The Big Screen Bulletin 06.12.06: A Great Way To Start Your Monday
Posted by Chad Webb on 06.12.2006
A nightmare with Like Mike 2, Ryan Philippe in an Iraq war film, the future disaster of Alien vs Predator 2, a Stephen King mini-series, Robert Altman's fears, big wins for Omen and Cars, Entertainment Weekly's most controversial films, new releases, and hotties galore!
Intro: Straight To Video Nightmares
Like Mike 2: Streetball
Starring: Jascha Washington, Kel Mitchell, Brett Kelly, Micah Stephen Williams, and Michael Beach
Directed By: David Nelson
Running Time: 93 minutes
In Like Mike 1, we were introduced to Lil Bow Wow as an actor, lucky us. It had some decent family entertainment, but was just too preposterous and bizarre at times. Crispin Glover imitated his Willard character, and in one scene the kids have some sort of playtime with paint involving a pro basketball player. It was just bad, plain and simple. In Like Mike 2 we have a kid named Jerome Jenkins, who can't play for shit, and neither can his friends. Down on his luck, he finds the magical shoes hanging on a telephone pole. When he takes them inside lightning strikes and proceeds to travel from the TV antenna down to Jerome's TV, thus making them super shoes since they were on top of the TV when the lightning hit. When Jerome goes to the "Game On" tournament, he just goes to watch, but when the ball ends up in his hands and he makes a spectacularly long shot, he gets a spot with the "Game On" team, and a championship position in the "King of the Concrete" tournament. They travel to various towns, and Jerome instantly becomes a major streetball star. He is seen in newspaper headlines, does music videos, interviews, and much more. Somehow, this team has the money to get huge stretch limos, buses equipped with everything, and the finest hotels.
Accompanying Jerome while he is on the road, as sort of a parental guardian, is his cousin Ray, played by the excruciating Kel Mitchell. Listening to him is the equivalent of listening to fingernails on a chalk board. Ray acts as his manager, and because of Ray's bad influence, Jerome becomes a ball hog and forgets his friends. Meanwhile, the backstory is that Jerome's father used to be a big streetball star himself, but apparently he blew a big shot or something. Who really cares? Jerome doesn't see his father very often because of his fathers tough work schedule. We know that Jerome's Dad has a strict boss because he's seen crossing his arms like a cold harsh prick in certain scenes. This time around the shoes do even more ridiculous tricks, but on the plus side, the plot is a bit more believable. The film is still just soooo terrible though. We are treated to such atrocious one liners as "If you win, you're in….If you lose, you cruise", and of course "There's no "I" in team. There's no "u" in team either."
It would be nice if Michael Jordan made a cameo in one of these films seeing as how his name is in the title. Basically, it all comes down to the last shot in the King of the Concrete Tournament. After discovering that his cousin Ray was betraying him for endorsement money, and screwing up in one game, Jerome quits the "Game On" team. Jerome reunites with his buddies to put together a team called "Triple Threat" in the King of the Concrete tourney. Take a guess on the ending. Some moron thought it would be creative to give everyone a horrible nickname. Conveniently, most characters have initials that are the same letter such as "Double R" or "Triple J." They must have put at least 5 minutes of thinking into those. I once played against some guys in college who were decent at "streetball", but when they had "rules" to follow, they couldn't do much of anything. Dallas Mavs owner Mark Cuban makes a hilariously stupid cameo, as well as former NBA star Clyde Drexler. The acting was wretched, the basketball playing was absurd, and even though the movie had one or two sequences of entertainment, Like Mike 2 proves to be one more inane addition my Straight to Video Nightmares.
Final Rating = 4.0/10.0
The News Bulletin Dissection
"The Omen" broke box office records on Tuesday, selling $12.6 million worth of tickets--the biggest Tuesday opening ever for a film. Tuesday is traditionally one of the slowest movie-going days of the week, but the film's marketing campaign focused on the satanic implications of the day June 6, 2006 (6-6-6). The ticket sales narrowly edged out "Meet the Fockers", which made only $4,000 less on its opening Tuesday in December 2004.
To be honest I had forgotten that Meet the Fockers opened on Tuesday, but now that I have been reminded I am curious as to why they picked that date back then. We know why The Omen picked that day, and I think it is no surprise that they scored big. It was just barely a record-breaking day for them, but no matter what people say they deserved it. I still think it was incredibly creative to release the film on that particular day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After months of searching, director Kimberly Peirce has found her leading man for the Iraq war drama "Stop-Loss." Ryan Phil-lippe is in negotiations to star in the film, which centers on a soldier (Phillippe) who returns home to Texas and is called to duty again in Iraq through the military's "stop-loss" procedure. The soldier then refuses to return to battle. Abbie Cornish already has signed on to play the female lead.
I have always said there should be more films about war in Iraq. My friend disagrees with me, and says that if they do make Iraq war films, that they should wait awhile, but I think the time is appropriate now. This is a critical time for movies, and I think a great war film about Iraq would be a good way to get people in theaters. Granted, Ryan Phillipe might not be the person to get everyone in the seats, but in the future maybe somebody will go the extra mile.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amber Tamblyn has joined the cast of "Spring Breakdown," a comedy Ryan Shiraki wrote and is directing for Warner Bros. Pictures and Code Entertainment. The story revolves around three thirtysomething friends who break the monotony of their uninspired lives by vacationing on an island that is a popular spring break getaway for college co-eds. One of the women works for a powerful senator whose daughter is one of those co-eds, only she's as geeky as her chaperones. Tamblyn portrays the senator's daughter.
Sounds like a snooze-fest to me. For those who might not know, Amber is the star of Joan of Arcadia. She sticks mostly to TV acting, but it looks as if she is jumping into films to with 4 or 5 projects on the horizon. I feel like this plot will unravel similar to many films about a group of women. It sounds dumb as hell.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Universal Pictures has "Talent." The studio won the rights to the Boom Studios comic book in a heated bidding war that involved five studios including DreamWorks and Warner Bros. Pictures. Written by Christopher Golden and novelist Tom Sniegoski and drawn by Paul Azaceta, the four-issue miniseries follows a 34-year-old college professor who is the lone survivor of a plane crash. He discovers he has mysteriously taken on the "talents" of those who died in the crash and finds that the attributes are a blessing and a curse.
I like this idea. Its sounds intriguing. With all the popular comics being made into movies, we could use some unusual ideas every now and then. I am kind of curious as to whom they would cast in this part. I mean, how many hundreds of male actors could play a thirtysomething role. If anyone out there knows about this comic, email me your thoughts on an actor that could play the part. I'm hoping the title gets changed though. "Talent" reminds me of something the makers of Bring it On would create, or a Disney movie maybe.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom and Charlie Guard are in talks to tell "A Tale of Two Sisters" for DreamWorks. The atmospheric horror thriller would mark the feature film directing debut for the British brothers and is based on a remake of Kim Jee-woon's 2004 Korean boxoffice hit "Janghwa, Hongryeon." The latest DreamWorks horror tale follows the studio's boxoffice success in 2002 when it rang in the Asian remake craze with "The Ring." Kim's original film is based on a classic Korean folk tale infused with '70s Brit horror. The DreamWorks version centers on modern-day teenage sisters Anna and Alex Rydell who return home from a mental hospital only to find their recovery unraveling because of a cruel stepmother, clueless father and a lingering ghost. Production is expected to begin this fall.
These two really haven't done a whole lot. Yet another remake of a Japanese horror film, whodda thunk it? After just reading this brief summary, I will not be sprinting to the theater to see this. A cruel stepmother and a ghost? Ooooooo, scary. If anyone is looking forward to this, just go seek out the Japanese version. I'm sure it is better.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20th Century Fox has tapped Colin and Greg Strause to helm the sequel to the monster face-off "Alien vs. Predator." The project marks the feature film directing debut of the brothers, who run award-winning special effects house Hydraulx, which provided the trick shots for such Fox hits as "X-Men: The Last Stand," "Fantastic Four" and "The Day After Tomorrow." Greg Strause won a BAFTA Award for the effects work on "Tomorrow." The Strauses also have created a name for themselves in the world of commercials and music videos because of their distinctive brand of helming, which nabbed them a Visual Effects Society Award for the Will Smith video "Black Suits Comin'."
These guys are definitely visual effects veterans, but is this a wise choice to make you feature film directorial debut? I think not. Alien Vs Predator does not deserve a sequel. I do not care how much money it made. This was fun for all the fans to see once, but let's not go overboard. Of course in Hollywood, they always go overboard. If they would just eliminate the idiotic plot with the humans and just have the movie start with the monsters killing each other, it might make for a much more entertaining film. Freddy Vs Jason was another movie that did not need anyone else but the two of them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Mission: Impossible III" has been given a July 18 premiere date in China after negotiations ended with agreements to make some cuts to the movie, some of which are understood to involve scenes of violence. "M:I-3," which has grossed about $192 million outside the U.S. since its May 5 release, was submitted in mid-April for approval in Beijing, as is procedure in China. It promptly met with complaints from communist censors about scenes of violence and picturing Shanghai as a slum. Yuan Wenqiang of state-run industry giant China Film Group Corp., confirmed that "M:I-3" would be released in mid-July, after a seasonal summer blackout of foreign films ends. Producer Paula Wagner said: "We are very pleased with the adjustments we made, as are our Chinese counterparts. It is a wonderful meeting of the minds in that we were able to accommodate the cultural needs and adjusted to certain things to play to a Chinese audience. We maintained the integrity of the film."
It should be noted that China is still banning The Da Vinci Code. No big surprise there. Many countries are banning it, but it's their loss. I'd be anxious to see what the cuts to M:I 3 are. I wonder how much they affect the film?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Movie veteran Robert Altman is always terrified his new films will be received poorly, even though he has been working the industry for half a century and has an honorary Oscar. The "Short Cuts" director is nervous about new offering "A Prairie Home Companion"--which stars Meryl Streep, Lindsay Lohan and Kevin Kline--hitting cinemas because negative reactions have always hurt him deeply. The 81-year-old says, "I'm scared s**tless. I get very sensitive about reviews and what people have said. "As long as I've been doing this, I still take it personally. I don't know why. I guess that's just my nature."
He has nothing to worry about. His film is an amazing masterpiece. My review of it should be up soon if it's not already. If I made films I would be paying close attention to the reviews, and I would probably take the bad ones personally too. I'm sure Mr. Altman is not the only one in Hollywood who is like this.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Classic Stephen King horror mini-series "It" is set for a remake. "Salem's Lot" screenwriter Peter Filardi is reportedly reworking the script of the 1990 TV epic, which starred Tim Curry as a demonic clown. The original also starred John Ritter, Annette O'Toole and a young Seth Green.
The mini-series, based on King's novel of the same name, follows the fortunes of seven kids fighting an evil clown, called Pennywise, in 1960s Maine.
Yet another horror remake, this time in the form of a mini-series. I guess they will never learn.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" ranks as the most controversial film of all time, according to Entertainment Weekly. The magazine ranks the 25 films that have most shocked, disgusted and divided moviegoers, in its June 16 issue, on newsstands Monday. EW writes that Gibson's grisly depiction of Jesus' betrayal and crucifixion ignited "a culture-war firestorm unrivaled in Hollywood history." Despite _ or to some degree, because of _ the religious uproar, the 2004 film grossed over $370 million at the U.S box office. Coming in second is Stanley Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange." Kubrick's 1971 futuristic film is famous for a violent scene during which "Singin' in the Rain" is played. Reports of copycat crimes led to the movie's withdrawal from distribution in Britain. Oliver Stone has the unique distinction of landing twice on the list: 1991's "JFK," ranked at No. 5, and 1994's "Natural Born Killers," at No. 8. "The Da Vinci Code," now in theaters, charts at No. 13 for the debates spawned by its tale of a Catholic cover-up. Another recent film, "United 93," ranks at No. 16 because of concerns that it came too soon after the Sept. 11 terror attacks. Also among the 25: "Fahrenheit 9/11," "Deep Throat," "The Last Temptation of Christ," "The Deer Hunter," "Basic Instinct," "Do the Right Thing" and "Kids."
I have seen almost all of these films and I have to agree with most of the choices here. I would have to do some research on finding one that they did not list.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On its first lap in North American theaters, Buena Vista's "Cars" from Pixar put the pedal to the metal and as expected easily crossed the finish line in first place, cruising into the winners circle with an estimated $62.8 million -- the fifth-biggest opening of all-time for an animated film and third best for Pixar. But while the bow of the seventh picture from team Disney/Pixar proved a company best for the distributor in June, and a personal best for director John Lasseter and voice-over stars Owen Wilson and Paul Newman, it fell short of the debuts of the previous two Pixar releases. "The Incredibles" opened with $70.5 million and "Finding Nemo" swam off with $70.3 million -- the second- and third-biggest animated openings ever, respectively. DreamWorks' "Shrek 2" owns the title for the largest animated opening in history with a staggering $108 million. Universal's surprise summer hit, "The Break-Up," moved into the second spot with an estimated $20.5 million. The Vince Vaughn-Jennifer Aniston starrer, from director Peyton Reed, slipped a middling 48% on its sophomore frame, carrying the 10-day cume to an estimated $74.1 million. Fox's "X-Men: The Last Stand" attracted an estimated $15.6 million to place third on its third session, dropping 54% from a week earlier. The sci-fi actioner, based on the Marvel Comics franchise and helmed by Brett Ratner, is the first film released this year to cross the $200 million mark and is the largest grossing film of the year-to-date, with a 17-day total of around $201.7 million.
I honestly expected Cars to make more money. As much as they advertised it, I'm sure everyone was hoping for something big. I am surprised to see that X-Men 3 has passed The Da Vinci Code and is the largest grossing film so far this year. I knew they would make a lot of money, but I expected Da Vinci to make a bit more than them. It will be interesting to see how well Superman Returns does. That is the only film that really poses a threat to X-Men earnings.
What's Coming to DVD…Buy or Avoid?
Neil Young: Heart of Gold - An outstanding concert documentary, and a worthy purchase for music and DVD collectors. Buy
The World's Fastest Indian - This film was ok I guess. Anthony Hopkins fans will love it, and for good reason, but it is only worth renting to me. Avoid
MacGyver-The Complete Sixth Season - The second to last season of a superb show is now available. This of course is always worth buying. I forget which season he was a stupid community service officer though. Buy
The Pink Panther - This movie was dumb, not funny at all, and basically boring. Steve Martin can be funny at times, but now I have to sit through his "silencing your cell phone" bit before each new movie. Avoid
16 Blocks - I am basing this on what the special features it has to offer, which is not much sadly. This was a quality film from Willis, but not quite good enough to buy on a day where better DVD's are getting released. Worth a rent though. Avoid
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Now this is a good action movie. The Lethal Weapon director has made a funny, intriguing, and cool film. Buy
End of the Spear - A highly underrated film about a tribe ridding themselves of violence. Critics acted like this didn't exist, but it is truly a wonderful movie. Buy
Coach- The First Season - Finally another good show comes out on DVD. Hopefully they bring the seasons out quick enough for fans. Buy
Aquamarine - It is unfortunate, but I did not see this, and I'm sure I did not miss anything. Avoid
Dave Chappelle's Block Party (Unrated) - It comes down to which concert you like more Neil Young or Dave Chappelle. For me it was Neil Young, but this one was pretty good too. Buy
The Princess Bride-Dead Pirate Edition - I thought this was ok, but I know others loved it. This new edition has loads of special features to enjoy. It just never struck me as a film I'd watch again and again. Avoid
Walker, Texas Ranger-Season One - I must say I can't watch this show without thinking of the Conan O' Brien clips. Admit it, some of you are thinking of buying this. Avoid
Valley of the Dolls - A movie I have not seen yet, but maybe I should. The sequel is a popular B-movie that Roger Ebert helped write called Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. It also gets released this week. Avoid
The Critic's Quickee
The Break-Up - For the most part this was a fun movie, especially if you are a casual moviegoer, but if you want just a bit more in a summer blockbuster, this anti-romantic comedy does not have it. I did laugh at Vaughn and Favreau's comedy, but I had some problems with the bulk of this film. For starters, Vaughn's character just sits on the couch for the majority of the film and plays video games. This is just laziness on the filmmakers part because he sits on that couch just so Vaughn can get enough of his comedic stylings out. There were some parts that reminded me exactly of a normal couple fighting, and others that caused me to ask, "Why would people do this?" Lastly, the ending was terribly handled. I did enjoy myself, but I wanted The Break-Up to exceed my expectations, and it didn't. Final Rating = 6.5/10.0
Movie Dictionary: Word of the Week
Deadpan - Deadpan is a form of comedic delivery in which something humourous is said or done by a person, while not exhibiting a change in emotion or facial expression. Mark Twain is quoted as saying: "The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it." Buster Keaton, known as the "Great Stone Face", became famous for never cracking a smile in any of his films. Roger Moore, during his tenure as James Bond, was known for his deadpan delivery of one-liners found throughout the series, breaking the ice with humour in serious settings or vice versa. Bill Murray, most of his work entails him delivering overtly humorous lines with a genuine look of disinterest or indifference on his face. Bob Newhart is known for his deadpan delivery and his slight stammer, as featured on "The Bob Newhart Show" and "Newhart", and in classic standup routines. Rowan Atkinson is the English comedian famous for the characters "Mr. Bean" and "Blackadder." It should also be noted that dead-pan humour is widespread throughout Australia as a basic form of comedy.
Similarly, Unintentional humor is the act of making other people laugh without actually trying to. There are several different kinds of unintentional humor that arise out of various situations.
Based on the Trailer…
The Lake House - Call me corny, but I think this looks good for the most part. Reeves and Bullock are good together. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0
Little Miss Sunshine - This looks pretty funny to me with a nice cast in Steve Carell, Greg Kinnear, etc. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0
Monster House - This actually looks good to me. The trailer has some funny things in it, and I think children and grown ups would enjoy it. Trailer Rating= 7.5/10.0
Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties - This looks so dumb, and I love the Garfield comic. It just did not need a sequel period. Trailer Rating = 3.0/10.0
World Trade Center - A wonderful trailer in every way. This will not be like United 93, but it can still be good. I can't wait to see this trailer in the theater. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0
Miami Vice - Normally, I think remakes of TV shows are bad ideas, but Michael Mann looks to have cleared out the cobwebs, and used his own vision. I think this looks good. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0
Nacho Libre - The newest offering from the director of Napoleon Dynamite. Yippee. I generally enjoy Jack Black's films, but this looks so stupid. Trailer Rating= 5.0/10.0
Lady in the Water - I loved the teaser trailer to this with the music in the background, but this is much different. This movie still looks pretty interesting though. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.
Superman Returns - This film will be huge at the box office, but I am not sure it will be that great. The more I see this preview, the more doubts I have. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift - Another sequel with none of the original cast. These movies were all completely horrible, and this will be too. Trailer Rating=3.0/10.0
Clerks II - I look forward to any Kevin Smith film. This looks very funny, but I have doubts. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0
Click - Adam Sandler's new movie looks pretty good after watching this. The song in the trailer is good, and the plot looks intriguing. Trailer Rating= 8.5/10.0
Casino Royale- I had my doubts, but this Bond film looks to be damn good after looking at this. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0
Forgotten Hotties
Barbi Twins
Erika Eleniak
Christy Turlington
Other Stuff to Read
411 June Roundtable - Matthew Craggs gathers the readers thoughts on the June releases and more!
