411 Fact or Fiction Movies 07.07.06: Week 38

Posted by Matthew Craggs on 07.07.2006

Chad Webb and Steve Vicious talk Pirates, box office, Star Jones, CNN and Rob Schnieder’s impending doom in week 38 of Fact or Fiction.

Greetings and welcome to Fact or Fiction. Before we get started, I want to send a message to Roger Ebert: Get well soon! For those who don't know, Mr. Ebert underwent, as the Chicago Sun Times said, "emergency surgery to repair complications from an earlier cancer surgery." Every Friday I get up, check 411 Fact or Fiction (naturally) and head over to the official Ebert site to read his take on the week's new releases. Thankfully, he is in stable but serious condition and is expected to be back in the balcony. Ebert and Roeper at the Movies has six weeks of shows taped, however, so we won't miss him on television.

This week we have Chad Webb, the man behind the 411 B Movie feature. He also provides your Big Screen Bulletin and writes a lot of movie reviews. Oh, and two words: Forgotten Hotties.

His opponent is Steve Vicious. Vicious does your Vicious TV Wrap. Actually, scratch that. The TV Wrap is currently in its off season, but he still writes some damned fine DVD reviews.

Now let's get it on:

1. Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest will match the first film in quality.

Webb: FACT. I think it will definitely be as good as the first. I'm betting on it being more enjoyable than the first one. This film will be a sure hit in my opinion. To me, it is the new trilogy that moviegoers can look forward to like Star Wars and/or Indian Jones. It isn't on par with them yet, but I'm hoping it will be in years to come. Pirates has terrific cast led by the invincible Johnny Depp. On top of that, the plots are intriguing and original. This has all the necessary ingredients to be something special.

Vicious: FICTIONN. I'm always doubtful of sequels, so I'm going to go with a Fiction on this one. The first Pirates film was quite a pleasant surprise and I think that was one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much. When I come into a film with certain expectations, whether they're high or low, I always end up feeling disappointed in the end no matter what (see, Superman Returns, Silent Hill, The Ring Two, The Punisher, Spider-Man 2). I'm expecting Pirates 2 to be decent and I'll leave it at that.

Score: 0 for 1

2. Hollywood is scared. Since the first weekend in May, box office revenues have climbed 2 percent over last summer, while attendance is down 1 percent. Despite the box office panic of the past couple of years, this news ultimately means nothing.

Webb: FICTION. I think things are gradually going to get worse and worse in years to come. More and more people I talk to just don't have the money to go to the movies. The news might not mean a lot right now, but I do think this news proves the problem will only get bigger. I usually go to showtimes that would normally packed, and honestly, the only film this year that was jam packed was The Da Vinci Code. People are growing tired of spending so much for ticket (and the food and drink) when they can wait for a short period of time and just rent the movie.

Vicious: FACT. It's funny that the revenue is up because I have noticed, at least in my neck of the woods, that movie tickets have increased in price over the past year. I'm still unsure whether Hollywood should go into full panic, but I would say no right now. However, Superman Returns' disappointing box office performance last week was shocking and it left me wondering where the WB went wrong. It had a huge marketing machine behind it and the reviews were decent. I mean, War of the Worlds made tons of money last summer and it sucked ass! I guess my judgment on the box office will not be complete until I see what Pirates 2 earns this weekend.

Score: 0 for 2

3. CNN is being criticized for interviewing Angelina Jolie, a celebrity, but network chief Jonathan Klein is right in saying, "I don't know any news organization that would not have talked to [her]."

Webb: FACT. Truthfully, this is the first I have heard of this. Maybe I am out of the loop, but the fact that she was on CNN doesn't bother me that much. I don't really tune into that channel as often as I should. After reading about the whole thing online, I understand why some people got a little aggravated. It does seem like sort of a turning point in terms of CNN history, but I will say that I agree with Klein to a point. I'm sure many other news organizations would have interviewed her.

Vicious: FACT. First off, I was not bothered by Angelina Jolie being interview on CNN because it was on Anderson Cooper 360. I would have preferred that she do the interview with Larry King, but I guess they want to give Cooper the rub since he's been getting very popular this year. Let's face it, FOX News, MSNBC, ABC, NBC and anyone else would have conducted an interview with her over everything that is going on in her life. Plus, the news is boring.

Score: 1 for 3

Switching it up, boss.

4. You are looking forward to the Jackass sequel.

Vicious: FACT. I laughed my ass off at the first Jackass film and I was always a fan of the show, so I am definitely looking forward to the sequel.

Webb: FICTION. I think this show is funny like once or twice, but not more than that. The same stupid stunts are funny repeatedly. Once you see these idiots do horrible things to themselves a couple times, it starts to get old. At least, that's what I think. There are so many better movies being releases in the future. I really could care less about this one. I'm sure I will see it just to out of curiosity, but I'm not looking forward to it at all.

Score: 1 for 4

5. Star Jones made a sleazy move when she deviated from the script and announced her departure from The View on live television.

Vicious: FACT. Absolutely. Star Jones-Reynolds is absolutely out of her freaking mind to be running around the place acting like the victim. Of course, things kicked off with her hijacking of The View segment on June 27, then the People Magazine comment about "I feel like I was fired" came out and then she went on Larry King Live last Thursday. I feel that she announced her exit from The View on television because she knew that the People Magazine comment was going to be all over the place later that day. Since she probably figured that she was no longer going to be allowed back on the show after June 27 due to the comment, she tried to burn the house down on her way out. And the best part of it was how Barbara Walters behaved the next day was even more unbelievable, but it was all great television.

Webb: FACT. Yeah, she was off her rocker that day. It was obvious what she was trying to do, and it just backfired in her face. She deserves all the bad publicity she gets. I didn't see the Barbara Walters segment, but I wish I had. A bunch of people told me about it. I do know that she is being replaced by Rosie O' Donnell. She'll run that show into the damn ground quicker than a hiccup (if I can steal a line from J.R.). Things would have unfolded a lot smoother had Star Jones just kept her mouth shut. This is not over yet though. I understand now that she has given many of her "fans" the business addresses of folks like the Disney CEO and Barbara Walters. She also posted a message on her website that says "had it not been for all of your emails and letters, this past week would have been very difficult." She just does not know when to quit. Still, it was entertaining television, just as Viscious said.

Score: 2 for 5

6. Rob Schneider getting food poisioning while directing his first film is just God's way of saying that he shouldn't be directing a major motion picture.

Vicious: FACT. I'm not sure what the movie is about, but if any of Schneider's previous work is any indication, then God's work is well appreciated in this case. I doubt it will top Schneider from finishing the film, but there's still some hope, right?

Webb: FACT. Hey hey, food poisoning isn't a laughing matter. I'll be honest, Schneider's films are not that good, but I really think people are being a bit too hard on the guy. The Benchwarmers was pretty crappy, but many other films were ten times as worse this year. I think this will only convince him to go into this stronger. The film is called Big Stan, and it has something to do with a con man who gets scared when he finds out he has to go to prison. He ends up hiring a martial arts instructor to help him fight off prisoners. That does not sound very funny, and of course, Schneider is the lead role. I'm very afraid that he will end up being the Uwe Boll of comedy though. If Rob reads this, I just want to say this. Do yourself a favor, and pick a different type of role for once, and if anything, stick with acting. On the other hand, maybe directing is his true calling. Haha.

Score: 3 for 6

Thank you, my good men. Make sure to check back next week for more Fact or Fiction.