Misunderstood Masterpieces: Dune (Part 2)

Posted by Will Helm on 03.20.2007

…or, I Guess I’ll Call This 200 1/2, Just to Be Fair

Just last week, I studied the first half of the flawed 1984 sci-fi epic Dune, with the intention of finishing up the job this week in this very column. In the interim, I received a very interesting letter regarding the current object of my discontent, which I shall share forthwith. Esteemed reader Andrew writes:

Hey there,

Just wanted to let you know (hope I'm not one of many, don't want to sound pissy!), the version of Dune which you are reviewing on 411: it's the 'wrong' version. That is to say, there was an extended 'TV' version, which used a lot of unfinished shots, special effects, and yeah, those crappy paintings and monologue. That's why David Lynch's name is 'Alan Smithee' in the credits, because this version of Dune is very much not to his approval. Not that he was over the fucking moon with the original! So yeah, the TV version is even LESS liked, and fans of the film (such as myself) see it as the greatly inferior version 'cos well, it is, and also because David Lynch is so unhappy with it.

Far be it from me to disagree with this gentleman's conjecture, I did, however, investigate a bit into this particular film's provenance prior to my undertaking. Apparently, there are approximately five different versions of the film and only one – the original cut – has David Lynch's somewhat begrudging approval. From what I've read – and even what Andrew has mentioned – David Lynch really doesn't even like the "approved" cut but he refused to be associated with the longer "television" cut or the "Extended Edition," which is what is covered here. Honestly, I don't think any of it really matters. David Lynch shot all of the scenes – except perhaps for the initial painted monologue, which, in my opinion, actually HELPS the film – so he's the director. Whether he wanted to put them into the film is another matter but I would think that'd be more film editor Antony Gibbs' worry and not his. Eh . . . no matter. This is still Dune, it's still directed – though not necessarily approved – by David Lynch, and it's certainly shaping up to be a Misunderstood Masterpiece.

At the end of the last column, Paul and his mom escaped the clutches of the evil Harkonnen; Duke Leto, meanwhile, wasn't so lucky as he accidentally killed Grima Wormtongue rather than Baron Harkonnen, which made Baron Harkonnen squeal with maniacal delight. Out in the deserts of Arrakis, Paul pilots the ship he hijacked off of the Harkonnen accompanied by the power of inner monologue. He crashes the ship and then, while he tries to get things together, his mom just sits around and cries. Paul, meanwhile, is apathetic and stares at the moon. Yeah . . . he's still feeling the effects of the acid. I mean "spice." (SPICE!)

Paul, for some reason, watches as the moon explodes and a pickled vagina appears in his mind's eye. This is probably all Freudian "death of the father" sort of stuff. During the acid trip, Paul discovers that his mother is pregnant as well as other stuff that was revealed earlier in the plot. Paul, recovering from his little jaunt, orders his grieving mom around and then he tells her about his hallucinations and the spice (SPICE!). Apparently, his consciousness is expanding – this portion of the film may very well have been written by Timothy Leary – and then he vows REVENGE against the Harkonnen . . . by awakening the "sleeper." Because, as his father told him, "the sleeper must awaken." Ooh . . . cryptic.

Back at the palace on Arrakis, Sting's brute of an older brother – the "some other guy" from last week's column – kills Max von Sydow. Over in the desert, Paul studies some schematics Yueh left for the voice weapons and then he tells his mom that they need to get to some mysterious big rock in nearby. Paul and his mom start their schlep but, not long after, a worm shows up. They should've walked without rhythm; evidently they don't listen to Fatboy Slim. While the worm growls at Paul and his mom and then bad special effects attack them, Paul smells spice (SPICE!) and then he falls off the rock! The worm screams in victory at Paul's seeming demise . . . and then it gets distracted.

Fortunately for the movie, Paul isn't dead as, not long after, he and his mom explore the big rock and, deep inside, they find . . . the Fremen! As Paul and his mom are interlopers, a bit of a fight breaks out but Paul's mom quickly ends it by subduing the Fremen leader, Stilgar (Everett McGill). Oh yeah . . . she's a telepathic ninja hippie chick. Now if only she were a pirate too; then she'd be the coolest person ever. Speaking of which, I've always wondered who would win in a fight between a ninja, a pirate, a zombie, and a robot. The world may never, sadly, know. Anyway, Stilgar, at the mercy of Paul's mom, allows the refugees refuge but, alas, one guy (Judd Omen) gets ticked off for no particular reason. While the random guy challenges Paul to a duel, Paul's making time with a Fremen HOT CHICK (Sean Young) who lends Paul her knife. Paul has a cursory knife fight with the guy who yells in victory just before Paul kills him. Oops; I guess he celebrated too soon. The Fremen, since they now have an open spot on their roster, welcome Paul and christen him "Muad'Dib." They also christen him "Usul," but that's not really as important later on.

Now that Paul and his mom are part of the Fremen tribe, some Fremen hippie chick talks about holy war coming to Arrakis. Later, Paul attends the funeral of the guy he killed in the knife fight. Rather than bury the corpse, the Fremen liquefy the guy and then they give the water to Paul. Mmm . . . Fremen juice. Afterward, Stilgar gives Paul a tour of the facility and, much to Paul's surprise, the Fremen have giant stores of water underneath the planet's surface. Oh those cagey Fremen! While Paul marvels at the massive quantities of water at the Fremen's disposal, the HOT CHICK asks him about Caladan, which surprises Paul's inner monologue. Moments later, Paul discovers that Max von Sydow was her father . . . but now he's dead and he thinks about using that as a way to get into her pants. Or something like that.

Over on Giedi Prime, Baron Harkonnen flies around and celebrates; meanwhile, Sting's oafish brother eats a cow tongue fresh from the cow. Baron Harkonnen, in a fit of pique, awards Sting's brother the governorship of Arrakis and then Sting gets out of a steam bath and stretches. The baron, disturbingly, likes what he sees. Ick. Just ick. Back on Arrakis, Paul's mom, who's trying to elevate herself in the hippie chick ranks, drinks some liquor and freaks out; meanwhile, another hippie chick dies and Mr. Monologue makes a return to explain why. Moments later, Paul's mom gives birth to Paul's sister Alia, thanks to the aid of the liquor.

In the depths of the Harkonnen palace, Sting and the baron visit Thufir, who's now a captive of the Harkonnen. The baron, to control Thufir and bend him against his will, has Thufir poisoned and enslaved . . . and he needs to milk a hairless cat to keep himself alive, as well. Thufir's inner monologue, meanwhile, feels bad about the situation. On Arrakis, Paul makes out with the HOT CHICK and they apparently get it on underwater. Or maybe it's another acid trip. Later, Paul, emboldened by post-coital confidence, addresses the Fremen and he tells them he's going to teach them to be weird. Or something like that. Oh, and along they way they're going to destroy the spice trade on Arrakis, mainly because he just wants attention. See . . . this is what happens when there's no father figure in a boy's life: he just lashes out so someone will notice him.

Sometime later, Paul has one of the Fremen comically beat up a rock, to no avail. Paul, meanwhile, shows off by blowing it up with his voice weapon. After a few of the Fremen blow up other things with their voice weapons – once accidentally – Paul gets all metaphysical as it seems that "Muad'Dib" is a dangerous word. Stilgar, sometime after, to apparently repay Paul for training his men in the use of the voice weapon, teaches Paul how to catch a worm. I think he should just feed him bad pork but I guess that'd be too easy. And too easy it is as Stilgar explains to Paul the proper technique for luring, catching, and riding a sandworm. Whoa . . . heavy. Apparently, there are also a lot of caveats as Stilgar warns Paul many times over. Paul, on his first attempt, attracts a giant worm, impressing his Fremen buddies. Paul, as per Stilgar's instructions, hops onto the worm, attaches reins, and goes for a ride. The rest of the Fremen join him and they celebrate this with some synth-rock in the background.

In the following years, as Mr. Monologue explains, Paul and the Fremen – I think they were a band in the ‘60s – conduct a guerrilla war against the spice production on Arrakis, effectively illustrated by a quick strike on a spice harvester. Eventually, Paul and his compatriots stop the flow of spice (SPICE!) from the planet and, while Sting's brother searches in vain for Paul and his allies, the Fremen square off against some spice pirates. Unfortunately, Robert Urich isn't among them but, much to Paul's surprise and delight, Jean-Luc Picard is! In the midst of the battle, Paul and Picard reunite tearfully and Picard joins the Fremen cause. How sweet. That night, Stilgar, still teaching Paul about the ways of the Fremen, shows Paul how they make their "special" liquor. Paul watches quizzically as Fremen monks drown a small sandworm to make their particular eau de vie . . . which happens to be worm puke.

Sometime later, at the imperial palace, some math geeks visit the emperor. It seems they're not happy about the spice trade being stopped by the Fremen uprising. Paul, still on Arrakis, sees the meeting between Emperor Cyrano and the math geeks in a nightmare. He freaks out and then the HOT CHICK in bed with him consoles him. For some reason, Paul deduces, from his dreams and something the math geeks mentioned, that he has to drink the worm puke to move on to the next level of the game. Or, at least, that's what it seems like.

Even though the HOT CHICK doth protest, she and Paul head off to the middle of the desert where the rest of the Fremen tie up Paul. Paul lies back and lets the HOT CHICK feed him the worm puke and, unsurprisingly, Paul has another acid trip. Along the way, some sandworms show up and pay homage to Paul, who's busy crying blood. Somehow, through the awesome power of the acid trip, Paul becomes master of the worms; meanwhile, a pickled vagina dies somewhere. I guess that's the male equivalent of the telepathic hippie chick kicking off earlier. Finally . . . FINALLY, Paul asserts that he will have his REVENGE because the sleeper has awakened! Yay.

In the months or so after awakening the sleeper, Paul meets with the entire Fremen populace as their leader and he tells them they are a storm made to envelop Arrakis. Meanwhile, Mr. Monologue explains that Emperor Cyrano is coming to Arrakis because the math geeks threatened him. Paul, at the head of the Fremen army, leads his troops out of the mountain; elsewhere, the baron also heads to Arrakis, probably because the movie needs to get finished up in the very near future. The Fremen, with Paul at the front of the troop, run into the desert where Picard is busy readying the corps for battle. Moments later, some sandworms start showing up and all the Fremen climb aboard.

Over at the palace, Baron Harkonnen meets with Emperor Cyrano, who, due to Sting's brother's ineffective stewardship, had him beheaded, much to the baron's chagrin. The emperor then scolds Baron Harkonnen for mismanaging Arrakis and then he reveals that he has a hostage from the Fremen: Paul's sister Alia (Alicia Witt). Strangely, Alia is remarkably calm to be a hostage and, just by her mere presence, she freaks out the telepathic hippie chick. Then, Alia does the "big reveal" for Emperor Cyrano and Baron Harkonnen: she tells them that Muad'Dib is actually Paul Atreides, who they once thought was dead! Dum-dum-DUM!

Just outside the palace, Paul – with his army and compatriots by his side – has Picard blow up a wall of rock protecting the palace. Meanwhile, Alia threatens Emperor Cyrano in wonderfully cryptic language. The Fremen then attack and Paul plans his REVENGE against the emperor and Baron Harkonnen. While Emperor Cyrano sets his defense, the Fremen ride into the fray on the backs of the sandworms, which provide durable cover as they blow spaceships out of the sky with their voice weapons. Back inside the palace, Alia messes with Baron Harkonnen telepathically; a little while later, she – probably bored with the baron – poisons him and then sends him flying into a sandworm's waiting mouth. Mmm . . . yummy.

With Baron Harkonnen dead, the Fremen overrun the palace and then Paul has a long delayed audience with Emperor Cyrano and he uncouthly orders him around. With the emperor submissive to him, Paul then threatens the math geeks and the hippie chick, just because he can. Before Paul can ingratiate himself to any other onlookers, Sting – hiding in the background – pipes up and Paul, sensing the Harkonnen presence, promptly challenges him to an impromptu duel. Sting, unsurprisingly, accepts and then he bites Paul's fingers for no particular reason. Maybe it's some weird Harkonnen custom. Sting, as the lead singer of the Police as well as a Harkonnen, brags for a bit and then he hits on the HOT CHICK while fighting with Paul. His braggadocio is short-lived, however, as the fight quickly turns against him . . . so he tries to cheat. Paul notices this and he quickly kills Sting and then he blows up the corpse a bit by yelling at it, impressing his Fremen brethren. Mr. Monologue then provides an epilogue – which I guess would make him Mr. Epilogue too – and then it starts dramatically raining on Arrakis. Finally, in lieu of closing credits, the cast has their yearbook pictures featured.

So, though it took me two weeks to do it, that's Dune. Exciting, huh? Actually, to be quite honest, Dune isn't a terrible movie; I'd classify it more as a film that is almost good, albeit with a few glaring flaws. Even though, as I mentioned before, Mr. Monologue does help out with the introduction which provides a lot of helpful exposition, there is still quite a bit in the film that isn't fully explained or fleshed out. In addition, a lot of the characters – particularly Sting's and Duncan Idaho – exist only as plot devices to be killed when needed. All the viewer knows about sting is that he's greasy, evil, and Harkonnen and that's about it. The same holds true for Duncan Idaho; he's a guy who's Paul's teacher who shows up for a few minutes and then gets shot not long after. Thanks for showing up for the film today, Mr. Jordan. Perhaps the greatest flaw of the film, however, is the pacing. It takes more than half the film for the plot to kick into high gear – specifically when the Harkonnen reconquer Arrakis – and then the film has to rush in the second half to come in under three hours. While the first half of the film, for the most part, seems suitably epic, the second half feels incomplete – as may be evident in this column – and that is certainly the mark of a Misunderstood Masterpiece . . . the 200th one, in fact.

Join me next week as I have a devil of a time dealing with three films featuring Satan and his minions. See you then!