The Doctor in the Hallway News Report 07.19.06
Posted by Ben Moser on 07.19.2006
Celebs talk, Eric Bana chooses, and Jessica Beil sells herself.
As I sit in a dorm room in Methodist College trying to get this done before my connection dies, I'm very glad I'm not in college anymore no matter how much I say I miss it any other day. Here's some news:
Forget Tad What's-His-Face
Jessica Biel will be auctioning herself as a date to the high bidder in an effort to help raise money for a teenager who lost her leg in a car accident. Molly Bloom was run over by a stretch limo last May. (source: IMDB)
Now gentlemen, allow me to give you some advice to go with your news. If you are planning to put up the money to win the date with Jessica Biel, you will most likely still have absolutely no chance. But stranger things have happened. You just may end up with a shot. Here's how not to blow it.
When she asked why you wanted a date with her, don't say "'cause your hot." She knows she's hot. No one that poses for this picture doesn't know she's hot:
If it goes well, maybe I'll get in a sink big enough for both of us…
Instead let her know how concerned you are about not only the well-being of Molly, but victims of careless limo drivers everywhere. Show her that you have a ribbon-shaped magnet on your car to raise awareness of the issue. It's a can't-lose situation.
No time for love, Dr. Jones
Steven Spielberg had a little something to say about the fourth installment of the Indiana Jones franchise. From the man himself: "George and I have been promising it for a lot of years now, but I'm making every attempt to keep my promise. I just want to make sure that the fanbase is given the best Indiana Jones anybody could possibly make, and until I can assure myself that at least I'm trying to make the best Indiana Jones film of all time, the development will continue. The process of developing the script will continue, and it continues right now with David Koepp writing the script... I feel that if anybody can do it and pull this together, David can". (source: Dark Horizons)
While I'm glad that Spielberg seems to have the desire to do this the right way, he's got to understand that Harrison Ford is withering away at a rapid pace. I know he's supposed to be one of those "as good as ever" actors, but have you seen him lately? He's not as good as ever. He's an old man trying to hard not to be an old man. Did you see what I saw at the Super Bowl?
Also, I haven't ruled out that Calista Flockhart is a vampire.
Cross your fingers, true belivers
More talking celebs? Why not? Here's the guy behind the Spider-Man franchise's J. Jonah Jameson: J.K. Simmons. He's got some good news about the possibility of a 4th installment.
"Yeah, it got mentioned. In fact, the last couple of days I shot was at the very end of the schedule -- we were doing some night-action scenes in New York -- and [director] Sam [Raimi] was talking about it. It's not a done deal because everybody's deals, including Sam Raimi's and all the actors', was for three pictures. But he's certainly open to doing more." (source: Dark Horizons)
Even if they couldn't get the whole cast back, I think that if Raimi is in the director's chair any further sequels would be more than worth doing. It could have just been idle chat from a nostalgic guy who was near the end of filming the last of the movies he signed on for(Lord knows I don't want to be held accountable for everything I've said I'd like to do when feeling nostalgic); but there's enough to keep me warm at night and dreaming nerdy little dreams about finally seeing Kraven the Hunter in a movie.
More than any other franchise, Spider-Man has legs(see what I did there?).
Rubbin' is racin'...or something like that
Adam McKay has said that there's one joke that NASCAR wanted pulled from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. One where an obese driver is found dead behind the wheel because of a heart condition while eating chicken wings. The driver would have fallen on the wheel in such a way that he was able to still go in the necessary circles to complete the race. NASCAR is said to have objected to the way the gag would have trivialized the skills their drivers posses and the joke was pulled.
This reminds me of a time I was in a Bojangles in Hope Mills, NC. I asked out loud this question: "If NASAR was a sport, did that make guys who sit down and turn to the left athletes?" I was then treated to a 30-minute lecture of the physical strain that the NASCAR driver has to endure while driving in that circle for so long. I don't ask questions about NASCAR any more.
Eric Bana must choose
Scarlett Johansson will play Natalie Portman's sister and rival in the upcoming flick The Other Boleyn Girl. The movie is the story of ambitious sisters Mary and Anne Boleyn, who were rivals for the affection of King Henry VIII. Eric Bana will play Henry. (source: Variety)
Well, the cast is attractive. The cast is also probably costly. If this movie doesn't make good bank, heads will roll.
This week's SNAKES ON A PLANE hype
The producers of the soon-to-be greatest movie of all time have cancelled all pre-release screenings, according to Variety. Some speculate that this is because of the potential for early reviews to come out negative and kill the amazing buzz that's been generated.
However, I believe that this is strictly because everyone understands that an event like this cannot be witnessed for the first time by only an elite few. This is something the entire world must, in fact, witness together. Possibly while holding hands and joining in song.
I just wanted to write a review…that's all!
That'll do it for this week
Clerks II, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, and The Lady in the Water are your homework. In that order. I'm staffing a youth camp this week, so keep that in mind when I ask this week that you not do anything I wouldn't do.
