Tidbits about Hostel 2 and Andy Dick's coke binge... plus The Greatest Feuds in Comic History...
The Idiot Box Proper
A few random tidbits collected from around the web.
American comedian Andy Dick reportedly went berserk backstage at the Comedy Central Roast Of William Shatner on Sunday, licking screen siren Farrah Fawcett and biting a journalist. New York Post reporter Mandy Stadtmiller claims she watched Dick lick Fawcett, Carrie Fisher and comedian Patton Oswalt before turning his attentions to her. He allegedly groped her, tried to kiss her, proclaimed his love for her and then bit her hand, telling her, "Baby please, put in something nice. They're so mean. I'm not weird. Maybe I'm a little weird, they make me out to be a monster, I'm not a monster. I just want to have fun, baby please." She also accuses him of urinating in front of her and offering her cocaine. The show will air on Sunday August 20.
Well, I guess she didn't take any of the coke. From the way Dick was acting, though, it sounds like some AWESOME shit!
Lauren German, Heather Matarazzo and Bijou Phillips are in varying stages of negotiations to star in "Hostel 2," which Eli Roth is directing for Screen Gems.
The first "Hostel," which was released this year and grossed about $50 million domestically, followed three men who end up in a Slovakian hostel which serves as a front for an organization specializing in torture.
This time, the story follows three women who, while studying abroad for the summer, learn the grim truth behind the Slovakian hostel and its international counterparts. German would play a wealthy girl trying to figure out her next step in life, Phillips would be her best friend, and Matarazzo will be a tag-along.
I enjoyed the first movie more than many people did (it was actually more clever than people gave it credit for) and have always felt that there was ample room for a sequel. The premise behind the slaughter was the most intriguing horror set-up since the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" back in 1973. Will the sequel deliver? Well, probably not, but I for one am hoping for the best.
Master illusionist David Copperfield says he has found the "Fountain of Youth" in the southern Bahamas, amid a cluster of four tiny islands he recently bought for $50 million (26.4 million pounds).
One of his islands in the Exuma chain, Musha Cay, is a private resort that rents for up to $300,000 a week and the other islands serve as buffers to keep prying eyes away from celebrity guests on the white sand beaches.
Copperfield is coy about his reasons for the Fountain of Youth claim, but the man best known for entertaining with grand deception insists his archipelago also contains the legendary waters that bestow perpetual youth.
File this under "funniest news item of the week." Take two things impossible to take seriously (the fountain of youth, and professional magicians) mash them together, and voila! Now if Copperfield wanted to impress people, he'd cook himself into a giant bisque, then rise up and feed it to our troops. Now that's a magic trick!
The 7 and 7 Countdown
Best Feuds from the Land of Comic Books
I chose this list not based on best fights, or biggest comic sales, but on what I thought made for the most gripping rivalries in comics. Well-defined characters who engage in a constant battle of wills was not enough – the feud itself had to be well played. A back-and-forth that made the good guy and the bad guy both look better, no matter who went over in the end.
Let's start with the not so obvious choices, before moving into the long-standing classic feuds
7. Spider Jerusalem vs. President Gary "the Smiler" Callahan
The comic was "Transmetropolitan." Way before Jack Bauer took down the corrupt United States President Logan on "24," Spider J was engaged in a heated blood feud with evil US President Callahan. The Smiler was a real bastard, the type of scumbag only Warren Ellis could write. Him using his power, influence, and money against Spider and his power of the press made for an amazing run of comics. And the pay off, when it comes, is oh so sweet.
6. Bruce Banner vs. the Hulk
So sue me – I'm a mark for the Hulk. I love his anger and brutality, but I also love the dynamic between man and monster. Banner vs. Hulk is a symbolic battle, like most of the feuds on this list – it stands for something universal.
5. The Losers vs. Max
This bloody war is not so symbolic. Its filled with double crosses, gun fights, and action scenes that will blow your mind. By the time the story winds up, you'll both admire Max, and at the same be salivating at the prospect of him getting killed. The Losers are all great characters, and Max is one of the brilliant, revolutionary comic villains of the last decade.
These classic feuds have endured the test of decades and gone through countless twists and turns. Also, these choices have existed in many forms; comics, cartoons, movies, and tv shows.
4 Professor Charles Xavier vs. Erik "Magneto" Lenscherr
These men do not hate each other (usually, but in the X-Men everyone is always getting mind controlled) but their philosophies about life and humanity constantly put them at odds. Neither man will back down or shy away from what they believe is right. That's what makes this feud so perfect; sometimes, neither of them are the bad guy. They can both be so sympathetic (sometimes, although both guys cross the line) and at other times you can hate both of them.
3. Batman vs. The Joker
The Joker, the smiling madman. The Dark Knight, solemn avenger of the night. Over the years, these two guys have bumped heads dozens of times. And over that time, their relationship has grown and deepened, although the dynamic has never changed. Their feud has shaped the characters of both men, and has evolved into this perfect symbiotic relationship. Worthy of an entire essay, that I am currently two drunk to compose.
2. Dr. Victor von Doom vs. Reed Richards and the Fantastic Four
Quite possibly my favorite villain of all time (All hail Doom!) his insatiable hate for Reed Richards is one of the pure, true things in comics history. His power is massive – the guy rules a fricking country – and although Doom engages in all manner of evil, and quests to destroy the Richards brood, he is a multi-layered character. Doom's hate of the Fantastic Four makes for great reading; always has, always will.
1. Superman vs. Lex Luthor
Man versus Superman. It works on so many levels, and has translated into a thousand different variations. I am a Lex Luthor mark – I love the guy, and I, too, totally hate the guts of Superman – fucking Kal-El from fucking Krypton comes to Earth and wants to save us? Bah! He's an illegal alien, and should be deported as such. Nonetheless, Lex is a total bastard, and you never know what he will do next. It gets my vote for best comic feud ever.
Next week – the top feuds from the land of television!
Merle Vaughn is an ex-soldier, an ex-bodyguard for a Vietnamese druglord, an ex-con, and an ex employee for a local dope trucking operation. After his new wife is murdered, this lifelong killer and thug is now the single father of a four month old baby girl. Merle wants to protect his daughter, and he'll kill the entire city to do it.
I'm using the blog to post updates and chapters on a crime novel. It's tough, violent, brutal in spots, even – but there is more going on than crime. Check it out
And after that, head over to the Podcast Homepage
where you'll find collection of all the Podcasts I've recorded with my buddies. Features yours truly expounding upon B movies, music, and dumb shit with a couple of actual journalists. It's called Scene and Heard. It is worth a listen, if only for my Barry White-ishly sexy voice. Word to that.
