl Harbor.")
4. Michael Bay (for "Armageddon.")
5. X-Men 3: the Last Stand. I bet that name turns out to be prophetic.
