Misunderstood Masterpieces: Larry the Cable Guy – Health Inspector

Posted by Will Helm on 12.19.2006

…or, Wait a Second; Is He a Cable Guy or a Health Inspector? I’m So Confused . . .

For some reason, for the past few years, there has been a strange tidal wave sweeping over the United States, bringing low-brow humor and country-fried references along with it. That wave is called the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" and, unexplainably and inexplicably, this collection of Southern-tinged comedians has taken the nation by storm and, through that, spawned a massive multimedia franchise as well. Oddly, seemingly, the biggest fans of this style of humor are, for reasons unexplored, the very same as the fodder for the purveyors. Yes, the comedians involved in the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" mock their own fans . . . and the fans don't even realize it. I don't get it either.

The quartet responsible for this bizarre juxtaposition comprises Jeff Foxworthy, the most famous member; the relatively normal Bill Engvall; drunken, not-dead lout Ron "'Tater Salad" White; and Southern caricature Larry the Cable Guy. While Jeff Foxworthy had success with his own titular television show in the past and Engvall and White are stars on the comedy circuit in their own right, the tour produced a breakout star in the loud, obnoxious, and terribly exaggerated Larry the Cable Guy. Portrayed by Dan Whitney, Larry the Cable Guy, clad in a cut-off flannel shirt, worn-in jeans, and an ever-present trucker hat, complete with a fishing hook on the brim – in case any bass happen by during the day, I suppose, embodies every country "redneck" stereotype with his persona, much to the delight of fans and the horror of everyone else, mainly those who fear gun-totin' Red Staters. Perhaps, for good or for ill, Larry the Cable Guy's success has blanketed the nation with his irritatingly overused catchphrase . . . "Git ‘er Done." Of course, what is supposed to be getting done is never explained but I think that's the point. I think.

As per usual, whenever a breakout star becomes a national phenomenon, movie deals come calling. Luckily for the world, the first call Larry the Cable Guy took was to provide a voice for the recent Pixar masterwork Cars. Unfortunately for cinema, Larry the Cable Guy didn't stop at that as the next call offered a starring role in a vehicle – ironic since he was "in" Cars – showcasing his own personal talents while stretching his range in a bizarre fashion. Indeed, this cinematic opportunity would cast Larry the Cable Guy as . . . a city health inspector. Yes, in 2006, the confusingly titled Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector was loosed upon American cinemas and, just as quickly, it found a home on the IMDB.com Bottom 100 (where it currently resides at #42). As it lands, like so many films of the past few weeks, on this list, does that truly make Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector one of the worst films of 2006 . . . or is it actually a Misunderstood Masterpiece? Let's find out!

In a bedroom somewhere in America, someone is snoring, loudly. The mystery individual awakens at the first alarm with a start, revealing a prodigious carpenter's crack. Gee . . . thanks movie. Of course, this is the introduction to the film's star and main character, Larry the Cable Guy. Auspicious, to say the least. Larry, to start his day, steps on half-eaten pizza on the floor and then he urinates Gatorade in the shower. He is from Florida, after all, so it makes sense. Larry then leaves for work as the titular health inspector and his first stop is to say goodbye to his "hilariously" retarded neighbor (David Koechner), who, for some reason, hits himself in the crotch with a soccer ball. Whammy!

To begin his day proper, Larry has breakfast at some disgusting diner, where he tolerates the chef's – to use the term loosely – abuse and flagrant eschewing of simple hygienic rules. The last straw comes for Larry, though, when he cleverly agitates a horde of cockroaches from under the bar. This indiscretion is enough to make Larry use his awesome power – and requisite badge – to close the restaurant by the power invested in him. After flexing his health inspector muscles, Larry goes to the office where he runs into a paraplegic Buster Bluth (Tony Hale) and then Biff (Tom Wilson) yells at Larry for no particular reason. Perhaps it's the fact that Larry seems to be eternally undercover as a redneck that's got Biff's goat.

Biff, so fed up with Larry's antics – even though few are revealed thus far, has a little surprise for Larry: a partner! In fact, it's not just any partner, but boyish and straight-laced pencil-pusher Amy Butlin (Iris Bahr). So boyish is Butlin that Larry, hilariously, believes Butlin to actually be a boy. Oh joy, my sides are splitting. Larry, perhaps to impress his fellow male, farts for Butlin, much to her – and her olfactory nerves – chagrin.

After the rude introduction is out of the way, Larry shows off the "Larry-mobile" – a beat-up pickup truck – to Butlin, as if Butlin – being a male – would be impressed. Later, Larry – with Butlin in tow – goes to a sushi place where he jokes around with the chef while Butlin is overly – and annoyingly – by the book, quizzing the chef about his food-handling practices. Meanwhile, at another restaurant, to women argue over bottles of wine. One, obviously, is evil . . . mainly because she's ugly, complete with a unibrow, tattoos, and a sinister scar; the other (Joanna Cassidy) is simply a bitch. There's something important going on in this little interlude, but I can't figure out what it is.

Later that same day, Larry visits an Indian restaurant where he asks the proprietor for a turban and then he feeds Butlin, who was questioning the owner a little too much, some ultra-hot tandoori chicken . . . or one of those Indian dishes that just taste like burning. Ralph Wiggum would be proud. In the "Larry-mobile" after the tour, Larry gives Butlin a little lecture about his investigating habits, laissez-faire as they are, and then they fight over the presets on Larry's radio, which, strangely, has a classical music preset. Maybe that's for when Larry's lovin' up the ladies or something.

Larry, for no reason other than to further the plot, goes to the local mall, where he takes some time out of his busy schedule to hit on the MILF from Grounded for Life (Megyn Price). Larry's flirtatious stares are oddly powerful as the MILF, named "Jane" for further reference, loses her balance in the window of a lingerie store and she tears a mannequin to pieces in the process. Even though Larry steps to her aid and tries to defuse the situation, Jane's uppity, small-chested boss – one would think a lingerie store would have a size requirement regarding that – isn't happy about what's going on in her store. Larry, as a dutiful public servant, tries to exert his authority on the place, but the boss has none of it . . . mainly because the lingerie store sells no food. Ah, that's impressive logic, I must say. After the incident, Larry and Jane chat a bit outside until Butlin shows up to break them up, inciting a humorous misunderstanding in the process . . . although it's never really revealed whether or not Jane knows that Butlin is a woman or not at this point. Why do you insist on confusing me, movie?

After the jaunt to the mall, Larry and Butlin visit a soul food restaurant where Larry is good buddies with the chef, the aptly named Big Shug (Bruce Bruce). While Butlin bothers the chef and his staff, Larry asks Big Shug about an upcoming cooking contest which Big Shug intends on winning because he has big dreams and hates Whitey. Shockingly, this doesn't turn into an impromptu episode of Def Comedy Jam as Big Shug simply hates Whitey, his landlord. For some reason unbeknownst to anyone, Larry then counters Big Shug with some rambling story about his grandfather's testicles. No, I don't get it either.

To move the film along – which is already moving far too fast for its own good, Larry and Butlin share a wacky musical montage together and then, that night, Larry and paralyzed Buster go out for drinks together. Why Larry complains about the uptight Butlin, wheelchair-bound Buster can't reach his drink; meanwhile, Butlin, as a juxtaposition, complains to Biff about Larry. Something tells me that they'll come to some sort of a resolution later in the film; it's just a hunch. To finish the evening, Larry accidentally spills beer on non-ambulatory Buster; sadly, the film misses the opportunity to have Buster's electric wheelchair malfunction and wreak havoc in the bar.

Meanwhile, at a hoity-toity restaurant, some guy tries to propose to his girlfriend but he's rudely interrupted by explosive diarrhea. Luckily for him, the indiscretion isn't solely his as everyone in the restaurant is then struck ill by a mystery ailment. Ah . . . so they're eating at Olive Garden? Larry, as the on call health inspector, swoops to action and, strangely, he finds Jane the MILF there and she speaks French! Dum-dum-DUM! In addition, Butlin arrives on the scene to give Larry a hand with the investigation and, after seeing them together, Jane the MILF finally discerns the true nature of their relationship.

Unfortunately for Larry and Butlin, Biff showed up first and he has the kitchen cordoned off and he throws Larry off the case. Larry and Butlin, with Jane the MILF's aid, discover an integral clue: someone may have put eye drops in the water supply! Dum-dum-DUM! Larry and Butlin try to tell Biff about their little discovery but he's having none of it. Larry and Butlin elect to leave the scene, dejected, but not before Jane the MILF gives Larry her number . . . which he promptly – and accidentally – wipes his nose with.

The next day, in the mayor's office, Joe Pantoliano is there for no particular reason. Oh, wait . . . he's the mayor. Well, I'd vote for him. Apparently, Joe Pantoliano is also a pervert as he spies on his secretary's cleavage and then he requests a perfectly innocent shoulder rub from her . . . which she wisely refuses. Meanwhile, at the office, Larry meets with Biff and, according the mayor's special request, Biff puts Larry on the fancy restaurant beat for no reason in particular other than probably hilarity will ensue. Biff, of course, simply wants Larry to screw up so Biff can finally fire him. It's unfortunate that Larry is also the health department's best employee otherwise Biff probably would've gotten his wish ages ago.

Larry, emboldened by his new power, goes on the job with gusto and he discovers that rats were planted at another fancy restaurant somewhere in the city. Larry's evidence has to do with the rats being notably clean – meaning that they're lab rats pressed into duty as evidence – but Biff is skeptical about Larry's theory; so skeptical, in fact, that he absentmindedly says "rat's ass" and everyone cracks up at the unintentional joke . . . except him.

After his meeting with Biff regarding rodent derrieres, Larry makes a date with Jane the MILF and, perhaps to help Larry get in touch with his sophisticated side, Butlin provides a bit of unsolicited advice. Larry, skeptical of the boyish Butlin's input – wow that phrase sounded dirty, instead turns to paralyzed Buster for some suggestions . . . while insulting him the whole time. That's really not a nice way to endear yourself to co-workers, Larry. After eliciting Buster's help, Larry and Jane the MILF go to a fancy restaurant together – while Larry is clad in his de rigueur homemade vest – and Larry pretends to be Denzell Washington, local landscaper, to get in the door. Somehow, Joe Pantoliano, also on hand, gets Larry and Jane the MILF in the restaurant and, perhaps to apologize for the harsh treatment, the owner – the bitch from earlier – visits Larry's table with a bottle of wine. Larry bonds with the bitch by asking her if the restaurant has bidets in the lavatories, just because he can.

After the romantic dinner concludes, Larry takes Jane the MILF home and it is there that he discovers her dirty little secret: she lives with her disgusting, psychotic mother (Lisa Lampanelli). Somehow, Larry bonds with Jane the MILF's mother – who is decidedly NOT a MILF – and then Jane the MILF asks Larry about his personal history. Somehow, Larry's backstory involves dreaming about Moon Pies and Hee Haw. To be honest, I don't know if that's a good dream or a nightmare for rednecks . . . and I really don't want to know. Larry, perhaps as a term of endearment, then farts for Jane the MILF but, before he can continue, he wisely excuses himself to the bathroom and violent toilet humor ensues. Jane the MILF is only slightly disgusted by Larry's – ahem – outbursts until she suffers the same fate soon after. Hopefully Larry didn't use up all the paper; she's going to need it.

The next day, Larry describes the scene – more than likely in graphic detail – to Butlin, who suspects PETA. Larry, inspired by his ailment, wants to investigate further . . . and he massacres American History along the way. As part of their investigation, Larry and Butlin search over reservation lists at the restaurants that have been stricken by sabotage looking for commonalities. While Butlin searches the book, Larry sits dumbfounded in front of a database and, before he can discern exactly what's going on, he's rudely interrupted by a dirty IM. As Larry tries to decipher the meaning of the IM, the ugly sister from earlier in the film shows up and roughs up Larry for no particular reason.

Larry and Butlin, their investigation stymied by the ugly sister, visit another fancy restaurant in town and they recoil in horror at the uppity British chef there. Gordon Ramsey would laugh at this punk . . . and then take his lunch money. Somehow, in her mind, Butlin suspects Big Shug, as he and the bitch are the finalists in the aforementioned cooking contest, much to Larry's disbelief. Meanwhile, Biff waxes poetic about something to Larry and Butlin and then Larry counters by talking about his retarded, testicle-less neighbor. Oh . . . I guess I have to go back and change the bit about him hitting himself in the balls with the soccer ball, as he doesn't have any. Hang on a sec . . .

Larry then leaves for work as the titular health inspector and his first stop is to say goodbye to his "hilariously" retarded neighbor (David Koechner), who, for some reason, hits himself in the crotch with a soccer ball. NO Whammy! No Big Money, either, sadly.

Larry and Butlin, against Biff's wishes, continue their investigation of the poisonings in town; personally, I blame lettuce. Or prepackaged spinach. Butlin, to further the fact-finding, goes undercover and Jane the MILF in on hand to help Butlin rehearse. Meanwhile, Larry's retarded neighbor brains himself with the soccer ball; although it really isn't clear if he's missing his brain as well. Maybe I'll have to strike that out later, too. Larry, before Butlin starts her infiltration, compliments Butlin's balls and then she goes to one of the few restaurants in town left to be hit while disguised as a waiter. Larry, listening outside, somehow makes Butlin freak out and loudly proclaim her gender to the entire restaurant, mainly involving a graphic description of her small breasts and pert nipples. Mental note: women with small chests are uppity. Good to know. While Butlin hides out in the kitchen, embarrassed by her outburst, Joe Pantoliano shows up in the kitchen with a mysterious bag for the chef . . . which may very well be poison! Butlin accidentally makes herself known but, before any bludgeoning can break out, Larry rescues her by dressing up like an Arab version of Project Runway's Jay McCarroll. Seriously.

Larry, incriminating evidence in hand, goes to the office and, for some reason, he's been promoted and Kid Rock and Jane the MILF are there to celebrate with him. Larry, wisely, chooses Jane the MILF over fishing with Kid Rock . . . and then Larry wakes up with a raging erection. Thanks, movie; now I'll have to pluck out my eyes. In reality, on the way to the office, Butlin espouses caution with their possibly earth-shattering discovery but Larry, seeking to strike while the iron is hot, tracks down Joe Pantoliano at an interview and he confronts him with the evidence! Joe Pantoliano tries to defend himself and, unbelievably, the chef backs up Joe Pantoliano's story, much to Larry's mortification.

Larry, once again, goes to the office – this time in sad reality – and, once there, Biff unsurprisingly fires Larry. Outside, Larry then finds someone stealing the "Larry-Mobile" for no particular reason and then Larry has a heart-to-heart with Big Shug, who forcibly ends their friendship after Larry confesses that Big Shug was once a suspect. Perhaps to soothe his nerves, Larry bikes around town with an inflatable John Cena hand, which helps until he sees Jane the MILF spending time with Joe Pantoliano. Damn you, Joey Pants! Don't you know it's bros before hos? Larry's plight is so bad that even his retarded, eunuch neighbor takes time out to insult him. Whammy!

Larry, in order to drown his sorrows, passes out drunk that night and Jane the MILF comes over for a visit unannounced. Larry, perhaps jealous of her making time with Joe Pantoliano, wants answers from Jane the MILF but, as it turns out, it was all a master plan set forth by Butlin, who wanted to use Jane the MILF to find incriminating evidence from Joe Pantoliano. Surprisingly, the plan worked, as Joe Pantoliano's IM handle is the same as the one which spawned the dirty IMs at the restaurant earlier in the film. Dum-dum-DUM!

Later that day, Larry finds Joe Pantoliano in the park and Larry forcibly interrogates him. I guess health inspectors aren't bound by the Geneva Convention; maybe the government should hire them for Guantanamo Bay. Joe Pantoliano, now outed by Larry's discoveries, incriminates the bitch from the fancy restaurant earlier in the film so Larry, Butlin, and Jane the MILF – who was an innocent bystander laid low by machinations outside of her control – plan REVENGE!

Before the REVENGE can break out, though, a low-rent Iron Chef breaks out for no particular reason . . . other than to complete a subplot of the film. Competing in the contest are none other than – shockingly – Big Shug and the bitch! Judging the contest, meanwhile, are two nobodies and the Beaver (Jerry Mathers). Dammit . . . why couldn't it be Chuck Norris again? Meanwhile, Larry plans a disguise and he debates between a gladiator outfit and a Carmen Miranda costume. Why, yes . . . that is, indeed, pointless. Larry finally settles on a chef ensemble . . . or a rabbi costume, mainly because the guy selling the costumes just happens to be Jewish. And, apparently, a rabbi.

After the first round of competition, Big Shug wins, upping the ante for the bitch and her restaurant. Somehow, through a convoluted series of events, the bitch and her ugly sister end up arguing in the women's bathroom and all is revealed to the audience because Larry is in an adjacent stall with a live microphone! Wow . . . didn't I see that in one of the Naked Gun movies? I guess if they're going to rip off gags, they should at least rip off from some of the best. Larry's ruse is revealed, unfortunately, when he flatulates and then, now discovered, he fights the ugly sister while Butlin fights the bitch.

After the scene settles and justice is mostly served, Larry confronts Biff and pummels him, believing Biff was in on the whole plot. Unfortunately for Larry, his powers of deduction are misguided as it was not really Biff but non-paraplegic Buster who was part of the scheme! For no reason in particular, all the other extraneous characters in the film show up to foil miraculously walking Buster and bring him to justice. As a denouement, Biff punches Larry as a point of REVENGE and then he rehires him and then Larry gets Butlin a promotion. Finally, Larry goes on another date with Jane the MILF . . . but he's rudely interrupted by a phone call and he once again swoops into action and into a possible sequel!

OK . . . it's honest time. Shockingly, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, in total, isn't really that bad. Even though it has a very terrible opening, the film ends up being entertaining in spite of itself, mainly because the characters are actually likable and, remarkably, not annoyingly exaggerated, which is a problem many films of this genre face. Most remarkably, even Larry the Cable Guy mixes just enough of his shtick with the character – other than the annoying catchphrase, which is, luckily, saved for the very end – to remind the viewer that it is indeed Larry the Cable Guy without the viewer dejectedly saying "Oh . . . it's Larry the Cable Guy." Does Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector deserve to be one of the Worst Films of 2006? Maybe not, actually . . . but that's what makes it a Misunderstood Masterpiece.

Join me next week as I bring a sequel that shouldn't have been made and wouldn't have been made if someone didn't get a boob job and think it was a good idea to show them off. Well, at least I think she did. I guess I'll find out for sure next week. As will all of you when I conclude the Worst Films of 2006 with what will, undoubtedly, take the top spot! See you then!