The Bullseye 11.18.06: Superman
Posted by Scotty Flamingo on 11.18.2006
Does the perfect comic book movie exist?
Do you have a certain movie, show, or celebrity that you hate, but you don't see much criticism about? We're not talking Paris Hilton here, everyone hates her. This column is about those things that seem to slip though the cracks of the critics, or are overly praised by lovesick fanboys. This is The Bullseye.
Greetings citizens! Welcome to The Bullseye! I've decided to keep with the Superhero theme for a few weeks, since I have some bones to pick with a lot of movies in the genre. I bounced around a few ideas for this week's column. Originally, I wanted to do one on the entire Superman series, but I figured that Superman III and IV have been savaged enough. So this week, I'll be tackling the original Richard Donner Superman, and next week, it will be Superman II, just in time for the release of the Donner cut of that film on DVD.
The Ricochet
Matthew had some input on my opinions of the Spidey 3 trailer:
You mentioned how the Sandman killing Uncle Ben subplot in Spider-man 3 is dumb. I've been hearing that alot lately, but I guess i'm the only one who thought it probably isn't true. I think its a angle that is going to show Peters obsession with revenge and why He must remove the suit, and that in the end He will realise that Sandman is falsely accused and Peter will have beaten him almost to death. Its going to mirror Harry's feelings towards Peter over the death of his father. I really don't understand why Sandman would be the acual killer, it kills the idea of guilt and responsiblity Peter has had since the first film and Sam Rami must know that.
I really hope that this is the case. It makes sense, and I could definitely see them doing it. Perhaps it is a setup by the new and improved Harry Osborn Goblin 2.0…
Robby had some praise for last week's Batman column:
The Batman edition was the first I read of your column. I think it was
excellent since it points out the minor errors in classic movies that
people
can look at later. Plus it could be used for improvment in films. Kudos
to
you man.
Thanks! The world would be a better place if filmmakers listened to me.
The Quickshot
This week's Quickshot is aimed at the Marvel Ultimate Alliance video game for the Xbox 360. Great game, but you can't play as the Hulk! CHEAP! In fact, Marvel is really treating the Hulk like the bastard stepchild lately. Back in the day, the Hulk was probably the 2nd most recognized Marvel character behind Spider-Man. I still think that the average joe on the street will know Hulk before 95% of the X-Men. But then Ang Lee puts out a mess of a film and everyone thinks the green guy is a joke. I hope he bitchslaps everyone when he comes back for World War Hulk…
This week, I'm tackling another movie that is considered one of the best comic book movies ever made. Much like Batman, it too is not a bad movie, but it does have several glaring flaws that in my humble opinion (or IMHO to those of you new to the Intranet) keep the film from living up to its hype. I'm talking the first Superman.
Now before I go to trashing, let me just tell you that Superman has some great things going for it. Donner does a good job of telling the Superman story in an almost mythical way. Then of course there is John Williams score, which is perhaps the greatest film score of all time (I would probably only put The Godfather or Star Wars up against it). Marlon Brando as Jor El is brilliant. The late Christopher Reeve absolutely nails both Superman and Clark Kent. Jackie Cooper and Marc McClure are great as Perry White and Jimmy Olsen respectively. Even Margot Kidder, who isn't the hottest actress to be playing Lois Lane, nails the character. In fact every part is almost perfectly cast. Almost…
Gene Hackman sucks as Lex Luthor. There, I said it. Somebody had to. Hackman's Luthor would be over-the-top cartoony even by Golden Age standards. He boasts about being "The Greatest Criminal Mind of All Time". And that is what is wrong with this take on the character. Lex Luthor does not consider himself a criminal. He considers himself the true savior of mankind. He doesn't see himself as a criminal genius; he's sees himself as a genius period. That's why he hates Superman so much, because as brilliant as he is, he can never be as powerful as the Man of Steel.
Then there is the fact that Lex Luthor isn't bald. Yes, technically he is, but that's not the point. You have an icon like Lex Luthor and you have to make up some stupid plot device of him having a fetish for wigs because some actor doesn't want to wear a bald cap. I would hate to see how he would've reacted if he'd been asked to shave his head. Lex Luthor has no time for such frivilties. Lex Luthor cares about two things, power and beating Superman. That's it. If the guy had hair, it would probably be an unkempt mess akin to Einstein's.
Then you have Ned Beatty's Otis. Why is this character necessary?? It's like, how is Superman going to beat THIS bumbling fool?? I hate comic relief characters in film. Whether it is a wooly talking animal in almost every Disney flick, or Lex Luthor's clumsy sidekick, there is just no point. How is Otis supposed to help Lex Luthor? The real Lex Luthor would've had Otis killed five minutes in.
Then there is the ending. One of the most ludicrous bits of cinema of all time. Superman flys around the Earth really fast in order to cause it to reverse its access and turn back time to save Lois Lane. Even as a child I thought this was absurd. I mean, suspension of disbelief is one thing, but c'mon! Besides, I'm pretty sure the only person who can really turn back time is Cher.
Next week I'll take on the sequel, Superman II, in which backstage politics turned the movie into a train wreck. It's like the WWE!
Until then, I'm Scotty Flamingo, and this is The Bullseye.
