Misunderstood Masterpieces: Super Fuzz

Posted by Will Helm on 06.05.2007

…or, Thank You, Misses Richie, Lohan, and Hilton

When I scheduled this little trilogy of crime and punishment – or "law and order" (chunk-chunk), I never expected to be handed serendipity on a silver platter like this. While the fairly high-profile Phil Spector case is going on – which makes Roger Ebert and Russ Meyer frighteningly prescient, three other cases are far more important to the news media and the popular culture at large. The criminal misadventures of Hollywood's Terrible Three: Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton, have grasped the populace's attention – whether for good or for ill. Nicole Richie driving the wrong way on the freeway was amazing. Lindsay Lohan crashing into a tree while drunk and in possession of cocaine boggles the mind. Most of all, the very fact that this week Paris Hilton goes to the pokey – which will make 1 Night in Paris look like a tender romance – is a wonderful coincidence. So, with all this in mind, I say thank you to these ladies for helping me kick off a "crime and punishment" trilogy . . . because they better get used to the punishment.

The first film is actually quite important to a fellow writer here at 411Mania.com. Leonard Hayhurst, for reasons beyond his control, has made a seeming cottage industry of answering questions about the 1980 Italian-American comedy Super Fuzz in his weekly Ask 411Movies. He was even kind enough to recently review the DVD release of this fine classic of early ‘80s HBO rotation. Super Fuzz stars a holdover from last week, Ernest Borgnine, as well as a legend of Italian "spaghetti western" spoofs, Mario Girotti . . . I mean "Terence Hill." With these two fine hands in control of the film – as well as the Italian-American legacy that begat films like Troll 2, Super Fuzz may very well follow in the footsteps of its fellow international co-production into the hallowed halls of Misunderstood Masterpieces. Let's find out!

Right off the bat, the film goes out of its way to confuse me because the title, apparently, is Supersnooper. And it even has a "catchy" theme song to go with it. Huh? OK . . . there's actually a precedent for this. It seems that, for some reason, Italian B-movies have about at least ten different titles. First, that gag was apparent in the trailer for "Don't" and the beginning of "Death Proof" from Grindhouse. Also, it reminds me of an anecdote I recently heard horror director Eli Roth mention: he was asked about the "prize" of his DVD collection and he mentioned that it was the Italian film Torso. More to the point, he also mentioned that the actual title for the film, in Italian, is I corpi presentano tracce di violenza carnale, or Dead Bodies Present Traces of Physical Violence . . . which is a far cry from the American title, Torso. To that end, the actual, Italian title of Super Fuzz is Poliziotto superpiù while, according to IMDB.com, the "Italian video" title is Supersnooper. Now, why the distribution company couldn't change the onscreen title from "Supersnooper" to "Super Fuzz" is beyond me. Then again, they'd have to mess with the dot-matrix clips from the film and the soundtrack by fake ABBA, so I suppose their laziness is for the best.

So, anyway, at a prison somewhere in the United States, some guy named Dave Speed (Hill) keeps surviving executions while people protest outside and a news crew covers the demonstration. Elsewhere, some HOT CHICK (Julie Gordon) watches the news story intently while at work in a Laundromat. As well, a gangster (Marc Lawrence, professional gangster) and his henchmen watch the news and gloat over Dave Speed's impending demise. It seems that he's in cahoots with some old lady (Joanne Dru) who's on the scene at the prison with a bouquet of flowers for the condemned. I'm sure that's an IMPORTANT PLOT POINT . . . but it's not obvious why quite yet.

Inside his cell, Dave Speed eats plates and plates of beans in preparation for his big moment. I'm not quite sure what he's planning, but it certainly won't be very pretty once it happens. Before he can have his next plate of beans, Dave suffers a visit from the chaplain, who absolves him of gluttony and then, on the way to the chair, Dave and his bizarre accent have a flashback . . .

Months before, the Army is in the midst of testing a rocket associated with a "red plutonium" experiment on an Indian reservation somewhere in the Everglades. Unfortunately for him, Officer Dave Speed of the vague "City Police" – that is what it says on the cars, after all – has the task of serving a summons at the same reservation at the same time. Back at headquarters, Ernest Borgnine and the chief (Lee Sandman) try, in vain, to contact Dave via his radio. While Dave searches the abandoned reservation – evidently he forgot to make reservations – Ernest Borgnine shouts into the radio for him to leave . . . and it still doesn't work. I guess the theory is that it ought to work since Dave has a bizarre accent; speaking loudly always helps foreigners understand. Back at the reservation, Dave argues with an alligator that has commandeered his canoe. As reasoning with the giant reptile doesn't seem to work, Dave fires a warning shot into the air . . . which, somehow, blows up the Army rocket! As everyone back at headquarters thinks Dave is dead, the chief demotes Ernest Borgnine – even though the chief neglected to tell Ernest Borgnine about the Army experiment until just after Dave left. Eh, every incident needs a scapegoat.

Remember that for future reference.

Sometime after the explosion, Ernest Borgnine does traffic duty. His gesticulating is rudely interrupted by Dave's arrival on motorcycle . . . remarkably alive. Ernest Borgnine is mesmerized by Dave's appearance and he nearly falls into a manhole because of it . . . until Dave uses his telekinesis to close the manhole! Dum-dum-DUM! After Dave reports back in to headquarters and Ernest Borgnine is reinstated as sergeant, Dave and Ernest Borgnine argue about Dave not being dead . . . and chewing gum in the squad car. Perhaps to change the subject, Dave starts talking about some has-been actress – the same old lady that had the flowers at the prison – and Ernest Borgnine reminisces about his days in Hollywood as a stuntman back in the day. While Ernest Borgnine blathers on, Dave makes him hit the brakes because, moments later, some elephants stroll across the street. Yup. Unfortunately, Dave can't predict that nuns would cross next because the red light makes him go goofy.

Over at the Laundromat, Dave and Ernest Borgnine visit the HOT CHICK . . . who also happens to be Ernest Borgnine's niece. Ernest Borgnine picks up his laundry while Dave hits on the HOT CHICK; moments later, while Ernest Borgnine does something inconsequential, Dave illegally parallel parks a delivery truck with the powers of his mind. If Dave ends up using his powers to make people commit crimes just so he can bust them, I'm calling foul. Perhaps Dave really does want to use his powers for good, however, as he wants to explain his gifts to Ernest Borgnine . . . except Ernest Borgnine won't shut up. Before Dave grasps an opportunity to confess, he and Ernest Borgnine are called to bust up a robbery in progress. Once on the scene, they take the stairs and Ernest Borgnine gets winded at the top. While Ernest Borgnine waits behind to catch his breath, Dave rushes into the room and falls out the high window. Oops. In the aftermath, a panting Ernest Borgnine is captured while Dave, who miraculously landed on his feet, runs back up the stairs to save the day.

Back in the squad car, Ernest Borgnine gloats about their success and then Dave makes him pull over a tractor trailer on a "hunch." Dave's hunch is confirmed when he and Ernest Borgnine find a preposterous illegal casino in the trailer! Seriously; that's just weird. Some days later, Dave and the HOT CHICK watch a football game at the Orange Bowl and Dave, wishing for some alone time with the HOT CHICK, makes the rest of the crowd disappear! OK . . . now this is getting really sadistic. Are they in some alternate universe? Did Dave kill the rest of the crowd? What gives! Unfortunately for Dave, his powers aren't perfect as some guy in a red sweatshirt is also there . . . and when Dave sees him the rest of the crowd reappears! Now the real question isn't why the crowd reappeared when Dave saw the red sweatshirt guy but why the red sweatshirt guy didn't disappear to begin with. Strange. Anyway, just at the moment everyone reappears, the red sweatshirt guy runs off with someone's purse and Dave, outside the stadium, runs him down and clips him . . . perhaps as REVENGE for breaking up Dave's sexy-time.

Back in the squad car, Dave tells Ernest Borgnine all about what happened at the game and Ernest Borgnine, unsurprisingly freaks out. Maybe to take Ernest Borgnine's mind off the lunacy, Dave pulls up next to a getaway car at a grocery store and he rushes inside to find a robbery in progress. Dave subdues one perpetrator and then, in the stockroom, he freaks out the other by catching bullets in his gun barrel. After the fact, a local news crew interviews Ernest Borgnine and Dave and the gangster, from his finely appointed hideout, watches with intrigued curiosity. After the story concludes, the gangster chats with his henchman about the counterfeiting ring they have going.

At a lunch cart, Dave and Ernest Borgnine argue – again – over coffee. They're worse than an elderly married couple. Before Dave and Ernest Borgnine can move on to catty personal attacks, Dave makes Ernest Borgnine pull over one of the gangster's fish trucks because, according to Dave, there's counterfeit money inside! Of course, there's only fish in big, red boxes inside, much to Ernest Borgnine's chagrin. Later that day, Dave consoles himself at the beach with the HOT CHICK. As Ernest Borgnine isn't the open minded type, Dave tells the HOT CHICK that he's "different" . . . as in he has superpowers and not gay. Seriously, there was actually a slight homosexual overtone to Dave's confession and the film addressed it!

The HOT CHICK, perhaps glad to know that Dave isn't gay, walks off to get changed into her swimsuit; Dave, meanwhile, telekinetically plays with some kids' ball. OK . . . he might not be gay, but he is a pedophile. Or not, as the inflatable ball ends up in the water; Dave, being a noble police officer, volunteers to retrieve it and, since he can't swim, he walks on the water to get it. Whoa . . . Dave isn't a superhero; he's the Messiah! Dave chills out on the surface of the water for a few minutes until the HOT CHICK returns in a blazing red one-piece and Dave falls into the water. As Dave can't swim, the HOT CHICK rescues him and then some little girl encourages them to make out on the beach. No, really.

Back at his apartment, Dave telekinetically – is it just me or is this an awfully overused superpower? – whips meringue until Ernest Borgnine tells him to show up for work immediately. Dave, even though he lives across town, arrives within five minutes and then, once there, he jumps out the window to demonstrate his superpowers. It doesn't turn out too well, however, as he lands on a car and into the hospital. While Ernest Borgnine consoles the HOT CHICK, the chief has a little chat with Dave – in a full-body cast – about the rigors of the job and his suicidal tendencies. Dave, once again, uses his telekinesis to trap the chief in the bathroom so that he can escape his full-body cast – his body already miraculously fully healed – and fight crime back on the streets.

Then again, instead of hitting the streets, Dave's first destination is a dingy fair where he questions a creepy carny about some guy. After the chat, Dave heads over to the guy's house but, unfortunately, Dave's quarry isn't there. Instead, three of the gangster's hoodlums are and they're looking to kill the guy for a business deal gone wrong. Dave wisely hides in a closet and then, once discovered he messes with the goons until he gets knocked out a window by a vicious guitar shot. After Dave recovers, he returns to pummel the goons with baseball mitts and gas cans and then, perhaps as a denouement to the fight, one of the goons ends up with a television on his head and Dave traps the goons in dog cages. Yup.

Back at the gangster's pad, he yells at the goons and then he orders them to pick up the has-been actress at the airport. Over at the airport, Dave and Ernest Borgnine – who's really just a stalker at this point – wait for the has-been actress' plane to arrive. Once it does, Ernest Borgnine freaks out and Dave elects to help him get a little closer to the has-been actress. To that end, Dave accosts the gangster's henchmen and he fools with them again, this time making them dance in a kickline. While Ernest Borgnine volunteers to chauffer the has-been actress to her hotel, Dave tricks the goons into beating each other up and then he tickets them for reckless driving, just to be a jerk.

Back at the station, the chief yells at Ernest Borgnine for using his squad car like a taxi but he's really not happy about all the counterfeiting going on in the town. In order to get to the bottom of the organized crime ring infesting the town, the chief puts Ernest Borgnine and Dave on the case. Perhaps to celebrate his new assignment, Ernest Borgnine heads to the dog track with Dave in tow; also on hand, in the expensive seats, are the gangster and the has-been actress. Just to make Ernest Borgnine's day a little brighter, Dave telekinetically fixes the race so that Ernest Borgnine's dog wins. Is it just me or are Dave's ethics behind using his powers a little askew? I can't put my finger on it, but it doesn't sit well with me.

It's fortunate that Dave's at the dog track, though, as the guy he was looking for earlier is there . . . as well as the gangster's goons. The goons chase the guy from the track and then Dave gives chase . . . on foot! After Dave causes the goons to crash their car – again, he's not exactly ethical with his powers, he runs alongside the other guy's car and they have a little chat about Dave's superpowers and just why they're so intermittent. Serendipitously, as the guy mentions that Dave could have a weakness, Dave spies a red garage and he runs straight into it. After Dave bounces off the door, he sits at the base and laughs to himself as he's now found his weakness! Dum-dum-DUM!

Once again, the remarkably forgiving gangster scolds his henchmen. Elsewhere, Dave levitates in his apartment to demonstrate his powers for Ernest Borgnine and the HOT CHICK. Dave also explains his weakness to the color red to his associates and, somehow, this leads to Ernest Borgnine yelling at Dave about proper police work and jurisprudence. Meanwhile, the HOT CHICK just has a bad feeling – maybe it's because her boyfriend is using his powers for somewhat sinister purposes – and she doesn't like Dave's superpowers . . . and she even calls him a "quizzy-nard." I'm not quite sure what that means, but I know it can't be good.

Dave, perhaps unhappy with the HOT CHICK's disdain, goes to a strip club filled with skinny, meth-addled strippers. Dave, surprisingly, eschews the strippers for the billiard game going on in the back. Once there, Dave makes a bet with the club's sleazy owner – who's one of the guys playing pool – and then he telekinetically ruins the guy's game to win the bet. The sleazy owner has the seeming last laugh, however, as he pays off Dave's bet in fake bills! Dave, onto the little scheme, shoves the owner into the club's bathroom and he roughs him up a bit. Whoa . . . Dave's gone crazy! Or he's just gone dirty as he tells the owner to let the gangster know that he wants a piece of the counterfeiting action.

Sometime later, Dave and Ernest Borgnine go to a club to see the has-been actress perform. Once there, Dave tells Ernest Borgnine about his little undercover scheme and then he brainwashes Ernest Borgnine into dancing with the has-been actress. While Ernest Borgnine trips the light fantastic with the has-been actress, the gangster requests a little chat with Dave. On the dance floor, Ernest Borgnine tells the has-been actress all about Dave's powers and even his weakness to red for no apparent reason. Meanwhile, in the back of the club, Dave hypnotically makes the gangster confess to all his crimes and schemes. Oh great . . . now Dave's a dark Jedi!

With the gangster's ill-gotten confession in mind, Dave and Ernest Borgnine garner a helicopter to investigate the gangster's fishing boat. Once there, Ernest Borgnine stubbornly boards the ship and searches it for any evidence. In the lower hold, Ernest Borgnine finds a bevy of counterfeit bills and plates . . . and the gangster's henchmen, who subdue the honest cop. While Dave heads back to headquarters for reinforcements, the goons lock Ernest Borgnine in the freezer and then they sink the ship. Back at headquarters, Dave is surrounded by his fellow cops as the has-been actress told the chief about Dave's "plan" to murder Ernest Borgnine! Since the chief would rather belief the has-been actress than Dave – and there's no evidence of a ship at the coordinates Dave gave him, the chief arrests Dave for first-degree "may-der" . . . whatever that is.

Back in the present – which is 1980, Dave goes to the chair and he panics when he sees the has-been actress' red flowers in front of him. As a token of his generosity, he bequeaths the bouquet to the chaplain – getting them out of the room – and then, when the executioner pulls the switch, Dave somehow electrocutes the observers and he breaks free of his bounds! Perhaps emboldened by the massive current running through his body – or the massive amount of beans he ate, Dave jumps THROUGH the wall of the prison – that's taking a JAILBREAK a little too literally, methinks – and directly into the nearby vague body of water.

Once under the sea, Dave chats with a fish to locate the sunken ship and Ernest Borgnine frozen in suspended animation. To free Ernest Borgnine from his icy prison, Dave somehow transforms a bubble-gum bubble into a weather balloon which floats them up out of the water and to safety . . . quite a few feet above the Earth's surface! Elsewhere, the gangster yells at the has-been actress as they're rushing to Cuba with the HOT CHICK as insurance of their escape. Or just to sell her into white slavery.

After the gangster, the has-been, the goons, and the HOT CHICK take off, Dave somehow navigates his balloon over the plane and he jumps onto it! Somehow, Dave uses the plane's radio to call for backup and then he takes control of the plane with his hands and forces it to land! With the gangster and the has-been actress finally in custody, the chief apologizes to Dave – he's really sorry about that whole "may-der" thing – and then Ernest Borgnine decides that's a good time to jump off the balloon. Dave, after removing a bright red boa – courtesy of the has-been actress – from his leg, catches Ernest Borgnine but, somehow, they end up going through the earth and emerge in China. Oh the hilarity! As a denouement, Dave and the HOT CHICK get married and, to counteract his superpowers, the HOT CHICK is now a redhead. Oh that sly minx.

When I first watched Super Fuzz on HBO twenty-five years ago or so, I had no idea that it was so . . . mature. For a film shown on heavy HBO rotation during the day back in the early ‘80s, Super Fuzz really has quite a few adult themes running through it. There are corrupt cops, murder, strippers, and so on. Nowadays this would probably be at least a PG-13 film – after all, there are strippers – which just goes to show how things have changed since then. In addition, when I was a wee lad, I never noticed that Terence Hill had such a bizarre accent; it's funny to think that things that were never noticed then become painfully obvious now. Although, more than anything else, what remains true from then until now is that Super Fuzz is, indubitably, a Misunderstood Masterpiece.

Join me next week as we all learn a little bit about courtroom procedure with Michael Richards . . . and I promise there will be no racial epithets. See you then!