Furious on Film 05.17.06: Issue 42
Posted by Arnold Furious on 05.17.2006
Death, the New Yorkiverse and everything...
The aim of this ongoing column was simple. I've been watching films for a long, long time but along the way I've somehow found myself watching some absolute crap on a regular basis. I've seen every episode of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th and Halloween. Is there any real need for that? Should I have seen Catwoman? Batman and Robin? Tank Girl? I'm appalled at my own decisions. So I'm now on a crusade to try and be more adult about my film watching. It's time to spread my wings and watch a wider range of films. The biggest problem I've encountered when taking on this challenge is my choices of viewing material aren't always at the level I'd hope for. There are times when I abandon my high and mighty campaign and instead watch whatever my brain decides I need. This can happen at any time but I'll still try to keep up a turnover of films that are challenging in some way.
So here we are at FoF #42. The number 42, as we all know, is the answer to life, the universe and everything courtesy of Douglas Adams. Even more puzzling was Adams' character Arthur Dent solving the riddle of the answer by coming up with the question 6 x 9, which doesn't even equate to 42. But there ya go. Various saddo geeks, like myself, have reference the number 42 ever since. Going as far as the X-Files where Fox Mulder's apartment is number 42. Also there's a band named after it, Level 42. It's referenced in many computer games, sitcoms, computer systems and even the TV sensation Lost. In movies the number 42 is referenced in Finding Nemo (the doctor's address), 28 Days Later (roadblock 42), Teenwolf (Michael J. Fox's basketball jersey), The Cable Guy (Matthew Broderick's apartment number), Battle Royale (the number of students) and in Mission Impossible II (the floor the virus is on). Also in Fahrenheit 9/11 Michael Moore informs us that George W. Bush is on vacation "42 percent" of the time. Private Joker from Full Metal Jacket was detailed 42-12, which is journalism. In the movie Joe they do a survey to determine that 42% of all liberals are queers. You can't argue with these FACTS! Finally in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Legolas kills 42 orc in his contest with Gimli. Back in 42 AD Emperor Claudius is getting the hang on his reign and takes over Algeria and Morocco.
Warning could well contain minor spoilers throughout. Films are rated on a ***** scale. This week we have
The Big Boss, New York Stories, House of 1000 Corpses, Red Siren
The Big Boss (1971)
EXPECTATIONS Considering how into action films I am it's weird that my martial arts love only appeared a few years ago and the only Bruce Lee film I've seen is Enter the Dragon. So now while I'm plugging the holes in my movie knowledge I thought I'd go back and cover a few of his other, less well known, films. It's a common misconception that Lee didn't appear in many films due to vast majority of them not getting a wide release because at the time there was no market for martial arts movies in the US so outside of Asia there was almost no distribution. Oddly enough Lee's turn in Enter the Dragon changed all that. Lee actually appeared in 36 films dating back to 1941. He even broke into the US himself in the 1960's appearing as the character Kato in both Batman and the Green Hornet. He started churning out big budget Hong Kong movies on his return to Asia and this was the first The Big Boss, known in the US as Fists of Fury. That gets a little confusing as Jing Wu Men (known by an assortment of names in the US including the Iron Hand) is known in the UK as Fist of Fury. After that was the Dragon trilogy the last of which, Enter the Dragon, gained him international notoriety. Which is a shame because he died the same year as its release of a cerebral edema. Basically a swelling of the brain. I'm sure in no way connected to the various stunts he had to perform. Amazingly the blame was put down an allergic reaction to a headache tablet. How the mighty fall
PLOT Cheng (Bruce Lee), a young man sworn to an oath with his mother to non-violence, goes to work with his cousins in an ice factory. But the management are corrupt and use the ice to transport drugs. Two of Cheng's cousins find out about it and are killed. Another two go to investigate including the clan's leader and best fighter Hsiu (James Tien). They're also killed by the Big Boss, Hsiao's men. Soon it's down to Cheng to defend his people and he does so becoming a foreman at work. That's merely to stop him from making trouble though and he realises this too late as the lustful Hsiao has another of Cheng's cousins Chow Mei (Maria Yi) kidnapped. This is the final straw for Cheng and he sets off for a showdown with the Big Boss.
OPINION The Big Boss is perceived as Lee's breakthrough film as a practiser of martial arts and as a star in his own right. Director Wei Lo had an idea of what Lee was capable of so the Big Boss sees him in somewhat restrained mood. Certainly compared to Enter the Dragon anyway and Lee experts, for experts read; my mates down the pub, claim Lo made sure Lee didn't give everything in this first film so they could do more interesting stuff in follow up's. What that makes the Big Boss is merely an introduction to Lee's character. The plot doesn't help this introductory feel as generally it's pretty stupid. Cheng is borderline retarded in his naivety as he allows his superiors at the ice factory to lead him this way and that. Meanwhile the other workers are equally stupid but at least they refuse to believe anything they can't see for themselves. At least they have a mentality. Cheng just comes off as dumb until it gets to the point where he has no one left to defend because they're all dead. Then he gets to cut loose and deliver a few ass-whippings. The only part of the plot I really enjoyed was the symbolic breaking of Cheng's necklace, given to him by his mother, which triggers the fighter inside of him. With his oath broken he's able to go all Wolvie berserk style. Other than Bruce Lee there's not a lot going on and this is pretty much the definition of "a vehicle for". Let's get this guy over because he's good says a producer somewhere and this is the result. Oh, and make sure you don't watch the dubbed version. Jesus Christ. Appalling dubbing. It sets itself to that automatically but after 2 minutes I was on subtitles. There are certainly worse kung fu movies out there and I was suitably entertained by the fights to ignore the rest of the plot.
BEST BIT Cheng has an opponent pinned against the wall of a hut. He psyches himself up and punches the guy clean through it. The best part being the man shape that's left in the wooden wall. Arms and legs out into a star position. Hilarious. I thought that only happened in cartoons. Bruce Lee hated it apparently and it was Wei Lo's fault that it got included. Still, gave me a chuckle.
RATING - ***. Passable kung fu effort. Nowhere near the Enter the Dragon level but this is a few years beforehand. The fight scenes are decent and if you like kung fu movies this isn't too bad although it's a total no-brainer. Probably best reserved for a night of drinking in house with your buddies before going out. Incidentally this was an enormous film in Hong Kong making more money than anything before it including the Sound of Music.
New York Stories (1989)
EXPECTATIONS Three great directors on show here with Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola and Woody Allen all directing short films to make up the trio. The idea was to convey a three storey tall apartment building and three different things that might well happen within the New York City environment. Of all the directors my favourite is Martin Scorsese. One of my favourite films is Goodfellas. As I mentioned in my reviews of the Aviator, King of Comedy and After Hours I've always loved his work. New York Stories was originally added to my rental list because it had a Scorsese segment. Coppola is a slight concern as by the late 80's he was already well past his best. Not quite down into the levels of Jack (1996) yet but certainly not good anymore. Woody Allen was also past his best by the late 80's but the thing with Allen is that he has a habit of doing interesting little bits of movies and then failing to carry it over 2 hours. Given the chance to do a short film maybe we can expect more from it. Having said that Allen still had Crimes and Misdemeanours the same year and Manhattan Murder Mystery in 1993. So he still has the touch. He's just not as iconic as he was in the 70's.
PLOT Life Lessons. Scorsese's piece focuses on aging artist Lionel Dobie (Nick Nolte) who lives with his assistant and former lover Paulette (Rosanna Arquette). As Procol Harum's "Whiter Shade of Pale" blasts out in his apartment he prepares for his latest showing by arguing incessantly with Paulette who seems to have totally lost interest in him, her own art and New York in general. She's also really pissed off about an affair she had with Gregory Stark (Steve Buscemi), a young performance artist. The doting Dobie makes a fool of himself to try and fix her life but all he can really do is paint. Life Without Zoe. Coppola's piece is about Zoe (Heather McComb), a spoiled rich girl who lives with her butler and various other family employees while her mother Charlotte (Talia Shire) and father Claudio (Giancarlo Giannini) jet around the world. Separately. She longs for them all to be together but keeps herself amused making friends with other rich kids and spouting amateur philosophy. Oedipus Wrecks. Woody Allen meanwhile makes his mini-movie on relationships and stars as Sheldon. Sheldon's life is somewhat complex. He's engaged to Lisa (Mia Farrow) who has kids and still has a close relationship to his mother (Mae Questel). When his mother disappears during a magic show Sheldon is relieved, then somewhat panicked when she appears in the skies above Manhattan to talk to anyone who's listening about Sheldon and his various problems. Sheldon ends up consulting a paranormal investigator called Treva (Julie Kavner) to try and make his mother go away.
OPINION Life Lessons. As I expected the Scorsese piece is majestic and by far the best of the three films. Nolte and Arquette have this great negative chemistry where it feels like they've known each other forever and the arguments are superb as a result. The choice of music is faultless as Procol Harum echoes off the big empty spaces of the apartment and makes Dobie feel like he's entirely alone even when Paulette is there. I even tested out the Procol Harum theory by blasting it out over the tannoy of a supermarket the following day and the echoing sound you get from it coming off the walls of a large space is terrific. Dobie's character is an intriguing one because he's spent so much of his life painting that he's become somewhat detached from reality. He doesn't own a TV, he doesn't talk to people outside of his trips to art galleries and his only connection with the outside world is his assistant and his agent. You can understand how he'd go completely ga-ga when Paulette stops caring about him. When the film comes full circle it's clear that he'll never change. He'll just go from one besotted art student/struggling artist to the next until he dies. The insanity will continue. Paulette seems to know this and gets whatever she can out of Dobie before walking away knowing he'll never change. Life Without Zoe. Coppola's segment was widely reported to be the weakest. After viewing it, I can whole heartedly agree. It stems from the detached characters and some woeful acting. Talia Shire is remarkably awful in this. Frighteningly so. The kids are all irritating child actors getting their first stiff at glory and mangling words in what is an overly complex script. Imagine Kevin Williamson's writing for Dawson's Creek where the high school kids are all way smarter than they should be. Well, this is the same only the kids are all 10-12 years old. It's sentimental, syrupy and irritating. The little kid from the Middle East who has trouble finding friends and then dresses up as Elvis. I just wanted to punch him square in the face. From the first second he was on the screen. POW! Right in the eye. Fucking irritating little prick that he is. By the end of the maudlin, overacted piece of crap I just wanted this to be over. But luckily I hung around for Woody Allen's piece. Oedipus Wrecks. The concept behind Oedipus Wrecks is SO out there that it's not a problem to digest. The sight of Sheldon's mother levitating in the sky above Manhattan is pretty unexpected but soon everyone in the city just accepts that she's there. This is Woody's tribute to New Yorkers. No matter how incredible the sights they see are sooner or later they're just normal. I can understand Sheldon's Mom disliking Mia Farrow as well. Hell, I don't like Mia Farrow. Compare her range to Diane Keaton and it's no fair comparison at all. Her cold demeanour makes it easy to side with Sheldon's mother and likewise enjoy the wacky performance of the overly Jewish Julie Kavner. If that name is familiar then you've been looking at the Simpsons credits carefully. Kavner plays Marge, among others. It's kind of weird seeing her in person and even weirder seeing Woody Allen make time for an obsessive Jewish woman in his films, something he's deliberately avoided for so long focusing instead on different woman as he seemed to be avoiding the Oedipus complex. As per usual with Allen his piece is funny and off the wall. Woody even tones down the neurosis to visits to his shrink in this, which makes the plot whip along much quicker. I enjoyed Allen's piece but not on the same scale as Scorsese's.
BEST BIT "We skipped the light fandango "
RATING - ***1/2. Coppola's piece drags the film down. Thankfully his shit is only 33 minutes long compared to the 45 minutes of genius from Scorsese. It's an interesting experiment and it'd be interesting to see it re-done in LA or London with three different directors giving their take on life.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
EXPECTATIONS I've been a fan of White Zombie and Rob Zombie for over 10 years. More over Zombie himself has quite an eye for conceptual artwork. Whether that will actually spill over into film as it does with his innovative music videos is something I was unsure of. I delayed on watching this until the good reviews for Devil's Rejects started coming in. Then I figured I'd watch this back to see how he fared with his directorial debut. Of the cast I only really know Karen Black but then you should to, she has 165 credits to her name. She looks pretty creepy these days so I figure she's probably a bad guy.
PLOT Four teenagers are driving across America to write a book on roadside curios when they bump into a Madman Museum run by Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig). It's there they find out about Dr Satan and his evil ways and decide to investigate the local legend. Their car breaks down after picking up a hitch hiker called Baby (Sheri Moon Rob Zombie's wife) and they end up going for dinner at the Firefly family house where they get to meet the rest of Baby's somewhat unusual family. This includes psychotic serial killer Otis (Bill Moseley) and matriarch Mother Firefly (Karen Black).
OPINION The opening to House of 1000 Corpses is terrific. There's a little pre-movie film where two guys try to rob the Madman Museum and Captain Spaulding just rants at them before his helpers kill them. Before that Spaulding and an old guy called Stucky have a long conversation about one of the town's perverts who gets off on shoving a pencil in the side of his eye and once got taken to hospital with a Planet of the Apes action figure stuck in his ass. Rob Zombie instantly creates a mood of depravity in House of 1000 Corpses where its George Romero meets Kevin Smith with a Zombie's own unique sick slant to it. As a result the opening 20 minutes or so are brilliant. Any and all interaction between Spaulding and anyone is great. Unfortunately the whole concept of House of 1000 Corpses goes somewhat downhill after the kids go off in search of Dr Satan. It all gets very predictable and it's a straightforward horror movie. It's rather reminiscent of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and assorted other horror flicks. As a result what should have been an innovative and different horror movie loses its way and becomes rather humdrum and, dare I say it, boring. The initial MTV-esque flash frames disappear and the editing gets less slick and tight as time goes on. The lack of originality is what really hurts House of 1000 Corpses. The intent seemed to be to do something fresh and different and try to revive the horror film in the new millennium. While it certainly starts out that way it loses its way and becomes horribly generic. I read a review that said Zombie "paid homage" to films like Last House on the Left (**1/2 FoF #41) and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It doesn't so much pay homage as steal from them directly. It's a pity because I always felt that Zombie had a better film in him than this. For a rookie effort it's not necessarily a bad one but he certainly played it safe with some of his script choices. The standard horror fair with deliberate and recognisable tips of the hat to equally over rated horror films of the past. The use of sex, violence and bad language ensures the kids will want to see it. Beyond that there's really nothing past the excellent opening 20. It's a disappointment but I do have hopes that Rob can learn from his misfire and actually come good with the Devil's Rejects.
BEST BIT Captain Spaulding's TV ad spot where he reminds us his Museum of Monsters and Madmen also sells fried chicken and gasoline.
RATING - **1/2. Great opening, somewhat promising middle section and a generic horror movie ending. The last 30 minutes are dull and predictable. I suspect that the Devil's Rejects will actually stand alone as a sequel rather than this be essential viewing so I could have skipped this and still enjoyed part two. Ah well, you live and learn. This isn't bad but the problem is it could have been great. And it's not. The odd thing for me is that you look on IMDB.com and everyone who voted for this gave it a 1 or a 10. And it's neither of those.
The Red Siren (2002)
EXPECTATIONS I caught a trailer for this on one of the Tartan Metro releases and the trailer is brilliant. It's a work of art that makes Red Siren look like a great film. The trailer shows the set up, a bunch of action and some really cool looking scenes. It suckered me in. Directed by French director Oliver Megaton this is actually in English even though it's a French film. Already I'm worried. The star is Asia Argento, which should have been a big red warning sign for me. Asia may be quite hot but she's a crap actress. She's a big name in European cinema because she's Dario Argento's daughter. That's about the skinny of it. Red Siren also stars German Jean-Marc Barr and England's Frances Barber.
PLOT 13 year old Alice (Alexandra Negrao) decides she's had enough of her rich mother Eva (Barber) and rebels by going to the police with a DVD of her mother killing her nanny. Her case is taken on by a detective called Anita (Argento) but no one believes Alice so she goes on the run in search of her missing father. She has to the good fortune to flee her mother's hired help and fall into the hands of a travelling hitman called Hugo (Barr) who agrees to help her.
OPINION After 10 minutes I already regretted the rental of Red Siren. I've seen a few pretty shaky performances from Asia Argento but normally she has talent around her to bring the film up. Not here. She's left out blowing in the wind with only a 13 year old to hold her up. Negrao doesn't appear to have been trained at all and fails to communicate much in the way of emotion for the majority of the film. You hope and pray they split up the onscreen duo of Alice & Anita, which thankfully they do but no sooner is that accomplished then Red Siren falls into a knock off of Leon with Alice looking up to the hitman Hugo like a father figure. Natalie Portman & Jean Reno this ain't. Negrao has such a lack of screen presence the film constantly falters during her scenes, which are many. In fact it only perks up when she's thrown into a bath tub and Hugo has a firefight with Eva's men who have been sent out to bring Alice back. This scene was the one that featured heavily on the trailer and convinced me to pick up the rental copy. If the style and direction of that scene was present throughout the movie it wouldn't be a problem but sadly the majority of the budget appears to have been blown on that one scene. Meanwhile the only decent actor in the entire film, Frances Barber, is reduced to delivering cornball bad guy lines that make her look like Cruella DeVille. Her attempts to save this turkey are ruined by the awful script. Possibly also by Megaton who probably spent the entire film trying to find shots for the impeccable trailer. That son of a bitch. I'm never trusting him again. The biggest problem with Red Siren is that the plot relies heavily on coincidence and rarely makes sense. Neither is the reasoning of either of the main characters explained. Neither Hugo nor Anita seem to have any real motivation (Hugo's back-story with the Bosnia orphan is too forced for my liking and so badly shot I didn't even realise it was him until he referenced it) for the whole Alice affair to be settled and yet they risk their lives for a girl they don't even know. Red Siren depends on how much sympathy you feel for a rather unsympathetic and badly written central character. I personally didn't care what happened to Alice. Sure, she was running away from a caricature but this isn't Disney and it sure as shit isn't a kids film so that doesn't work for me. Once you're passed the one dramatic scene, the shootout, and realise most of that is visually impressive without ever being particularly innovative (the tile shattering was all very reminiscent of the Matrix) and doesn't make a shred of sense then the film is done. It doesn't have anything else left.
BEST BIT The shoot out but even that is pretty poor considering the entire budget appears to have been used on squibs to blow up some poor bastard's bathroom.
RATING 1/2*. A bad, bad film. Nothing seems to connect. The script was written by five people and each one of them seemed to have a totally different idea of what the film was so it's a fucking mess as a result. Even the final choices of the editing process are weird. Rammstein's "Sonne" plays over the opening credits, which looks like a music video and doesn't connect to the rest of the film in any way. Megaton comes off as shallow and lazy with no sense of direction of his project. The characterisation is poor to the point of embarrassment. Just avoid at all costs even if the trailer looks pretty. Don't say I didn't warn you.
ELSEWHERE
Top 5 this week is Top 5 Worst Comic Book movies. My choices will not surprise you. Chad Webb's might. Some truly horrible pieces of shit in there.
Warped News. Damn skippy. Loving the plug this week. I also clicked the link for the Bauer kill count on 24. Man, he's shot a lot of terrorists in the last five years.
Steve Yanosey has only done a column on White Men Can't Jump. I can't go more than two days without shouting "nah, nah this ain't Raymond" at someone. So either you like White Men Can't Jump or you can shut your anorexic malnutrition tapeworm-having overdose on Dick Gregory Bohemian diet-drinking ass up.
Ask 411 Movies Leonard Hayhurst is your host. Read it, or Sean Penn will punch you.
NEXT I'm officially not even going to attempt to make the deadline next week. I have way too much shit to do and I'm blatantly not going to make it. Hell, I didn't even make it to five films this week! So I'll be back in 14 days with the Wicker Man, Cube Zero and some other stuff. Join me then.
