The Top 10 Essential B-movies #9: Suburban Commando, Death Race 2000, More
Posted by Chad Webb on 07.06.2006
The countdown chugs along with #9.
The B-Movie Tidbit
In case anyone was wondering about the definition and history about B-movies were, I will give it to you here.
The term B-movie originally referred to a Hollywood motion picture designed to be distributed as the "lower half" of a double feature, often a genre film such as a Western "cowboy" film, a gangster movie, or a horror film. In the 1930s and 1940s, during the age of the "studio system," this also gave rise to the practice of referring to "A-list" or "B-list" stars.
The major studios had "B-units" that made their B-movies. These B-units provided a function analogous to a "farm team" in professional sports, in that they provided a testing ground and training opportunities for new talent. In addition, there were small studios such as Republic Pictures and Monogram Pictures which specialized in making B-movies. Some actors made a career out of acting in B-movies, such as Ronald Reagan. When the "Golden Age of Hollywood" came to an end, it took the studio system with it, and double features — the raison d'être of the B-movie — became a rarity.
The B-movie industry has had an important role in the film industry, because it created an additional point of entry into the film industry. Directors such as Jonathan Demme and John Sayles learned their craft in B-movies, and the B-movie industry provided work for émigré directors from Europe such as Fritz Lang and Edgar Ulmer during the period when they were still unknown to North American audiences. As well, actors such as Jack Nicholson and John Wayne got their start in B-movies. B-movies also provided work for former A-movie actors whose careers were on the downturn, such as Vincent Price.
9. Dead Heat
Starring: Treat Williams, Joe Piscopo, and Lindsay Frost
Directed By: Mark Goldblatt
1988
Bryan Kristopowitz
Mark Goldblatt, film editor extraordinaire, makes his directorial debut with this buddy cop zombie action horror flick that's just bizarre enough to work. Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo play LA police detectives investigating a string of robberies that are being apparently committed by men who are technically dead, or so it seems. The investigation leads the detectives to a research company run by Darren McGavin. In the midst of an attack by a 400 pound biker with three faces, Williams' Roger Mortis gets pushed into a vacuum room and suffocated. He's dead. A dejected Piscopo and medical examiner/love interest (Randi James) find a machine in the complex that reanimates the dead. So Piscopo and James reanimate Treat and bring him back to continue the investigation. But there's a wrinkle. Treat doesn't have that much time. Eventually, he's going to decompose to nothing. So how much time does Treat have before he's forever dead? Will the mystery be solved? You've got a head on crash into a zombie jewel thief, head shots galore, a great melting woman gag, point blank dueling Uzis, reanimated psycho poultry, a rampaging slab of cow, an absolutely terrific ambulance crash with Shane Black cameo, and Vincent Price as Vincent Price in a white suit. Darren McGavin has the great line "You bastards aren't going to take me!" and Piscopo… well, from what this reviewer has read, most of his one liners were ad libbed. Some work, some don't, but the movie wouldn't be the same without them. And this is one of Treat Williams' best performances. It's too bad this wasn't the flick that lead to a franchise (this reviewer isn't saying the three "The Substitute" sequels Treat did weren't good, they're just not "Dead Heat" good). The flick would probably have a better reputation if the studio, New World Pictures, didn't implode soon after its release.
9. Suburban Commando
Starring: Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, and Shelley Duvall
Directed By: Burt Kennedy
1991
Ryan Latimer
Anyone child who claims they weren't a Hulkamaniac back in the 80s and early 90s is either lying or was a total dweeb outcast spazz. "Suburban Commando" was my generations first Hulk movie, "No Holds Barred" being years a few years prior and too dark (if not unintentionally terrible). Unlike "Barred," "Commando" was supposed to be a dumb family film. Plot, characters or direction mattered not. As long as Hulk showed up, delivered a few one-liners and clocked a few baddies with his metal space fist, we kidz was a happy bunch, brother. Hulk may have been a step or two away from becoming a self parody and completely worthless in the wrestling business, but we were 10 at the time, not quite the cynical Internet wise@$$es were are now. Christopher Lloyd has done far worse.
9. Death Race 2000
Starring: David Carradine, Sylvester Stallone, and Simone Griffeth
Directed By: Paul Bartel
1975
Leonard Hayhurst
From 1975 and produced by Roger Corman, we have a bleak near future where citizens are galvanized by a cross country auto race. The catch is that the drivers score bonus points by mowing down pedestrians and some even sacrifice themselves to their favorite driver. All of the drivers have certain themes, including gangster Machine Gun Joe (Sylvester Stallone), cowgirl Calamity Jane (Mary Woronov), Roman Nero the Hero (pimpmaster Martin Kove), Nazi Grace Pander (Joyce Jameson, with sidekick US Congressman Fred Grandy from "Love Boat") and masked monstrosity Frankenstein (David Carradine). Each driver has a navigator/sex slave. Frankenstein gets a new girl named Annie (Simone Griffith) who is secretly working for a group that wants to undermine the race and kill the US President. Frankenstein reveals that he is not the original driver, he keeps getting killed and they keep replacing him. He too wants to end the barbaric race and wants to win so he can shake hands with the President and end both their lives with a grenade he has sewn into his fake hand. A hand grenade…get it? Carradine and Stallone have a fight in a garage, which you would think would rock, but not with stunt doubles. It's considered a cult classic, but it's more bizarre and laughingly low budget. It's worth seeing for the oddity of it.
9. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Starring: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, and Barry Bostwick
Directed By: Jim Sharman
1975
Matthew Craggs
I saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show when I was a young kid unfamiliar with Rocky Horror: the cultural phenomenon. I watched it on television one afternoon and was captivated, not by the costumes, spectacle, or way audiences knew each line when it was screened in theatres. I loved the songs. Sweet Transvestite, Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me, Damn It Janet, Time Warp, and all the rest of the tunes were performed with an electricity that came out of the screen, grabbed you by the neck, dressed you up in leather and hooked your nipples up to a car battery. Then, when you were driving home, you smiled to yourself because it was just what you needed. History aside, Rocky Horror gets me pumped up every time.
9. Prom Night 3: The Last Kiss
Starring: Tim Conlon, Cynthia Preston, and David Stratton
Directed By: Ron Oliver and Peter R. Thompson
1990
Ben Moser
This movie is awful. But it's the kind of awful that gets under your skin and makes you chuckle with glee. The original Prom Night was a trite whodunnit type of "it could happen" horror. I'll confess that I've never been able to track down part 2. I first saw part 3 as a part of USA's Up All Night once upon a sleepless middle school night. It's the story of a ghost named Mary Lou Maloney who seduces an average high school kid into assisting her with body disposal after her marginally clever murders are committed. When I say marginally clever, I mean for you to think of Mary Lou as an attractive Freddy Kreuger around parts 4 and 5 of the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise. Throw in a girlfriend with a fantastically lame catch phrase("I don't get mad. I bake"), some high school archetypes, and a trip to a high school prom in hell to make for a movie that will make your guilty pleasures list for years to come. You'll never hear the national anthem the same way again.
9. The Good Son
Starring: Macaulay Culkin, Elijah Wood, and David Morse
Directed By: Joseph Ruben
1993
Chad Webb
When audiences first met him, he was left Home Alone, and when he grew up he became a Party Monster, but in between he was The Good Son in his most kick ass role ever. Obviously, I am talking about Macaulay Culkin, and to be honest if the Henry Evans character got into a fight with Damien from The Omen, it would be no contest. He made all other evil children look like cardboard cutouts in a high school play. Does anyone remember what he did to that dog, or how about Mr. Highway? Elijah Wood was the perfect pick for the son who is all wholesome and sweet. The one part that stands out about this film was the glaring and piercing look in Culkin's eyes as he prepared to do something horrendous. If nothing else, this film showed Culkin's fabulous range as a young star at the time. This is a thrilling, disturbing, and exhilarating story from start to finish. This also featured David Morse, Wendy Crewson, and Macaulay's real life brother and sister. While the ending is silly, the bulk of The Good Son is fantastic. Come one people, to hear Culkin swearing at the time was shocking.
Honorable Mention
Walking Tall
Starring: Joe Don Baker, Elizabeth Hartman, and Gene Evans
Directed By: Phil Karlson
1973
I hope Hulk Hogan reads this, and sees that his movie career is appreciated by some. With the sequels, and remake that the original Walking Tall spawned; I had to put it on here. Thanks for reading. Make sure to come back for #8. (definition provided by Wikipedia.org)
