The Simpsons, Snakes on a Plane, politics... and the Greatest Feuds in Cartoons
The Idiot Box Proper
A brief political note before we get to the triviatum.
Sen. Chuck Hagel, R-Neb. says. Hagel, a possible presidential candidate in 2008, said Sunday that the GOP today is very different party from the one when he first voted Republican.
"First time I voted was in 1968 on top of a tank in the Mekong Delta," said Hagel, a Vietnam veteran. "I voted a straight Republican ticket. The reason I did is because I believe in the Republican philosophy of governance. It's not what it used to be. I don't think it's the same today."
Hagel asked: "Where is the fiscal responsibility of the party I joined in '68? Where is the international engagement of the party I joined — fair, free trade, individual responsibility, not building a bigger government, but building a smaller government?"
That is the best damn question I've heard all week. Where is that party?
See, it used to be that there were different political parties that stood for different things. Now we have parties that kowtow to special interest groups and form a platform based on what they think will be popular. Republican and Democrats are enemies, locked in combat, and define themselves based on what the other doesn't stand for. It's a sorry state of affairs.
We need leaders and visionaries on BOTH SIDES people. America needs strong conservatives and strong liberals both, if we want our system to prosper. Don't listen to these hard-line party fanatics; because on either side of the aisle, they will tell you we don't need two sides. But I'm just the opposite – I say we need 5 sides, or 8 sides, or 10 sides, because right now, both sides are just pissing me off.
In any event, kudos to you, Senator Hagel. You can talk the talk, now I hope you can walk the walk.
Animated comedy hit The Simpsons won the best animated program at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards in Los Angeles on Saturday - the ninth time it has been awarded the prize.
An episode of the show, entitled "The Seemingly Never-Ending Story," beat a controversial episode of South Park, in which The Church Of Scientology and follower Tom Cruise were mocked. Simpsons producer Al Jean said in his acceptance speech, "This is what happens when you don't mock Scientology." Other winners at the ceremony, which celebrates technical achievement in television, included UK/US-made drama Elizabeth I, which scooped five prizes, US Army documentary Baghdad ER, and Rome, which took home four awards each. The Creative Arts Emmys precedes the main Emmys
The Simpsons juggernaut keeps on rolling.
People bitch about the Simpsons being past its prime, which is true since it is way past its prime, but they are missing the point. How often does a show become such a fixture in popular culture while it is still on the air? The fads came and went (with the merchandizing, the albums, and all that crap) but the sayings of the Simpsons, the characters of the Simpsons, the looks and voices of the Simpsons, have all become so ingrained into American pop culture that the show will always maintain a certain level of popularity AND a certain level of quality. Although the show isn't as good as it used to be, it is still good (usually) and still better than most shows on the idiot box even when it ain't.
The uncle of Viva La Bam star Bam Margera has been arrested and charged with two counts of sexual assault on a child. Vincent "Don Vito" Margera, 50, was arrested by police in Lakewood, Colorado on Friday and accused of inappropriately touching a child. Don Vito appears in Viva La Bam as the victim of his nephew's practical jokes
Why did I mention this? Because, as if there weren't enough reasons to avoid watching that show (reason #1 – it sucks) here is another one.
New Line Cinema landed on its asp over the weekend as the highly hyped Snakes on a Plane, which analysts had expected would take in more than $30 million, earned only about half of that -- an estimated $15.2 million. (Several reports mentioned that the figure also included $1.4 million from Thursday night's 10:00 p.m. screenings.) The studio had hoped that using the Internet as its chief marketing tool would boost ticket sales and save it millions of dollars in traditional costs. New Line's distribution chief, David Tuckerman, told today's (Monday) New York Times that the studio was "a little disappointed" with the box office results. "We'll make money with this picture, it's just more disappointing because of all the inflated expectations," he told the newspaper. "It basically performed like a normal horror movie."
You gotta love the media – they build something up just so they can rip it down again. All this hype was manufactured by the media itself – the media loves to report on itself, and build up its own importance. Dozens of stories on the net, in print, and on tv all cited how the movie was being promoted by bloggers. And I call bullshit on that. I haven't read one blog about "Snakes on a Plane," yet the media acts like ALL blogs were buzzing about it. This was a complete fabrication.
And now that the hype they created backfired, they're blaming it on the movie.
The craziest part is that with all the hype the movie was getting – all of it played it as "so bad it's good." Which only appeals to a very tiny amount of the populace. Why would they chose to promote a movie this way?
This movie is so bad it's good! It sucks so hard that it's great! It's so terrible that your hate will slowly turn to love!
You see the faulty logic? They were telling the potential viewers that the movie was bad. For some arcane reason I cannot fathom, they were betting that hundreds of thousands of people would pay 10 bucks a head to go see a movie that the commercials told them was bad. It's one thing for a movie critic to say something is bad, but when the promotion for the film winks at you and says "yeah, it's terrible. Come on and see it anyway."
Also, the influence of bloggers was blown way out of proportion. No one outside of the blogging community cares about blogs. (But everyone in the media has a blog, so there you go)
The 7 and 7 Countdown
First, some feedback on my "Great Comic Feuds" countdown.
Craig writes –
Hi cool article but I cant believe you missed off green goblin vs spider-man. Their problems are personal - When the goblin killed spideys girlfriend Gwen that was a true comic milestone. Anyway great stuff
Good points Craig, both about Spidey/Goblin and that my column was "great stuff."
Meanwhile, Joe takes me to school
"Bah!
Here is the real greatest comic book fueds in no order.
7. Lois Lane vs. Lana Lane. Bitch fight! This thing has gone on almost as long as Superman vs. Lex. Lois has had advantage since the beginning, but Smallville has tipped the scales. Sure, Sups married Lois, but it doesn't mean you couldn't snag Lana, too. He is F'N Superman, you would be in and out in a matter of seconds and thats no joke.
6. Captain America vs. Red Skull. This fued pre-dates Marvel and the body count includes Cap's first sidekick, Long Winter does not count, and a billion nazis and sheild agents. Even in today's post 9/11 world, this war rages on and defies time.
5. Hal Jordan vs. The GL Corp. Does anyone really trust, Hal, the answer is NO! Hal has screwed up the GL in more ways than one through out the years. Besides just the physical battles, the emotional and political war Hal fights against the Corp from time to time is the real heart of this fued.
4. Wolverine vs. Hulk. Tweener vs. Tweener. Advanced technology meshed with huma instict vs. the ulitimate untamed human rage radiating destruction. Plus, Wolvie's first foe and probably best.
3. Batman vs. Two-Face. Joker is a jerk off in white make-up. Fucking clown shoes, seriously, the guy occassionally wears clown shoes, what the fuck? Batman's greatest foe is one of his oldest friends. Although, Two-Face doesn't have the body count, he is the most erratic and the same time calculating foe. Add in Batman always holding back and you have a foe that eventually be the one that does in Bats.
2. Spiderman vs. Green Goblin. Gwen Stacey. Two words is all you need to define this fued. Even that moment would be enough for most fueds, yet it was just the beginning. People seem to think that Norman Osborn's death, yes he is fucking dead, the guy running around now is clone, I lay money on it, end rant. Green Goblin is in reality a legacy. From Norman to Harry to Harry's son, anyone of them can be or has been a Green Goblin. They can never die until the Osborn's blood is gone from the Earth.
1. Superman vs. Batman. Luthor is wimp. You can shoot Luthor in the head and never have to worry about him again. You shoot Batman in the head and better fucking reload. Batman is humanity. Humanity is not the promise of a bright future we leave that for the Kryptonians. Humanity is consistant struggle between light and dark and how far is too far? Batman lives that every day and that is why he represents the best of humanity. When these two fight the world shudders. While Superman is far superior, Batman is more dangerous and unrelenting. Plus, it ends the greatest comci book of all time, Dark Knight Returns in a perfect fight.
Once again, some good points. I think Joe sells Joker and Lex Luthor a little short, but all in all he has a pretty nice little list.
And now, onto this week's countdown…
Best Feuds from the Land of TV Cartoons
Note to readers – certain well-remembered feuds have been omitted, but please don't write me and tell me I "forgot" He-Man vs. Skeleton or Mumm-ra vs. the Thundercats Wile E. Coyote vs. Road Runner. I did not forget them, they just didn't make the cut.
Anway… step to this list and get knocked the fuck out.
7. Aqua Teen Hunger Force vs. the Moonenites vs. the Plutonians (3-way-dance style feud) A personal fave of mine – get any two of these 3 heated rivals together, and it is pure gold.
6. The Yogi-Yahooeys vs.the Scooby Doobies vs. the Really Rottens (Laff-a-Lympics) One from the way-back machine, this series of contests was held with a who's who of Hannah Barbera luminaries; Yogi, Booboo, Huckleberry Hound, Snagglepuss, Hong kong Phooey, Blue Falcon and Dynomutt, Captain Caveman, Scooby and Shaggy, that irritating talking shark… the list goes on for days, people. I always got so mad when the Rottens got caught cheating and got demoted to last place, but the feud kept me interested. Great stuff, when seen through a foggy memory.
5. Homer Simpson vs. Ned Flanders When is a feud not a feud? Maybe when the feud is one-sided, and one rival isn't a rival at all but a best friend. Ned Flan-diddly-anders is Homer's enemy because of his good attitude, moral values, and optimism. It's the funniest feud ever, and to me it never, ever gets old. Stupid sexy Flanders.
4. Cobra vs. G.I. Joe Truly, a defining conflict of my youth. My Dad had Vietnam, my Granddad had WW2, and me, I had the Joes vs. the Cobra scum, and…
3. Autobots vs. Decepticons This was the other defining conflict of my youth. It gets the edge over the Joes because of the carnage. When the characters are robots, you can blow the shit out of them and its OK. The Joes never really hurt anybody; everyone carried laser guns, no one ever got shot, and every time something go blown up, you'd see the parachutes of the guys who escaped just in time. At least in "Transformers" you got some righteous ass kicking once in a while. Plus, there was Starscream. Never underestimate the power of a whiney bitchboy second-in-command.
2. Super Friends vs. The Legion of Doom A huge cast of heroes, perfectly matched by an equally huge cast of villains. And this was before Toyman was a pedophile, so it wasn't creepy at all – just good clean super-hero fun.
1. Bugs Bunny vs. Daffy Duck I'll go ahead and say it – Bugs is the Hulk Hogan of the cartoon world. He hardly ever puts anyone over, even when he should (he only ever jobbed clean to the Gremlin, for some reason, perhaps because he knew it wouldn't kill his heat, although the Gremlin was buried soon after). Bugs has a lot of great rivals, but my favorite was Daffy. Bugs always got the better of Daffy, but no one sold it quite like Daff. They had a lot of great cartoons separately, and when they came together it was always magic.
Next week – the top feuds from the land of live-action television!
Merle Vaughn is an ex-soldier, an ex-bodyguard for a Vietnamese druglord, an ex-con, and an ex employee for a local dope trucking operation. After his new wife is murdered, this lifelong killer and thug is now the single father of a four month old baby girl. Merle wants to protect his daughter, and he'll kill the entire city to do it.
I'm using the blog to post updates and chapters on a crime novel. It's tough, violent, brutal in spots, even – but there is more going on than crime. Check it out
And after that, head over to the Podcast Homepage
where you'll find collection of all the Podcasts I've recorded with my buddies. Features yours truly expounding upon B movies, music, and dumb shit with a couple of actual journalists. It's called Scene and Heard. It is worth a listen, if only for my Barry White-ishly sexy voice. Word to that.
