The VICIOUS TV News Wrap 03.14.06

Posted by Steve Vicious on 03.14.2006

Osama Bin Laden's niece receives her own reality show? Teri Hatcher in Vanity Fair interview. Michael Jackson hates Jews? The Real Desperate Housewives of Orange County. Another hiatus for NBC's Joey? Howard Stern on Hannity & Colmes. WWE Saturday Night's Main Event & Hogan Knows Best return this weekend. Conan O'Brien from Finland. Donald Trump continues the War of the Words with Martha Stewart on Larry King Live. Isaac Hayes quits "South Park" due to bigotry. And much more in the latest Vicious TV News Wrap!!!



Intro:
I really hate this intro thing, so I will start skipping it from now on.

Random TV News/Thoughts/Gossip/etc.
- Teri Hatcher in Vanity Fair
Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher recently did an interview with Vanity Fair magazine in which she reveals that she was molested by her uncle. According to the interview, Hatcher kept quite about the abuse until she testified against her uncle, who was in court for the disappearance of a young girl. Also, the New York Post recently posted that Hatcher revealed her molestation because of some recent heartache, which is rumored to be none other than George "I MUST speak my Mind" Clooney. I don't get it.

- So Long Joey
In a rather surprising move over the weekend (they pulled the trigger much quicker than I expected), NBC has decided to bench their struggling comedy Joey again after its worst performance ever last Tuesday. The show aired opposite American Idol and was crushed by only pulling in over 4 million viewers. Joey regularly averaged over 7 million viewers when it aired on NBC's Must See TV Thursday lineup. The fact that the ratings were abysmal were the least shocking of the situation because I mentioned last week that NBC was only putting the show against American Idol because that is what a network does when they want to cancel a show. Take a look at Arrested Development or Boston Public. Another thing I couldn't help but notice was that NBC only aired one new episode of Scrubs and they could have easily moved Joey to the 9:30PM spot, but they didn't. Maybe the show will return later in the spring.

- The Sopronos' return
After a 26 month absence, HBO's highly rated drama The Sopronos returned last night. I missed it because I don't have HBO (too pricey), but it's still big news in the television world. What did you think of the season premiere?

- Michael Jackson hates Jews
I was watching The Big Idea with Donny Deutsh last week and the talk on this particular night was the rumored tell-all book by Michael Jackson's brother Jermaine Jackson. The book allegedly reveals that the Jackson family thought Michael was guilty of the child molestation charges and that he hates Jews because Steven Spielberg stole the idea of DreamWorks Studios from him. It's tough to tell whether there is much to these WILD allegations because you know how the media is towards anything Michael Jackson related. I'm sure Michael Jackson can take comfort in knowing that he has one person in this world that hates Jews just as much as he does -- Eric Cartman. I smell a sitcom...

- Isaac Hayes leaves South Park
Shocking news Monday afternoon from the folks over at Comedy Central's "South Park." Isaac Hayes, the voice of the character "Chef," has decided to quit the show because he was offended by the episode on his religion Scientology. Trey Parker (co-creator of the show) responded with this: "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology... He has no problem - and he's cashed plenty of checks - with our show making fun of Christians." Matt Stone was much nicer about it with this: "This has nothing to do with intolerance and bigotry and everything to do with the fact that Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist and that we recently featured Scientology in an episode of 'South Park'. "In 10 years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show." This is really shocking considering the new season of "South Park" is right around the corner. [credit: AOL.com]

- The Real Housewives of Orange County
Jesus Christ. It seems that Bravo has somehow green lighted a "reality" television series in which "desperate" housewives from Orange County will be followed around as they live their "lives." Like the women in this country weren't polluted enough as it is, but I guess this is Bravo's attempt at changing their image because everything on there just SCREAMS gay. Anyway, I'll only watch the show to see these hot MILFs run around and get drunk. Typical.




- The War of the Words: Trump vs. Stewart
Like Donald Trump hasn't received enough attention from the media in the past two weeks (he recently made some comments about how he would date his daughter if he could), "The Donald" was on CNN's Larry King Live talking about his problems with Martha Stewart. Of course, Trump continued to blame Martha's version of The Apprentice for his show's lack of ratings early on. However, Trump states that he still likes Martha as a person, although he thinks she may not like him. Trump also addressed Martha's version of the story in which he was supposed to step down from his Apprentice throne. Trump says that is false because he never agreed to step aside for Martha to takeover his show. Trump also goes on to state that the first Apprentice did so well for NBC that they decided to keep it on their Thursday night lineup, thus eliminating their usual hour of sitcoms that aired during that timeslot. I must say that I heard reports that Trump forced NBC to keep his show on Thursday nights instead of moving it to the planned Wednesday at 8PM slot.

- Heist premieres on NBC this week
Another new show premieres on NBC this week and it is called Heist. You should expect the show to be heavily influenced by Ocean's Eleven. Will the show last? I'll keep you informed on that throughout the spring.

- Julia Louis-Dreyfus returned last night on CBS
Dreyfus' new CBS sitcom The New Adventures of Old Christine premiered last night on CBS' Monday night comedy lineup. The show centers around Dreyfus' character, Christine, who is a recently divorced single mother trying to regain her old life like most women do after a divorce. The show also marks Dreyfus' second show post-Seinfeld (the first being NBC's Watching Ellie). I wish her all the luck in the world and I hope Michael Richards gives network television another crack some time soon.

- The Winner of Flavor Flav's love is...
After last week's no decision, Flavor Flav finally made his choice and the lucky winner was none other than Hoopz. To my shock, New York was graceful in defeat, although Hoopz was totally mocking her in the interview afterwards. VH1 also aired a promo for a "Flavor of Love: The Reunion" which will air in two weeks. The promo showed New York versus Pumkin: Round 2, 3 and so forth.

- Tony "Buster Bluth" Hale
A big congratulation to Arrested Development's Tony Hale, who recently welcomed his first child with his wife last week. It's hard to imagine the guy who plays a one-handed man can actually be a totally different person in real-life. What would Lucille 2 have to say about this?

- Howard Stern on "Hannity & Colmes"
"The King of All Media" appeared last Tuesday and Wednesday on FOX News Channel's Hannity & Colmes to discuss his lawsuit that was filed by CBS a few weeks ago. The two-part interview was nearly an hour long and was somewhat more in depth than the one Stern did with The O'Reilly Factor. Stern also discussed his feuds with other radio talk show hosts, such as Mancow. I was somewhat disappointed that Sean Hannity did not ask Stern about Don Imus. Imus is always a fun subject for Howard. Overall, this was an excellent interview and I'm amazed that Howard Stern is handling himself in a very appropriate manner.

- Lil' Kim from Prison
Like these reality TV shows weren't bad enough, but BET has aired a show that will follow rapper Lil' Kim, who was recently convicted of perjury charges and sentenced to one year in prison, around as she serves her sentence. Well, let's hope we get some hot girl-on-girl action from the big breasted rapper.

- Wafah Defour Bin Laden's "reality" TV show
Just when you think the television world cannot sink even lower, it seems the "minds" behind A&E's Growing up Gotti have decided that the most wanted man in the world Osama Bin Laden's niece deserves her own reality show. Last I heard, the girl was trying to break into the Hollywood business and decided to drop her last name in order to not bring any unwanted attention to herself. Of course, now that she's back to being a Bin Laden, she receives a TV show for it. What a fucking joke. I haven't heard when the show will air, although I would expect it towards the end of the summer.

- Conan O'Brien from Finland
Last Friday's episode of Late Night was from Finland and it was great. For those of you who are unaware of why Conan was in Finland, it seems that he is viewed as a GOD there because he looks very much like their female president.



- The Shield to Spike TV
FX's excellent show The Shield will be coming to Spike TV. This will be airings of the first few seasons and will kickoff with a season one marathon on March 15-18. The episodes will span over those days and will sure be something exciting for those looking for an excellent TV show.

- WWE Saturday Night's Main Event returns to NBC this weekend
Yes, wrestling fans have something better to do on Saturday night this week because World Wrestling Entertainment's Saturday Night's Main Event returns (March 18; 8PM) and I'm pumped for it. According to his latest blog entry, 411's Ryan Latimer will be there and he will have a "Bring Back Doink" sign. I have never seen an episode of SNME or "The Main Event" because I wasn't a wrestling fan until April 1994. I wish the WWE all the luck in the world for bringing in a decent rating for a Saturday night on NBC.






- Hogan Knows Best returns this Weekend!
Wrestling Icon Hulk Hogan returns to VH1 this weekend (March 19th) with the second season of his hit reality show Hogan Knows Best. The preview I have seen shows Hulk going to the store to buy tampons for his daughter Brooke. Not only that, but it seems that Brooke decides to leave to the Hogan household and party with some boys, which has some major consequences as Hulk has Linda stalk her. It should definitely be entertaining television.

- Tori Spelling is SO Notorious
Yes, it's the long awaited return of Aaron Spelling's daughter, Tori. She will be returning to our television sets in the first ever scripted comedy show for VH1 because Spelling will be playing a "fictional" version of herself. The one bright spot to this is the return of WKRP in Cincinnati's Loni Anderson, who will play Spelling's fictional mother on the show. The show is expected to make its debut in early April.

- The Surreal Life also returns next weekend!
This season looks like it might be the best, although it's kind of hard to top last season Janice versus Omarosa feud. Still, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing Tawny Kitaen showing some major skin on the show.

- Fred Savage is a rapist
I'm currently watching a rerun episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit on USA Network and this episode has Wonder Years star Fred Savage as a rapist. I guess if you want to shed your public image of being innocent (Kevin Arnold & Winnie Cooper 4-ever!), appearing on SVU as a rapist is the best way to go. I have also seen an episode in which Will Arnett aka Gob Bluth from Arrested Development was a guy who sold trips to pedophiles so they could do stuff with children in foreign countries. One word: Creepy.

The Vicious TV Mini-Wrap:
- Scrubs: "My Five Stages"
J.D. and Dr. Cox grow closer as they grieve with their favorite patient, who is declining in health. Cox even gives J.D. a ride in his porch. Meanwhile, we learn that Dr. Kelso hates bicycles because his father left his family on his bike when he was a young child ("Why'd you leave me, daddy?"). Elsewhere, Elliot believes that her new boyfriend is her booty call, but the reality is that it is she who is the booty call. THANK GOD! ***12

- The O.C.: "The Road Warrior"
Sadie and Ryan go on a road trip to find one of Johnny's relatives, and although Ryan returns to his old ways, the trips brings the two closer. Elsewhere, the police are investigating Johnny's death because they feel that it was not an accident. Something seems fishy. Meanwhile, Julie and Dr. Roberts continue to hide their relationship, but that doesn't stop Julie from channeling Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct. Yummy. I'm not sure about you, but I'm VERY sick of all these new people causing trouble between Ryan & Marissa. I mean, it's like every time someone goes away, someone new takes their place and continues the same bullshit over and over again. The worst thing about this episode was the stuff between Matt trying to get his girlfriend to show some plans to her father. I expected MUCH better than this. However, BIG POINTS for nearly having a threesome between Marissa, Summer and Seth early on. Marissa... **1/2

- Justice League Unlimited: "Grudge Match"
Roulette starts using mind control in order to get Black Canary to fight Fire. Huntress is onto Roulette's plan, so she takes her hostage and forces her to fight alongside Black Canaries against Vixen and Hawkgirl. However, the mind control devises are broken on Vixen and Hawkgirl, but it seems Roulette has her bases covered here with the appearance of Wonder Woman. The girls have a tough time trying to stop WW, but they eventually do. Blah. Focusing on the ladies of the JLU (aside from Hawkgirl & Wonder Woman, do really care about anyone else?) was a big mistake this week because it didn't do much to forward the whole Legion of Doom storyline, other than the brief Lex Luther/Brainiac chat. Next week will be another girl episode (involving Supergirl). ***

- Campus Ladies: "My First Orgasm"
Barri experiments with marijuana while Joan explores her sexuality; Paige's parents visit. Everything comes full circle as Paige's parents walk in on Joan and some guy having sex, then Barri and the guys show up high. That was hilarious. Paige's father feels that the ladies are bad romodels for his daughter and thinks of plulling Paige out of the school. Back to the whole point of Joan's first orgasm, Barri is asked to teach Joan how to masterbate, which the rest of the campus hears about while she's doing the deed. Later on, Paige's father explains to Joan and the ladies that women cannot have orgasms. However, Barri tells him that she has seen "movies" in which the women have "squirted." Paige's father responds by saying that the "squirting" are special effects. BAHAHAHAHA. Joan has her first orgasm in the end and everyone cheers. It was great that this episode was presented with NO commercial breaks. ****1/2

- Family Guy: "I Take Thee Quagmire"
When Peter goes on a television game show and wins a maid for a week, Quagmire becomes smitten with her and ends up popping the question. Even worse, the old Glen Quagmire we once admired is now a changed man. Of course, Peter wants his old buddy the way he once was and plots to bring the old Quagmire out of the closet (not in that way, although I'm sure he's been there, if you know what I mean). However, Peter finally manages to break Quagmire thanks to Lois' HUGE FUCKING TITS. This leads Quagmire to try to call things off with his new wife, but she threatens to kill herself if he does. So Peter and the gang decide to fake Quagmire's death. The first attempt is awful but funny. The second attempt (Glen has a heart attack) works. But, as usual, things will just not go in Peter's way and he has no choice but to pull Quagmire out of his casket before he is buried alive. Death (voiced by Adam Corolla) makes a cameo and accidently takes the life of Glen's wife (she touched him). Meanwhile, Stewie is addicted to Lois' breast milk. But it seems that Stewie likes to bite, not suck, which forces Lois to cut him off. Stewie tries to kick his addiction and does so in the end, but only to have Lois shove her HUGE FUCKING TITS into his mouth. Yum. This episode started off slow, but it finished strong. Death's little remarks about having a meeting with NBC over "Joey" and Quagmire & his wife acting out most of Disney's big animated films ("Beauty & the Beast," "Aladdin," and "Lady & the Tramp") made this episode excellent. ****1/2

TV-on-DVD News:
- Arrested Development: Season Three!!!
HELL YEAH! Thank god that FOX will be releasing the third (final?) season of the amazingly hilarious Arrested Development on June13, 2006! Season Three will come with all 13-episodes on two discs. I can't wait.

TV Nielsen Ratings for February 27-March 5, 2006:
1. Academy Awards (ABC) 23.1
2. American Idol- TUE (FOX) 17.0
3. CSI (CBS) 16.9
4. American Idol- WED (FOX) 16.6
5. American Idol- THUR (FOX) 15.2
6. Without a Trace (CBS) 13.1
7. CSI: Miami (CBS) 11.8
8. Oscar Countdown, Part 2 (ABC) 10.9
9. Two and A Half Men (CBS) 10.8
10. Lost (ABC) 9.9

New TV-on-DVD Today: March 14, 2006
- Columbo: The Complete 4th Season
- I Dream of Jeanie: The Complete 1st Season (Original & Colorized versions)
- MacGyver: Season 5
- Murder, She Wrote: The Complete 3rd Season- She Spies: Season 1
- The Simple Life: Interns- The Complete Season
- Sleeper Cell: The Complete 1st Season
- V.I.P.: The Complete 1st Season (Pick of the Week, mainly due to Pam Anderson)

The Vicious TV Babe of the Week: Melinda Clarke (aka "Julie Cooper" from The O.C.)
My TV MILF countdown continues with the lovely Melinda Clarke. For those of you who are unaware of who she is, she is the mother of Marissa Cooper (Mischa Barton) on FOX's The O.C. Also, I think Melinda has appeared on Seinfeld as one of Jerry's flings. What makes this lovely MILF so perfect? She's so evil, of course. That's always a turn on.









For high resolution images of this MILF, click here.

The Vicious Links:
- Cris Murphy continues to show why he is the best news reporter at 411movies.

- Read my Ultimate Avengers DVD review.

- Read my Oz: The Complete 4th Season DVD review.

- Read my Oz: The Complete 5th Season DVD review.

- Since I'm in a very generous mood this week, I have decided to share a very cool link. Back when I was a young Steve Vicious (around 10-years-old), I LOVED playing arcade games. Perhaps my favorite arcade game of all-time was none other than X-Men: The Arcade Game. Playing by yourself sucks, but having a couple of buddies helping you defeat Magneto is WAY too much fun. Download the ROM and the MAME32 emulator by clicking the links below. The only sad part is that I have yet to figure out how to play with my PC controller. Also, you can download other classics such as the ORIGINAL Pac-Man and Marvel vs. Capcom!!!



>>>>Download X-Men: The Arcade Game (approx. 4MB)

>>>>Download MAME32 Emulator (approx. 3.5MB)