The Top 10 Essential B-Movies #10: No Holds Barred, Leprechaun, More
Posted by Chad Webb on 07.05.2006
If you enjoy B-movies, and even if you don't, please click here. You won't be dissapointed
The B-Movie Tidbit
Bruce Campbell, Chuck Norris, Shannon Tweed, Julie Strain, Steven Seagal, so on, and so forth. All of these names are associated with B-movies. The movies that are "so bad, they're good." We love this genre because it offers plots and storylines that are out of the norm. Filmmakers have a greater sense of freedom when they decide to make a B-film. These are films that viewers can have fun with. Complex films like Syriana are wonderful when one is in a certain mood, but occasionally you just need to relax, and enjoy the ride. For me, most of the B-movies I have grown to cherish are films that I grew up with, and first saw at an early age. I would suspect most people share that same sentiment. I have certain qualifications for a decent B-movie. It must have good action and/or excitement, adequate nudity, and funny one-liners. They must possess 1, preferably 2, out of three qualifications in order to be anything substantial. If all three are present, you're in for a good time.
Some people might stare at you as if you had 5 heads after telling them you enjoyed a certain B-film, but it doesn't matter to you because they have a special place in your heart. Perhaps it is a film that you and a group of friends just like to watch to make fun of it. Hell, Mystery Science Theater 3000 was a television show based on poking fun at B-movies. Whatever reason, B-movies are not adored by everyone, but the loyal fans let those negative comments roll off their backs because they take us to new worlds and ignite our imaginations. This feature will prove that there is a particular niche for every type of movie, no matter how bad, or how good.
In this top ten countdown, some of the 411 movie zone staff have decided to share their top ten essential B-movies with you the readers. We will start by looking at every staff members 10th pick first, and then 9th, and so on. At the bottom of each list you will see an honorable mention film that does not appear anywhere on the countdown. The 411 writers that are participating in this countdown are as follows:
Leonard Hayhurst He knows everything about movies I think. He is the man, and he also writes the Ask 411 Movies column.
Bryan Kristopowitz Besides contributing regular movie reviews, Bryan also writes the What?!!-This-Column!?? , which is about television, movies, and stuff.
Matthew Craggs This guy does just about everything there is to do in the movie section from reviews to the monthly roundtables, and most recently 411 Fact or Fiction.
Ryan Latimer He hasn't been around lately as much as he usually is, but he's cool anyway, so we'll let him participate.
Ben Moser Ben's news report has been moved to Wednesdays now. He brings to you the Doctor in the Hallway news column.
10. Nemesis
Starring: Olivier Gruner, Tim Thomerson, and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
Directed By: Albert Pyun
1993
Bryan Kristopowitz
Olivier Gruner plays "Alex Rain," a cyborg cop in the Los Angeles of the future, a Los Angeles run by robots and under siege from a band of human resistance fighters. Or something. The flick is basically incomprehensible from start to finish (but to its credit it is the most coherent of the four "Nemesis" movies Albert Pyun made. And the most watchable. Parts 2-4 feature some lesbian female bodybuilder with a laser sight knife fighting black blurs and the head of Andrew Divoff. Did Al really think people wanted to see that woman naked? And wasn't one bit there actually a man doing some stunt nakedness for the lesbian female bodybuilder? What the hell were you thinking, Al?). What "Nemesis" does do well is butt kicking gun play and brutal kung fu fights. Gruner is absolutely iconic (or at least he should be) as Alex Rain, from the trench coat (yeah, he's doing a bit of Chow Yun Fat) to the sunglasses to the two handguns to the wicked sequence where Rain cuts a hole in the floor with a machine gun and falls through, cutting a hole in every subsequent floor as he goes down to the ground floor. Tim Thomerson and the late, great Brion James also show up as bad guys with machine guns, gunning for Rain, and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa playing an Asian guy (a real stretch there). Yeah, the movie has some cheesy special effects, but somehow Pyun manages to keep the movie watchable throughout. If only the flick had a little more money, a little better script, it would make more sense. And for you gals out there, the kind that like guys, can watch for the shlong of Thomas Jane in the hotel scene where he's naked with that cyborg woman.
10. Bubba Ho-Tep
Starring: Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, and Ella Joyce
Directed By: Don Coscarelli
2002
Leonard Hayhurst
A geriatric Elvis (Bruce Campbell in a magnificent performance) teams up with a black man who thinks he's John F. Kennedy (the late Ossie Davis) to fight an Egyptian mummy turned redneck in a Texas nursing home. Doesn't that just sound like the best movie ever? It's based on a short story by Joe Lansdale that was originally included in a collection of tales about the dead Elvis.' I highly recommend the DVD commentary by Bruce Campbell, which is dead on Elvis in attitude and dialogue. Campbell doesn't do a great vocal or physical impression of Elvis, but he captures his spirit and style better than most anyone I've ever seen. It's not the all out comedy and parody you think it would be. It's actually a very clever and moving recitation on death, aging and the perils of fame.
10. Leprechaun
Starring: Warwick Davis Jennifer Aniston, and Ken Olandt
Written/Directed By: Mark Jones
1993
Ryan Latimer
"Leprechaun" may very well be the first bad comedy disguised as a bad horror film I'd ever had the pleasure of seeing as a youngster. Why I was watching such garbage at such a young age is another topic for another day, but that doesn't change the fact that "Leprechaun" was an early favorite in my soon-to-be long list of bad horror flicks, which funny enough would help shape the list you're seeing today and fully develop my love for scary movies. It's my opinion that the very makers of the movie weren't taking themselves terribly serious anyway -- any horror film that features a scene where the would-be victims toss dirty shoes at the villain in order to escape can't possibly smell it's own cooking. Jennifer Aniston, why are you so ashamed of this one?
10. Cannibal! The Musical
Starring: Dian Bachar, Stephen Blackpool, and Stan Brakhage
Written/Directed By: Trey Parker
1996
Ben Moser
Before there was South Park, there was Cannibal!. I'd like to say that I knew about this before Parker and Stone's construction paper children made them big. I can't say that, and anyone who does say that is almost certainly a liar. The movie is based on the story of Alfred Packer, the only man in US history to be convicted of cannibalism. It is also, of course, a pretty serviceable musical. And it's hilarious. No one believed in this flick except B-movie icons Troma Entertainment. With songs that are surprisingly catchy and glimpses of voices that would later become South Park characters, you could do a lot worse than to drop some money on this DVD and enjoy a shpladoinkle movie. You'll enjoy it more if you do some research on the life of Alfred Packer before-hand. Trust me, it will ruin nothing.
10. LEXX
Starring: Brian Downey, Eva Habermann, and Michael McManus
Directed By: Bruce McDonald, Stephen Manuel, and Stefan Roniwicz
1997
Matthew Craggs
To me Lexx is like Napoleon Dynamite. The dialogue may not be funny, but the characters are so well defined that everything they say is funny because it is in character. This method becomes very evident in the following series. Kai is a 2000 year old warrior, Zev is a half woman half lizard, 790 is a robot head that is in love with her, and Stanley Tweedle is the new pilot of a giant bug. Add in some sexual innuendo and you have campy goodness.
10. No Holds Barred
Starring: Hulk Hogan, Joan Severance, and Kurt Fuller
Directed By: Thomas J. Wright
1989
Chad Webb
I know what you're thinking. How in the world could he enjoy this? When I was a kid, seeing the first Hulk Hogan film was wonderful. He was my hero as a child, and I was proud to be a Hulkamaniac every single Sunday when Wrestling Superstars was on. No Holds Barred is not very good, but what I enjoyed about it was the fact that it was one big wrestling storyline compiled into a dreadfully awesome film. I think this is one of Hogan's better offerings as an actor. I hated all of the family film trash he created. His name is Rip, and he even has the hand signal to go along with this character. This movie was made for all the little Hulkamaniacs at the time, and I appreciate that even today. Kurt Fuller plays a hilariously exaggerated manager, Brell, of the World Television Network, and who can forget Zeus as Rips arch nemesis. If you were a kid watching this, Zeus was Hogan's most powerful villain. I liked the Zeus character in the movie, and thought it was great when he actually took part in matches. When you are a kid, you don't care about match quality, and you weren't harsh on certain films. You cared about excitement, and No Holds Barred gave that to me.
Honorable Mention
Assault on Precinct 13
Starring: Austin Stoker, Darwin Joston, and Laurie Zimmer
Written/Directed By: John Carpenter
1976
These picks looked pretty good. I really need to see Bubba Ho-Tep. It looks hilarious. Thanks for reading, and make sure to keep tuning in!
