Misunderstood Masterpieces: A Night at the Roxbury

Posted by Will Helm on 11.20.2006

…or, It’d Take a Lot of E for Me to Love This Movie

I really don't like the "club" scene. Sweaty, superficial women and greasy, sleazy men undulating to the incessant rhythms of dance music – which all sounds relatively the same – does nothing for me. Sure, I don't mind a laid-back jazz bar or a blue-collar pub, but the appeal of the "club" thing is lost on me. I'll relay a story to just illustrate my point; forgive me for the indulgence.

A few weeks ago, I and a few friends went to a little bar in beautiful – sarcasm – Princeton, NJ. At first the scene was pretty decent as it was just a local bar with a little college flair. I should've known that things weren't going to turn good when the only thing happening in the entire establishment was the pool room, which was filled with a handful of college guys who took their games WAY too seriously. One of my friends decided to take them on and things were pretty cool . . . until this creepy older guy showed up. First, like the college guys, he took his billiards far too seriously for his own good – especially since money wasn't really involved – although, adding to the skeez-factor, the look of his Botox-ed, badly face-lifted mug meant that he was looking for college girls that evening. We all knew it was time to leave the pool room when a few other crew-cut wearing gentlemen with "Marines" t-shirts showed up as well. Never a good sign.

Unfortunately, by now, the bar proper had transformed from a fun little hangout to . . . a club. In this tiny space there was a bored-looking DJ in the corner and a handful of lame college students dancing to the played-out, far-too-loud music. I'm really showing my age now, ain't I? Things were still pretty happening until a spastic Eddie Deezen hit the floor of the club and then I started having flashbacks to every lame college bar experience I've ever had. Nothing's more of a buzzkill than spastic Eddie Deezen . . . but it gets worse. In addition to the epileptic Eugene, there were two emaciated lesbians rubbing themselves together on the dance floor while spilling their red wine about carelessly. Pity the poor fool who has to clean that up. Before I and my friends exited the club, things took a turn for the absurd as a sorority of Midwestern girls showed up, led by an overly exhibitionistic young lady who looked like Reese Witherspoon with a boob job and who had a pathological fear of "roofies." Fortunately for all of us, there was a much nicer brew pub down the street, so we all went there; unfortunately, there was a $5 cover – charlatans! – and an overly loud cover band playing "an incestuous marriage of R&B and funk." Or something like that. Honestly, I'll take that over the club any day.

But, oddly enough, there are some that wouldn't, and today's movie is a tale about two of those individuals. Based from a once-funny sketch on Saturday Night Live featuring Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell, A Night at the Roxbury tells the story of two mismatched brothers and their love of the "club" lifestyle. Even though it's hard to believe that a movie could be spawned from the original sketches – as the characters barely talked, merely nodding their heads in tune with Haddaway's "What Is Love?" – a movie, indeed, was made and released in 1998. While the careers of the two stars would take wildly divergent paths since then – Ron Burgundy beats Corky Romano any day – this would be the first true test of the two principals' star power . . . do they fail that test? Or is A Night at the Roxbury truly a Misunderstood Masterpiece? Let's find out!

In, unsurprisingly – as it is the superficiality capital of the world, Los Angeles, sharkskin-suit-clad brothers Doug (Kattan) and Steve Butabi (Ferrell) drive the streets in their BMW until they finally reach their destination: some club where they bob their heads in time with the aforementioned Haddaway tune. Ah, there's nothing like rehashing what the viewer has already seen. Doug and Steve, believing some HOT CHICK to be interested in them, trade hand signals with her until she, frustrated with their stupidity, walks off in a huff. Not content to be without some lovin' that night, Doug and Steve attempt to spawn with some of the women on the dance floor by gyrating against them. I'd hate to be the one who cleans those suits; the insides have to look like a terrible meringue accident. Finally, the brothers' evening at that club comes to an end when they are forcibly – and wisely – ejected from the premises.

Once again, Doug and Steve cruise the streets of the City of Angels, looking for fun and/or excitement. Along the way to wherever, Doug headbutts the passenger-side window, breaking it. Luckily, his head was empty, so there was no damage to his person. Doug and Steve then argue about the incident for no particular reason . . . until they go to a seedy punk/New Wave club – in 1998 – which they then leave soon after. I guess the scene wasn't hip enough for them there. Doug and Steve, perhaps to quell their boredom in their situation, dance while driving through Los Angeles; unfortunately for them, Stifler's mom (Jennifer Coolidge) pulls up behind them to ticket them for speeding.

Doug and Steve, undeterred by the interference of the local gendarme, head over to the infamous Roxbury, where they cut to the front of the line and head in . . . until doorman Michael Clarke "Big Mike" Duncan – yes, he was credited as "Big Mike" – stops them and turns them away, instead letting in 21 Jump Street star Richard Grieco. Doug and Steve are then relegated to the line outside the club, where Doug informs Steve of his plan to open his own club and then the brothers regale the waiting crowd with the same story about meeting Emilio Estevez over and over again. Of course, Doug and Steve's wait is so long that they never make it into the club, making the film's title false advertising . . . as of now.

At home, Doug and Steve sleep – in the same bedroom – in their underwear and then Steve fellates and probes Doug with a Twizzler. And then he eats it. Mmm. That morning, Doug and Steve argue with their curmudgeonly father (Dan Hedaya) and then, to calm their frazzled nerves, the brothers go out on the street and strut. Tony Manero would be proud. After some chick on the street beats up Doug and Steve for no particular reason, they go to work at their father's fake plant store. Well, the store sells fake plants; the store itself is real, meanwhile. While Steve does something or other, Doug calls in a credit card just so that he can hit on the operator (Meredith Scott Lynn). Unfortunately, the snooty guy to which the credit card belongs isn't quite happy about the situation; dude, don't step on Doug's flow. He's trying to get some!

While their dad orders them to make some deliveries in the business' garish van, Molly Shannon shows up to hit on Steve just because they've known each other for years and she's madly infatuated with him. In order to ply Steve's love, she confesses that she's very good at making out but, before any making out can commence, Doug steps in to break them up . . . much to their father's chagrin, as he'd like to see them married. Later that day, Doug and Steve go to the gym together where some dude (Lochlyn Munro) pesters them about their triceps. The scene in the gym not to their liking, Doug and Steve then head over to the beach – in disturbingly skimpy briefs – where they hit on HOT CHICKS straight out of 1991. They then chat about the club Doug wishes to build and Doug gives Steve a pep talk about getting into the Roxbury that night.

After their jaunt to the beach, Steve and Doug – still clad in their skimpy swim trunks – head home, where Molly Shannon, her family, and their father and mother (Loni Anderson) are waiting for them. Molly Shannon, perhaps impressed with Steve's physique, hits on him again, but Steve spurns her advances, instead heading upstairs with his brother. Ooh . . . it's like an incestuous marriage. Just not of R&B and funk. Once upstairs, Doug and Steve primp for the night's festivities and they even wax each others' backs. I guess that's how you know they're gay. Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd would be proud. Downstairs, Doug tells his father some weird metaphor about Steve being like a fax machine and then Molly Shannon sings the Cheers theme song for no particular reason. Doug and Steve, unsurprisingly, freak out and leave; before they can exit totally, their mother gives them giant cell phones, in case there's any trouble.

On the way back to the Roxbury that night, Steve has a nervous breakdown but they go to the club anyway. I guess the added edginess is hot. Doug and Steve, once again cutting to the front of the line, attempt to bribe "Big Mike" with small bills and spare change, but it doesn't work, so the Butabi brothers head off in search of an ATM with which to bribe "Big Mike" further. Along the way, the brothers' van – as their BMW has been impounded by their father – is rear-ended by . . . Richard Grieco! Richard Grieco, in order to avoid a lawsuit, agrees to aid Doug and Steve in their quest to get into the Roxbury and, once inside, the brothers are in awe of the place . . . even though it seems pretty lame to me. Then again, I'm not into that scene, so what do I know?

Somehow, Richard introduces Doug and Steve to the club's owner, a goateed Chazz Palminteri! He just has a knack for showing up in this column, doesn't he? Alongside Chazz is his trusted assistant for the film, Colin Quinn. Yeah . . . I know it's weird. Richard, Doug, and Steve join Chazz and Colin at their table and they share a few drinks together and chat about the club business. While Richard takes his leave – embarrassed by the Butabi brothers' rampant lameness – Doug pitches his club idea to a very receptive Chazz. Meanwhile some HOT CHICKS (Elisa Donovan and Gigi Rice) watch from the wings, their curiosity piqued by the fact that Doug and Steve are sitting with Chazz and Colin. After Doug finishes his pitch, the two HOT CHICKS then dance – badly – with Doug and Steve and then Doug and Steve hip check the HOT CHICKS out of the picture. See that: incestuous marriage! After some inept choreography breaks out, everyone leaves the club together in Chazz's limousine.

Along the way to further adventures, Chazz, Doug, Steve, and the HOT CHICKS patronize Colin Quinn – who is also Chazz's chauffer – and force him to stop and buy forty cans of whipped cream for the party later that evening. At the convenience store, Doug takes a moment to call the credit-card chick, just to brag about being at the Roxbury that evening. Oddly, she's not turned off by the idea. Weird. Later that night, Chazz takes everyone to his house and, once there, Doug criticizes the layout of Chazz's backyard. Strangely, Chazz does not take offense and have Doug's kneecaps broken for the slight; that's surely a grand change of character . . . at least in comparison to his usual roles. Meanwhile, the HOT CHICKS want to hook up with Doug and Steve – separately, thankfully – so they pair off to bedrooms in the house. Steve, bizarrely gets conceptual with his HOT CHICK . . . and then he impersonates an ambulance for no particular reason. Doug, meanwhile, repeats come-ons to his HOT CHICK incessantly and then the brothers both tell their respective HOT CHICKS the Emilio Estevez story simultaneously. After an eternity of this, the brothers and the HOT CHICKS finally get it on, which means that the brothers have finally lost their virginity . . . and they celebrate that fact together.

The next day, Doug and Steve – now oddly business-like – plan their impending meeting with Chazz at the expense of their actual job, much to their father's chagrin. Doug, the wily dreamer of the pair, gets defensive with his father, since he believes he's on to bigger and better things. Their father, meanwhile, incensed at the brothers' obsession, bans them from clubs forever – which would certainly put a damper on their plans to open their own club – and so, in response, Doug and Steve quit their job. Not that they really did much work to begin with, but it was a paycheck. Molly Shannon, waiting outside, is undaunted by Steve's unemployment and hits on him while armed with two giant bulbs. In her hands.

That afternoon, Doug and Steve venture into the big city to meet with Chazz and, along the way, they nod to the Muzak in the elevator. Oh, the hilarity. Once they come face-to-face with the receptionist, however, they learn the shocking, ironic truth: their names aren't on the list! Dum-dum-DUM! Doug and Steve break into the office anyway, but their attempt to meet with Chazz is foiled by a very upset Colin Quinn, who simply wants REVENGE for the patronizing the evening previous. After Colin Quinn has Doug and Steve forcibly ejected from the premises, he then explains the situation to Chazz, who, oddly enough, really does want to meet with Doug and Steve regarding their business venture.

After their spurning at the hands of the worst host of "Weekend Update" ever, Doug and Steve try to console themselves by calling the HOT CHICKS from the night before. Unfortunately, Doug can't quite figure out how a pager works, so he just sends his HOT CHICK a message full of pound signs. The HOT CHICKS, meanwhile, are hanging out with a few Japanese businessmen, who they then leave to meet with Doug and Steve. The meeting isn't as fruitful as the night before as Doug and Steve, through a convoluted series of events . . . or conversation, as the case may be, reveal that they're unemployed and the HOT CHICKS – rightfully – dump them. Kanye West would be proud.

After the hurtful breakup, Doug and Steve argue while driving down the freeway; meanwhile, in the background, product placement drives by. Doug, frustrated with Steve's lack of commitment to their cause, disowns his brother but Steve attempts to reconcile the situation by talking sense into Doug. Back at Chez Butabi, Doug moves out of his and Steve's room and out of the house as well . . . and into the guest house while accompanied by REM. Playing in the background . . . not actually in person. Though that would've been cool. Later, Doug mopes while watching 21 Jump Street and then he goes to a club all by himself. It's nice to see he's growing as a person and away from his co-dependency.

In time, Steve goes back to working for his father, but he has a nervous breakdown every time he has to sell someone flowers. Perhaps to quell his mental problems, Steve goes to the gym and, maybe in an effort to rope Steve at a vulnerable place in his life, Molly Shannon shows up to hit on him some more. Steve tries to avoid her advances and he tells her to wait for him . . . until that Saturday. The film then time warps to Saturday, where Steve and Molly sit in the audience of a David Copperfield show and, fittingly, Molly lets Steve cop a feel – see what I did there? – while watching the show. Back in Steve's bedroom, Molly throws out Steve's disco décor and, moments later, they become a couple. How sweet.

After an indeterminate amount of dating – probably about a day or two, Molly starts looking for career opportunities for Steve, mainly things which sound like he'll end up with a degree in TV/VCR Repair. Sally Struthers would be proud . . . if she weren't so hungry. Sometime later, Doug and the guy from the gym go to a club together and, through the awesome power of exposition, the guy from the gym reveals that Steve and Molly are getting married. Ah . . . he must've knocked her up. Doug, unsurprisingly, isn't happy about the situation, since he surely believes in the philosophy of – quite literally – "bros before hos."

The next day, Doug and Steve's dad holds an engagement party for Steve and Molly and Molly's family. At the dinner table, Molly hits on Steve incessantly and then refers – coldly – to the marriage as a merger. Later, in confidence to . . . someone (I forget who), Steve reveals that he wants to lobotomize Molly because she annoys him terribly. That night, Steve calls Doug seeking to reconcile their relationship and he asks Doug to be his best man. Doug, meanwhile, doesn't respond; he just sits around in his new room and mopes.

At the wedding, Steve and his best man, the guy from the gym, wait for the proceedings to start. In addition to the surprise of a best man, the groomsman is none other than Richard Grieco and one of the bridesmaids is Eva Mendes . . . before she was famous. I'll have to remember that for if I ever meet her: "I loved you in A Night at the Roxbury!" In addition to the two "stars" in the wedding party, the officiant is none other than Mark McKinney! Steve, gym guy, Richard, and Eva take their places, leaving Molly to walk up the aisle and yell at people on her way to the altar. Once there, she reads terrible poetry to Steve and then he thanks her that she lets him have sex with her. Ah . . . smell the romance. Taste the rainbow. Of course, Steve can't help but hit on Eva Mendes, even though she really doesn't do anything for me. Five words: face like a golf club.

Before Steve and Molly can say their "I do's," Doug shows up to break up the wedding and rip off Say Anything in the process. Steve, torn between Molly and Doug, finally chooses to put his brother before his – ahem – ho and he joins with Doug. Everyone, unsurprisingly, freaks out at the breach of etiquette – doesn't Steve know that he's to be unhappily married for the rest of his life just because that's what everyone wanted of him? – and, in the chaos, Richard Grieco steps up to comfort and psychoanalyze Doug and Steve's dad for no particular reason. In addition, the guy from the gym – taking his role as best man a little too seriously – steps in to marry Molly on the spot and, unsurprisingly, she agrees to it.

In the aftermath, Doug and Steve finally reconcile and, in the process, they quote Jerry Maguire. Hmm . . . evidently they're fans of Cameron Crowe in addition to clubbing. Speaking of clubbing, Doug and Steve hit the streets once again and, much to their surprise, they find a club that looks disturbingly like the one Doug pitched to Chazz way earlier in the movie. That bastard! He stole their idea! Or not, as Steve and Doug actually get into the club this time and, even more shockingly, Chazz is there waiting for them with open arms! Apparently, he – sight unseen – made Steve and Doug partners in the club. Steve and Doug, enjoying the moment, relax at the bar, where Doug conveniently meets with the credit-card chick and she brought a friend for Steve: Stifler's mom! As if on cue, they all fall madly in love and dance their way – badly – to the closing credits.

And so it ends. Compared to the last two forays into the Saturday Night Live canon, A Night at the Roxbury isn't that bad. While the characters themselves are quite annoying, the situations are fairly original – there's no bomb plot or jewel heist, which is a plus – and Will Ferrell shows the star power he would later display in Anchorman, Old School, and Talladega Nights, in some ways stealing the film. OK . . . it's still not really that good, but it's the best of the three I've seen, and that certainly makes it a Misunderstood Masterpiece.

Join me next week as I delve once more into the muddled world of Brian DePalma with an inscrutable ‘80s erotic thriller . . . although were there erotic thrillers before the birth of "Skinemax"? See you then!