Brokeback Controversy! Jessica Simpson vs. the Prez! New Comic Reviews! Plus a Fire Sale at the Exclamation Point Store!!!
The Idiot Box Proper
Jessica Simpson is the sensible person in the news this week?!? WHAT?
From Reuters
Concerned about politicizing her favorite charity, singer-actress Jessica Simpson on Wednesday turned down an invitation to meet with U.S. President George W. Bush, a snub that left Republicans dismayed.
The apparent final word that Simpson would be a no-show at a major Republican fund-raiser with Bush and congressional leaders on Thursday night came after a day of conflicting reports from her camp and organizers of the event.
The blond star of the film "The Dukes of Hazzard" still plans to visit Washington on Thursday to lobby members of Congress on behalf of Operation Smile, a non-profit venture offering free plastic surgery for disadvantaged children overseas with facial deformities.
People close to Simpson said she declined a request to appear that same evening at the gala fund-raiser of the National Republican Congressional Committee -- even after she was offered some private face time with Bush -- because Operation Smile is a non-partisan group. "It just feels wrong," one Simpson insider told Reuters on Wednesday, adding that the actress keeps her political views private. "She would love to meet the president and talk about Operation Smile ... but she can't do it at a fund-raiser for the Republican Party."
Also reported, a plague of toads falling from the sky, the Mississippi River turned to blood, and Jerry Fallwell saw his shadow, which means 16 more weeks of wishing death to commies and Jews (and then summer break, and then back for more hating)
People, you know it's a slow news week when Jess Simpson makes the Idiot Box, but seriously, I was just floored that she actually came across looking smart.
…And respected woman of letters Annie Proulx is a moron
Brokeback Mountain author Annie Proulx has slated the Academy Awards for giving the Best Picture Oscar to Crash at this year's presentation ceremony. In an essay published by British newspaper The Guardian, Proulx describes voters as "out of touch" and "segregated" from current issues, and insists they were easily influenced by Crash's production company Lions Gate Entertainment. She writes, "Roughly 6,000 film industry voters, most in the Los Angeles area, many living cloistered lives behind wrought-iron gates or in deluxe rest homes, out of touch not only with the shifting larger culture and the yeasty ferment that is America these days, but also out of touch with their own segregated city, decide which films are good. And rumor has it that Lions Gate inundated the academy voters with DVD copies of 'Trash' - excuse me, Crash - a few weeks before the ballot deadline. Next year we can look to the awards for controversial themes on the punishment of adulterers with a branding iron in the shape of the letter A, runaway slaves, and the debate over free silver." From Imdb
Way to go, Ms. Proulx. Thank you for having the guts to say that racism isn't a problem for anyone any more, and no one should ever talk about it ever again. What everyone needs to focus on is gay cowboys, because the numbers are WAY up, and pretty soon the whole world is gonna be crawling with them. Seriously, if she was upset about losing a meaningless award, that's too bad for her – but to lash out at the winner because it dealt with a subject other than homosexuality? That's just pathetic. In other news, she also jumped up and down and threatened to hold her breath until she passed out.
Ms. Proulx, you have been named the first ever Idiot Box Dumb Whore of the Week!
It could have been worse – she could have gone the Christian route, and asked one of her devotees to kill Paul Haggis out of divine justice. Maybe that will be in the news next week.
Same subject, only approached with a little more class than the previous moron
From Newsweek
Most Oscar ads end on Oscar night. But fans of "Brokeback Mountain" are so heartbroken their movie lost the best-picture award to "Crash" they've launched a new campaign Last week blogger Dave Cullen collected $26,000 from at least 600 people for an ad that ran in Friday's Daily Variety. It subtly suggests that "Brokeback," which was named best picture through "unprecedented consensus" in other awards circles, should have won the Oscar too. The group is now looking into placing similar ads in Entertainment Weekly or The New York Times. (A more negative campaign was considered and dropped, after the group feared it would look bitter.) But these aren't your everyday film buffs. Most of the donors are gay men who saw a "Brokeback" win as a step forward in the fight for equality. "Members of our community feel so compelled by their disappointment they want to share it with others," says GLAAD president Neil Giuliano. And many believe that homophobia cost "Brokeback" the Oscar. "We want to send a message," Cullen says. "There was a lot of fear involved here." —Ramin Setoodeh
This is a much more sensible way to approach the so-called "problem". Be POSITIVE, see? Don't attack the guy standing next to you just because he's standing next to you, take that energy and use it in a way that will do some good. Did homophobia cost Brokeback the Oscar? That's a good question… and when these guys ask the question the right way, it gets me thinking about it. As opposed to Ms. Proulx, who's words make me dismiss the entire affair just out of spite for her stupidity.
The Pull List
Mini reviews of new comics
Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk #2 – This mini-series is being written by writer/producer/co-creator of tv's "Lost," Damon Lindelof, in his first venture into comics, and drawn by the amazing Leinil Yu. I'll admit, I didn't even read the first issue of this mini, but it didn't matter – this issue follows the Hulk from his last appearance up to the present – and damn if it isn't a doozey.
When we last saw Dr. Bruce Banner in "The Ultimates" he had been executed by SHIELD for his crimes, and to prevent future atrocities. If you recall, the Ultimate Hulk is not nearly as heroic as his normal Marvel counterpart – he is a vicious brute who has killed hundreds of innocent people, and eaten human flesh. This story shows us how he survived, and what he has been doing ever since.
But the Hulk keep popping up and messing with Banner's life. While hiding out as a ranch hand, Bruce is being picked on for his tofu-based Vegan diet… one splash panel later the Hulk is covered in human blood and knee-deep in a herd of eviscerated cow carcasses, screaming "TOFURKEY NOT FUNNY!" Moments like that had me laughing out loud, but this story never crosses over into the "joke comic" category. It tells a good story, is interesting, exciting, and funny, and makes me a lock to buy the rest of the series.
Four stars out of four.
JSA #83, One Year Later
I'm not up to speed on everything else going on in "One Year Later" (which is why I hate company-wide crossovers, because who can keep up with so many damn books?) but in the Justice Society of America, everything is in shambles. The team has disbanded, and most of the heroes are just leading regular lives… that is, until ghosts from beyond the grave (cue spooky music) start to haunt the JSAers. This story has a very old-school Silver Age feel to it, which of course works very well in this particular title, as it always has. I'm not sure where it's going, but it is good to see Mr. Terrific and Dr. Mid-Nite back in action.
Two stars out of four.
Fell #4 – In just four issues, Snowtown has edged out Bludhaven, Gotham City, Madripoor, and the planet of Apokalips as "the most dreary depressing place ever." Thank God there is Detective Richard "don't call me Norman" Fell to stalk the shadowed streets and bring the criminals of Snowtown to justice.
"Fell" is unlike any other book on the market. It is a straight cop book, with no superhuman or supernatural events going down, yet it still retains the gloom and desperate feel of a great horror/suspense movie. This issue has Fell trying to solve the murder of a "floater," a corpse so badly bloated from the water it can't even be identified. Lateral thinking leads to an unexpected conclusion that sets the stage for many stories to come.
Four stars out of four
NextWave #2 – If not for Hulk going off about Tofurkey, this comic would have had the line of the week with this gem… "Is that what they taught you in the Avengers? That and beware of spooky chicks who think they've been made pregnant by robots?"
With "Nextwave" writer Warren Ellis is doing two things, 1) writing a kick-ass, over-the-top comic full of drinking, smoking, and excessive violence and 2) writing a very funny comic that is allowed to poke fun at the usually very stodgy Marvel universe.
Nextwave is a team of C and D list Marvel heroes put together by a guy named Dirk Anger for his shadowy government outfit. Machine Man, Boom Boom, Elsa Bloodstone, the Captain… people that you've never heard of, or just don't care about. Only now they've gone rogue as "pirate super heroes" fighting a terrorist corporation in its war on the world.
Ellis calls the style "explodo" with lots of cussing, fighting, and adult-flavored tomfoolery. So far, he's got me hooked.
Three and a half stars out of four
Punisher #31 ("Barracuda" Part 1) Just to let you know what a bad-ass this Barracuda guy is, his gold teeth read FUCK YOU, and he tells the crackhead in his bed "You ain't dead, you best git to work and fix me some muthafuckin' eggs."
How does this tie in to Frank Castle watching an aquatic army of Great Whites devours hundreds of people on the open sea? Well, we're not sure just yet… but this story started off with deviant sex and a heavy body count. Looks promising.
Three and a half stars out of four
The Lowdown Movie Review
Hills Have Eyes
Let me apologize ahead of time just in case, at any time, you find me referring to this movie as "The Hill Shave Eyes." My typing skills are ass-sucky, and spell check flies right past that one.
Director Alexandre "High Tension" Aja makes a splashy American debut with his remake of the classic 1977 Wes Craven classic "The Hills Have Eyes." It is a textbook Cannibal Hillbilly flick, wherein a family of travelers are stalked in the desert by a group of … well… cannibal hillbillies, all of them hideously deformed.
This is a very faithful remake, both in spirit and in execution. It is slicker and more stylish than the original, but keeps the strong sense of dread and disquiet, and actually brings more blood and gore to the table than Craven did. It starts rather slowly, as the family doesn't yet realize they are being sized up as Value Meals on legs.
And then the hammer drops, and the second half of this film is a cavalcade of depravity. And that is a glorious piece of praise I do not bestow very often. This movie is sick and twisted, and the more extreme it got, the more I loved it. There is murder, torture, rape, and cannibalism; death by dog, by axe, by shotgun, and by fire; a baby has a gun aimed its head; and an assload of vile-looking mutated freaks.
"The Hills Have Eyes" is the rare remake that meets if not exceeds the original, and while it is not perfect by any means, it is the first great horror movie of 2006.
The Suck List for 3/10/06
1. Annie Proulx, who says "if you don't think my story is the best story of the year, then I hate you and hope terrible things happen to you for being so out of touch with what everyone in the world embraces as the Greatest Movie Ever Made."
2. The Idiot Box, for talking about Jessica Simpson without giving an accompanying picture of her sweet, sweet ass.
3. My dog's ear infection.
4. Spring Break came and went, and never could find two willing girls to do that thing with the goat that I like to watch so much.
5. Michael Bay (for his "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake)
