411 Movies Roundtable: April 2007
Posted by Chad Webb on 04.03.2007
The staff expresses all of their anticipations, fears, and disgusts about the new releases for April.
The Movie Zone Proudly Presents:
The zone with "The Right Stuff."
The 411Mania Movies Roundtable
Well ladies and gents, it looks like I will be taking over leadership of the Movies Roundtable for a while. I will do my best to fill the shoes of the great Matthew Craggs. Meanwhile, I decided to get back to the layout that Mr. Scott Rutherford created some time ago. I hope you enjoy it. Moving along…
April means the summer movie season is almost here. This month has some interesting releases, as well as some films that have the potential to be very good. In this edition, you can look forward to the staff supplying thoughts on Grindhouse, Hot Fuzz, and WWE's The Condemned! Plus,one member has positive remarks about the movie Doom (we forgive him),and Bryan uses the word hoot. Have fun…
Arnold Furious - This man delivers Furious on Film every Thursday.
Bryan Kristopowitz - The Trancers fanatic presents his thoughts and opinions every Monday with What!!-This-Column!?? .
Scotty Flamingo - Scotty takes aim at things he can't stand with The Bullseye.
Nick Wallander - This 411 newcomer just debuted his column I'm Not Gonna Lie…. This is his first time contributing to the Roundtable.
Owain J. Brimfield - Another first timer for the Movie Zone Roundtable. You can read his DVD reviews of Happy Feet and Children of Men on the site now.
Biggest Winner of the Month: Zack Snyder. After delivering such amazing returns on 300, he's been given carte blanche on what he wants to do next. Right now, he's tied between an original zombie flick called Army of the Dead and the long-awaited adaptation of Watchmen. And if he delivers a quality piece of work with Watchmen, fanboys everywhere will be erecting Zack's statue alongside Romero and Carpenter in the land of geekdom.
Biggest Loser of the Month: Gerard Butler. As soon as 300 was a confirmed hit, New Line Cinema snatched up Butler to play Snake Plissken in a prequel/remake of Escape from New York. Fans of the original film – including myself – are not too happy that this film is being made, and no fan was more vocal about it than Kurt Russell. Sorry, Gerard. I liked you in 300, but if Kurt says you're the wrong choice for the role, I don't think the fans are gonna cut you much slack.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: We kinda already knew this was going to happen, but just getting the confirmation that all three lead actors will be onboard for the last two Harry Potter films puts everyone's mind at ease and snuffs out those rumors that WB was going to look for some different older kids to fill their shoes. Now, they can get down to business and wrap up this franchise in style.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: It's a tie between Grindhouse and Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (I have to make sure that what I saw last month wasn't a hallucination.)
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: There were a lot of great releases that have been coming out, and out of all of them, I have to recommend Children of Men. It's definitely one of the best films of this past year, and Clive Owen does a great job playing the anchor of this very engrossing piece of work.
Classic Movie of the Month: To commemorate Keith David coming aboard as one of the voices on TransFormers, I would go back and take a look at the three HBO miniseries for Todd McFarlane's Spawn. Considering this came out the summer before the PG-13 movie came out, audiences saw what the character was really capable of doing and the film barely had a prayer after that. Plus, all three seasons kept getting better and better as they progressed, so make sure to see them all to get the ultimate experience.
Movie Quote of the Month:
Chapel: You can't be alive!
Spawn: I'm NOT, asshole!
-- from Season 2 of Todd McFarlane's Spawn
Arnold Furious
Biggest Winner of the Month:Frank Miller. It's his name that's getting mentioned when plaudits are handed out for 300. It seems his success with Sin City got 300 made so Zack Snyder had an easier job because of it. Miller's work seems to be translating really well to the big screen and he's getting a lot of new fans because of it. Sin City 2 is in pre-production already with Miller himself taking over the director's chair from Robert Rodriguez. It'll be interesting to see if Miller can cross over from comics to movies full time and produce something original in the future.
Biggest Loser of the Month: Anna Nicole Smith. Even in death she's a loser. The official result of the autopsy is that she died of a drug overdose, albeit a legal one. The circus continues with boyfriend Howard Stern saying she'd refused help on several occasions in the past. You wanted to go out like Marilyn Monroe so I guess that's mission accomplished.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: Sin City sequels. Angelina Jolie is being pimped for #2 and #3 is set to star Johnny Depp. Expect more excellence from the Rodriguez/Miller partnership there.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: It would be Hot Fuzz but that already came out over in England and I probably can't mention Sunshine (which I really want to see) because that won't come out in America until September so it has to be Grindhouse. It's not often that Quentin Tarantino makes movies so when he does its natural there's hype attached but having seen bits and pieces from Grindhouse I think this will be more Kill Bill rather than Jackie Brown. Plus he's off in new territory and that makes for exciting times. Can't wait for Inglorious Bastards either.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: Hogfather. Sky's Discworld conversion came off really well and now there's a limited edition DVD out. Whether it's available Stateside or not I don't know but UK fans of Terry Pratchett's work would be wise to invest.
Classic Movie of the Month: Schindler's List. I caught it on late night TV the other day and subsequently blew my time on it instead of watching Fellini's 8 1/2, which was supposed to wrap up my week on Furious on Film. I'd forgotten how stirring and moving it was. Liam Neeson's break down near the film's end came close to making me break but then I actually did as the procession of survivors laid stones on his grave. Oh, Steven Spielberg all is forgiven!
Movie Quote of the Month: Liam Neeson as Schindler towards the end of Schindler's List: "This car. Goeth would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people. This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. I could have gotten one more person... and I didn't".
Bryan Kristopowitz
Biggest Winner of the Month: Zack Snyder, Frank Miller, and Warner Bros. Snyder's sophmore effort as a director went off without a hitch in the audience approval department, Frank Miller is still "cool," and Warner Bros made a bunch of money. That pretty much sums up the whole "300" thing.
Biggest Loser of the Month: Kurt Russell. While the "Grindhouse" hype machine elevates Russell's profile higher than it's been in a while ("Poseidon wasn't the hit it could and probably should have been), someone is making a Snake Plissken movie without him as Snake Plissken. Russell is Plissken, so this basically sucks for him. So I guess it won't be long before Vince Vaughn is Jack Burton in a "Big Trouble in Little China" remake with Ben Stiller as Egg.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: No question, the impending return of Snake Plissken. It's an awful idea, but it sure did catch a whole bunch of people off guard. Now we all just have to hope it doesn't get cocked up.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: "Grindhouse," obviously. "Hot Fuzz" looks great. And "Vacancy" looks pretty good.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: "Charlotte's Web," due out April 3rd. I love this movie. It got a bit lost in the holiday schedule and didn't set the box office on fire, which is a shame because you're probably not going to see a better "family" movie in the next year. Hopefully the flick finds its audience on DVD.
Classic Movie of the Month: "Take This Job and Shove It." From 1981, this is a great comedy drama about a working class "factory" town (the factory, in this case, is a brewery) and how that town deals with a company take over. Great performances abound from Robert "Ted Striker" Hays, David Keith, Tim freaking Thomerson, Martin Mull, the great Art "Norton" Carney, Eddie Albert, and Barbara Hershey. And you can't forget the use of the classic Johnny Paycheck song, which is the same as the movie title.
Movie Quote of the Month: "You want to cut my throat, go ahead, you want to cut my fucking throat and use it for a fucking basketball? You can bowl with the motherfucker for all I care. Just don't let him do it. I don't want to get killed by this limy, immigrant jerkoff, I want to get killed by an American jerkoff." Gabriel Cash- Kurt Russell- "Tango & Cash" (1989)
Scotty Flamingo
Biggest Winner of the Month: Gerald Butler for going from relative unknown to mega badass superstar in 300. This is a career making role. I looked him up after seeing the film and couldn't believe this was the same guy that stunk up the screen in The Phantom of the Opera.
Biggest Loser of the Month: Donald Trump for going from the hottest reality tv star to begging for cheap publicity at Wrestlemania. Sorry, it may be the biggest wrestling show of the year, but it is hardly a good movie for someone seeking a mainstream career.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: Johnny Depp + Sin City = Me crapping my pants.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: Grindhouse. I got tired of hearing all of the hype over this movie, but once I saw the trailers, I got it. This will be a unique cinematic experience and I'm looking forward to it.
Classic Movie of the Month: Clownhouse. It is by the director of Powder and Jeepers Creepers. You know, the one who went to jail for molesting a young actor in one of his early films? THIS was the film. I saw it years ago on cable. Simple story, a group of lunatics escape from an asylum and stumble upon a circus. They kill all the clowns and steal their costumes and proceed to find the house of a kid who happens to be afraid of clowns. It is a low rent horror movie, but it is scary as hell, especially since I still can't stand those whitefaced circus perfoming bastards. Throw in the real life situation and it gets even more creepy.
Movie Quote of the Month:
"This...is...SPARTA!" -Gerald Butler in 300 about every 5 minutes.
Nick Wallander
Biggest Winner of the Month:Frank Miller. It seems like that man can do no wrong with movies the past few years. The man can tell a good tale. He proved that with Sin City and to an extent with Batman Begins which was inspired by his work on the comics. This was Miller's month to solidify his place in the business of not only comic books, but Hollywood in general.
Biggest Loser of the Month:Rodrigo Santoro. The man had a big role in 300 and I doubt anybody even recognized him as Xerxes, the Persian king. I sure didn't until I read the credits. This could have been a way for more people to become interested in his character, Paulo, on Lost, but unfortunately he was just killed off before his star could grow. That has got to suck.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: The 4th Indiana Jones cast starts to grow. Cate Blanchett has been pretty much confirmed for this one, as has Ray Winstone. Shia LaBeouf has been rumored to play Indy's son. It looks like they care about this not being a train wreck.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: Grindhouse, but only because The Lookout is being released at the end of March. This one looks like simple old fashioned fun. Try to argue with that. Besides, I think I have a little crush on Rosario Dawson.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month: Phantasm. It is released on April 10. Back when I was a kid, and before I knew what was going on, this movie creeped me out. I intend on watching it again on DVD and assume it will have the same effect on me.
Classic Movie of the Month: Fletch (1985). This was Chevy Chase when he was still funny. This story is so absurdly funny that I proudly own it on DVD. I don't find many 80s movies to be all that entertaining, but this one surely is. If you haven't heard of it the movies stars Chase as Irwin Fletcher, a journalist who goes undercover to write a story about drug dealing.
Movie Quote of the Month: "Why should I sail with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past. (everyone looks at Elizabeth) One of you succeeded." - Jack Sparrow in the new Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End trailer.
Owain J. Brimfield
Biggest Winner of the Month:Comic book movies. Following the recent disappointments of Ghost Rider and X-Men 3, 300 has really raised the bar for the genre, and has certainly whetted my appetite for coming movies like Spiderman 3 and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Plus TMNT seems to be doing well at the box office, even if it is a bastardisation of the classic cartoon.
Biggest Loser of the Month:John Carpenter, who gets to watch another of his classics butchered in a pointless remake. This time it's Escape From New York, which has quite a vociferous following, so with any luck this project might get canned before it's inflicted upon us.
Biggest Movie News of the Month:The legend that is Jeff Bridges joins the cast of Iron Man, making it now potentially the rocking-est comic book / superhero movie yet to be made.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month:Grindhouse, but only because Hot Fuzz has already been released here in the UK.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month:Technically it's last month's, but I'm going with Children of Men just to plug my DVD review here on 411 Movies.
Classic Movie of the Month:Snakes on a Plane - having finally gotten round to watching the DVD, this really is as much brainless fun as it was cracked up to be. Now to track down the straight-to-DVD rip-off Snakes on a Train…
Movie Quote of the Month:"They might as well call it whitejack!" - Bernie Mac puts forth the claim that the card tables are rigged in favour of the honkeys in Ocean's Eleven.
Chad Webb
Biggest Winner of the Month: The cast and crew of 300 is the clear victor this month. They made a movie that has raked in way more money than it cost to make, plus a lot of people like it. I enjoyed, but am growing tired of how overrated it is. They deserve the title of biggest winner. I just hope that this sequel Frank Miller is keeping secret is a joke. Yes, he is conjuring a sequel.
Biggest Loser of the Month: I can think of only Director David O' Russell. In case you don't know, a video clip hit Youtube a couple weeks ago showing his shouting match with Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabees. Seriously, this guy needs help. I also read an interview with George Clooney describing his fights with Russell on the set of Three Kings. You might have heard he was a prick, but you need to see this video regardless. He is unequivocally the biggest loser. I don't think actors will be banging down his door to work with him.
Biggest Movie News of the Month: Yes, I must say the rumor that Johnny Depp could be in Sin City 3 gets me pretty damn excited. I sincerely hope that the sequel is just as good.
Your Most Anticipated Movie of the Month: Definitely Grindhouse. I cannot wait to see this. Russell returns to being a badass, McGowan has a machine gun leg, and it is 3 hours long. I will be there at the first showtime. Hot Fuzz and Aqua Teen also look funny as hell.
Recommended DVD Release of the Month:The Good Shepherd and Little Children both get released this month. They are must buys for me. Also, a new version of The Natural with Robert Redford hits stores.
Classic Movie of the Month:Re-Animator starring Bruce Abbott, from 1985 just because I am in the process of loving the 2 disc DVD. This is a classic horror comedy film with plenty of laughs, gore, and ghastly images to haunt your dreams for decades. The scene with the maimed cat, among many others too explicit for me to mention here, are truly outstanding and fabulously deranged. Director Stuart Gordon never again reached the success he received with this film, but it still ranks as a great piece of horror.
Movie Quote of the Month: From Re-Animator - Herbert West: "Who's going to believe a talking head? Get a job in a sideshow."
Coming Attractions
April 4th
Are We There Yet?
Director: Steve Carr
Stars: Ice Cube, Nia Long, John C. McGinley
The Plot: Nick Persons (Ice Cube), his new wife (Nia Long), and her two kids (Allen and Bolden) leave the city behind for a fixer-upper in the 'burbs -- an investment which quickly turns from a dream into a nightmare for Nick, as the contractor (McGinley) working on the house bonds with everyone in the family ... except Nick.
Sirois: Here's a tip for all the future filmmakers of America. If you want to make a movie, make sure the title isn't something that can potentially be repeated amongst the audience while they watch your movie. This is why we don't see a movie out there with the title, "This is Boring" or "I Paid How Much to See This Crap?"
Furious: I didn't watch the first film nor have any interest in it. Ditto for this one. I think comedies that centre around how funny children can be are generally an automatic pass for me.
Kristopowitz: I didn't see the first movie Ice Cube did with these kids, so I don't know if that movie really needed a sequel. But this movie looks to me like something that could be considered a stand alone type thing, because this movie looks way more animated and action packed than the first one. And to me, while it's probably not going to set the box office on fire or be that good, it looks like goofy fun. There's nothing wrong with that.
Scotty Flamingo: Remember when Ice Cube had balls? Me either. I can't wait for Dr Dre in the new Muppet Movie.
Wallander: McGinley would be the only reason I would see this movie. Unfortunately I need more than that to even consider seeing this one. How did a sequel get made to the first movie anyways?
Brimfield: McGinley is great as Dr. Cox and as the consultant in Office Space, but everything else he's done has been a bit flat. Add Icey Cube to the mix and this isn't exactly a recipe for success.
Webb: At one point Ice Cube made a movie called Friday where he beat the hell out of Tiny Lister. Those days are over it seems. The first one was terrible, and unbelievably, this looks ten times worse. As long as Cube gets a check, I don't think he cares.
Grindhouse
Director: Robert Rodriguez Eli Roth
Stars: Kurt Russell, Rose McGowan, Danny Trejo
Studio: Weinstein Company, The
The Plot: Back-to-back flicks from Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. In Tarantino's "Death Proof", three Austin ladies out for a night on the town are trailed by Stuntman Mike (Russell), a scarred outsider with one killer car; in Rodriguez's "Planet Terror", a dancer (McGowan) and her ex-boyfriend (Rodríguez) are a town's only real hope against an outbreak that turns everyday people into flesh-hungry aggressors.
Sirois: This looks like a blast and I'm definitely going to be seeing this, but I'm not sure mainstream audiences know what to expect from Grindhouse. With Kill Bill, Quentin turned a disrespected genre and turned it into artwork. Here, it looks like Quentin and Robert Rodriguez just wanted to make a typical 70s exploitation flick, complete with film grain. It's not paying homage to one, it IS one, and I know I'll get it, but I'm not sure if others will.
Furious: It's been two years since I saw a film at the cinema and there's every chance this could break my duck. Simply because I don't want to wait around to see more Tarantino. The concept is refreshing in that it's cliched but will point that out quite happily. Should be interesting to see how good Kurt Russell is in Grindhouse. He has a reputation that has slackened off somewhat over the past ten years or so. I'm pulling for him to comeback to the mainstream as Tarantino seems to have a thing about rescuing careers. See Travolta, John.
Kristopowitz: I'm hoping that this pair of movies isn't a total letdown. I don't think it will be, but you never know. The advanced buzz is good, it's got an interesting premise, and the commercials have been a hoot. I'm trying to keep my expectations low, or at least level headed, so I don't end up hating it. I'm excited. It's going to be nerd jubilee. And who or what exactly is Bruce Willis in this thing?
Scotty Flamingo: This will rule the school. My only concern is it being to chopped up (har) by the MPAA. It looks like a fun over-the-top chain of gratuity.
Wallander: The trailers make this film look gritty, trashy, and appalling. That is exactly why I am going to be in line on opening night. Quentin and Robert Rodriguez appear to have just made a film that they wanted to have fun with. I enjoyed Kill Bill and Sin City and assume we can expect the same quality from this film. Rose McGowan with a machine gun as a leg is the most interesting use of a fake leg and/or machine gun in movie history. See it just for that.
Brimfield: Although I don't agree with the way this is being pushed as a mainstream flick - it would work much better if it was marketed as a cult thing - this has great potential and should easily be the best of the month.
Webb: I have been looking forward to this for some time now. I could list many reasons why this will rock, but for me, it is the fact that Kurt Russell has turned into a badass once again. He does it so well, and Tarantino is the perfect director to help. I am worried about how much they had to cut for the idiots at the MPAA. I heard it went from 3 hours and 15 minutes to 3 hours straight. Apparaently the trailers in between are the big issues. Either way, I hope this delivers like it should.
The Reaping
Director: Stephen Hopkins
Stars: Hilary Swank, David Morrissey, AnnaSophia Robb
The Plot: Katherine Morrissey (Swank), a professor known for debunking miracles, heads to a small town in Texas to investigate occurrences that appear to be the 10 Biblical plagues.
Sirois: Good to see Stephen Hopkins working again. I'm hoping this will fulfill the potential he showed when he directed A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child.
Furious: This looks decent from the trailer. Hilary Swank is generally pretty good in most things. Stephen Rea could well provide solid support but the cast is lacking elsewhere. Perhaps it'll be saved, or ruined, by effects. Time will tell.
Kristopowitz: I find it fascinating that the director of this horror movie (and that's what it is), Stephen Hopkins, said a while back that he wasn't going to direct any more horror movies. And then when he eventually said he would do this movie that he didn't want to do a "gore" movie, and yet the talk now is that this PG-13 movie was "bumped up" to an R with plenty of new gore stuff in it, so really I don't know how to feel about it. It's either going to be a good movie or a borefest. There is no middle ground here.
Scotty Flamingo: I don't like Hillary Swank and this just looks too much like the Omen Remake. One of those paint by numbers horror movies that is neither scary or disturbing at all.
Wallander: Hilary Swank and Biblical plagues don't really seem to give off a "Must See" vibe, now do they? This will be a DVD viewing.
Webb: Hilary Swank might be a two time Oscar winner, but this proves she is capable of accepting some truly horrendous scripts. This looks awful in my opinion. It resembles a number of different movies, and I am not expecting much from Stephen "Predator 2" Hopkins. This has dud written all over it.
April 13th
Perfect Stranger
Director: James Foley
Stars: Halle Berry, Bruce Willis, Giovanni Ribisi
The Plot: A cop (Berry) goes undercover and creeps into the darkest corners of the Web as she tries to catch a killer.
Sirois: Why do I have this feeling that Ashley Judd was offered this and she turned it down…?
Furious: Foley hasn't done much since Glengarry Glen Ross. You could probably put the success of that film down to David Mamet's superb script. I really want Halle Berry to be in something good for a change. Gothika and Catwoman haven't done her any favours. Early reviews suggest this is shockingly bad. Given the trailer I wouldn't be surprised. Wait for the, probably bad, reviews on this one.
Kristopowitz: I've seen the trailer for this movie about a thousand times now, and while Halle Berry looks smoking hot in that red dress, I have a feeling that this movie is going to end up being a boring, confusing mess. Or it's going to be a "Derailed" retread. I'm hoping that Berry, Willis, and that skin lotion model woman do a bang up job.
Wallander: Halle Berry needs to be in a movie that makes some money. X3 didn't count because nobody really saw that movie because of her. Bruce Willis looks to be playing another bad guy, something of which I have become fond of. Not too many guys can convincingly play both sides, but he pulls it off. Too bad that alone won't save this movie.
Brimfield: I do love me a bit of Bruce, but this sounds decidedly average.
Webb: I have not seen this, but I bet I can predict the twist at the end just from seeing the trailer. I hope this doesn't spoil anyone's fun if I'm right, but it looks like Giovanni Ribisi's character is behind the whole thing. Why would they reveal so much? If this does well I will be astounded. Also, I just don't like Halle Berry. She has been in some really horrible movies, and only one good one I can think of. In addition, Director James Foley has "Glengarry Glen Ross" to be proud of, and that's about it. Moving on…
Disturbia
Director: D.J. Caruso
Stars: Shia LaBeouf, David Morse, Carrie-Anne Moss
The Plot: A teen (LaBeouf) living under house arrest becomes convinced his neighbor (Morse) is a serial killer.
Sirois: So this is a teen version of Rear Window? If that's what they're going for, I'm all for it.
Furious: Rear Window again eh? Terrible title. At least David Morse is in it.
Kristopowitz: Oh, wow, it's like the hip and edgy version of "Rear Window." David Morse as a serial killer is a great idea, and as long as we get to see him terrorize up close one of those punks in the commercials we've got a watchable movie here. I'm thinking that this may surprise people.
Scotty Flamingo: Ah, the trend for April. Remakes where we pretend that they are not remakes. This is Rear Window, only with a bunch of teens and no Hitchcock. Next.
Wallander: Everyone is going to point out how similar this is to Rear Window. It is hard not to. The plot with the house arrest anklet is at least something new being brought to the table. Speilberg produced the movie and he rarely puts a stamp of approval on utter crap. LaBeouf has potential as an actor and it should be interesting to see him in this role.
Brimfield: Having no knowledge of this film other than the above synopsis, I'm predicting a low-rent Rear Window rip-off.
Webb: A cheesy teen remake of one of my favorite films, Rear window. Watching this trailer, and already seeing how they are screwing up the story makes me angry. I know Shia LeBeouf is popular with Spielberg at the moment, but this looks bad, and David Morse can do better. On a positive note, Caruso helmed Two for the Money from 2005, which I thought was very solid.
Pathfinder
Director: Marcus Nispel
Stars: Karl Urban
The Plot: A Viking boy is left behind after his clan battles a Native American tribe. Raised within the tribe, he ultimately becomes their savoir in a fight against the Norsemen.
Furious: Marcus "Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake" Nispel eh? My only hope is that it doesn't suck. In order to be actually positive I'd need a greater hope than Karl Urban to cling to.
Kristopowitz: I'm tired of seeing this trailer. Sick of it. And while this movie "looks" outstanding, kind of exciting in a cool nerd action movie kind of way, I have a feeling that much like Nispel's horrendous "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake this is going to, again, "look" great but drag on endlessly.
Scotty Flamingo: They've had the poster of this up in my theater for like a year. I guess that mean the release has been pushed back a few times, which is never a good thing.
Wallander: My high school mascot was a Viking. That should peak my interest in this. Surprise. It doesn't.
Brimfield: Urban has a reasonably solid track record (before you say it - I thought Doom was kinda fun), but historical epics haven't been a success since the 90s peak of Gladiator. Fingers crossed.
Webb: I have lost count of how many zillion times I have seen this repulsive trailer. It looked dumb the first time, so you can imagine how I feel by now. If you have read recent editions of my "Big Screen Bulletin" you know that Marcus Nispel is directing. This will suck, suck, suck.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie Film For Theaters
Director: Matt Maiellaro Dave Willis
Stars: Dana Snyder, Dave Willis, Carey Means
The Plot: Junk food trio Frylock, Meatwad, and Master Shake begrudgingly uses their collective superpowers in a battle with an apocalyptic exercise machine called the "Insanoflex."
Sirois: Since I've already seen this, I have this to say about it: If you're a fan of the Adult Swim shows on the Cartoon Network, you must make your way to the theater on April 13 for this film. The characters, the format, the absurdist humor, the non-sequitors, they're all here and they're all fantastic. It barely makes a lick of sense, but that doesn't matter. If you're not a fan, you'll despise this and the person that brought you to it. If you ARE a fan, it's absolute bad animation bliss.
Furious: The trailer looks quite funny. I must admit I don't watch much TV so I'm not familiar with the show. Could be good for a few chuckles. The "what's oxygen?" line made me laugh.
Kristopowitz: The movie that brought Boston to its knees, this cartoon comedy looks much like the TV show, hilarious but weird. I'm hoping that it's successful so we get a "Harvey Birdman" movie. Isn't the Cartoon Network running this on TV before actually releasing it in theatres? I thought that was what the commercial said the other night during "Family Guy."
Scotty Flamingo: Anyone who reads my column knows how I feel about this. I hate Aqua Teen and think that it is overrated caka.
Wallander: I am going to be in the minority here, but I just never got this TV show. I don't think I have ever laughed once while watching it. It seems to be the kind of movie that will only please the fans of the show.
Brimfield: Having sadly been unable to get hold of the DVD of the series, I've been reduced to watching YouTube clips of the show. If this is anywhere near as funny as those, we're in for a real treat.
Webb: I am in the process of watching Aqua Teen on DVD. I love the show, and everything I have seen thus far looks hilarious, so I am looking forward to this. I have a few minor concerns, but for the most part, this looks like it will be great, especially if you are a fan of the show.
April 20th
Vacancy
Director: Nimród Antal
Stars: Kate Beckinsale, Luke Wilson
The Plot: Mysteriously trapped inside their room at an out-of-the-way motel, a young married couple (Beckinsale and Wilson) learn they have become the stars of a slasher film.
Sirois: If this is going to have some twist ending in which this story is playing out in some wackjob's mind, I'm going to be very upset.
Furious: I don't really care for the acting chops of either of the leads. The plot sounds stupid. I'll pass on this.
Kristopowitz: The trailer for this movie is a hoot, even though it basically gives away a big chunk of the story. I think the big issue here is with Luke Wilson. Will people be bale to accept Channel 2 News lead anchor Frank Vitchard as a non goofy leading man in a horror thriller drama? I like how, at least in the trailer, the goofy side of Wilson shines through but it's more like an ongoing sense of panic from him. And is that the director's real name?
Wallander: Luke Wilson doing something that isn't a comedy? No way! That should actually be something to look forward to. Beckinsale getting naked in it would probably raise its stock a bit.
Brimfield: Luke, unlike his brother, is always good value, and with a bit of luck Beckinsale will trot out the leather ensemble she wore in Underworld. Mmm... vampire.
Webb: What a silly movie this looks to be. It tries to be serious and scary, but with Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale as a couple, it makes me laugh out loud. My expectations are very low for this one, so maybe it won't be that bad. I doubt it.
Fracture
Director: Gregory Hoblit
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Ryan Gosling, David Strathairn
The Plot: Assistant district attorney Willy Beachum (Gosling) matches wits with the man (Hopkins) who tried to kill his wife and evaded sentencing via a series of technicalities.
Sirois: Half-Nelson turned me into a Ryan Gosling fan, so the potential of him and Anthony Hopkins on the same screen has me very excited about this.
Furious: Don't care much for the name but it has a good cast. Could be a chance for Gosling to start mixing it up with a better class of actors. Hopkins & Strathairn are strong in most everything they do. I might check this out, especially if reviews are positive.
Kristopowitz: Ryan Gosling against Hannibal Lecter? Is this a more serious attempt at something like "Bad Company?" Or is this going to be something else, like that movie Hopkins did with Cuba Gooding, Jr? I don't know what to think about this movie, really.
Webb: Ryan Gosling is a gifted actor. With each passing role, I grow fonder of his work. With Straitharn and Hopkins backing him up, this should be at least average. Director Gregory Holbit gave us Primal Fear and Frequency , so I have faith he could scored again.
Hot Fuzz
Director: Edgar Wright
Stars: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost
The Plot: Jealous colleagues conspire to get top London cop Nicholas Angel (Pegg) transferred to a small town. With his new partner (Frost) in tow, Angel realizes (a lot faster than anyone else) that a series of local accidents might be something a little bit more sinister.
Sirois: God bless Edgar, Simon and Nick! Shaun of the Dead was a remarkable piece of work, and the early word is that this is even better! How the hell do you get better than Shaun? I can't wait to find out…
Furious: I'm a huge Spaced fan and really enjoyed Shaun of the Dead. I haven't seen this yet but all reports are very positive. The trailer looks terrific and having a showdown in a Somerfield is perfect. Of course that might be lost on American audiences but you never know. They got Shaun of the Dead, right?
Kristopowitz: The "Shaun of the Dead" guys are back, this time as cops in a big butt action movie. I can't wait to see this.
Scotty Flamingo: I liked Shaun of the Dead, but didn't love it like a lot of people did. Still, I'm sure I'll see this at some point for a few laughs.
Wallander: This one looks like it is going to be something special. Every preview seems to indicate that it is the smart kind of funny, which is always a plus. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost seem to play off each other as well as any comedic duo. My money says that a lot of you will want to be cops after seeing this.
Brimfield: Six words: old lady dropkicked in the face. If that doesn't give you the incentive to see this, you're dead inside. It's not as good as Shaun of the Dead though.
Webb: Like everyone else, I think this will be fun time indeed. I did like Shaun of the Dead. I wouldn't go crazy about it or anything, but I did like it. This is an action movie, so it appeals to me a bit more. I want to check out Spaced, but have never seen any of it.
April 27th
The Invisible
Director: David S. Goyer
Stars: Justin Chatwin, Margarita Levieva, Marcia Gay Harden
The Plot: After he's attacked and left for dead, Nick Powell (Chatwin) finds himself in a strange sort of limbo. His predicament: Find a way to solve his own murder and communicate with the living -- who cannot hear him -- who did it, and why.
Furious: David S. "Blade Trinity" Goyer is in charge of this. I'm tempted to fire off a hack alert from the get go. This might be good because it's based on a good film and hopefully Goyer doesn't fuck it up too bad. Not holding my breath or anything though.
Kristopowitz: Oh, man, this is another trailer I'm getting tired of. Really, really tired of. After Goyer destroyed the "Blade" franchise with "Blade: Trinity," he's got to make a good movie to keep the nerds going his way. If this movie is awful, and from what I've seen it's probably competent but ho hum (who knows, really), I highly doubt that he'll be able to come back to what he was.
Scotty Flamingo: And here we have the remake of Ghost only with a bunch of teens and no Swayze. Denied!
Wallander: I saw this movie when I was ten. It was called Ghost Dad and it sucked then too.
Brimfield: The plot is ropey, but Chatwin was quite good in War of the Worlds, hopefully this will be the next rung on the ladder for him.
Webb: Here is another trailer that I have seen way too many times, and I have absolutely no desire to waste my time or money on this. I just watched Ghost not too long ago, and since this is quite similar, I am certain I will hate this with a passion.
Next
Director: Lee Tamahori
Stars: Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore, Jessica Biel
The Plot: Cornered by the FBI after a relentless pursuit, a man (Cage) with the ability to see future events and affect their outcome faces an ultimatum, as the country's intelligence agencies scramble to prevent a devastating terrorist attack.
Sirois: See my remarks for Are We Done Yet? to get my thoughts on this title. Apparently, after seeing the clips from The Wicker Man, I can safely assume that Nic Cage has lost his freakin' mind! I'd only see this if it has the same comedic potential, but this doesn't even look like it has that. No bear costume = no money from me.
Furious: It's an interesting concept but Lee Tamahori has been going downhill since Once Were Warriors. It feels like every film he makes is exponentially worse than the one before. Mulholland Falls was ok, then the Edge wasn't very good, Along Came a Spider was a rip off, Die Another Day was appalling and then XXX 2 was a disaster. If the pattern continues then this will suck balls. Nic Cage can usually overcome bad directors but it does make me wonder why he keeps working with them. Oh yeah, HACK ALERT. Tamahori is the very definition of a sell out.
Kristopowitz: I've never heard of this movie, but it sounds like fun. It sounds like one of those "serious" action movies that really isn't all that serious when you watch it. I liked Tamhori's Bod movie "Die Another Day," and while "XXX: State of the Union" was awful, Ice Cube did a good job and Tamhori showed he can still do action stuff, so maybe this is Tamhori's comeback. Was this the movie he was in the middle of making when he was pulled over while wearing a dress or something?
Wallander: An all-star cast can't hurt this one. Can it?
Webb: I am torn with this one. On one hand, I love Nicolas Cage. On the other, Director Lee Tamahori has a poor resume filled with movies I did not care for. The premise is interesting, but the cast sends mixed signals in terms of chemistry. Critics will go to town on this. I hope it isn't too dreadful. Cage needs to get a hold of himself and get back to making decent movies.
The Condemned
Director: Scott Wiper
Stars: Steve Austin, Vinnie Jones, Nathan Jones
The Plot: As Joe Conrad (Austin) awaits the death penalty in a Central American prison, he's purchased by a TV producer and transported to a remote island where a 10-person, fight-to-the-death battle is to be staged and broadcast online.
Furious: WWE films are creating mindless actioners, which is fine if you like that sort of thing. As per usual they've hired a director with minimal experience and a script writer who writes bad films. If you liked See No Evil or the Marine then you'll like this as all the films they're making are aimed squarely at the same audience.
Kristopowitz: WWE Films has had a pretty okay horror movie ("See No Evil"), a bad action movie that should have been better ("The Marine"), and now this, which looks like a cross between "Battle Royal," "The Running Man," and "Survivng the Game." I'm interested in seeing how Austin works as an actor (Austin did a good job as Jake Cage on "Nash Bridges" a few years back) and if this movie has that butt kicking "juice" that the previews show it to have. Much like "Grindhouse," I'm trying to keep my expectations low.
Scotty Flamingo: Battle Royal + No Escape = The Condemmed. It's not original, but I am interested in seeing how Austin does in a full film. I don't think he will be quite as versatile as The Rock, but I enjoyed his Nash Bridges appearances. This also looks far better than See No Evil and The Marine and may bring WWE Films closer to being a legitimate studio.
Wallander: Vinnie Jones can be in whatever movie he wants and I will watch it. Steve Austin hasn't done any real acting in years and that was relegated to the small screen. This one is also going to make all its money on DVD. Just like the WWE's other movies.
Brimfield: Oh hell yeah!
Webb: For the record, I have hated both of WWE films to date, but shockingly this actually has potential to be an enjoyable B-movie sort of actioner. Austin's acting looks to be a mix of The Rock and Hogan, or something like that anyway. I hope this isn't as disastrous as The Marine.
Tune in next month for some huge summer blockbusters! (movie image and details from IMDB.com)
