The Bullseye 11.25.06: Superman II
Posted by Scotty Flamingo on 11.25.2006
1 Superhero + 2 Directors = Bad Movie
Do you have a certain movie, show, or celebrity that you hate, but you don't see much criticism about? We're not talking Paris Hilton here, everyone hates her. This column is about those things that seem to slip though the cracks of the critics, or are overly praised by lovesick fanboys. This is The Bullseye.
Hey buddies! I hope that all of you had a good Thanksgiving and got lots of eating and football watching done. It was a festive affair at the Flamingo household with all of the relatives getting along until someone says "What's that supposed to mean?" and all hell breaks loose.
As promised, this week I'll be continuing the Superhero theme with the sequel to the original Superman, aptly titled, Superman II. But first, let's get the ball rolling with…
The Quickshot
This week's quickshot isn't superhero related, but it's geeky enough to be close. I'm talking Peter Jackson being off of The Hobbit. As everything in life, it is a big money issue that is screwing us, the moviegoing public, over.
The sad thing is that even with a great director, this isn't going to work. You will get a different look and feel that the Lord of The Rings trilogy. And the rumor is that New Line wants to get two movies out of The Hobbit. Well, who better than Peter "I cut nothing" Jackson? And don't get me started if Ian McKellon doesn't return as Gandalf…
Superman II
Alrighty, let's get to it. Superman II is another superhero film that folks put up there as one of the best of the genre. Like the original, there is some great stuff to be had. Terrance Stamp is absolutely magnificent as General Zod. He is larger than life without being over the top. Again, Christopher Reeves is great as Clark Kent/Superman. Unfortunately, due to Hollywood politics, the movie has some sever flaws.
First, let's have a quick history lesson. If you are a film geek, this will be stuff you've already heard, so feel free to jump ahead. Superman II was released in 1980. Richard Donner, director of the original, returned and shot roughly 80% of the sequel before being replaced as director by Richard Lester. The film's producers apparently wanted a campier Superman movie than what Donner wanted to go with. Throw this in with going overbudget on the first movie and Donner was uncerimoniously dropped midway through. Amazingly though, the film still went on to become a success. But not to me!
All of my complaints with the original apply here. Gene Hackman once again phones in a performance as wig wearing Lex Luthor. Ned Beaty is also back as the goofy sidekick although his screen time is mercifully cut short.
Here are some of my other beefs with Superman II:
Superman's Crazy New Powers – At this point, it seems that they figured Superman didn't have quite enough powers, so they start pulling stuff out of their asses. First, you've got Superman's amnesia kiss. Don't remember that one from the comics. Then you've got the giant Saran Wrap S that he uses to kick Zod's ass. Huh?? The villains too, see to have powers that are just random such as shooting levitation beams out of their fingers. This would be a trend that continued with future sequels with Superman busting out his infamous Great Wall of China Vision in Superman IV.
Fake Jor El – Due to Marlon Brando's lawsuit over money from the first film, all of his scenes are replaced with some jobber. Fortunately, there aren't many, but it is still a distraction.
Crystal Ex Machina – So Superman gets his powers back because Lois sat her purse on the super green crystal from the first movie and he just rebuilds everything. How bloody convenient. I hate easy solutions in movies. Don't have Superman lose his powers in the first place if you can't think of a better way for him to get them back.
The Address of the Fortress of Solitude: Northern Canada – Apparently, Superman's Fortress of Solitude isn't that secluded. It is apparently within walking distance of a diner. I thought that it was supposed to be the North Pole! You can't tell me that Lois and power free Clark WALK back to civilization from the North Pole without the slightest bit of frostbite. And you'd think that Superman would be a bit more concerned about security than that, but no. Lex Luthor just walks right in. No ADT security system??? Not even a "Beware of Krypto" sign??
General Zod, Broadway Star – Even though Terrance Stamp rules every time he is on screen, one can't help but be distracted by his sequin covered outfit. What's with that thing?? Black genie pants with a v-neck blouse and a fancy silver sash! Apparently, the Kryptonian military isn't just stylish, it's FABULOUS!
So there you have it. Just a few things to limit your enjoyment of a childhood favorite. Next week, I milk the Superman franchise for the final time when I set my sights on a show that has gone from pretty good, to down right unwatchable. I'm talking Smallville.
And with that, I'm Scotty Flamingo, and this has been The Bullseye.
