Misunderstood Masterpieces: K-Pax

Posted by Will Helm on 06.13.2006

…or, Keyser Soze Is an Alien!?!

As demonstrated last week in the abominable Jaws: The Revenge, sometimes big-name stars – like Michael Caine – need to do what end up being terrible films for various reasons. Supposedly, the legend goes that Jaws: The Revenge bought Caine a very nice house. Good for him. Other stars lower their standards for money or to keep in the public eye or for myriad other reasons. Unfortunately, more often than not, these films become blemishes on long and storied careers . . . and usually become a point of reference when mocking said movie star.

Of course, many times it isn't necessarily the actor to blame for these missteps; they just happen to be the public face of a film. While the actors are lambasted for what appears to be an ill-thought career choice, the writers, directors, editors, and other filmmakers go scot-free. This is not to be anymore! In the next three movies, I shall study just what happens when lauded thespians end up in below par films, whether through choice or chance, and just why these films fail. As an added bonus, all three films feature a science-fiction flavor – and I've said many times just how I feel about science fiction.

The first film on the docket stars not one but TWO respected actors trying to save a science-fiction tinged melodrama through their dramatic powers. Unfortunately, it really doesn't work . . . but that isn't their fault. The two actors in question are the grossly underrated Jeff Bridges – who really deserves a good, Oscar-winning performance someday . . . after all, he was "The Dude" – and two-time Oscar-winner – and one of the two men who saved The Negotiator – Kevin Spacey. The film, as is probably obvious now, is 2001's K-Pax, based on the Gene Brewer novel of the same name. K-Pax, when released, faced critical apathy and, thus, ended up a surprising flop at the box office. One must wonder just how terrible a film could be if the combined prowess of Jeff Bridges and Kevin Spacey cannot salvage it . . . but wonder no more! It's finally time to find out if the critics were wrong and if Bridges and Spacey have provided yet another Misunderstood Masterpiece. Let's find out!

The first problem arises when, instead of proper opening credits, the screen just shows blurry lights. I guess the cameraman forgot to focus that day, so the editor just made a nice montage. It doesn't help that the background music sounds like something lifted from a medical drama, a la E.R. or House, M.D. Finally, the film begins proper – for the time being – as a homeless guy begs for money in the bowels of Grand Central Station. While pestering commuters, the homeless guy is amazed to see Kevin Spacey, bathed in white light, appearing as if from nowhere in front of him. So he comes like an angel to hopefully rescue the movie; good to know.

After Kevin Spacey acclimates himself to his surroundings, he tries to help an unfortunate mugging victim but, alas, the cynical and suspicious New York Police Department officers on duty hassle him. It doesn't help that Kevin Spacey sounds totally stoned throughout the scene; that never helps. Unsurprisingly, as Kevin Spacey does speak as if he is under the influence of heavy narcotics and he refuses to take off his mysterious sunglasses – provided by U2's Bono, by the way – the NYPD hauls him in . . . even though the kindly homeless guy tries to vouch for him. And then, as if they thought that they were missed, the opening credits continue again. Wait a second . . . the movie began without them finishing? That's new and different.

Meanwhile, in a probably completely fabricated mental hospital, some guy with a serious germ phobia chats with Dr. Mark Powell (Bridges). Dr. Powell, masterful psychiatrist that he is, just prescribes more medication for the guy and then tells him to try to sleep. I bet if he takes the medication, he'll definitely sleep; barbiturates are like that. After his session with the hypochondriac, Dr. Powell sees Kevin Spacey waiting for him in the hospital and then the Indian guy from Office Space (Ajay Naidu) – who must've become a doctor after INITECH burned down – gives him the facts of the case. Ah . . . there's nothing like exposition. Apparently, Kevin Spacey believes himself to be an alien and the fact that the medication has no effect on him supports that theory. Dr. Powell, like any great physician, is cynical to Spacey's claims.

Finally, after fifteen minutes of breathless waiting – one of the major problems with this film is the pacing; it hurries up to go nowhere – Dr. Powell and Kevin Spacey meet face-to-face and Spacey – who wishes to be known as "Prot" . . . with a long "o" – reveals that he knows random facts. And he really likes apples. While Prot believes that he's in the hospital because people think him crazy, Dr. Powell corrects him and merely refers to him as "ill." I'd say that's hedging your bets as to whether Prot is really an alien or not. Oh . . . have I said too much? Well, after the introductory notes, Prot states that he comes to Earth from the planet K-Pax, which resides in some far away galaxy and he traveled to Earth on a beam of light. Dr. Powell, apparently grounded in all sciences, argues with Prot about Einstein and the possibility of light-speed (or greater) travel. All of a sudden, in the midst of the conversation, Prot starts speaking Geonosian. Well, the Star Wars prequels are enough to make anyone go crazy, so it all makes sense now.

After the strange, alien-language interlude, Prot gets all weird – as if he wasn't already – and then he uses a bizarre analogy about a soap bubble to describe his own physical appearance on Earth. Prot, the mysterious alien, then begins scrawling notes in a notebook and he reveals his mission on Earth: he's there to observe evolution over the course of millions of years . . . even though he leaves and returns every few years or so. It's good that evolution is a long, drawn out process, so he can take breaks in his study. Unless he ends up in Kansas; then he'll learn something a bit different. After the session, Prot joins the rest of the inmates in the hospital and the germ guy questions him about various things. Prot's presence then piques the interest of the rest of the inmates, so Prot wins their affection by teaching them all astronomy for no particular reason.

That evening, Dr. Powell goes home to find his daughter clad in a leotard for no particular reason and then he takes the edge off the day by joking about Prot to his HOT CHICK wife (Mary McCormack). I might not be a respected physician, but I would think it's not proper to poke fun at your patients while at home. Meanwhile, Dr. Powell's wife just starts complaining to him about random things and, somehow, this leads into the apparent fact that Dr. Powell is a workaholic who doesn't pay attention to her. Well . . . maybe if she wouldn't complain all the time, Dr. Powell would take a moment to listen. Why does he have to be the bad guy?

Back at the hospital, Dr. Powell and his colleagues listen to Prot's interview on cassette tape and then they collaborate to try to come up with a proper diagnosis . . . unless Prot really is an alien. Then they're all just wrong. Somehow, in the span of twenty-five minutes or so, Dr. Powell has gone from cynical to obsessed with the case and, unfortunately, not skeptical enough regarding Prot's situation. Well, I know Prot's charismatic, but that's ridiculous. Later, in a session with Prot, Dr. Powell is amazed – and probably a bit disgusted – as Prot eats a whole unpeeled banana. Luckily, he does take bites, otherwise this would seem like a produce-inspired porno, because when one wants potassium, one wants it deep in the back of their throat. Dr. Powell, perhaps seeking a few clues into Prot's true identity – unless he really is an alien – asks about Prot's personal history; Prot, meanwhile, responds by describing – in detail – the act of procreation on K-Pax. Umm . . . I don't think that's what Dr. Powell wanted.

Prot then returns to the rest of the inmates to say "hello" and he watches as a reclusive one of their number abuses an intern with Jell-O. Prot, quizzical being that he is, visits her and she lets her hair down for him rather than pelting him with food products. She confesses that she's only angry because she's waiting for someone . . . for the past eighteen years. I have a feeling he's not coming. Later, Dr. Exposition – the guy from Office Space, specifically – visits Dr. Powell and he tells him that Prot, for reasons unexplained, can see in the ultraviolet spectrum! Dum-dum-DUM! With this information in mind, Dr. Powell darkens his office and, after Prot enters, he finally removes his mysterious sunglasses. Once more, Dr. Powell asks about K-Pax and Prot describes the strange alien society from which he comes . . . and then he talks down about humanity. Ooh . . . that's going to earn him some trouble!

That weekend, Dr. Powell has a barbecue and, happily, his wife isn't complaining as much. Maybe he prescribed a little something for her as well. Unfortunately for Dr. Powell, he didn't have a chance to drug his sister, who guilt trips the good doctor regarding his prodigal son from a previous marriage. Ah, there's nothing like melodramatic subplots! Dr. Powell, perhaps to get away from his shrewish sister, talks shop with his astronomer brother-in-law and Dr. Powell asks him about the possible existence of K-Pax. In particular, Dr. Powell wants to disprove the existence of K-Pax so that he can break through Prot's psychosis and find the man behind the alien. So Dr. Powell is cynical again? This is all so confusing so far.

Back at the hospital, one of Dr. Powell's patients (gifted character actor and Misunderstood Masterpieces veteran David Patrick Kelly) – who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder – has gone seemingly battier as he sits in front of a window and waits for the "bluebird of happiness" to appear . . . or so sayeth Prot. In fact, Prot told the OCD guy that this was one of the steps to a cure; I guess Prot was a psychiatrist back on K-Pax. Meanwhile, after Dr. Powell finishes with the OCD guy, he finds Prot and the germ guy outside . . . and the germ guy isn't terrified of his surroundings. After dismissing the germ guy, Dr. Powell scolds Prot for trying to be helpful. Prot, in response to Dr. Powell's verbal lashing, counters by becoming defensive and superior once again. The nerve of that alien! I bet he's here illegally too; someone tell Tom Tancredo.

Later, Dr. Powell's brother-in-law calls to provide some more exposition about astronomy. It seems that Prot's knowledge of the section of the universe where K-Pax supposedly resides is unknown to all except for a few learned astronomers . . . and Prot. Of course, Dr. Powell's brother-in-law thinks it's all a prank, but Dr. Powell knows the truth. Or at least he thinks he knows. Or he's cynical to knowing. Honestly . . . he has no clue. Afterward, Dr. Powell listens to more of Prot's tapes and then he shuts his office door on his wife and daughter as their piano lesson is annoying him. Really, I don't blame him; he has homework to do. Of course, I'm sure his wife will just complain about it later. That is all she seems to be good for so far.

Sometime after all this, Dr. Powell takes Prot out for a night on the town. Because nothing says "Welcome to Earth" like boozin' and whorin'. Anyway, instead of an evening of sin at the local gentlemen's club, Dr. Powell and Prot – who is somehow amazed by balloons and produce – head over to the city's planetarium. There, Dr. Powell's brother-in-law and some of his colleagues are waiting for Dr. Powell and Prot; perhaps they plan on kidnapping him and eviscerating him in the name of SCIENCE! Or they could just blind him; Thomas Dolby would be proud. The correct answer, in actuality, is "none of the above" as the astronomers, once inside the planetarium, ask Prot about K-Pax and light travel; Prot, since he is a higher, alien being – and, as such, condescending – messes with them . . . and then he uses a telestrator to map out K-Pax's orbit on the ceiling, much to the amazement to the astronomers.

Back at the hospital, the OCD guy finally sees the "bluebird of happiness"; unfortunately for him, it's actually a blue jay, but he doesn't take that into consideration when he freaks out. Due to the OCD guy's jubilance, the rest of the inmates go crazy . . . or crazier, as it were and then the film reaches a crescendo where it seems a musical number will break out at any moment. Because there just aren't enough mental-patient musicals. The OCD guy finally grabs Dr. Powell and shows him his glorious find; Dr. Powell, who must be in cynical mode once more, tells them all that it's just a blue jay and not actually a bluebird – though a blue jay is a "blue bird" in the non-specific sense – but to no avail. In the midst of the tumult, Prot tells the OCD guy something else; it's probably an order to kill Dr. Powell or something.

Sometime later, Prot plays chess with the germ guy and then another inmate asks to have a conversation with the mysterious would-be alien. This inmate wants to escape all because he used to be a doorman at the Plaza but he was fired because he thought people stank. Whether literally or figuratively, he can't be sure. Anyway, said inmate wants to accompany Prot back to K-Pax, but Prot bursts his bubble by telling him that he can only take one person back with him. Of course, after these chaos-causing interludes, Dr. Powell scolds Prot again for his interference, but Prot is unmoved because he's apparently leaving soon. First he has to go "up north" – he probably wants to see the Baseball Hall of Fame or something – and then he's leaving on the morning of July 27. Hmm . . . could it be another clue?

That night, Dr. Powell has a nightmare and then his wife wakes him up . . . and then she yells at him. If this were the way I'm treated at home, I'd have nightmares too. Dr. Powell, probably to escape his wife's tirade, dives into his work/obsession with Prot. I bet he wished he knew how to quit Prot. And I wish I knew how to give up obvious and over-used Brokeback Mountain jokes.

The next weekend, Dr. Powell's kids – or kid and some friends – play badminton and everyone's all abuzz because Prot is coming over! Whoa . . . I guess Dr. Powell wants a threesome. After a few minutes, Prot arrives and meets the family . . . and then he starts talking to the dog and translating for it. Umm . . . that was unexpected. And kind of silly. Over dinner, Prot goofs around with the kids and then he's seemingly amazed by lemonade and Frisbees.

Later in the day, Prot goes inside the house, where he studies Dr. Powell's stuff, including a mysterious picture of Scott Baio in a graduation robe. Dr. Powell's wife – who, for some reason, sounds like she's trying to seduce Prot – explains that the picture is Dr. Powell's estranged son . . . which is probably more than Dr. Powell ever wanted Prot to know. Dr. Powell's wife asks Prot about his lack of a family and then she tells him that she loves it even though she's in – apparently – an unhappy, loveless marriage. Yup . . . she's definitely seducing him. Back outside, Prot plays with Dr. Powell's daughter and then, in an absurd moment, water sprinklers make him freak out. After he returns to normal – through Dr. Powell's helpful intervention . . . which pretty much entailed turning off the sprinklers – Prot wants some apple pie. OK then.

At the hospital, Dr. Powell argues with a colleague of his (Alfre Woodard) about what to do with Prot. The colleague wants to lock Prot up in a padded room for the rest of his life; meanwhile, Dr. Powell wishes to hypnotize Prot and see what he can find out through regression therapy. Unfortunately, neither of them can do anything to Prot since he's missing because he went "up north." Of course, somehow this means that Dr. Powell is in trouble for losing a patient, even though it's fairly impossible to keep track of a patient who can travel on beams of light. If he's an alien, that is.

After three days, Dr. Powell finally finds Prot sitting in a tree. Luckily, he's not K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Supposedly, Prot went to Iceland, Greenland, and a few other cold places for no particular reason. Dr. Powell, perhaps at the end of his rope, finally gets truly skeptical of Prot's identity . . . and almost violently so. Well, he's been a terrible psychiatrist so far, so it wouldn't be surprising if he punched out Prot. Instead of knocking Prot unconscious – whether by a straight right or some lovely tranquilizers – Dr. Powell does the next best thing: he elects to hypnotize his mysterious alien patient.

Later, Dr. Powell hypnotizes Prot – like he said he's been going to do for the past ten minutes – and, for unexplained reasons, Prot starts talking like a little kid and he describes a funeral. Prot isn't the kid, however . . . he's still Prot but he has a telepathic connection to the kid. Weird. After the exposition-laden session concludes, Dr. Powell asks his secretary to investigate every rural slaughterhouse in the United States because Prot mentioned something about abattoirs in his regression. Meanwhile, the inmates have a meeting among themselves and, to be "helpful," the OCD guy proposes an essay contest to decide who accompanies Prot back to K-Pax. So does that mean that inmates are good for believe Prot is an alien or truly crazy because they believe Prot is an alien?

Once more, Dr. Powell hypnotizes Prot again, but Prot is being difficult this time. This session goes back to 1985 – Bowling for Soup would be proud – and Prot speaks like a Southerner for no particular reason. I guess he's having flashbacks to Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Prot describes some dull family drama . . . and then he fast-forwards to 1991 where his friend now works in a slaughterhouse and then Prot finally provides some specific evidence as to his friend's – or his – true past, mainly the fact that his friend has a wife and a daughter.

Back in the hospital proper, the OCD guy tries to kill the germ guy . . . which ends up giving the germ guy a near-death epiphany and it, shockingly, cures him. Of course, all this was Prot's idea . . . which is kind of creepy. Later that day, Dr. Powell studies artwork in his office for no particular reason . . . and then he hypnotizes Prot AGAIN! OK . . . I know the movie has to kill an hour, but this is ridiculous. Since it rushed for the first hour, now it has to make up time in the second and that's just bad time management. Anyway, this time Prot is on K-Pax on the day of July 27, 1996 . . . until his friend called him back. It seems that his friend was suicidal at the time and then, under hypnosis, Prot gets a bit violent but Dr. Powell calms him down before the interns come in and put him down like a lame horse. Dr. Powell then challenges Prot to tell him more information, but Prot just freaks out again, so Dr. Powell wakes him up.

Later that evening, Dr. Powell rides a train and gives a beggar some change. In the midst of doing all that, Dr. Powell finds and important clue: Prot's pencil! And, thanks to an area code imprinted on it, it leads Dr. Powell to New Mexico and, finally, Prot's friend's name and fate! Dum-dum-DUM! To investigate further, Dr. Powell heads down to New Mexico where the local sheriff – because there's only one in the entire state of New Mexico – provides exposition and then he takes Dr. Powell to a dilapidated shack in the wilderness. Somehow, through the exposition, Dr. Powell learns that, apparently, Prot's friend – or Prot himself – killed a drifter who murdered his wife and daughter! OK . . . so Prot is Keyser Soze? They do look awfully alike. I wonder if he knows about any barbershop quartets in Skokie, Illinois. On Prot's estate, Dr. Powell finds a swing and a sprinkler and he starts having flashbacks back to Prot's past and Dr. Powell's picnic earlier in the film. Finally, the sheriff tells Dr. Powell the shocking truth: Keyser "Prot" Soze's body was never found when he tried to drown himself!

Back in New York, Dr. Powell is haunted and disturbed by his findings; meanwhile, the inmates throw a "going away" party for Prot. In the midst of the party, Dr. Powell chats with Prot and they share a Scotch. In lieu of a big revelation – or telling Dr. Powell that he killed Keaton after all – Prot merely gives Dr. Powell some family advice and then he monologues for no particular reason. Dr. Powell, perhaps revealing himself to have a bit of a man-crush on Prot, wants Prot to stay on Earth . . . but then he gives Prot a new pencil as a "going away" present. Hmm . . . mixed messages there. Dr. Powell, perhaps just to be even more confusing, shows Prot Keyser Soze's high school yearbook and then, somehow, Prot catches Dr. Powell in some quizzical paradox. I get the awful feeling this film ran out of steam around where Prot freaked out at the sprinklers, but that's just me.

That night, Prot skillfully convinces the rest of the inmates to go to sleep early and then he tells the OCD guy to stay there and be prepared for anything . . . which probably should be profound, but it really isn't. Meanwhile, Dr. Powell rests in his office and his remarkably not complaining wife is there waiting for him and they seemingly reconcile – even though they really didn't have anything (or never explained anything) to reconcile about. Over the course of the night, everyone waits patiently for Prot to "leave"; meanwhile, Dr. Powell has a weird dream and wakes up late. I blame his wife.

Finally, the time comes for Prot to leave and he disappears . . . under his bed. Somehow, Prot is gone and Keyser Soze is left behind and catatonic. Oddly, the inmates – who are either remarkably observant or truly insane – don't recognize Keyser Soze as Prot . . . but they do realize that one recluse among their number is missing! She went with Prot to K-Pax . . . which makes absolutely no sense. So Prot is an invented personality who can make people disappear when he transforms back into Keyser Soze? My brain hurts. Sometime later, Dr. Powell reviews the "facts" of the case – if anything could be considered a fact to begin with – and he takes care of catatonic Keyser Soze. Finally, Dr. Powell reunites with his rebellious son . . . who isn't Scott Baio after all. Unless he's Keyser Soze!

Like many "bad" movies before it, the failures of K-Pax cannot be blamed on Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges, or any of the other actors starring in it – even though that is where the blame usually lies. They are innocent, however, as the faults and flaws of this movie fall squarely on the rest of the filmmakers involved. The movie itself is pointless and confusing with little to know resolution of the character of Prot in the end. It spends a good hour, if not more, setting up Prot as kindly alien and then he ends up an alternate persona of a catatonic murderer. That was certainly an unneeded dark turn; whether the original author or the screenwriter is to blame remains to be seen. In addition, the pacing of the film is atrocious, as it truly rushes to get to nowhere; the first hour quickly makes Prot a likable character and, instead of putting in touches of darkness along the way, the film just tears down the character in the second half with no rhyme or reason. Little did the filmmakers know, at the time, that these are the qualities of a Misunderstood Masterpiece.

Join me next week as I, along with another two-time Oscar winner, search for intelligent life in the universe . . . because evidently no intelligence was used in making the movie. See you then!