The 411 Top 5: Week 39

Posted by Trevor Snyder on 12.15.2006

The Top 5 Surprisingly Good Performances

Everyone wants to be a movie star, right? The glitz, the glamour, the orgies (come on, you were thinking it). But how does one go about actually achieving this dream? Well, you could do it the old fashioned way – take acting lessons, audition for parts, you know…actually work for it. But who has time for that?

Luckily, there's another method out there that should ensure you your pick of major leading roles in both film and television. It's simple…just become famous for something else! OK, maybe it isn't that simple, but it should work. For whatever reason, Hollywood loves to assume that those famous for anything besides acting might actually be able to act, and continually gives them parts that would be much better off in the hands of, well, real actors.

And yet, every once and awhile, one of these non-actors actually manages to come through and not make a complete ass out of themselves. In fact, sometimes they ever turn in halfway decent performances. There's even the occasional documented occasion where they have delivered very good performances. But don't just take my word for it, take my word, Bryan Kristopowitz's word, and Arnold Furious' word, as the three of us present our picks for:

THE TOP 5 SURPRISINGLY GOOD PERFORMANCES



Trevor Snyder


5) Richard Dawson - The Running Man (1987): I don't know about you, but no matter how much I enjoy the occasional episode of Jeopardy, I have no real desire to see Alex Trebek in a movie anytime soon. Nor do I wish to see Pat Sajak showing off his dramatic chops. Hell, I'm pretty sure I can live without another Howie Mandel movie, for that matter. Game shows hosts are just that…game show hosts. And typically, nothing about them screams acting talent. And yet, here we have Family Feud host Dawson turning in a hilarious and awesome performance as the villain of this classic ‘80s sci-fi/action flick. Yes, Dawson is playing a sort of game show host, so it's not a huge stretch or anything. But how many people really expected to see Dawson so effectively amp up the sleaziness, and be such a memorable villain?

4) Christina Aguilera - Saturday Night Live (2004): Every once and awhile, SNL gets it in their head that it would be a good idea to let a non-actor or comedian host the show, usually a famous athlete or the hot pop star of the moment. Usually, this results in a painful 90 minutes, as it quickly becomes clear the host is out of their element. Luckily, that wasn't the case when Aguilera hosted the show in 2004. She was surprisingly funny, and best of all, it actually seemed like she had taken the time to learn her lines and rehearse with the cast (which often seems questionable with other pop star hosts). The highlight was a great Sex in the City skit, in which Aguilera absolutely nailed her Kim Cattrall impersonation. Aguilera's decent hosting job was all the more surprising in that, to date, she's one of the few pop princesses that hasn't tried to cross over into an acting career. Speaking of which…

3) Mandy Moore - Saved! (2004): One need look no further than films like Crossroads or The Dukes of Hazzard to know that, typically, when a young pop star decides to get into the acting game, the results will be disastrous. And even if it turns out that the singer does have some talent in front of the camera, chances are good they will still only end up in safe, romantic fluff. After her breakout performance in A Walk to Remember, Moore certainly seemed to be heading down that path. But then she did something admirable, swerving slightly off the mainstream path and taking the "bitch" role in the religious satire Saved! As the scheming Hillary Faye, who uses her faith to justify all kinds of nasty behavior, Moore not only turned in the film's best performance, but was able to poke fun at her own squeaky-clean image, and in the process show that she was actually serious about this "acting" thing.

2) Eminem - 8 Mile (2002): The first surprise regarding Eminem's "sorta" biopic was when it was announced that none other than Curtis Hanson would be directing it. This gave it a sense of at least some prestige right off the bat, but the big question still remained: would Eminem be able to pull off his end of the bargain. Pull it off he did, turning in a performance far better than anyone was expecting. Sure, the argument has been made that he was simply playing a version of himself, but that doesn't change the fact that he was actually able to hit the dramatic points of the story just as well as his more experienced co-stars, like Kim Basinger and Mekhi Phifer. What's more, Hanson talked in several interviews about how dedicated Eminem was to giving a good performance, constantly meeting with Hanson, acting coaches, and his co-stars for rehearsals. He didn't have to do that. He could have just made another cheesy action flick like most rappers do, and phoned in his performance. But Eminem wanted to pull off something special, and, in this writer's opinion, he did.

1) Ray Allen - He Got Game (1998): So, you're a world famous and critically acclaimed director, and have decided to direct a gritty urban drama about basketball, and more importantly, the strained relationship of a paroled father and his basketball prodigy son. You've already cast Academy Award winner Denzel Washington as the father, so who do you go to for the son, the second male lead in the film? Well, if you're Spike Lee, you cast Ray Allen, an NBA star who at that point had only acted in…well, nothing. It was a big risk, since, as anyone who has seen the acting work of Dennis Rodman or Shaq will tell you, being a great basketball player definitely does not translate to acting ability. But Allen managed to deliver in his debut performance, standing toe to toe with Washington, which is no easy feat for even other actors. Allen earns bonus points for not trying to become a full-time actor after this – apart from a supporting role in the forgettable Sarah Michelle Gellar flick Harvard Man, Allen stayed away from movies and concentrated on his basketball career. Perhaps he knows it's doubtful that he could match what he accomplished with He Got Game – what may be the best ever film performance from a professional athlete – but part of me would certainly like to see him try in the future.



Bryan Kristopowitz


Honorable Mentions

- The Game - Waist Deep (2006): Rapper extraordinaire The Game was the bad butt villain to Tyrese Gibson's hero "O2" in the very good 2006 action flick Waist Deep. With a nasty milky eye and an intimidating presence, the Game made you fear him. He cut a guy's hands off. That's nasty. When I saw the preview for the flick all I thought he was going to do was stare at the screen and yell, but mostly stare. He did those things, sure, but that wasn't all. I wish there was more of him in the flick. Again, in his "Meat" character's environment, The Game is one nasty dude. Hopefully he'll be back. He'd be a great slasher.

- Richard Dawson - The Running Man (1987): I know that he had a long career in show business prior to his turn as Killian in Ahnold Schwarzeneger's The Running Man, loosely based on the Richard "Stephen King" Bachman's novel of the same name, but let's face it, the only reason Dawson was given the evil game show host role in this flick is because people knew him as the host of the TV game show Family Feud That's where I knew him from, and the fact that he was using all of his TV host tricks along with actually acting and being a sleazy scumbag is all the more memorable. He's a freaking game show host. How can he be this good?

- Jesse Ventura - Predator (1987): How can you ever forget Jesse "The Body" Ventura in his movie acting debut as Blaine the tobacco chewing butt kicking special forces guy who killed bad guys with a portable helicopter gun (or mini gun) and hung around with Ahnold and Bill freaking Duke? Yeah, he was eventually killed by the alien hunter, but the bits he got to execute before getting the big doobage will still be talked about in the future. The man spit on Carl Weather's boots, for the love of God.


5. George Carlin - The George Carlin Show (1994): When stand up comedian George Carlin got his own sitcom on Fox, I'm sure that lots of people figured that the show wouldn't work because Carlin wouldn't be able to "be himself" on regular TV. He wouldn't be able to swear, cuss, use gutter talk and barracks language like he could on his HBO specials. He had been in a few movies before he got his own show, so, in essence, people probably guessed he could "act" for a little bit. Although the show didn't last long, The George Carlin Show is probably Carlin's best overall acting performance. He had to play a character that was sort of him but then wasn't him at all and make him sympathetic and believable. He did that. It's too bad the show didn't continue on. I'm sure Carlin would be a bigger fixture on TV right now if the show did.

4. Anna Nicole Smith - The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994): She was a Guess jeans model and general tabloid beauty before she got her big comedic break in the final Frank Drebin adventure. As villain Fred Ward's girlfriend, Smith's job is to stand there, look pouty and hot and ooze sexuality. She does that, sure, but she's also quite funny. When she has to distract the envelope guard at the Oscars and, after exposing her ample bossoms to no avail, she decides to entice the guard with bubble wrap. It works. I didn't think she would be able to work with any of the cast, that she would be able to deliver lines and be, well, an actor. But she did it her first time out in a major role. And she was pretty.

3. Howie Long - Broken Arrow (1996): Acting as villain John Travolta's henchman in the John Woo action opus Broken Arrow, Long set himself up for a potential acting career with a fine performance as, well, a henchman. He gets to help Travolta steal a nuclear weapon and hold the US hostage. He gets to fight hero Christian Slater. He ends up getting killed after being kicked out of a moving train. Bummer. This role lead Long to star in the underrated firefighter action flick Firestorm, which for some reason just didn't click with audiences. He was pretty decent in 3000 Miles to Graceland, too.

2. Roddy Piper - They Live (1988): I know that John Carpenter's They Live isn't technically Piper's first flick, as he had starred in both Hell Comes to Frogtown and the great Bodyslam before They Live. But, since I hadn't seen Frogtown at the time, and in Bodyslam Piper was playing a pro wrestler (a real stretch for him there since that he was), his turn as the drifter John Nada was, and still is, an amazing experience. Piper's Nada works on every level. He even gets a chance to emote and make you believe him. It's Piper's best performance, his best flick.

1. Brian Bosworth - Stone Cold (1991): Time and Hollywood have not been kind to the former football player, as Stone Cold is both Bosworth's best performance and his most successful movie. It's a pretty dang decent hard core action flick with Bosworth playing a hip and edgy scumbum tough guy cop with a pet iguana who has to go undercover in the ruthless motorcycle gang known as The Brotherhood to find out what the heck the gang's leader Lance Henrickson is going to freaking do. Bosworth, when you first see him, just looks like some big galoot looking moron in a long coat. After a grocery store robbery he becomes a butt kicking butt kicker. He just oozes "Don't mess with me" in this movie. It's too bad the flick didn't lead Bosworth onto a better action movie career, because he can act. He's better than people give him credit for.



Arnold Furious


5) OJ Simpson – The Towering Inferno (1974). Although he'd made a few acting appearances beforehand The Towering Inferno marked the crossing over point where OJ was no longer a sports figure. He was now an actor and a pretty good one. He'd go on to even better performances in the Cassandra Crossing, Capricorn One and the great spoofs of the Naked Gun series.

4) Ice Cube – Boyz N' the Hood (1991). If there's ever been a better performance by a rapper in a film then I've not seen it. True, Cube has gone on to some monumentally bad films over the years, but Boyz N' the Hood was a great start to his career. I'm sure like Eminem in 8 Mile he was merely playing himself with the volume turned up, but Cube's performance was very real. His emotions felt real. A far cry from the comedy Friday, which is his other major success in film. In Boyz he was surrounded by other up and coming actors. He probably felt he had something to prove by appearing with Cuba Gooding Jr. Cube actually out does everyone else in the film, which is a pity because we're looking back now and he's never hit the same level.

3) Bill Bailey – Black Books (2000-2004). Cheating somewhat by using a TV series, but I wasn't sure whether the TV work came first or whether Saving Grace came out first. Either way Bill Bailey is a stand up comedian. He describes himself as "a confused hippy" and "part troll". His trademark beard and long wispy hair made him an easy target for Dylan Moran writer and star of Black Books. The series kicks off with Bailey's Manny character arriving at Moran's Bernard Black's book shop to buy the "little book of calm". Which he promptly ingests and does a fantastic job of portraying what can only be described as a modern day Jesus for the rest of the episode. He ends up working with Bernard Black in the book shop where Black spends his days sleeping, drinking wine and smoking. And hurling any and all abuse he possibly can at Manny. Bailey ends up a hero of sorts. Liked by the entire cast and all of the audience for his offbeat humour with its typical British essence. Dylan Moran is hilarious by himself but Bailey's appearance makes the series. Although I'd put Moran on the list in his place had he not already had one failed sitcom under his belt by the time Black Books came out.

2) Jesse Ventura – Predator (1987). Ah yes, Blaine. The first acting role for Jesse Ventura. It seemed he was using his experience in professional wrestling to make him stand out from the crowd all around him in Predator. While the others had scripts to stick to and their own quirky little things to do (whether it be standing around staring at trees or telling jokes) Blaine was a walking, talking testament to the world of professional wrestling. Loud, brash, uncouth, cool and tough as nails. His "I ain't got time to bleed" line will haunt him forever but that's because he did such a fantastic job of delivering it. The constant wad of chewing tobacco poking into his cheek should have made him look at least a little dumb. Nah, it just made him look tougher. Hell, he almost outdid Arnie in that film. Which is possibly why he was brought back to look so ridiculous and emasculated in the Running Man. Can't have him overshadowing the star in every film he's in can we?

1) Vinnie Jones – Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998). Seriously now. Where the fuck did this one come from? Vinnie Jones was a footballer before he turned his hand to acting in the late 90's. One of Wimbledon's Crazy Gang he was a player that kicked his opponents rather than tackle them and wasn't exactly known for his flair or creativity. Honestly there weren't a lot of people who expected Vinnie to transform into one of Britain's hottest new actors overnight when he signed up for Lock, Stock. But there he is up on screen in 1998, pulling one of the greatest ever debut performances out of his ass. He wasn't only good, he outright stole scene after scene. Including the last one where he utters the epic "it's been emotional" line. Who saw that coming? Kudos to Vinnie for such a terrific performance and crossing over from footballer to actor in one graceful step.

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Now, of course, we'd by lying if we insinuated that performances like these weren't the exception to the rule. The fact is, the majority of the time producers decided to cast a non-acting celebrity in their work, it turns out to a very, very bad move. Next week, we'll look back in fondness (or anger) at some of these occasions, as we check out The Top 5 "Actors" Who Should Keep Their Day Job.