The Big Screen Bulletin 04.03.06: The Best Films Never Made
Posted by Chad Webb on 04.03.2006
My top 10 movies that were never made, the debut of Straight to Video Nightmares, will the Dallas movie happen?, Superman on Imax, Transformers, a new project for Ledger, Oceans Thirteen, and more!
The Big Screen Bulletin
Intro
Top 10 Greatest Films Never Made
The lost movies. All of these projects were either, proposed, ready to go, or partially started and then scrapped. Some of these films you might not have heard of, and others you may know very well. Some of these movies could have easily changed the face of cinema if they had been released. In Hollywood, thousands of scripts are produced each year, but only a portion of those is actually kept. This is my top 10 list of some of the greatest films that will never see the light of day.
10. Disney's A Princess of Mars- Back in the late 1930's and early 1940's, this project was set to develop, but the studios had second thoughts. It would have been the first animated feature before Snow White, and if anyone knows anything about the story, it would have been a lot different than the type of animated films that Disney was making back then. I guess both MGM and Disney were rumored to have interest. We all know how good the animation films were back then, so this would have been great to see. Apparently Jon Favreau is undertaking this story now.
9. Terry Gilliam's Don Quixote- Gilliam has quite the imagination for film, and he also has more dropped projects than any director in history. Most notably is (The Man Who Killed) Don Quixote, which he was about to make a couple of times, but because of money, and a flood, it never got off the ground. It seems this story by Miguel de Cervantes has spelled bad luck for any director who attempted it. In Gilliam's case, his failure of not making the film produced a documentary entitled Lost in La Mancha.
8. James Cameron's Spider-man. – In 1991. Cameron wrote a 120 page script, which Columbia pictures was set to go ahead with, but legal battles prevented it from surfacing. When they went back to Cameron after the problems went away, he chose not to go forth with it. They went to a couple other directors before choosing Raimi, and I'm one of the few that is of the opinion that Cameron's comic hero would have been a lot better than the films we were given from Raimi. Even though Cameron's script had some major changes to the original story, I would have preferred it because you never know what new images would have resulted. I am looking forward to Spiderman 3 though. Originally, I had Cameron's Avatar on this list, but that is in the process of filming!
7. The Catcher in the Rye - My favorite book of all time, and it has yet to be made into a feature film. It is amazing to think that such a popular book that was covered in controversy for so long has yet to grace the big screen. Many directors have been interested in the project, but the writer (J.D. Salinger) is not a fan of this idea. When asked for permission to put it on Broadway or the big screen, the writer said "I cannot give my permission. I fear Holden wouldn't like it." Well I would like it, and now is the time for it to become a film because there are still some great directors around that could do it right.
6. Billy Wilder's Marx Brothers Film : A Day at the United Nations - The acclaimed director of Sunset Boulevard, The Apartment, and Some Like it Hot was slated to direct this Marx Brothers film, but after Chico's in 1961, the project fell to pieces. This could have easily been the best Marx Brothers film yet with Wilder's taste of humor, and the genius of those crazy brothers, but we'll never know. I would have absolutely loved this.
5. Orson Welles Heart of Darkness - I shouldn't have to say anything here, but I will. An adaptation of the Joseph Conrad story would have been Welles' first film, but the RKO studio boss forbid him to make anything political or controversial. Damn him! Welles had already envisioned the film as an antifascist allegory. Welles had this to say on the radio back then regarding the film ""a downright incantation, [in which] we are almost persuaded that there is something essential waiting for all of us in the dark areas of the world." What a shame, the director who gave us Touch of Evil and Citizen Kane was unable to give the world another film when he was in his prime.
4. David Lean's Nostromo - When David Lean died at the age of 83, he was working diligently on Joseph Conrad's Nostromo. Marlon Brando, Paul Scofield, and Dennis Quaid were all set to star in the film. This could have easily been another perfect film from Lean. He has directed so many masterpieces such as Doctor Zhivago, Lawrence of Arabia, and The Bridge on the River Kwai. And Brando was going to be involved! Nostromo. did eventually become a BBC mini series, but we all know that's not the same.
3. Akira Kurosawa's Godzilla - It might seem hard to believe, but the legendary filmmaker always wanted to make a Godzilla film of his own. However, the higher ups at Toho Company Ltd. (the company who made all the Godzilla films) wouldn't let him go forward with it because they feared it would have too expensive. It probably would have been expensive, but it also would have been the best damn Godzilla film ever. It would have rivaled the original King Kong. We'll never know how much Kurosawa wanted this to be a reality, but as a kid I loved Godzilla and I know that this would have been great, especially now that I know how terrific Kurosawa is.
2. Alfred Hitchcock's Kaleidoscope - It was said to be the master's darkest project to date. It concerned a serial rapist, and it was going to be shot entirely from the killer's point of view. Hitchcock himself worried about certain scenes being too frightening, and this film would have drastically changed from his usual style. He was using actual UK cases as part of movie killings, a gay character, and he was going to use innovative camera techniques. Of course, the studio thought it was too ugly and too dark so they shut the whole thing down. Hitchcock was bothered by this for the rest of his days, and the only thing that is left from this project is some silent footage he shot. Another favorite director of mine, and this would have been groundbreaking for its time. It just makes me angry.
1. Stanley Kubrick's Napoleon - In 1968, right after 2001: A Space Odyssey he absorbed himself in the filming of an epic biography on Napoleon Bonaparte. He was obsessed with the man, and researched his life for years. This was going to cover Napoleon's whole life, with battles that included 50,000 extras. He worked for 2 years on this, had a team of researchers, and even got the Romania army to give him thousands of extras, but in 1969 MGM did a backflip when they saw how much this film would cost. I really do not need to say anything else about this. You all know that this would have been unbelievable.
Honorable Mention- Alfred Hitchcock's Mein Kampf- As you may have read in the Ask 411 Movies column, he was ready to make this, with a screenplay adapted by Ben Hecht, but for obvious reasons it was turned down. Many directors on my list have other projects that never went anywhere, but these are some of the films I really would have liked to see.
The News Bulletin Dissection
Director Robert Luketic has abruptly quit the big screen remake of the hit 1980s TV show "Dallas", because he was unhappy with some of the casting choices. The "Legally Blonde" film-maker was set to start shooting in October And key cast members are still being finalized. Among those actors already on board to play members of the Ewing clan are John Travolta as JR, Jennifer Lopez as Sue Ellen, Luke Wilson as Bobby, and Shirley MacLaine as Miss Ellie. A source tells US magazine People that the director was unhappy with some of the studio's choices for the roles and decided to walk away from the film. No details were given regarding which stars the director objected to. "Doctor Dolittle" director Betty Thomas is being considered as a possible replacement for Luketic.
I never really cared for the show, so this news doesn't really mean a whole lot to me. It looks to have a lot of big names in the cast, but I also think that the film will bomb if it is ever released. I don't think they are looking for the right directors. I don't see how Jennifer Lopez fits in to this. It makes no sense to me.
Stone Village Prods. has netted a couple of Academy Award-winning scribes for two of its high-profile projects. Ron Bass has been tapped to adapt the Nicholas Sparks best-seller "True Believer," while Bo Goldman is writing the adaptation of the remake of the 1955 heist film "Rififi." The supernatural love story "Believer" follows a writer for Scientific American who debunks myths and frauds but finds himself questioning his cynicism when he travels to a small town in North Carolina and falls for the granddaughter of the town psychic. Stone Village's Scott Steindorff and the company's Robin Greenspun are producing. "Rififi" tells the story of a career thief who, upon leaving prison, discovers his wife has left him and finds himself returning to crime with a planned jewelry store heist. The remake will reteam Al Pacino with director Walt Becker, both of who worked together in "Sea of Love" and "City Hall." Steindorff is producing, while Stone Village exec Scott Lastaiti will co-produce.
Both projects look to be really interesting to me. Nicholas Sparks was the writer of The Notebook, which was a wonderful film, so I'm anxious to see what develops out of this book. Rififi appears to have a really tight plot to it at first glance, and I can see a good film resulting with Al Pacino and Walt Becker. Pacino seem like a good choice for a heist film star.
Director Bryan Singer's "Superman Returns" will leap onto Imax screens in 3-D in the summer. The Warner Bros. Pictures release is the first live-action film to have sequences remastered in 3-D using the proprietary Imax DMR process developed by the large-format exhibition firm. Although Imax executives declined to detail any of the scenes for fear of giving away the "Superman" story, they did confirm that much of the 3-D material is live-action footage enhanced by computer-generated 3-D visual effects shots that will be further amplified with stereographic dimension in Imax's DMR procedure.
I will be seeing that film on Imax definitely. If you have an Imax theater near you I highly recommend you check it out because it's a entertaining experience. I want to make it a point to see more feature films on Imax this year because I didn't get a chance to last year. The problem is getting tickets far enough in advance.
"Torrente," an unapologetic dark comedy film series from Spain about a corrupt cop, is getting the remake treatment from New Line Cinema. Mike Bender and Doug Chernack have been brought on board to write the U.S. version, which is being produced by Benderspink. "Torrente" follows the exploits of Jose Luis Torrente, a poster child for police corruption who is a lazy, rude, despicable drunkard, caring only about protecting and serving himself. Despite that, he still manages to get the job done. The movies were written by, directed by and starred popular Spanish comedian-director Santiago Segura and were produced by Andres Vicente Gomez, who exec produced the Academy Award-winning "Belle Epoque."
I can see this story being butchered highly. I generally like dark comedies, and this story looks interesting because I'm a sucker for police corruption stories, but lately US remakes have sucked balls. I can see them making this a disaster. That's just my opinion. Maybe I'll go out and rent the original
Peter Dinklage is the first to come aboard "Underdog," Walt Disney Pictures and Spyglass Entertainment's live-action big-screen adaptation of the classic 1960s cartoon, and will play the villainous Simon Bar Sinister. "Underdog" followed the adventures of a humble dog named Shoeshine Boy who became the superheroic Underdog who spoke in rhymes. Simon Bar Sinister was one of the show's recurring villains and, unbeknown to the tykes watching the show, his last name slyly translated to "Evil Bastard."
If anyone out there does not know who Peter Dinklage is, I would urge them to go rent The Station Agent, which was released in 2003. It was a great film, and I can definitely see him playing the role of Simon Bar Sinister. This adaptation might not be that bad if they continue casting decent talent. I remember the cartoon pretty well, it wasn't too bad.
Shia LaBeouf is in final negotiations to star in "Transformers," the DreamWorks/Paramount Pictures live-action adaptation of the 1980s Hasbro toy line of giant robots that morph into cars, trucks, planes, ships and other technological creations. Michael Bay is directing the movie, which is being produced by Angry Films' Don Murphy, Tom DeSanto and Lorenzo di Bonaventura. Steven Spielberg is executive producing. In Transformers lore, the robots are divided into two groups: the Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, who believe in tolerance and the sanctity of life; and the Decepticons, led by Megatron, who espouse survival of the fittest and the extermination of biological life.
I don't know about a live action Transformers film. I realize that this has been moving forward for awhile, but I still think its kind of a bad idea. I suppose if anyone could make a good action film out of the Transformers it is Michael Bay. I enjoy his action films. I think I'll go watch the cartoon now.
Hot on the heels of Heath Ledger's Oscar-nominated turn in "Brokeback Mountain," ThinkFilm has picked up all North American rights to his latest project, the addiction drama "Candy." The film is set to hit theaters in the fall. In Neil Armfield's directorial debut, which is based on the novel he adapted with its author, Luke Davies, Ledger and Abbie Cornish play Bohemian artists whose passion for each other is matched by a growing passion for heroin. Geoffrey Rush plays a wealthy man who enables their addiction.
I am glad to see Ledger picking some better roles for himself now that he gained an Oscar nomination. I have a bit more respect for him. If he continues on this path and stays away from crap like Casanova or A Knights Tale, he could easily get a gold statue in the future.
Sea Of Love star Ellen Barkin has signed on as the latest leading lady for the second sequel to hit 2001 movie "Ocean's Eleven." "Ocean's Thirteen", a follow-up to 2004 sequel "Ocean's Twelve" will begin filming July 21 at Warner Bros studios in Burbank, California, where a fully operational casino will be built. The first "Ocean" film was shot at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, Nevada and the sequel was shot on location in Europe. Film executives say it became too arduous to shoot a movie around the gambling traffic in a real casino, and decided to build their own casino instead. Barkin will be stepping in to replace former leading ladies Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones and will get closely involved with Matt Damon's character Linus Caldwell. Director/producer Steven Soderbergh is back on board to direct returning cast members George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Andy Garcia, Don Cheadle, Bernie Mac, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan, Carl Reiner and Elliott Gould. "Ocean's Thirteen is being fast tracked and is scheduled for a summer 2007 release.
I think this is a horribly bad idea, especially since they can't get the two leading lady stars back, and Zeta-Jones was kind of a big role to get back. Oh and they're rushing it along, so we know it will be well made. It is these types of sequels which I detest the most.
20th Century Fox has picked up "Big Wave," a script written by Brent Forrester. Emmett and Brendan Malloy will direct the comedy while Ben Stiller will produce. He could also end up starring in the film. Based on an idea by Stiller, the story follows "the world's greatest big wave surfer who, after being sidelined for years after a traumatic wipeout, decides to surf again in order to save a convalescent home for old surfers."
Ummm, is it me or is Ben Stiller getting gradually worse with his choices of scripts. A film about surfing with Stiller involved. Count me out.
Christopher Walken has signed on for a role in "Balls of Fury," a new comedy film from "Reno 911" creators Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant who wrote the script and will direct.
The film is about a disgraced ping pong champ recruited by the CIA to compete in a tournament held by crime lord and ping pong afficianado Fang (Walken).
I could use a good Walken film. This looks to be a really funny movie to be honest. Ping Pong and Christopher Walken…it can't miss.
Homer Simpson has hit the big screen in a short teaser trailer announcing a theatrical feature version of the long-running TV series "The Simpsons." The "Simpsons" teaser debuted Friday before screenings of 20th Century Fox's "Ice Age: The Meltdown." The clip announces Fox's July 27, 2007, release date for "The Simpsons Movie." The animated 28-second clip opens on a giant superhero "S" shield. "Leaping his way onto the silver screen," intones a narrator, "the greatest hero in American history!" Cut to Homer sitting on his couch in his tighty whities and T-shirt. "I forgot what I was supposed to say," Homer says. The narrator continues, " 'The Simpsons Movie,' coming to the screen July 27, 2007." "Uh, oh ...," says Homer, "we better get started."
This was totally unexpected. When I went to the movies over the weekend I saw this trailer and laughed like hell. It has been a while since I have seen a surprising trailer.
What's New on DVD…Buy or Avoid?
Brokeback Mountain-No explanation necessary here. It's one of the best movies of the year. Buy it now. Buy
Crash (2 disc Director's Cut)-Another great film from 2006 gets the treatment it deserves. The previous version had nothing, but this is the one you want. Well worth picking up. Buy
New York Doll-This was in limited theaters for a bit, but not near long enough. I really enjoyed the music of the New York Dolls, so this might be an interesting rent.Buy
Bee Season-This film had a lot of flaws to it, and to be honest, some parts of the movie were just strange and unrealistic. Rent it if you feel brave, but I would advise against it.Avoid
Dirty-This was released in limited theaters, but I never got a chance to see it. It was not out for very long. Cuba Gooding Jr. hasn't been doing much lately so maybe this is worth renting, but it looks boring from the coverAvoid
Mel Brooks Box Set Collection- For all the Mel Brooks fans out their this should be a definite buy. It has all of his great films and even some that you might not have heard of.Buy
Ushpizin-This is a foreign film that had a pretty good run in limited theaters. It received mediocre reviews, and if you enjoy these types of films, you might want to check it out. The cover makes the film looks a tad strange.Avoid
Full House-The Complete Third Season-This is one show that I liked when I was younger, but it did not grow with me as I got older. The seasons are pretty cheap, and John Stamos is cool, but other than that I would avoid this. Avoid
Straight To Video Nightmares
Snakeman Stephen Baldwin: Matt Ford
Jayne Heitmeyer: Dr. Susan Elters
Larry Day: Dr. Rick Gordon
Gary Hudson: Dr. John Simon
Directed by Allan A. Goldstein
Release Date: March 21, 2006
I have seen some bad movies in my time, but Snakeman goes to new lows, and that says a lot. Deep in the Amazonian jungle, a group of anthropologists unearth a grave with a corpse inside of a man, who lived to be three hundred years old. Since this man might hold the secret to a longer life, the scientists start an expedition into the jungle to search for the secret. That is when B-movie moron Stephen Baldwin comes into play as the guide named Matt Ford, who knows different languages, martial arts, and how to throw a knife and kill a spider with one shot. He's got it all. We should all be that lucky. Anyway, the scientists led by Ford are on their way, but their helicopter is struck by lightning, and the fall out of the sky with a horrible Wizard of Oz type shot. They all survive, and the copter is in perfect condition.
As the group begins to separate, a giant multiple-headed snake barrels through the forest and kills many of them off with special effects that a 10-year-old could do better. It looks like bad graphics from a Playstation 1 video game that you would get in a bargain bin. For some reason the amount of heads the snake has changes with each scene. We first see it, and it has one head, then 3, and finally 5 or 6. By that time I have stopped giving a shit. At one point, the big boss back in America receives a video from in which many people are killed before his very eyes. The blood splatters on the TV, and they insult our intelligence as if we don't know someone threw a bucket of red dye on the TV set. Amazingly, the group gets a cell phone signal in parts of the Amazon jungle. I have trouble getting a signal in my basement some times, but they get in the remote sections of the Brazilian jungle. Sure.
So an angry tribe of snake men capture Matt Ford and a blonde haired scientist chick because they want the 300-year-old man back. FYI…his name is Kovaub, and he was the chief snake dude before he croaked. They worship the big snake monster named Naga too…kind of like King Kong, only this movie is what they would make you watch in hell to torture you. Lucky enough for the tribe, the snake monster doesn't eat them ever. He singles people out when they are alone, the chicken shit. The killing scenes are particularly ridiculous with the snake biting on each limb of one guy and ripping in different directions. The long life secret is a pond of dirty water in the snakes lair….what a huge surprise...the suspense was killing me. The group in the jungle request that the big boss in America bring the 300-year- old corpse back to satisfy the tribe. He brings soldiers, and he wants the secret of long life. He gets killed and so do all of the muscular soldiers. The snake monster lives, and no one gets the long life toilet water. What the hell?!
This movie wasn't funny in a B-movie way, it was just bad. I did not hear any one-liners, and there was no nudity at all. I felt robbed in more ways than one. I rented this from Blockbuster, and if you walk through the store and see it on the shelves, it even has one of those cheesy covers that prove how cheap the film was to make. This director makes Uwe Boll look like an Oscar-winning filmmaker. So in conclusion, this is one straight-to-video film that will not give you nightmares because it was scary, but because you won't believe you wasted 96 minutes of your life on it. Remember folks, they go straight to video for a reason.
