The VICIOUS TV News Wrap for 03.28.06

Posted by Steve Vicious on 03.28.2006

The TV Land Awards Show, Desperate Housewives: The Video Game? Isaac Hayes sings a different tune about quitting "South Park." Star Jones nearly dies while having a breast lift? And much more!

- Written in front of a not-so-live studio audience in Central California



Segment 1: Introduction:
I somehow forgot to do an introduction last week, which I attribute to my HUGE announcement regarding my candidacy for unofficial 411mania.com president! I want to change the format of the Vicious TV News Wrap a bit so it can be more easily accessible to you readers out there in Vicious Land. I'm still a bit too busy to revamp the whole entire thing, so maybe season two of the Vicious TV News Wrap will utilize my new ideas. Let's get to our top story in television this week...

The Top TV Story of the Week (in Steve's Opinion):
- The TV Land Awards 2006
I'm just getting over watching the greatness that is the TV Land Awards. Cheers, Batman, Good Times and Dallas were all honored on this very special night for their achievement and it was definitely well deserved. Also, Grey's Anatomy was honored as a "Future TV Land Classic," which necessary doesnt insure a show's success (Arrested Development won the award in 2004). However, GA is the hottest show on the planet (not named "American Idol" or "CSI") when it comes to ratings (a big thanks to the Super Bowl coverage on ABC earlier in the year), so I guess you can chalk it all up to being a "coincidence." Anyway, the rest of the evening was great, and I nearly broke into tears when the cast of Good Times was up on stage accepting their Impact Award and thanking the late Esther Rolle. Jimmie Walker stole the show for me when he was in the "Gray Anatomy" skit. DY-NO-MITE, indeed. Just in case you're new to the Vicious TV News Wrap, I LOVE Good Times and I still watch it EVERY SINGLE TIME on TV Land, although I'm not a big fan of the later episodes that involve Penny (Janet Jackson). Cheers is another show I absolutely love, but again, I'm not a fan of the later part of the series when Rebecca Howe came along and replaced the beautiful Diane Chambers (Shelly Long) after she departed for a failed movie career. Megan Mullally was an excellent host and she's also quite the babe. I would SO do her.

Random TV News/Thoughts/Gossip/etc.
- The Bedford Diaries
Yes, I still have a thing for WB shows and this one in particular is worth looking forward to, in my opinion. It premieres this Wednesday night at 9PM, and the previews have made it seem very interesting. The main plot of the show seems to revolve around teens having sex, which means the FCC will be fining the WB several millions of dollars soon after its debut.

- Stephanie Tanner=Meth Addict
This comes from a few months ago, of course, but Jodie Sweetin was on The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch last Friday night talking about her addiction to meth. It's unreal to hear her mention that all of her friends were doing that sort of stuff in front of her, so it was easy to get caught up in it. I guess that's the life of a childhood star, but I thought things have changed in this day an age. I guess not.

- Desperate Housewives: The Videogame?
Buena Vista has announced plans to develop a PC game based on the ABC show Desperate Housewives. The game will have voice narration done by DH's narrator Brenda Strong and will focus on making YOU the new housewife who just moved in to Wisteria Lane. I'm guessing the game will blow because I doubt middle-aged women will spend time playing a PC game based on their favorite show.

- Teri Hatcher versus the other Desperate Housewives
I have heard rumors that there is more trouble brewing on the set of ABC's Desperate Housewives over all the recent attention Teri Hatcher has been receiving. Does anyone still care about these hags anymore (except for Felicity Huffman)?

- John Cena on Nashville Star
As John Cena couldn't sink any lower in the eyes of the WWE fans, he will be appearing as a guest judge on the USA Network's Nashville Star tonight.

- South Park scores big
Last Wednesday's season premiere of Comedy Central's South Park was the highest rated season premiere since 2002. I'm shocked that it wasn't the most all-time watched episode in the history of the show, actually. I guess replaying the episode several times over the course of the week probably doesn't force people to tune in right away, but still. I expect Isaac Hayes to come crawling back to the show any minute now...

- Isaac Hayes sings a different tune
Well, this whole Hayes/South Park/Scientology situation just gets weirder and weirder, as FOX News has reported that Hayes NEVER quit the show, but it was someone from Scientology who quit for him. Hayes has had some health problems over the past couple of months and denies ever quitting the show. FOX also mentioned that Hayes was in no position to quit the show because he needs the money from South Park badly. Doesn't the Church of Scientology receive part of your money and everything you own when you sign up for that [censored]? I hope Hayes returns to South Park soon, though. We don't need a Civil War anymore.

- The Live Action Simpsons opening
The Simpsons finally aired the famous opening in which all of the characters are real persons. It was neat, in my opinion, but nothing I would classify as unforgettable. I skipped the rest of the episode, which was written by the legendary Ricky Gervais (the mastermind behind the BBC and NBC versions of The Office). Be sure to check around YouTube or iFilm to see the video for yourself.

- Four Kings has been CANNED
In another unsurprising cancellation, NBC has decided to cancel Four Kings, which aired right after Will & Grace on Thursday nights. I never thought for one second that the show would last, plus I always thought it did not fit well on Thursday nights. NBC should just move Scrubs back to Thursdays and my night of television will be set.

- Donald Trump is a new daddy (again!)
Congratulations to The Apprentice star Donald Trump for having another child, his first with his new wife Melania Trump. I heard an interview in which his wife talked about rejecting his advances at first, but that she later changed her mind when someone told her that the guy hitting on her was Donald Trump. Yeah, that's exactly the type of woman I want.

- Tom Cavanagh receives another show on CBS
Great news for those of you who have loved Tom since Ed, and that is CBS giving him another show to star in. This time, Tom Cavanagh will star in a sitcom entitled My Ex-Life, which will also see the return of Jeri Ryan to television. I wish Tom all the luck in the world with his new show.

- Bones
FOX's Bones will see the light of a second season next season. I have never seen the show, so I won't comment on it further.

- Star Jones nearly dies?
According to a very credible source (The National Enquirer), The View co-host Star Jones recently suffered a near-death experience while having a breast lift in Los Angeles, California. I'm sure many of the television viewers were cheering when they heard that. There are also rumors of Jones having a tummy tuck, too.

- Teachers
Another new show appears on NBC entitled Teachers. The show will air right after Scrubs and should probably do horrible in the ratings since Scrubs only manages to pull in around a 3.7 rating weekly. Let's hope the show is at least good enough to keep us entertained on a very busy Tuesday night.

- Rescue Me marathon
I am assuming that FX's marathon of Rescue Me on Saturday was a way to reintroduce us to the characters of the show before season three appears in the summer. The showcased the first season, which I didn't pay much attention to since I own season one on DVD already. Anyway, I'm looking forward to checking out season two some time soon on FX or DVD.

TV-on-DVD News:
- Arrested Development: Season Three delayed
This comes as a major shock to me since it must be difficult for FOX to place 13-episodes onto two discs with one commentary track and a few deleted scenes in two months. This delay will only serve to wet my appetite.

The Vicious TV Mini-Wrap:
- Law & Order: SVU: "Class"
When a coed dependent upon financial aid is found dead with a large sum of cash, detectives suspect her wealthy roommate. ***1/2

- South Park: "The Return of Chef"
The boys kick off their 10th season by noticing that something about Chef is different when he suddenly reappears in South Park. That something different just so happens to be that he is now sexually attracted to the boys. OUCH! What a way for Isaac Hayes' character to exit the show. Of course, that's not the worst part about it because it seems that Chef has also joined a "group" (think NAMBLA, but they are clearly mocking Scientology) that has "brainwashed" his mind with their ideology. Does this sound familiar or what? The boys try their best to bring the old Chef back and they nearly do, but that goes nowhere in the end and Chef pays the ultimate price by dying. Kyle gives a tremendous speech about how we should not blame Chef for leaving, but we should blame the group that brainwashed him. WOW! Just the sheer fact that Matt & Trey would bury the Chef character by turning him from a womanizer into a pedophile. Still, this was an absolutely fun way of letting the character go, but I would find it hilarious if they kept bringing Chef back to play the role of Kenny by dying in each episode. That would be great. And don't even get me started on the whole Chef becomes Darth Chef at the end. I need to cool down. ****1/2

- The O.C.: "The Undertow"
When an old nemesis (Jessica from season two) returns to Newport, Ryan gets caught up in helping her, causing a rift between him and Sadie. I'm starting to wonder if the writers of the show are screwing this show up on purpose because having Ryan defend some skank that tried to ruin his relationship with Marissa last season does not make any sense. Bring back Anna! **

- My Name Is Earl: "Y2K"
In 1999, all confuse Y2K with the apocalypse and believe they are the last surviving people on Earth. This leads Earl and company (Randy, Joy, Darnell and ) to go live in a store where each claims part of it as their own. Randy is nominated as president. The next morning, the store is open and the gang walks out in an abrupt manner. The rest of the episode is like fine whine because it kept on going and I LOVED it. I can't wait for Earl on DVD later in the fall. ****1/2

- Family Guy: "Sibling Rivalry"
After a pregnancy scare, Peter reluctantly agrees to get a vasectomy. However, Peter decides to freeze some sperm just in case he wants another child, but he botches the whole thing up and puts some of his "juice" in other cups. Peter goes back to Lois and is no longer interested in sex. Lois puts on a lot of weight, which annoys Peter until he gets to have "fat sex" with her. Lois has a heart attack while having sex with Peter and has to go to the emergency room right away. Her fat is removed from her body. Meanwhile, a woman receives Peter's sperm and out comes Bertram (last seen in "Emmission Impossible" from season three). Stewie and Bertram develop an intense rivalry on the playground, which Bertram gets the better of until Stewie threatens to kill him. I was not digging the Lois is fat storyline, but Stewie versus Bertram was great. ****

TV Nielsen Ratings for March 13-19, 2006:
1. American Idol- TUES (FOX) 18.5
2. American Idol- WED (FOX) 16.3
3. Grey's Anatomy (ABC) 13.2
4. CSI: Miami (CBS) 12.3
5. NCIS (CBS) 11.1
6. The Unit (CBS) 11.0
7. Two and a Half Men (CBS) 10.8
8. 60 Minutes (CBS) 10.0
9. Old Christine (CBS) 9.7 [The Seinfeld curse is broken!]
10. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) 9.5

New TV-on-DVD Today: March 28, 2006
- American Muscle Car: Season 1
- The Andy Milonakis Show: The Complete 1st Season
- Astroboy: Ultra Edition- Set 1
- Danger Mouse: Seasons 5 & 6
- Degrassi: The Next Generation- Season 3
- Highway to Heaven: Season 3
- The Invisible Man: Season 1
- Knots Landing: The Complete 1st Season (a.k.a. "The FIRST Desperate Housewives")
- Northern Exposure: The Complete 4th Season
- Quantum Leap: The Complete 4th Season
- Six Feet Under: The Complete 5th Season
- Robot Chicken: Volume 1
- The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!: Volume 1 (Pick of the Week)
- Wonder Showzen: Season 1

The Vicious TV Babe of the Week: Mischa Barton
I'm bored of working with MILFs, so I thought we would go for a younger babe this week. Mischa Barton is one of the many stars of FOX's hit teenage soap The O.C. While Ms. Barton is not quite the best actress on the planet, she does have the cute girl next door look that everyone loves. However, some might find her to be too tall for their tastes, but I'm just the right size for her. She has also had several nipple slips, which is ALWAYS a plus at 411mania.









Mischa's nipple slip

The Vicious Links: Proud Sponsors of the Vicious TV News Wrap
- Cris Murphy fully endorses my political platform -- PORN!!! However, it seems that Cris & I no longer have much in common anymore because he's not a big fan of the goddess that is Kobe Tai. Nope, Cris likes that Mrs. Michaels chick from such porn sites as MILFHunter.com, MyFirstSexTeacher.com, and many more. She's decent. Jenna Jameson (check out her MySpace) is okay, but I have seen so much of her that she doesn't do it for me anymore. But I did recently see her in the remake of The Masseuse (storyline was **; the "action" was ****) and she has some AWESOME [censored] on her. Definitely the best pair of milk jugs ever. Anyway, Cris is always Money in the Bank when it comes to his news report and his ratings are off the charts (I was drawing about the same last year).

Behind the Scenes DVD Reviews:
- Batman Beyond: Season One has been posted. It was fun to watch the show again.

On the next Vicious TV News Wrap (28): March 28, 2006
- I'm hoping to have some thoughts on NBC's newest sitcom Teachers.

Vicious TV News Wrap Credits:
Written by Steve Vicious
Directed by Steve Vicious
Executive Producers: Steve Vicious, Ashish Pabari & Scott Rutherford
Original Concept by Scott Rutherford & Steve Vicious
A SteveCorp.net/411mania.com Presentation