The Hardywood Holler! 03.29.06
Posted by David Hardy on 03.29.2006
Continuing SNAKES ON A PLANE coverage, an exclusive look at Benicio Del Toro in Wolf Man, three Sam Jackson newsbits, Scarlett Johansson looking hot, Scientology is retarded, Lohan is depressing and all that other junk you love!
Episode :
Let's kick things off with a 411 EXCLUSIVE! A source of mine managed to sneak into the production of the new Wolf Man movie staring Benicio Del Toro! It's not a whole lot, but we managed to get our hands on a photo of Benicio all decked out in his Wolf Man makeup. The SFX are completely mind blowing! This could be a potential spoiler, so look ahead at your own risk!
Wasn't that amazing!? I'm totally stoked to see this movie now!
But that's not all, we've got the logo for SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!!
I wanna get a tattoo of this!
Another bit of important news this week is that Scarlett Johansson topped FHM's list of Top 100 Sexiest Women in the World. While sometimes she bugs me, I'll admit that she is an attractive girl, and looked smokin' hot at the Oscars. See?
Even I think she looks amazing there! Not a bad rack either.
Mailbag
The Spidey eye pic returns! The mail about this is dying down, so I doubt I'll be hearing much more of it, but if y'all got something to say about it, keep em coming.
In your 3/22 column, Chris writes:
"hey man, maybe it's just me but the only thing i can see in spidey's eye is
a woman with her arms around a man (venom?). Have another look and see what
you think."
This is it! You can definitely see a Spidey/Venom-like figure with someone
else, possibly a woman, behind him. I believe Chris has finally solved the
mystery.
Corey
Thanks Corey! Looks like this debate remains open as it very well could be some dude with a woman. Keep investigating, gumshoes!
Hi there,
Great article, you've got an enjoyable presentation and I found the subjects you covered very interesting. Oh yeah, first time reader here.
In defense of Jessica Alba, from everything I read, Playboy was very misleading about just what they were going to do with the picture. the impression was given that it would go inside the mag instead of on the cover. Seeing things from my perspective, Alba's image is a moneymaker for her. Playboy basically used her image to sell magazines. I'm usually a discerning buyer of whatever I get, but if I had seen Alba's image on the cover in a magazine wrapped in plastic, well I'm not sure if I wouldn't have just grabbed it and taken it to the register myself. Albe has turned Playboy down in no uncertain terms in the past, and from her perspective, appearing on the cover of such a magazine could devalue her image for whatever she wants to sell it for in the future. To top that off, in terms of interior content, Playboy has devalued their own image over the years, the only reason to get it now is for the pictures now that the articles are shite. Anyways, dodgy tactics on the part of Playboy and image protection both seem like valid reasons to get P.O.'ed to me.
Regradless, she's pretty hot and she came out in Dark Angel, so I felt like I had to give it a shot, so there you go...
Thanks for the Time,
Tom
Thanks Tom! You make a great arguement and I can totally see where Alba's coming from. Thanks for clearing this all up!
"Maybe this rape thing was kind of like some sort of reverse karma. Something bad happened a long time ago, so she's a real jerk to everyone now instead of vice versa."
I find it hard to believe that anyone could honestly believe this. You believe that a child being molested could be a form of ''reverse karma''? I understand that you don't like Hatcher, and that's fine. I could care less about her either way, and rarely give her a second thought. I also understand that this is your little patch of the internet, and free speech, etc., etc....But c'mon. This comment and thought process is completely ridiculous, not to mention borderline irresponsible. Saying that someone deserved to be raped as a child because they would grow up to be a jerk....Scary stuff. What's more, you admit that her current attitude shaped your opinion of her molestation as a child:
"Maybe if she was actually down to earth and not such a stuck up diva, people would feel bad for her. I know I certainly would, but because of her self centered arrogance, I think she deserved all the comments I said about her. I'm sorry if you don't agree with me on that."
It's not about 'feeling bad for her'. No one's asking you to do that....But to openly mock it? Different story. You claim that she deserved your mocking of her molestation because she was a stuck up diva......How childish is that? You referenced karma in your comments about Hatcher...Perhaps you've just garnered some of it for yourself after a reaction like that.
Respectfully,
A disapointed regular reader
Y'know what? I'm just going to stop with this. I'm sorry if I'm upset anyone with my comments about Teri Hatcher. I'll admit that I was a bit of a dick about it and went overboard. I just don't like her and don't feel bad for her, and that's all I'm going to say about it.
Weekend Box Office
1. Inside Man - $28.9 million ($28.9 million)
2. V for Vendetta - $12.3 million ($46.1 million)
3. Stay Alive - $11.2 million ($11.2 million)
4. Failure to Launch - $10.8 million ($63.8 million)
5. The Shaggy Dog - $9.1 million ($47.9 million)
6. She's The Man - $7.4 million ($20.4 million)
7. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector - $7 million ($7 million)
8. The Hills Have Eyes - $4.2 million ($35.5 million)
9. Eight Below - $2.7 million ($77.1 million)
10. 16 Blocks - $2.2 million ($34 million)
Wow, I didn't expect Inside Man to top V For Vendetta, though the movie has been getting great press and reviews. I was hoping Stay Alive wouldn't debut so high, but I don't expect it to stick around very long, as most silly horror flicks like that have strong debuts and quickly drop from the top ten. Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector probably won't be in the top ten next weekend as it stinks and has a very limited audience. No other surprises, and the rest of the chart will slowly disappear as the new flicks pop up. Next week, expect Ice Age 2 to destroy the competition. Basic Instinct 2 and Slither will probably very lackluster in comparison.
Opening This Week
Basic Instinct 2
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
Slither
Note: These news bits aren't really organized in any way, so don't think the top one is more important than a middle or bottom one.
Snakes On A Reshoot The Story: "Snakes on a Plane" went through a special five day reshoot to add new scenes that will give the film an R rating. Original production on the film ended awhile ago. Samuel L. Jackson stars in the thriller about, you guessed it, snakes getting loose on a plane. "It's like, come on," Jackson said last fall. "You either want to see this movie or you don't. 'Snakes on a Plane.' There's no mystery to that." Source: IMDB
The Pink: This is great news. I think they've realized the huge cult following it's already getting and decided to make it that much more fun for the fans. I can't wait to hear "I want these motherfuckin' snakes off the motherfuckin' plane!" This is going to be the greatest movie ever! EVER! Cinematic history in the making.
The Stink: There's nothing bad about this at all!
Will Smith Is A Thief The Story: Will Smith is set to star in "It Takes A Thief," a film version of the 60s TV show. David Elliot and Paul Lovett ("Four Brothers") are set to pen the screenplay. Smith will play a rogue who is blackmailed by the government into doing covert larceny for the good of his country. The film will put the professional thief in the employment of the CIA for the modern version. Source: Variety
The Pink: I never saw the TV show but it sounds like the fun. The bad guy being blackmailed into helping the government kind of reminds me of Escape From New York, so hopefully this will be just as badass. Smith can do these kinds of movies with ease and I think he'll do a great job with this role.
The Stink: Hopefully people won't dismiss this as just another bad TV remake or a ripoff of Escape From New York. Let's also hope that this will be a smart movie, and not a mindless action flick, though that would be fun too.
Ocean's Thirteen Ready To Rob! The Story: Warner Bros. Pictures and producer Jerry Weintraub will begin shooting "Ocean's Thirteen" in July. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Don Cheadle, Bernie Mac, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan, Eddie Jemison, Shaobo Qin, Carl Reiner and Elliott Gould are all set to return. Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones won't be back. Ellen Barkin will take the female lead this time around. Steven Soderbergh will be directing again with hopes for a summer 2007 release. Source: Variety
The Pink: This is exciting news. The two Ocean movies were both great and I have a feeling this will follow suit. I like the idea that Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones aren't gonna be in it. I wonder if they'll be able to squeeze in Angelina Jolie like originally rumored after she gives birth.
The Stink: Hopefully it'll have a good, original story and not be just a rehash of the first two. The loss of Roberts and Zeta-Jones might be a big deal to some people, so they might want to find some replacements.
Malkovich Is A Mutant The Story: John Malkovich is set for a role in "The Mutant Chronicles" which already stars Thomas Jane. Malkovich will play a 23rd century corporate overlord named Constantine. Based on a role-playing game, "Mutant Chronicles" focuses on Major Mitch Hunter (Jane), a Marine leading the humans in a battle against the NecroMutants, a band of critters trying to control the Earth's remaining resources. Constantine becomes Hunter's adversary after he decides that destroying the planet may be more feasible than sticking around. Source: Hollywood Reporter
The Pink: Tom Jane is awesome. And of course Malkovich somehow always seems to shine, no matter what role he is given. This might be a fun movie.
The Stink: Unfortunately this will probably be lame. Most video game adaptations really suck, especially when they have really hokey stories like this one. I have a bad feeling that Malkovich and Jane won't be able to save this one.
Lohan Wants To Be Wonder Woman The Story: Lindsay Lohan says she wants to star in the upcoming "Wonder Woman" movie. "Wonder Woman would be cool. I'm trying to find roles right now that are different to anything I've done to show my abilities, to show that I have some sort of stretch in me. Because most of the things that I've done so far are aimed at younger girls and are light-hearted." Source: IMDB
I think the less said about this, the better. So I figured I'll just show you a pic of Lohan, from back when she was hot.
Ah, what the heck, have a pic of Wonder Woman too!
Sam Jackson To Farce The Penguins The Story: Samuel L. Jackson is set to lend his voice to "Farce of the Penguins," a new parody of "March of the Penguins" from Bob Sagat. Saget wrote and directed the semi-documentary, which relies on reassembled footage to tell the story of one lone penguin searching for love in the midst of a 70-mile reproductive trek. According to Variety, Saget will voice the main penguin, while the assembled vocal talent includes Lewis Black, Mo'Nique and Tracy Morgan, along with cameos from the likes of Whoopi Goldberg, Harvey Fierstein, Alyson Hannigan, Jamie Kennedy and Saget's fellow "Full House" refugees John Stamos and Dave Coulier. Jackson will be the narrator as Morgan Freeman was in "March of the Penguins." Source: Variety
The Pink: That sounds like a hilarious idea. The cast is awesome, and this looks like it will be great!
The Stink: Hopefully it won't come across as really lame like America's Funniest Home video farces like this. Unfortunately Saget has lots of experience with that.
Jackson and Hartnett Resurrect The Champ! The Story: Josh Hartnett and Samuel L. Jackson are in final talks to star in "Resurrecting the Champ." The movie will be about a reporter (Hartnett) who finds a homeless man (Jackson) and believes that he is a former boxing champ of whom he admired. As time goes on, he learns to true identity of the man but still nonetheless forms a bond with him. Source: Variety
The Pink: Holy cow, three Sam Jackson news blurbs in one column! I guess that officially makes him the man. I'm guessing this movie will be a drama. Imagine it as a comedy of some dude thinking some crazy old bum is someone he isn't! Shoot, this will probably suck, but Sam Jackson rules!
The Stink: Josh Hartnett. I hate that guy!
Howard Brings The Last Man Home The Story: Universal Pictures has acquired Jamie Moss' spec script "Last Man Home" for Ron Howard to direct and Brian Grazer to produce. The story is set in the days just before President George W. Bush launched full-scale war in 2003. It revolves around a covert U.S. military unit that is on the hunt for an AWOL American soldier in Iraq. The soldier in question decides to search for his brother, who went missing when fighting in the first Gulf War. Source: Variety
The Pink: Ron Howard is a great director and I think he can do great stuff with a synopsis like this. I hope alot of it is focused on the soldier in Iraq who is trying to find his brother instead of on the war. This sounds like it could be a really interesting movie, but only if they keep the actual Iraq war stuff to a minimum. Hopefully they'll find a good cast for this one.
The Stink: A movie dealing with the Iraq would create a ton of controversy, especially in America. That's one of the reasons why Howard should keep the focus away from the war and moreso on the story of the soldier.
Crooked Cops Microwaved In Park The Story: Emmett/Furla Films has announced that they have joined up with Primetime Pictures to produce "Microwave Park", based on Eugene Hess' original spec. Kelsey Howard ("Cruel World") will direct and is anticipated for production in July. Microwave Park is the story of four narcotic detectives who walk a thin line between cop and gangster -- placing them in the crossfire between gangs and the FBI. When a police psychologist gets involved, she alone puts together the pieces of the puzzle and is forced to choose between covering up the crimes or bringing the truth to light. Randall Emmett, George Furla and Todd Nealey will produce and Primetime Pictures will finance. Source: Dark Horizons
The Pink: I had no idea what title to give this, so there you go. The story actually sounds like it could be fun, though not exactly original. Hopefully they'll get a decent cast for it.
The Stink: I really doubt a good cast will be assembled for this. The studios aren't exactly big time and probably don't have a huge amount of money to throw around for a decent cast and crew. As fun as this sounds, I doubt anything good will come out of it.
Poster Of The Week
Yeah, another Mission: Impossible 3 poster. There hasn't been a whole lot of interesting posters out in the past week, but I thought this one looked cool. It really reminds me of 90's action flicks and has a great shot of Crazy Tom. Whoever is doing the posters and trailers for this flick has been doing an excellent job!
Movie Reviews... In Haikus!
Inside Man A good Spike Lee joint
Great plot and performances
Recommend you see
Stay Alive Give me a damn break
Disposable "horror" schlock
Stab yourself, Muniz
Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector Big screen TV show
Should have been cable special
Don't spend cash on this
Annoying Celebrity Of The Week
Isaac Hayes
I'm sure we've all heard enough about Hayes leaving South Park due to their poking fun at Scientology. A statement was made saying that he couldn't work with Trey Parker and Matt Stone due to their insensitivity to the religion, even though he had no problem with them grilling other religions. Apparently, he even said in several interviews after the episode originally aired that he didn't care about them making fun of Scientology, because everyone else gets the same treatment so this comes as a bit of shock.
To tell you the truth, I actually feel pretty bad for Hayes. I'm beginning to think that the decision to leave South Park wasn't in his hands, and it was forced on him by the manipulative higher ups in the "church" of Scientology. Those guys are crazy and are have probably brainwashed him even more. I guess the real annoying thing this week is Scientology. Representing Scientology today are Crazy Tom himself, and weird overlord dude freak thingy, Xenu!
In the last episode of South Park, a great quote was made, and it pretty much reflects the way I feel about the situation:
"Don't be mad at Chef for leaving us, be mad at that fruity little club that brainwashed him."
The biggest and best Snakes On A Plane fansite on the internet. Check out all the fan made art and trailers!
The Sign Off
Okay, there you go. Keep the mail coming in as usual. Stay tuned, as in the next couple weeks I'll be interviewing a star of SNAKES ON A PLANE in conjunction with my top notch coverage of the movie, so don't miss it! Also, in the next week I'll be reviewing the DVD of Deuce Bigalow: Little Black Book Editon, as I just received it from our fearless leader, Ashish!
So exciting! See you next week, and until then, zip it up and zip it out!
