Doctor in the Hallway News Report 07.05.06

Posted by Ben Moser on 07.05.2006

Hulk, He-Man, Giant Robots, and...Ben Stiller?!?!?! Read it here. While waving a flag, if you must.

The Fourth of July has come and gone. I spent the extended weekend at my parents' house because it was close to the beach and free lodging. During that time, I learned that I could still be shamed into helping my father with yardwork.

Let's get this news going, with 40% more patriotism!


I must break you...

John Woo has decided that going home and making movies with Chow Yun-Fat is more important than getting on with the upcoming live-action movie based on He-Man. This puts the project on hold indefinitely. (source: Dark Horizons)

I know that many of you are confused by the need for a new He-Man movie. I know I am. What story could possibly be told to add onto the Dolph Lundgren masterpiece featuring an Arquetteless Courney Cox? Well, some "purists" have insisted on having Orko in the movie. Allow yourself a moment's time to laugh and scoff at those particular fans, as they will indefinitely have to wait for a live-action Orko. In the meantime, the rest of us can hold our heads(and our power rad Gwildor action figres) up high.

disclaimer: Ben Moser does not now, nor shall he ever own a Gwildor action figure


It's not like the word 'remake' is golden anyway guys...

Gwyneth Paltrow will play Ben Stiller's brand new bride in the upcoming movie Seven Day Itch. The movie, a remake of The Heartbreak Kid, is about a man who finds the girl of his dreams while on his honeymoon. The Farrelly brothers will direct, and have changed Paltrow's character to be less sympathetic than she was in Neil Simon's original screenplay. (source: Dark Horizons)

Let's you and I have a frank little talk. Should the Farrelly brothers really be messing with something that Neil Simon wrote? Do they actually need to say that this is a remake of anything? I'm certain the premise will be the same, but from there it will be Ben Stiller embarrassing himself and falling down a lot in between some well-placed dick-and-fart jokes. You know it, I know it, and the American people know it.

I do suppose that some character-changing is needed, though. It'd be a shame if the audience felt any sympathy for a girl whose husband is trying to get with a new girl before the honeymoon is out. By the by, Michelle Monaghan is the lucky lady who gets to turn Stiller's attention away from Paltrow.

vs.
These two shall compete for the affection of a guy who will likely fall off of a roof and burn his testicles in the same movie.


I've been working out, you should see my pecs(see what I did there?)

Brad Fuller, producer, wants everyone to know that his upcoming The Birds project will not be a remake of Hitchcock's classic. From the man himself: "We're not remaking Hitchcock's movie. That movie stands on its own and it is a wonderful piece of filmmaking. It's a very difficult thing to say, 'We're remaking a Hitchcock film'. What was interesting to us was that the short story the Hitchcock film was based on was chock full of stuff that Hitchcock didn't use in his film. And so we went to those things and that's the basis of our film. It's the same title because it's based on the same short story but we don't have characters like what they have. The concept of birds, certainly, that's the core of the movie but the situations and the plot come from the short story not from the Hitchcock film."

See there, brothers Farrelly? You can work from the same ideas without calling it a remake. As a matter of fact, he may have actually pulled a muscle trying to explain how it's not at all a remake of any movie Hitchcock ever made. Ever. Fuller did not mention whether or not any ejaculation jokes would be added to the story, however.


Autobots! Transform and get me a danish!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you proof that Autobots are lazy. That proof? Bumblebee lying down on the job. You wouldn't see Thundercracker or Skywarp engaging in this kind of sloth. No sir.


This is embarrassing. Maybe if I don't move, no one will notice


How to make comic book movies better in two easy steps

Fantastic Four director Tim Story has shot down internet rumors that Vin Diesel will be chroming it up to play the Silver Surfer in the upcoming sequel. Instead, it seems that the Surfer will be CGI-based. (source: Ain't it Cool News)

Apparently, Story is pretty sure that a CGI animation is a much better actor than ol' Vinnie. I think it's a good call.


Galactus and Vin Diesel can both eat me!

Also, to add to the idea that the next Hulk flick will be a do-over rather than a sequel, Eric Bana will not be playing Banner. They're still up in the air about whether or not to have Banner portrayed by a CGI animation. Although, if they really wanted to get away from the first Hulk movie they would have a CGI Banner and a human Hulk. If only we could find a monosyllabic meat-head with an open dance card….

Paging Mr. Diesel…


This week's SNAKES ON A PLANE hype

You know, when you don't even have to write your own puns it must be your day. Enjoy the newest SNAKES ON A PLANE poster by clicking here.


That'll do it for this week

Enjoy your 3-day work week and don't do anything I wouldn't do...