The Big Screen Bulletin 08.21.06: Keepin' It Real at the End of Summer
Posted by Chad Webb on 08.21.2006
My nightmare with Road House 2, Warner Brothers has a bad year, Osment's troubles continue, an update on Ebert, news on Ridley Scott's American Gangster, trailers, new releases, and much much more!
Bruno Kirby
R.I.P.
1949 – 2006
This talented actor appeared in films such as Donnie Brosco, The Godfather Part II, and City Slickers. His most recent appearance was in an episode of the HBO series Entourage. He will be missed.
Straight to Video Nightmares
Road House 2
Starring: Jonathan Schaech, Jake Busey, Crystal Mantecon, and Will Patton
Directed By: Scott Ziehl
Release Date: July 18, 2006
Running Time: 84 minutes
Rated R for strong violence, sexuality/nudity, language and drug content.
Oh boy. Jonathan Schaech. Does anyone know who the hell Jonathan Schaech is? Unfortunately, I am that obsessed with movies that I know him well. His only well known role occurred as the lead band member in That Thing You Do. Lately his career has turned to junky Direct-to-DVD sequels, and in his latest project, he stars as Shane Tanner, who is a DEA agent. After his Uncle is hospitalized by notorious swampy drug kingpin Wild Bill, Shane travels back home to visit his Uncle, and find out what happened. His Uncle runs the Black Pelican bar, and Wild Bill wants to buy it because it's a good place to run drugs. Shane decides to run the bar until Uncle returns, and he gets into trouble with Bill. Big surprise huh? He also meets some chick….blah, blah, blah…they do the nasty….blah, blah, blah. His goal is to bust Bill for drugs I guess.
A couple minutes in, everything was fine, but then they drop the bomb on you, and it is a huge bomb. Shane is actually the son of Dalton, from the first film. No Patrick Swayze is not in this, he pulled out of the project…gee I wonder why. From there, this film plummets into a steaming pile of shit. Apparently, Dalton's character was mysteriously murdered, and his son has been trying to find out who did it. What you see in this "middle of nowhere" crap town is countless wannabe gangsters in hickville. It looks so strange. One minute people are dancing to the house band singing country, and the next minute, they are dancing to hardcore rap music. O…k…? It is obvious to me that Schaech emulated Swayze's performance like a little punk kid in grade school copying off the smart nerd next to him. He is a terrible actor, who has so much difficulty reciting lines. Not at one moment did he strive to display an ounce of originality. He attempts to be suave and debonair, but he is a moron, and instead of just laughing at him, you might feel sick because of how much he looks like a complete tool. Schaech also contributed to the script, and I cannot express how dreadful and appalling it is. They even keep the line from the first one "I thought you'd be bigger." If that doesn't make you want to burn a copy of this DVD with great pleasure, another line spoken by a random bouncer goes like this: "Do you know why they call me the robot? Cause I'm so automatic at kickin' your ass!" It was at this point I contemplated banging my head against the wall to feel better.
Jake Busey is quite possibly the worst actor I have ever laid eyes on in my life. His portrayal of Wild Bill is so over the top, so unbelievable, and so painful to endure that its suckiness goes into another dimension of suckiness. The fight scenes are choreographed so specifically that I have come to the conclusion that they spent countless hours, maybe years, practicing them so they came out so flawlessly. That is flawless in a bad way keep in mind. If human beings ever fought like this, the world would be one screwed up place. It turns out everyone, man, woman, overweight, skinny, whatever, knows perfect martial arts. Don't listen to anybody but me. This movie is not funny, or exciting, not even a little. If you are still thinking about how this ended, I suggest you seek professional help. It is pathetic in every conceivable way. This film goes to a realm of cartoonish extremes I didn't think existed. I sincerely hope none of you will even consider watching this. I hated this movie with every single fiber in my being. Geez, even the sex scenes are preposterous! I detested it so much that it will get a very rare rating from yours truly.
Final Rating = 1.0/10.0
The News Bulletin Dissection
Warner Bros. President Alan Horn has apologized to the studio's financial partners who helped fund the string of money losers and underperformers that the studio put out this year. "All I can say to our partners is the same thing I say to our people here at Warner Bros.: It's painful to lose money on a movie," Horn told today's (Friday) Los Angeles Times. "We are in the business for the long term. We are producing a slate of movies and some will work and some will not." The newspaper observed that Warner Bros. partnered on virtually every film it released this year and quoted entertainment analyst Harold Vogel as saying that perhaps easy access to private equity funding clouded its choices. "Maybe Warner Bros. got a little inebriated, and it distorted their normally good judgment," Vogel said. "Everyone can have a bad year. Just the same, I don't understand how a smart management team like Warner Bros. could have made "Poseidon" or "Lady in the Water."
Well at least he is being honest about the whole situation. He admits that they had a bad year, and hopefully they can rebound. Poseidon and Lady in the Water were both failures, and for good reasons, but in this business, it's only natural. It shows good character by Horn to apologize.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Former child star Haley Joel Osment has been charged with drunk driving and marijuana possession following his car crash in Los Angeles last month. "The Sixth Sense" star, 18, was formally charged with the misdemeanors yesterday in Los Angeles. According to website Tmz.com, the teenager has also been charged with driving with a .08 blood alcohol level or higher and the infraction of driving under the age of 21 with a blood alcohol level of .05 or higher. The charges relate to his car crash last month, after Osment lost control of his Saturn and collided with a brick pillar in a Hollywood suburb. The young actor was treated for a broken rib and a shoulder injury at a nearby hospital.
Well I wasn't sure where this would go, but I hope he gets what he deserves. I think the kid WAS a talented young actor, but it's obvious he could give two shits less about his career nowadays. I'll be anxious to see what else results from all this. What an idiot to be driving his car after all that crap in his system, and Saturn at that. I have heard only horrendous stories of Saturn crashes. You'd think he could afford something a bit safer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Crash" producer Cathy Schulman was forced to attend the premiere of her latest movie as the guest of actor Paul Giamatti, because of her ongoing feud with former business partner Bob Yari. Schulman and Yari made Giamatti-starring "The Illusionist", which premiered in New York on Tuesday night, before their acrimonious split. Yari sued the Producers Guild Of America and the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences in March after he was removed from the Oscar-winning "Crash's" credits, because the Academy only allows two producers from each film to be nominated for the top prize. "Crash" was a surprise Best Picture winner, and writer/director Paul Haggis picked up the award for his producing contribution along with Schulman at the March ceremony. And, while legal action continues in Los Angeles, the pair are still not on good terms, especially as Yari ensured Schulman was not asked to "The Illusionist" premiere. Schulman tells PageSix.com, "I was not invited to the premiere. I went as Paul Giamatti's date. When I saw Yari, I said hello. He didn't say anything, but let's put it this way - if looks could kill. And they didn't give me a wristband to get in the VIP section of the after-party. It's just an unfortunate and unnecessary situation. I still haven't been paid for "Crash" or "The Illusionist."
This situation shows no signs of ending anytime soon. The whole thing sounds incredibly messed up. I wonder why they haven't even paid her yet? I have yet to do thorough research on this, but I'm curious to hear what Bob Yari has to say. I mean, come on, she went as Giamatti's date, and that's better than money. She should feel fulfilled enough. On a side note, I have heard this film is decent. Hopefully I get to see it sometime soon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- James McAvoy has landed the starring role in Universal Pictures' "Wanted," a sci-fi actioner that will mark the English-language debut of Russian filmmaker Timur Bekmambetov. "Wanted" is based on a comic book series by Mark Millar and J.G. Jones published by Top Cow. The story follows a put-upon young man who discovers that his long-lost father is an assassin. After his dad is murdered, the son is recruited into a covert organization of killers and trained to follow in his father's footsteps. The comic is considered hard-core, and the movie probably will be rated R. Universal-based Marc Platt set up the series in March 2004 and will produce with Jason Netter and Jim Lemley. Top Cow's Marc Silvestri is exec producing.
James McAvoy might be an unknown name to many of you, but his resume is not too shabby. He is most popular for his role as Mr. Tumnus In The Chronicles of Narnia:The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, but he also contributed parts in Wimbeldon and Band of Brothers. It is an English debut for a Russian director, and they describe the story as hardcore. How can anything go wrong here? Well, a lot can go wrong, but it sounds bad ass doesn't it?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Film critic Roger Ebert says his recovery from cancer surgery is taking longer than he expected due to complications from radiation therapy but doctors are "enthusiastically optimistic" about his prognosis. The 64-year-old Pulitzer Prize winner, a patient at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, gave readers a lengthy update on his medical condition in a statement posted on Friday on his Web site. Ebert entered the hospital in mid-June to undergo surgery for salivary gland cancer, his third such operation since 2003, and was packing to go home about two weeks later when an artery burst in his jaw. He said doctors determined the rupture was caused by the breakdown of tissue surrounding the blood vessel due to intense radiation treatments he had undergone three years earlier. "Finding a solution to protecting the arteries is what has kept me in the hospital, and in bed, since July 1," Ebert wrote.
I sincerely hope that Mr. Ebert returns to work soon. I have been tremendously curious as to his opinions on Snakes on a Plane, and many other summer films. The editor of his website, Jim Emerson has been writing some reviews and posting them every Friday, and that's cool, but we miss Roger. I will say this though, the guest critics would be a good idea at any time. They could add a third person just for fun. What would be the harm, so you have a third thumb that week. I have read recently 4 others will act as guest critics such as actor Fred Willard, actress Aisha Tyler, screenwriter John Ridley, entertainment reporter Tony Senecal, and Chicago Tribune critic Michael Phillips.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Josh Brolin is joining the cast of "American Gangster," Imagine's 1970s crime drama film starring Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington that Ridley Scott is directing for Universal Pictures. The movie is based on the life of drug-kingpin-turned-informant Frank Lucas (Washington), who shipped heroin back to the U.S. in the coffins of soldiers killed in Vietnam. Lucas was brought to justice by lawman Richie Roberts (Crowe). The two then worked together to expose the crooked cops and foreign nationals.
This film sounds fantastic. Ridley Scott rarely disappoints, and with Denzel and Crowe involved, I don't see how it can fail. This is a huge score for Josh Brolin. He has acted in mostly bad movies, but this will improve his resume a great deal. A couple of his most notable roles include Hollow Man and Into the Blue.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Celebrities presenting at the Academy Awards ceremony will no longer receive posh gift baskets worth thousands of dollars because of a crackdown by the Internal Revenue Service. The Oscar gift bag is considered to be the most coveted gift bag during awards season and is estimated to be worth up to $100,000. Stars regularly receive items such as electronics, sunglasses, designer clothes and stays at posh resort destinations. The IRS is demanding celebrities declare the baskets as income, not gifts, and pay tax on them, saying, "Movie stars face the same tax obligations as ordinary Americans." The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences quietly decided to discontinue the gift bags in April, which often helps persuade celebrities to appear as presenters on the show. Stars appearing at the Emmy Awards on Aug. 27 will be required to sign a form stating that they will pay taxes on their gift bag; otherwise they will miss out the posh presents.
My first thought, is who will be the first celebrity to publicly complain about this. As far as I'm concerned, I could care less what the celebrities get as gifts. I'm not getting anything so it doesn't really affect me at all. I figure once the Emmy awards roll around, certain celebs will start making comments about the taxes. Poor them, they have it tough.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Internet buzz over "Snakes on a Plane" turned out to be nothing to hiss about. The high-flying thriller preceded by months of unprecedented Web buildup technically debuted as the No. 1 movie, but with a modest $15.25 million opening weekend, according to studio estimates Sunday. But distributor New Line Cinema included $1.4 million that "Snakes on a Plane" raked in during 10 p.m. screenings Thursday to get a head start on the weekend. Without those revenues, the movie's weekend total would be $13.85 million, putting it just behind "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby," which took in $14.1 million in its third weekend. David Tuckerman, New Line's head of distribution, said it was customary for studios to include late-night previews in a movie's opening-weekend total.
I expected Snakes to make a bit more money, and beat Talladega Night by a lot more. Still, I think Snakes will make more money on DVD than anywhere else. Elsewhere, Step Up dropped to #5, while World Trade Center stood at #3.Pirates 2 now has over $400 million, and Little Miss Sunshine is climbing the top 10 fast after it was released wider this past Friday. Finally, Accepted raked in some decent dough with $10 million to earn the #4 spot. Lot's of interesting stuff happening at the box office this weekend. Hopefully people continue to see Snakes on a Plane. It's worth it.
What's Coming to DVD….Buy or Avoid?
Double Indemnity - Finally, the greatest noir film of all time is released on DVD. This is well worth a purchase. Buy
Silent Hill - For the most part, this video game adaptation wasn't bad, but it is so confusing, it's impossible to really like it. Avoid
Poseidon - One of the worst and most dissapoitning efforts by a director. A horrible remake. Avoid
WWE: Great American Bash 2006 - Missed this Pay Per View, but was curious as to how good it was. I might pick this up.
WWE: Mr. McMahon - A DVD devoted to the owner himself, and 2 discs even! This should be fairly cheap, and worth buying if you're a wrestling fan. The documentary and matches are always great. Buy
The Critic's Quickee
Zoom - If you are seriously pondering whether or not you should see this, please read my full review by clicking here.
World Trade Center - A quickee would not do this superb film justice. Read my review on Oliver Stone's newest offering by clicking here.
Pulse - Who'd a thunk it? Another Japanese horror remake. This film stars Kristen Bell. Her friend kills himself inexplicably. They have these ghosts or goblins that come through to earth via computers and cell phones, but for some reason red duct tape keeps them out, and now they're taking over the whole world. This is one of the most pointless films I have seen in a long time. The direction is so inexperienced, and so awful that I had to slap myself to stay awake. The whole movie is shot with a stupid grey, dimly lit atmosphere that induces drowsiness. The actors do their best, but it is not close to good enough. The crew relies on cheap scares such as creaky doors, and "scary" looking faces the entire way through, and not once does anything make a bit of sense. I never felt any emotion towards this sludge. I felt as empty as the characters were supposed to look on screen. Pulse is an easy contender for worst film of the year. Final Rating = 2.0/10.0
Step Up - Sorry, I did not see this, and I do not plan on seeing it anytime soon. I flat out refuse to endure another Channing Tatum film. My time is too precious.
Movie Dictionary: Word of the Week
Star Vehicle - A star vehicle is a movie, play, TV show, or other production whose primary purpose is to enhance an actor's career. Vehicles are most commonly produced when a young or inexperienced actor has signed a long-term contract with a major studio. By showcasing the actor's talents, the vehicle is an attempt at creating a bankable star.
In some cases, an actor may produce a vehicle for himself, in which case it may be regarded as a form of self-promotion.
One of the earliest and best-documented examples is "The Wizard of Oz" (1939), which MGM developed centered on then-teenaged Judy Garland. The DVD notes give extensive film and radio examples of the publicity campaign undertaken to promote the movie and hype Garland's singing and acting talents.
With the demise of the studio system, star vehicles are less common in the movie business, although they continue to appear occasionally (e.g. The Rock's "The Scorpion King"). They remain extremely common in television, where sitcoms routinely function as vehicles for stand-up comedians. "Seinfeld", "The George Lopez Show", "The Bernie Mac Show" are recent examples.
Based on the Trailer…
Saw III - I'm definitely looking forward to this after seeing how great the second one was. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0
Idlewild - Outkast's film doesn't look half bad, but one never knows for sure. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0
Invincible - I am happy to see a sports movie that looks like it doesn't suffer from every cliché in the book. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0
How to Eat Fried Worms - This could be a case where the book doesn't translate well to screen. It looks average. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0
Rocky Balboa - I don't care what people say, this movie looks incredible. A superb trailer. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0
The Marine - This looks so bad, it could be worse than See No Evil. Trailer Rating = 2.0/10.0
The Illusionist - I think this looks pretty good, but will Biel's acting ruin it? Hopefully not. It still seems intriguing. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0
Trust the Man - This romantic comedy could be a quality piece with this cast. If I have the chance to see this, I will most definitely take advantage. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0
TMNT - Since I grew up watching these guys, I will go see this movie no matter what. The trailer is average. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0
Beerfest - To me, this film looks just as fun as Super Troopers. This crew had a flop in Club Dread, but this looks like it could have cult success. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0
The Departed - Martin Scorsese's new film looks awesome. It has an all-star cast and a terrific looking plot. I cannot wait for this. I hope it's another masterpiece. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0
The Prestige - This looks very good with an unbelievable cast including Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Hugh Jackman, Scarlett Johansson, and more. It is about two young magicians, and I'm looking forward to it. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0
Spiderman 3 - Despite my dislike of the second one, this trailer is friggin awesome. The black spiderman suit storyline was always one of my favorites. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0
Transformers - My initial reaction to this teaser was laughter, not like I thought it looked bad, but because it was totally unexpected. A little early to tell, but so far so good. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0
Hollywoodland - This is a really interesting unsolved mystery, and I think this movie looks very good. A great cast with a great plot. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0
Ghost Rider - This looks decent to me. The special effects might be a downfall, but all in all I'm looking forward to Cage in this role. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0
Casino Royale- I had my doubts, but this Bond film looks to be damn good after looking at this. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0
Other Stuff to Read
Furious on Film - Arnold Furious gives you quick rundowns of interesting movies every week. I could probably talk to him for hours about movies.
411 August Roundtable - Matthew Craggs gathers the readers thoughts on the August releases and more!
