The Sublime Movie Digest 05.17.06
Posted by Matthew Mills on 05.17.2006
You had a good run, Poseidon... But scientology still won this round.
PROLOGUE
There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call… The Sublime Movie Digest.
Who's doing what movie this week? What's opening this weekend? Who wrote a moderately entertaining column? Is anybody even reading this one?
We answer all these questions, and MORE! Right here! Right now!
And away we go…
You had a good run, Poseidon… But the power of Tom Cruise was still too much for your little "disaster movie." Don't you know that the power of scientology stretches beyond the screen, into the minds of everyone who comes near and brainwashes them?
Silly boat movie.
Not a whole lot to talk about this week, but I'll be sure to milk everything there is for all it's worth. I have an interview at a bar tomorrow, I have a weird infection in my toe, and I had a little trip down memory lane when I was cleaning out my junk room. And nooobody cares.
So, in honor of you getting bored already, on with the column!
THE NEWS YOU CARE ABOUT
Note: These are put in no particular order of importance.
Rachael Taylor and Amaury Nolasco have signed on for roles in "Transformers" while Tyrese Gibson is in talks for a role as well. Michael Bay is directing the live-action adaptation of the 1980s Hasbro toy line of giant robots that morph into cars, trucks, planes and ships. The cast already includes Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Jon Voight and Bernie Mac. Steven Spielberg is an executive producer.
Credit: Hollywood Reporter
This has the potential to be freakin' great, but it is Michael Bay, and he has made bad movies before. We'll wait to see on this one… don't hold your breath, but keep your fingers crossed.
The Rock is set to star in the "Spy Hunter: Nowhere to Run" video game that hits stores this fall as well as the movie version of the game which is set for a July 2007 release.
"Before actually making the movie, I was able to do the motion-capture and do the voice work for the game, and it gave me a small window of opportunity to become this character," says Johnson.
Film and game center on the adventures of U.S. secret agent Alex Decker, the former F-15 pilot who is hired by the International Espionage Services to be part of the Spy Hunter team.
John Woo will direct the film.
Credit: The Hollywood Reporter
Well, thanks for popping that cherry for us, Rock. Will you please come back to wrestling now? Pleaaaaaaase? This should be a pretty fun flick. John Woo has a decent taste for action flicks, and The Rock can be pretty up to the challenge when it comes to the ‘action' thing. He rocked socks in Doom, as lame as the rest of the movie was.
Amy Adams is set to star in "Underdog" for director Frederik Du Chau.
The live-action/CGI film is based on the 1960s cartoon series about a talking dog with superhero powers. Jason Lee is voicing Underdog while Peter Dinklage is playing the villain.
The movie tells of the dog named Shoeshine Boy who transforms into a superhero. He is adopted by a 12-year-old boy and uses his powers to protect his love, Polly Purebred, and the citizens of Capitol City from the villain Simon Barsinister.
Credit: Variety
Against my better judgment, I want to see this movie. I used to love the cartoon when I was a kid (reruns, of course), and Jason Lee is an inspired choice to do the voice of Underdog. Amy Adams should be a pretty decent addition to the cast, and it's starting to shine up a little bit.
The anticipated sci-fi comedy, "Used Guys," starring Ben Stiller and Jim Carrey and to be directed by Jay Roach, has been dropped. The film is being reworked and still could possibly begin filming next year, but most believe the entire project has been scrapped. The main reason appears to be scheduling problems as both Stiller and Carrey are extremely busy.
Credit: Hollywood Reporter
Whenever this movie happens, it's going to make some megabucks… combining the comedic star power of Ben Stiller and Jim Carrey together? Man, the universe will explode. And I'm sure Stiller is busy since he's been in every comedy that's been made since the mid-90's, and Jim Carrey is busy being a hippy somewhere… Jay Roach doesn't have half bad of a record himself. It's a shame if this got scrapped, because the potential for it being funny and making lots of money for Hollywood was entirely there.
"Clerks II" has been moved up to a July 21st release date. The film was scheduled for an August 18th release. The change came due to the film being selected for screening at the Cannes Film Festival May 26th.
Credit: Zap2it
I can't complain about this one. Kevin Smith returning to what made him Kevin Smith is always good news in my book. The trailer for this looked awesome in theaters, and I'm hoping that it'll be able to recapture some of that original magic it had. Besides, we get more Jay & Silent Bob. That can't be a bad thing, can it?
The Office star Steve Carell is suffering a badly sprained ankle after falling out of a Hummer on the set of his new film. The US funnyman was shooting the sequel to the Jim Carrey-Morgan Freeman-starring 2003 hit Bruce Almighty in Richmond, Virginia when he took a tumble. Filming is not expected to be delayed on Evan Almighty, which sees The 40 Year Old Virgin star Carell divinely inspired to build an ark. Universal Pictures spokesperson Carol McConnaughey insists the actor "is doing fine." Carell recently won a Golden Globe for his role in the American version of The Office, and co-stars in Evan Almighty alongside another TV actor, Gilmore Girls star Lauren Graham.
Credit: IMDB.com
Sorry, Steve. Being a member of the Army Reserve, I know how much it sucks to fall out of a hummer, so here's to him having a speedy recovery. That movie should be pretty decent if Bruce Almighty was any indication. And we all know Carell has the ability to carry his own movie… so maybe.
That's it.
…AND THE NEWS YOU DON'T
Note: These aren't in any particular order, either.
Ali Larter, Ashanti and Chris Egan have all joined the cast of "Resident Evil: Extinction." They join returning cast members Mila Jovovich, Oded Fehr and Sienna Guillory.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Larter will play Claire, a character already known to fans of the video game. Written by Paul W.S. Anderson, the plot finds Claire leading a convoy into the desert, where they meet up with the usual assortment of zombie fighters.
The trade says that Egan ("Eragon") will play somebody named Mikey.
Credit: Hollywood Reporter
Yay. More Resident Evil goodness. Paul WS Anderson is one of my least favorite directors in the last century or so. Give me freakin' Ed Wood over this asshole. Someone please just stop this guy's reign of tyranny.
Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, and Jason Bateman are all set to star in "The Kingdom," a new film from Peter Berg.
The film is set following a deadly bombing attack that targeted Americans working in a Middle Eastern country. In response, the U.S. government sends in an elite team of counterterrorism investigators to try and find those responsible.
Credit: Hollywood Reporter
While this would be fine in any other year… didn't we just have a movie called Munich come out that is basically the exact same thing?
A movie based on the "Bratz" toy line is in the works. The live action film is targeting a production start in late Fall 2006 in Los Angeles.
"Bratz" has become one of the biggest toy franchises in the world with toys, magazines, TV shows, DVDs, video games, clothing, footwear, and albums.
Credit: (Unknown?)
Yeah, and I'm sure that'll involve some really high quality film making. Did they finally run out of movies they deem worthy enough to rape with a remake?
Hotel heiress Paris Hilton and actress Lindsay Lohan shocked patrons at Hollywood hotspot Hyde on Friday night by engaging in a furious row. The socialite and her sister Nicky, faced-off against the Mean Girls star, who they claim interrupted their evening out with friends. Hilton's representative Elliot Mintz explains, "Paris was having a conversation with a couple of friends. Lindsay approached her table and at that moment Paris felt she was being interrupted and didn't wish to speak to Lindsay. A couple of words were exchanged and Lindsay went back to her table. I can understand how other patrons in the club could have thought it had been a bigger deal than it actually was." Sources tell website Tmz.com that the source of the tension may be because Lindsay has recently been on a publicity campaign for her new film Just My Luck and reportedly mentioned Hilton's name in interviews with the media. The source claims Hilton doesn't want Lohan using her name to help further her career.
Credit: IMDB.com
Yes! Another steel cage match opportunity! If we get two more, we can have an elimination chamber match with Paris, Lindsay, Nicole, Katie, and Whoever and Whoever! Flippin' SWEET!
In other news, the world exploded from a lack of caring.
Next.
OPENING WEEKEND ROULETTE
Which one should YOU see? How the hell should I know? Let's discuss!
Opening May 19…
The Da Vinci Code
Directed by Ron Howard.
Starring Tom Hanks, Paul Bettany, Jean Reno.
PROS: Some of the trailers look pretty nifty. Ron Howard doesn't usually produce a whole lot of bad stuff. It has a great cast. Apparently the book is fantastic source material (I never read it, and I doubt if I will).
CONS: Looks like it might be too action-y. I figured it was all storyline driven and stuff… but the previews make it look like there's a car chase in it. I loathe car chases of any kind.
FINAL: It's not my first choice for this weekend, but I might catch it once the theaters stop being full of people with hard-ons for Dan Brown.
See No Evil
Directed by Gregory Dark.
Starring Glen Jacobs.
PROS: Horror movie. Kane. Looks like it could have some decent violence.
CONS: Horror movie. Kane. Looks like it could be really generic.
FINAL: This will be the one I see this weekend, because it actually has me really curious as to how much charisma Kane actually has. Plus I like a good cheesy horror movie any day of the week.
Over the Hedge
Directed by Tim Johnson, Karey Kirkpatrick.
Starring Bruce Willis, Garry Shandling, Gene Wilder.
PROS: Seems like a pretty decent voice cast, I guess.
CONS: There's a big over saturation of animated movies right now. Used to they were generally high quality movies, but now it's being relegated down to a level of straight-to-video worthy stuff. Ah, what people will do for a paycheck…
FINAL: I doubt I'll ever see this.
And that'll wrap it up for your Wednesday news column at 411Movies. How's my driving? Call 1-800-I-DNT-CRE. Let's see you decipher that, non-feedback giving monkeys!
Anyway, if you're really bored, you can go check out my blog at Quixotica!. If you really care to see what I think about things other than movies. What? There's something else in life besides movies? Blasphemy!
