The Top 10 Essential B-Movies #7: Cool As Ice, Ernest Scared Stupid, More
Posted by Chad Webb on 07.10.2006
Yes, that's right, Vanilla Ice made his way onto this countdown.
The B-Movie Tidbit
Here is a little more history on B-Movies.
In the 1930s and 1940s, the term B-movie had narrow definition: a genre film making up the "lower half" of a double feature. While screening double features became less common after this "golden age of Hollywood," the term "B-movie" continued to be used, albeit with a broader sense that referred to any low-budget commercial film that used lesser-known actors (B-actors), formulaic plots and "stock" characters and themes. While B-movies were professionally-made commercial products, the lower budgets, lower degree of oversight by studio managers, and diminished focus on box office returns allowed B-movie directors to take more creative risks.
This was especially true in the years following World War II, the Eisenhower era, During this period, movies with big budgets and top stars were often conservative and conventional ("Around the World in Eighty Days", "The Greatest Show on Earth") while B-movies explored a wider range of themes that touched on the 1950s xenophobic anxieties and fears of atomic radiation, such as ("The Thing from Another World" and "It Came from Outer Space"). The most creative B-movie directors influenced filmmaking in the A-movie system. Some 1950s B-movies, especially in the science fiction and horror genres, are still popular among film buffs today.
One of the major producers of B-movies was American International Pictures (AIP), a US company founded in 1956 by James H. Nicholson and Samuel Z. Arkoff. Its films include works by Roger Corman, Vincent Price, Herman Cohen and the early efforts of then-unknown figures such as Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese, Robert De Niro, and Jack Nicholson.
Roger Corman is often credited as being "King of the B's," although Corman claims that he was not technically a B-movie director, because B-movies (in the 1930s and 1940s sense of the term) had died out by the time he began directing. Instead, Corman describes his films as "low-budget exploitation films." Corman has made over 350 films, and as of 2005, he was still creating new movies.
7. April Fool's Day
Starring: Jay Barker, Pat Barlow, and Lloyd Berry
Directed By: Fred Walton
1986
Ben Moser
Kids in an old mansion on an island with no outside communication find themselves dying and no one knows whose to blame. Well-worn territory? Yes. Awesome movie? Absolutely. It has all the fun of a horror movie combined with all the twists of a mystery. That's right, a B-movie with completely workable twists. You don't see it coming but don't feel cheated when it happens. You can see the pieces come together on repeat viewings and relish it all. I'm amazed at the reactions I get when I make people watch this, my favorite being "Ben, this wasn't a horror movie. It was good." To be honest, the box alone is worth the price of the DVD. The fact that the movie inside is so incredibly good is just a bonus.
7. Cool As Ice
Starring: Vanilla Ice, Kristin Minter, and Deezer D
Directed By: David Kellog
1991
Matthew Craggs Cool as Ice doesn't make the list because it is good, because it isn't. It doesn't the list because it is particularly insightful, because it isn't. Vanilla Ice's debut feature makes the list because it is so bad that you can't help but laugh the entire way through. I know people like to say that about bad movies, but it has never been so true as with Cool As Ice. Tool Vanilla Ice in a very loose remake of Rebel Without A Cause? Forget about it! At one point Ice finds a gang of thugs taking a baseball bat to his friends motorcycle. "Yo, that's my homeboy's bike!" he tells them. "Homeboy this," the leader responds, and takes the bat to the bike.
7. X: The Man with X ray Eyes (1963)
Starring: Ray Milland, Harold J. Stone, and Don Rickles
Directed By: Roger Corman
1963
Leonard Hayhurst
Ray Milland is a scientist experimenting with the power of human eyesight. He devises a potion that when applied to the eyes allows one to see in spectrums they couldn't before, like ultra-violet light. As often happens in such cases, his funding is cut off and Milland is forced to experiment on himself. Thrilled with his initial results, he applies more of the lotion to find that he can now see through buildings and clothing. However, his sight continues to increase to the point where he can see through people and for great distances. Milland accidentally kills his friend and is on the run from the law. He winds up as a circus side show freak, now unable to sleep because he can see through his eyelids. Looking for money to fund his research to a cure, he goes to Vegas and uses his power to see through cards and slot machines to tell which ones are about to hit. The casino bosses sense something up and stop Milland as he's leaving the building. In the scuffle, his thick sunglasses are knocked off to reveal black eyes with pale white irises. Milland runs from the law and winds up at a revival meeting in the desert, his eyes now all black. In a very chilling climax, Milland announces that he can see straight through the earth to the center of the universe and that there is something there staring back at him. A preacher tells him, "if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out!" And…well, I'll stop there. Thanks to Milland's nuanced performance and the light touches in the narrative this is a cut above the standard low budget horror movie of the period and speaks to the intelligence and creativity that Roger Corman infused all of his works as a director and producer.
7. Ernest Scared Stupid
Starring: Jim Varney, Eartha Kitt, and Austin Nagler
Directed By: John R. Cherry III
1991
Ryan Latimer
The best Halloween movie ever made, and I kid you not. The "Troll" movies wish they could be this clever. Ernest, America's all purpose idiot and accidental savior, fights an evil hundreds-year-old troll with his gang of grade school kids in a giant tree house built in the back yard of an old witch with a blow torch. The weapon of weakness? Milk. Or miak, if you ask Ernest. But he gets it right sooner than later. But not before sharing a dance with the little bastard and kissing his snotty nose. Now come on, EAT MIAK AND DIE.
7. The Punisher
Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Louis Gossetr Jr, and Jeroen Krabbe
Directed By: Mark Goldblatt
1989
Bryan Kristopowitz
Mark Goldblatt's second directorial effort, "The Punisher," based on the Marvel Comics character, is a much maligned flick because it strays from the comic, meaning the Frank Castle we see doesn't wear the iconic white skull on his chest. It was something that annoyed me when I first saw it, but the amazing performance by the very underrated Dolph Lundgren makes up for the omission. This is an action movie featuring plenty of stunts, gunplay, and brutal neck snapping fights. Its crammed story feels a bit awkward (there's enough story here for three movies) and you do wonder how many times the bad guys can capture the most notorious slayer of Mafioso and not just kill him on the spot, and then there's the whole thing on why Louis Gossett, Jr. is even in this movie (the thought passes, though, when you realize he did do those "Iron Eagle" sequels) but the dark, insane energy Goldblatt infuses makes the movie work. Jeroen Krabbe does a good job as the Italian mafia head Gianni Franco , and Kim Miyori does the same as the Yakuza head lady Tanaka (she gets the great "sheep screwing" line and wears that pinky thimble thing to scratch Dolph's nipples) and the score isn't bad, either. You will be humming it by the end.
"Come on God. Answer me. For years I've been asking you why, why are the innocent dead and the guilty alive? Where is justice? Where is punishment? Or have you already answered, have you already said to the world here is justice, here is punishment, here… in me." Dolph Lundgren
Booyah all the way. And way better than Thomas Jane prancing around as Frank Castle in that travesty released in 2004. The Punisher needs to be super violent. Tom didn't do it.
7. Purgatory
Starring: Sam Shepard, Eric Roberts, and Randy Quaid
Directed By: Uli Edel
1999
Chad Webb
Plenty of westerns can be considered B-movies, and this one is no different. This movie first appeared as a made for TV movie, but it quickly found its way to DVD. In my book, that makes it a B-movie. What captured my attention with this story was the ingenious plot. After a bank robbery gone bad, Blackjack Britton and his pals ride into a town that lies between Heaven and Hell, called Purgatory. The sheriff does not carry a gun, and no one is allowed to swear. The odd thing about this town is that it is comprised of legendary gunfighters like Wild Bill Hickock, Doc Holiday, and more. One of the young members of Blackjack's gang realizes this. When Blackjack's gang starts trouble, the sheriff must decide on what is right. This stars Sam Shepard, Eric Roberts, Randy Quaid, and Donnie Wahlberg. It is a superb western with a wonderful ending that has gone incredibly overlooked. I do understand why it never had a run in theaters, but I wish more people knew about it. This was nominated for an Emmy, and if you look on IMDB.com, it has a pretty high rating for a TV film on that site. I recommend checking it out if you have the opportunity.
Honorable Mention
Bride of Chucky
Starring: Jennifer Tilly, Brad Dourif, and Katherine Heigl
Directed By: Ronny Yu
1998
To say I'm shocked that Vanilla Ice is on here would be an understatement. It took some guts on Matt's part. See ya next time. (History provided by Wikipedia.org.)
