The Doctor in the Hallway News Report 06.06.07
Posted by Ben Moser on 06.06.2007
An overseas boost for the box office, an overdue movie for Kevin Bacon, an overartistic view for Patrick Stewart, an over relationship for Kate & Owen. All that and more as the Doctor in the Hallway News Report checks itself into rehab.
Hi kids, welcome back to the Doctor in the Hallway News Report. A million years ago, you'll remember I got my hands on the first season of Arrested Development. I ranted and raved about its brilliance. I apologized to the show's fans for being one of those jerks who didn't catch on until after it was cancelled. Then I forgot to watch the subsequent seasons. Well, I'm back on it and halfway through season two. This one is even better than the first one and keeps getting better. So if you need me over the next couple of days, I'll be finishing out this series and then retroactively pouting that FOX pulled the plug.
But before I start that, let's get to newsin' it…
Three's a crowd…but only overseas
Performance anxiety seems to be setting in.
The three May tentpoles -- the third installments in the Spider-Man, Shrek and Pirates of the Caribbean franchises -- all opened stupendously, beating the record-setting numbers of their immediate predecessors in the respective series.
But with steep falloffs domestically, none of the three will match the final domestic box office of the second films. Overseas, it's a different story, with the third Spider-Man and Pirates pics expected to surpass the tallies of the second movies.
I'm constantly fascinated – whether I should be or not – by the people ready to declare that "going to the movies" is dead while the film execs run into the streets crying that movies have never performed better. Each side will tout their numbers which seem to contradict each other and it affects…wait for it…nothing! People still go to movies they want to see and don't go to movies they don't. Period.
I'm more concerned about the fact that foreigners seem to be digging lackluster 3rd parts to great movie franchises. If I have to flee the country for any reason, I'd like to know that no one is going to try to convince me that The Godfather Part III is a top-five movie when I arrive.
Nixon gets his Bacon cooked
Kevin Bacon has joined Frank Langella in the upcoming film version of stage play Frost/Nixon, a dramatic reenactment of U.S. President Richard Nixon's famed 1977 TV interview with David Frost, and has wowed audiences in both London's West End and on Broadway. Langella and Michael Sheen are reprising their stage roles as Nixon and Frost respectively in the film adaptation, to be directed by Ron Howard. Bacon will play Nixon's chief of staff Jack Brennan.
Oh man, I can't wait. After all the buffoonery and underhandedness that our executive branch currently is displaying, it will be nice to see a movie that takes me back to a time when the President of the USA could be trusted….
I miss Clinton.
Somehow, I feel like this is still my most accurate portrayal
What happens in Vegas verily doth stay in Vegas
Patrick Stewart will produce and star in a version of The Merchant of Venice set in 20th century Las Vegas. Stewart says "It is a startling way of doing the play; it is about money and sex and love and corruption."
Stewart definitely has the chops and the knowledge to make a Shakespeare adaptation work. I do get worried about the whole "modern retelling" angle, however. I think a better way to go would be to try to retell a more recent flick…like Spider-Man 3 for example…set in Shakespeare's world. With Patrick Stewart as the butler ex machina.
Eli Roth is such a turkey
Eli Roth told Slashfilm that he has plans to expand his Grindhouse faux trailer Thanksgiving into a feature.
"I'm actually writing it with my friend Jeff just to have it ready. The first Grindhouse cost almost 70 million dollars. So I'm like, we should do it like Dogma 95 and call it Dogshit 2007, where you get half a million bucks and six days and no rehearsals. We'd have to list out crazy rules but we still want to do it. I've talked about doing it as a 45 minute movie with just so many missing reels" he says.
Six days and no rehearsals? You've got a movie that should score major bank with a tasty demographic who will then be ready to follow your every move and you want to make my project from my college field production class? Honestly?
Okay, I didn't have a half a million dollar budget, but you get the idea. You're a pro now. It's time to step into the big leagues and do something with it. By the way, your preview wasn't nearly as awesome as Hatchet or as clever as Don't. Maybe you should take that to heart before you commit even six days to fleshing it out.
…and before we could even amalgamate their names…
Hollywood couple Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have amicably split, according to U.S. reports. The actors - who reportedly fell in love on the set of 2006's You, Me and Dupree - parted ways at the end of last month for undisclosed reasons, People.com claims. A source adds, "They're still friends." The reports come just weeks after Wilson's brothers Luke and Andrew sent gossip columns into overdrive when they hinted the couple had wed in secret during a radio interview. When questioned about their relationship status, Andrew joked, "I thought they were married already." Reps for Hudson and Wilson have refused to comment on the split rumors. Hudson is currently in divorce proceedings with estranged husband Chris Robinson, who she split from last August.
I'm totally going to start rumors that my brothers are married. To Kate Hudson. It'll be a scream. By the by, is this the first time any of the rest of you have ever heard of Andrew Wilson?
Well, with Owen gone I'm going to just have to play footsies with myself.
Howard's agent gets stern about Transformers
Howard Stern was asked to lend his voice to the upcoming Transformers movie but had to turn it down at his agent's request.
In one scene Soundwave, a robot who takes the form of small consumer electronic devices, will appear as a radio which was supposed to briefly sprout Stern's voice.
According to Stern on his Monday radio show, he was contacted a week ago in a letter asking him to be in it, but "My agent gets a hold of me. It's almost like he shakes me up and smacks me. I said to him: This movie, The Transformers, it could be a really big movie. And he goes 'So, it won't be because of you, because your f'n voice is on the radio. I thought it might be kinda cool but my agent said 'you don't want to be in the movie as an f'n voice on the radio. And I said, you know, you're right."
The movie didn't need Stern anyway. This is a perfect opportunity for the studio to throw together some feather-brained contest where fans write in for the honor of having their voice appear in a throwaway moment of the Transformers movie. The competition would only draw pathetic dorks who have nothing better to do with themselves than write up all the reasons they can't let go of their childhoods and therefore must be in this movie to fulfill their boyhood dreams…
….
….
Can I do it?
Pleeeaaaaase!!!??? Let me be the voice! Do you hear me Bay? Make! It! Happen!
That'll do it this week…
With Hostel II and Ocean's 13 coming out this weekend, I'm not sure which is going to win out as my pick of the week. Hostel was serviceable, but not great…just good enough to get me interested in maybe seeing the next movie. But I could say the same of Ocean's 12. So I'll let you pick. I know. I'm great.
